"And you're sure you thought about it this time?" He asked me, the question he had repeated a lot of times tonight. As his hand continued to run through my hair keeping me distracted as I watched the television on my bedroom wall.

I laid with him in bed, half on his chest as he played with my hair mindlessly.

"I think so. I was thinking about it all... y'know forgetting what I wanted. Taking away my selfish desires I realised if David really is the one... they'll have to move in together some time soon. It would make so much more sense for my mom to move into his big house in a nice place instead of this ancient wreck. And if David isn't, she'll come back. And I'm not five anymore. I made a point of saying I can live by myself, I can. I can't hold on to my mom, I've grown up. I guess I just didn't wanna live in a house alone, I think it was the thought that I would be lonely. All the time,"

"And when you added back in your selfish desires?"

"Well... it just didn't make much sense did it? Despite what I wanted. It wouldn't mean anything in the world of reality. My desires where nothing against the realistic situation. I just had this thought in my head it was my choice and that was it... never really thinking that with or with out my choice whatever I picked will play out in the end. It was just either... have my mom or don't. And of course since I felt like I had some sort of option then..."

"...you wanted to pick for her to stay?"

"Yeah... I know it's selfish but-"

"-I'm sorry," He cut me off, with a sincere voice as his hand paused from messing up my hair.

I paused, before leaning my head back to see his face. "What for?" I mumbled, giving him a pair of confused eyes.

"I didn't listen to you... now I'm listening. I can understand why you felt that way. You never had a chance, so the moment you felt you did of course you would pick what you never had. I get that now. I shouldn't of been so harsh on the phone, I knew I was being too mean but I thought that's what the situation needed,"

"That is what the situation needed. You were right anyway. You told me how it was. I went to Coby's after that-" I began to babble, leaning my head back to where it originally was as I stared at the Tv. "-And explained it all to him. He was just as blunt as you were about it. He sided with you, he said you was right. And I thought super hard about it and realised you probably was,"

"You never know, she might not even leave,"

"You should've seen the way she looked at me when I told her I wouldn't be mad. There was something there in her eyes- like opportunity sparking up. My moms always been someone to grab the chance. She never misses anything. 'Take the risk or lose the chance' she says... or something stupid. I just wish she thought about me some more,"

"You think she's a bad mom?"

"Oh no," I said quickly, no thought or hesitation to the answer. Automatically falling out. "I would never think that. She's a good mom. She's just hardly there. She's as great as a mom she can be with out being there, still paying the bills and sending money. But she has a choice to be there... and she chooses not to. That's why she's not a great mom. She's a little selfish, maybe that was passed down to me. But she likes to think of herself. She's her own priority. That's how I've learnt to be my own,"

We shared this moment of silence where I heard him and I breathing. The television had been set on a low volume, meaning it was barely audible. But I was hardly watching it anyway. It was just something to keep my eyes busy while I chattered away to Billie.

I tried to sync my breathing with his, whilst I watched the tv. Until he spoke up again.

"You really think she's gonna leave you like that?"

"I wish I could say no, but more than likely,"

"You could still always just stay at mine like you do anyway,"

"It's different now though," I mumbled, as I moved positions. I sat up so I wasn't leaning on him so I could face him while I spoke. He sat up too slightly fixing his posture before I spoke again. "I'm gonna have to look after this house. My mom won't be on the cameras. I'll have them disabled more than likely. So I'll have to be here probably all the time to make sure things are stolen or anything wild,"

"I didn't think about that," He pursed his lips in defeat. Our options running thin.

My mind wandered to other options of things. As I'm sure his did too because the both of us didn't say another word.

If the cameras are disabled... and the house would be mine.... that would technically mean I can do what I want.

Do what I want... meaning have people around.

People... meaning most probably Billie.

Maybe sometimes Eden. A lot of the time Eden. But... Billie just seemed like the type of person things could work with more. It would almost be like us being roommates. Weird but.... it would make sense.

I had known Billie for ages. But known him like this? Romantically?

I wasn't thinking about just asking him to move in. That would be a spontaneous and maybe a  crazy move.

But he could stop here when ever he wanted. He could come and go. He could bring change of clothes, I'll have space for some things of his. I'll have loads of space.

And maybe depending on things... who knows?

"Hey Billie..." I slowly mumbled, looking away from the wall that was behind him and back at his eyes.

I noticed the moment he zoned back into reality, blinking quickly three times as his eyes met mine. "Yeah?"

"Y'know... you could always stop with me instead... y'know... here?"

