"I don't like those things though," I bluntly mumbled across the table to my mom.

She sighed, crossing it off her list. "Alright... what about cafés? Rome has some lovely little cafés, there's even a cat café right down the street from-"

"-I'm allergic to cats,"

"You are?"

"Yes. And I hate them,"

"Well normal cafés?"

"I hate them too. They're too tiny and over filled and useless,"

She blew her jaws again, drawing the pen over the café idea. "Alright, well there's great warm wether over there, we could-"

"-I hate being too warm,"

"You seem to hate everything,"

"You'd know exactly the things I hated if you took more interest," I grumbled, my chin resting on my hand.

"Blaze Joy, listen to me. Rome is beautiful, I think you'll really like it there and-"

"-But I like it here. I don't need to move, none of us do,"

"And what about David?"

"Why can't he move to us?"

"Because Blaze," Her voice was at the end of her line of patients as it became more sturdy and harsh. "He owns a lovely house in Rome in this beautiful friendly little village and he has given us the opportunity to live there,"

"You've not even been with him for that long to know him,"

"It's been a year,"

"And you want to move in with him? Stupid,"

"And who are you as my daughter to tell me who to date when you don't know what I've been through in other past relationships?"

"And who are you as my mother to tell me where to move my life, when you barely participate in it as it is,"

She didn't like that. She tightened her expression, her lips set in a hard line as she scrunched up her eye brows at me. "Don't," was all she said, warning me.

But I wanted to push. I had every reason to push. "It's true. You're never here for me-"

"-I still have the house bills paid, I send money through, I-"

"-You do all that because you're not there. If you didn't it would be litetal neglect. Y'know what? Despite the money. I could live perfectly with out you,"

"Oh you think so?"

"Yeah, I do think so. You've never been there before, who's to say I even want you here now?"

Her expression faded. I think that was a bit too far.

"I'm going to Billies." I let out, getting out of my seat from the table as I walked away. I let myself out, slightly slamming the door behind me as I began to walk to Billies and Eden's house.

I guess now I really was referring to it as just Billies home.

There was no way I was moving. I would rather stay home and have her and David continue to pay for my bills than go all the way to fucking Rome. I hate that place, mostly because it was where she wanted us to go.

I had no doubts it probably was a beautiful place. I bet it was fantastic, breath takingly heavenly.

But I don't like fantastic. I don't like breath takingly heavenly.

I like things that are a little bit ruined and a little bit messed up. Sort of destroyed and imperfect.

Safe to say, I wasn't a Rome type of person. But I guess after all my mom was.

I took a short cut to Eden and Billies house, cutting through a field instead of walking around the windy streets. I didn't even have the thought to grab my headphones before leaving, so I wasn't interested in having a dramatic walk to music there.

By the time I reached Billies, I knocked on the door cold (Since I was unable to grab a jacket or anything before leaving.) waiting for anyone to come answer.

I shivered quietly, the only noise I made was my teeth chattering as my I rubbed my arms holding them- trying to achieve some heat by the friction.

Billie opened the door, he looked happy and confused. "What are you doing here?" He asked with a tiny smile.

"I fell out with my mom," I managed to push out, my words where kinda barely audible because of how bad my teeth were chattering.

He opened the door fully. "Come in,"

I did as told, walking in as he shut the door behind me. He turned to me in the hallway in front of the front door. "Let's try that again. What are you doing here?"

I took in a deep breath. "I fell out with my mom," I exhaled. Slightly exhausted.

"What? But she's only been home for like- a night?" He asked confused. Billie had stayed at mine last night like I had asked him too, but left earlier on in the morning. We agreed we didn't want to run the risk of my mom finding out he stopped here, so he went home and I told him I would see him whenever.

"I know, once you left I went downstairs to eat. She wanted to 'talk about it' so I agreed. She sat down at the table with me whilst I was eating with this list of things in Rome I needed to know about before making my decision. So she told me them all and I told her I hated every one of them, so we had this huge argument and I told her I didn't need her,"

He blinked a few times. Looking down at me like he was reading me. "Is that true?"

"Of course it is. Why would I need her now? I needed her then not now,"

Billie shook his head, like I had said the wrong answer. Or the one he wasn't wanting. He gave me a disapproving sigh.

"What?"

"C'mon." He nodded his head up the stair way before walking up the stairs. I questionably followed behind him with my hand trailing over the hand bannister up the stairs.

He walked straight into his room kicking the door open lightly since it wasn't shut properly.

"Where's Eden?" I asked as I walked in, shutting the door with my foot.

"Tre's," He shrugged.

"You don't seem very bothered?"

"What can you do? Y'know?" He gave me the same careless expression before it faded and he spoke again, sitting on the end of his un made bed. "So anyway, your mom,"

"What about her?"

"C'mere," he held his hand out, like a child normally would.

I breathed out under my breath as I walked shortly over to him, taking his hand. He picked up my other one as I stood in front of him, he looked up at me (being sat down on his bed) and gave a little smile. "Your mom, I thought you missed her when she wasn't home,"

He swayed our hands together lightly back and forth and up and down, as I felt a little loose and less pissed off, speaking now with less ignorance.

"I do, she's my mom of course I'm gonna miss her. Y'know? She's suppose to be there for me,"

"Is that why your mad?"

"No, I'm mad because she doesn't have anything to do with my life. I've built my own life with out her and now she expects me to drop it all for hers,"

"So... because she was never there in your life, you don't want to be there for hers?"

I think it was suppose to make me realise how selfish it sounded. Because when I responded with: "Yes, exactly!" He gave me another one of those disapproving looks I'm beginning to not be able to bare. "That wasn't what I was suppose to say... was it?"

"Birdie... what do you want from this?"

"To not go to Rome?"

"But do you want your mom to stay home with you? Or do you want to send her off to Rome and have her permanently pay the bills through the mail?" He asked me, I was beginning to feel quizzed since whatever I said seemed to be wrong. Maybe it was just the fact that I was in the wrong. But they're my feelings? How can I be wrong with them? Or maybe I'm going the wrong way about them.

"I don't want that,"

"Which one?"

"I don't want her gone forever..." I mumbled, I knitted my eyebrows looking to the side and down at Billies floor. Mainly avoiding his eyes. "I don't want to have to see her way less often. And take planes to Rome just to see her for a few days,"

"What do you want?"

"I want her here,"

"But?"

"But I want her to be happy..." I realised. I was in a dilemma.

I wanted her to be happy with David. I really did. I wanted them both to be happy together in stupid Rome. But I wanted to be happy. I wanted my own happiness more than I wanted David's. Wasn't I aloud to be selfish?

My whole life she was disappearing and I never said a word. Is it really wrong to not want to let go of her for good?

I know she's hardly there anyway. But at least