"You mean, the opposite of how it use to be,"

"Yeah," I laughed gently. "I guess? You could come stay here when ever you needed space from home. Or if you just needed company and felt lonely. I would take you in... y'know? I could do the cooking and stuff... you could deal with any raccoons that break in again,"

He sniggered at the incident I was referring to, and looked back up with this soft grin of his face.

He had that spark in his eyes that I saw in my moms. When I told her she could go to Rome.

"I won't be mad if you want to go with David to Rome,"

"You won't?"

"No, as long as you visit me and send those little vacation letters with the photos on it I'll be fine,"

Maybe I should quickly take it back and say I will be. Because she looks like she's actually considering leaving me. For David?

The spark of consideration. Of opportunity. He was really thinking about it. And this time around seeing that reaction in someone's face I was happy.

He clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth before he nodded. "I like that idea,"

"You do?"

"It could work. It sounds like it could... I mean, you wouldn't be lonely. I wouldn't be stuck at home. And we would have each other's company... y'know? We could go fifty fifty on the house work and whatever when needs be-"

"-And my mom will be paying all the bills!" I excitedly cut him off adding on as I sat up from my slouching position. Pointing a finger at him with a grin.

"Exactly!"

~

I woke up to a knocking on the door. I sat up in bed straight away, knocking Billie who had his arm around me.

I looked down at him, as he groaned confused trying to open his eyes. The knocking happened again, him hearing it too this time as he winded his eyes.

The room was lightened up with the sun outside shinning through my shitty curtains, I had completely forgotten it was school today. I only just remembered now looking over at my desk full of school supplies.

I jumped out of bed, putting a finger to my lips at Billie on my way to the door before I opened it.

I made sure to open it to an angle where I could just squeeze my face in. Not being able to see anything else in my room but me. Just a confined gap in the door where I stood staring at my mom.

"Sweetie, you have school. Do you know what time it is?"

I nodded, lying. "I was just doing something with homework. That's all, I've not forgotten,"

"Alright Blazey, want me to get you a taxi for school or-"

"-No no, I'll walk that's alright,"

"You sure?"

I nodded quickly, trying my best not to come across as on edge or nervous. Before she shrugged it off.

"Alright love, I'm about to leave the house. I've got some Errands to run today. Would you mind taking your keys to school and locking the door for me?"

"Course not- nope- I don't mind, I'll do that yeah," I spoke quickly.

She gave me what was merely a confused look before she nodded. "Thanks pet."

After that she walked off. I closed the door leaning against it as I let out a long sigh, Billie staring at me wide eyed from my bed.

I made eye contact with him still letting out a breath. Before mumbling. "We've got school,"

~

"Keep up!"

"I'm trying!" I laughed, as he continued to drag me with my arm. My hand in his.

Finally, he let go. As we reached the peer of the beach.

I would've thought this beach was packed in the day, but since it was school hours hardly any one was around.

There were a few people walking besides the shore, or doing litter picking. But Billie and I were the only teenagers here.

We got to the edge of the peer, the both of us dropping down and sitting. Our legs dangled over the edge and above the water.

"Did Eden not ask where you was this morning?" I asked remembering about how Billie was normally mine and Eden's ride to school.

"Tre takes her now with Mike,"

"And Mike doesn't mind?"

He looked over at me confused shaking his head. "No? Why would he?"

"I don't know... I just... his best friend now having a girl friend and bringing her everywhere. Him being a third wheel. He doesn't mind all that?"

He un furrowed his eyebrows understanding what I meant before he shook his head again. "No. Mike's not like that. He's not like me,"

"You think they'll be angry we skipped?"

"What- school? Nah, Tre and Mike won't care. We use to skip school together all the time,"

"I just really didn't have the effort for school today," I breathed out. Looking across at the sea.

I could actually see it today. That one night that Billie had taken me, the night I realised I wanted to kiss him after being thrown into the water and immediately demanded to be taken home, it was hard to see anything. Their was a silver line that outlined each wave, sparking slightly then disappearing as new ones came into view. It seemed magically but in some way off putting that I couldn't see what was going on.

"Me either," He agreed, letting out the same sort of sigh. A deflated and fed up one.

"This whole Rome situation has deflated me. And I still don't know what's going on,"

"I think I just need one more day away from school before preparing for that dystopian nightmare again," He nodded, but his eyes on the water.

I let out a breathly laugh. "You and me both,"

The last time we was here I made us leave with out reason. I think that was one of the first signs the fake relationship had gone too far for me. Because I didn't want to kiss him and it be fake. I wanted it real. Which was terrifying.

That night we climbed back into his car, still soaking wet from the ocean. His front seats were drenched and his car smelt like the sea for days.

We didn't talk much in the car on the ride home either. He seemed sort of annoyed at me for just randomly making him take me home. And I was scared from what I had realised, living in denial about it.

I learnt that the day you accept something. The worser it gets.

It's better to live in denial with some things. Even if you secretly know the truth, don't ever say it. Once you admit it to yourself, even when you're alone. That's when it's able to get you, to hurt you.

The moment I admitted it was with out realisation, being drunk. And I didn't even remember. I was still in denial with out realising I already admitted.

"Question," I randomly spoke up.

He looked over at me, with soft eyes. Waiting for the question to come.

"Y'know that night where I told you all those things? I was drunk, but you wasn't. You pretended the next day like it hadn't happened and made me believe you was telling the truth. And then- I just remembered at one point. Why hadn't you told me how you felt when I was already spilling out my guts?" I asked, my voice balanced equally with both curiosity and self pity.

He swallowed, his eyes flicked just slightly away from me but his body was still turned to face me. From the way his eyes were just staring at nothing over my shoulder, I could only guess he had zoned out looking back on the exact night.

I let him be silent for what felt like a long time. Letting him decide his answer, to form it correctly.

Finally, he did. "I think it was more because you was drunk rather than what you was saying," He answered, his eyes looked back at me now. Now that he knew what he was going with.

"And that means...?"

"I didn't know if you meant it. I knew exactly what you was saying... cause I felt it too. But I didn't know if you really had. Maybe you didn't know what you was saying because you was drunk. I worried that anyway. I was terrified of telling you how I felt and have you realise you didn't mean it the next morning. Or that you wouldn't remember all the things I said to you, and I would've explained myself to a wall,"

"I guess that's understandable... since I didn't remember the night the next day,"

"I was relieved you didn't remember. After you stormed off I was worried you would remember it all. Me ignoring all you was saying and just telling you to go to bed. I was worried you would think I didn't feel the same- I was actually worried all night. The moment you turned to me and asked what happened I felt the biggest waft of relief I've ever known. It was like bliss to have you staring at me so confused with a huge hang over,"

"I pieced together when you told me you lied the next night. But I didn't wanna say anything. That was until obviously when I straight up just told you,"

"Well that night I was the drunk one," He chuckled merely.

I let out a little laugh, my head leaning on his shoulder as my eyes stayed on the moving waves.

We stayed and talked on the peer for hours. School hours were over, but we didn't wanna go back just yet. So staying and talking on the end of a wooden dock.

It felt kinda good to just disappear for the day with Billie. No one but him and I knew we skipped school, and our phones were put on silent a while ago. It was like him and I just decided to take a break from life together for a few hours.

Normally, I liked to do this type of thing by myself.

Like re charging. I liked to re charge myself. Like a battery. When alone, I felt like I was fully able to relax and calm down. Hearing myself breath was scary sometimes- I had never been a fan of silence- but other times it's surprisingly what I needed most.

But I liked re charging with Billie. And I got the impression that he liked re charging with me too.

It was less lonely... to not charge back up on your own. It was more easy to, especially when the person you're with gives you more sense of peace then any amount of silence.

Funly enough, we couldn't exactly stay in silence for long together. But I liked that too.

I got back home that night, after Billie and I got too cold on the peer he dropped me off home.

Once I walked in, the door wouldn't fully open. And this time it wasn't because of the shitty hinges on it, there was something behind the door that was blocking me from fully opening it.

"Erm- mom?" I shouted, with my head trying to fit through the small space in the door.

I then heard foot steps rushing down the stairs. "Oh I'm sorry sweetie- here,"

I pushed on the door finally able to open it fully, as I stepped in closing it behind me and looking at her.

She pulled the suitcase back from the door, the handle of it still resting in her hands as she smiled at me.

"Enjoy school?"

"Yeah, it was alright. Me and Billie went out straight after, so I'm sorry I'm back pretty late with no notice," I commented kicking off my shoes. Trying to ignore the suitcase. 

"Good, I'm glad," she nodded. Before she rolled the suitcase in the living room.

I followed behind, staring at the suitcase with, edging on to, wide eyes.

It was a pretty big ass suitcase. I can only imagine it was for Rome.

"There's cold pizza waiting for you in the microwave." she told me. Letting go of the suitcase as she pushed the pull out handle back down. "I ordered take away, saved some slices for you,"

I smiled happily, walking over to her as I kissed her quickly on her cheek. "Thanks mom." I beamed before rushing into the kitchen.

At first- I thought I had walked in to the wrong room.

Everything was gone.

All the silly little quotes my mom hung up on the kitchen walls, the random objects that would uselessly lay on the breakfast bar, some odd photos in frames we had. They were all packed. Cause in the corner of the kitchen, was a few boxes stacked up.

I knew she was moving, but I didn't realise she was taking half of the fucking house with her?

Nether the less, I pretended not to notice as I walked over to the microwave.

I heard my mom enter the kitchen as I heated up the pizza, patiently stood beside of it as I watched it rotate.

Apparently you're not suppose to stare at the microwave when something cooking in their. It can damage your eyes or something stupid- but I didn't feel like making conversation with my mom about how the kitchen was now in boxes.

Finally it dinged. I pulled the pizza out and leaned against the side as I took a piece beginning to eat. Accidentally making eye contact with my mom who was sat on a stool the other side of the kitchen. "Notice anything different?" She asked, her voice sounding like it was trying to cover a burst of excitement.

"Yeah, we've been robbed," I mumbled through the half chewed pizza.

"No," she laughed. "We've not been robbed. I packed everything up,"

"I can see," I observed the kitchen one more time. Panning around. "Why?"

"There's something for you in your bedroom," She smiled, almost... mischievously.

I hardly ever saw that sort of smile. It was suppose to be an excited and playful one. But it didn't suite my mom what so ever. So if anything it scared me.

I said nothing but gave her a concerning look, dropping my pizza on my plate as I made my way out of the kitchen.

Once out of her sight, I rushed up stairs to my room terrified of what an earth she had done. I rushed up the stairs, banging my shins on them a few times in such a hurry. Sliding around the landing and bursting straight through the door.

Instantly looking around my room skeptically.

I looked in disbelief. As I heard my moms foot steps come up.

I turned to her, shock and anger in my eyes. "What do you mean there's something in my room- there's most literally nothing in there but my bed!"

"Blaze you're-"

"-Where has everything in my room gone!? No- no this can't be real." I turned back around away from my mom as I walked into the room.

The hallway light gave me a glimpse of the room. But I turned on my bedroom light, that Billie had changed for me, entering.

My walls were bare. All my posters, all my pictures, all my plaques and drawings. My framed photos and band flags- gone.

Even the ones I had to stick on my ceiling because the lack of space.

It looked so wrong. It reminded me of such a long time ago before I decorated my walls. The boring white walls were now visible not being hidden by all the things I hung up.

Everyone on my desk- gone. The only thing that was on it was the lamp I temporarily used.

Things on my shelf's? Gone.

Things on my draws? Gone.

The clothes I had lazily thrown at the bottom of my bed or on a chair? Gone.

In fact the only thing that was left was the bed frame and mattress. With my pillows and quilt.

"Where is it all!?" I shouted turning straight to my mom who also entered the room.

The anger was fizzing out, but she still held that face expression. Trying not to smile as she spoke. "In boxes,"

"What!? Why!?" I walked closer to my draws to check if they were empty too. Pulling one open furiously as it easily flung open. Being light and... empty. I ran over to my wardrobe. Opening the door of it. Also empty. "Where are my clothes!?"

"In a suitcase,"

"Oh no..."

I shoved past her, not meaning to but she was in the way and I was on a mission.

I ran down the stairs as fast as I possibly could with out breaking my neck. Sliding around the wall into the living room as my socks slid on the wooden floor.

I pushed the suitcase my mom had wheeled in the living room earlier on over on to its back. Before dropping to my knees as I violently pulled the zip around it. Opening it up as I pulled out the items of clothing with in.

My skinny jeans, there's my favourite jumper, my old band shirt that has paint on it I only wear to bed, the shirt Eden had let me borrow which I stole forever.

These were... my clothes.

This was... my suitcase.

My mom came back into the living room. I slowly got back to my feet and gave her a exhausted look. "What's going on?"

"I packed your things,"

"Why would you possibly need to pack my-?"

"That reminds me." She cut me off, walking around the sofa and to the other end of the living room.

She pushed the empty cabinet away from the wall. Pulling from behind it a large piece of aluminium. Like a sign almost.

The front of it was faced towards her. She walked awkwardly with it in her hands back over to me. "One favour?"

I gave her a dead stare. Before she extended her hands out and pushed the sign to me. "Stick this in the garden?"

I snatched it from her, not realising how actually lightweight it was. I spun it around so I could read what it said on the front.

'For sale'

"What the fuck is this?"

"A for sale sign," I could see her still pulling the face. Hiding how actually happy she was.

But the thing was. She didn't look Evily happy. Like she was happy I was angry or that she was annoying me. It was a genuine happy she was trying to hide.

"What's going on!? My rooms is completely bare and empty- all my clothes are packed away and this?" I asked referring to the sign in my hand.

She gave me a little chuckle, the type you would give an overly ambitious child or something, before she spoke. "Blaze don't be silly," She shook her head. "I couldn't of left you here alone could I? You're moving too- and the house is up going for sale,"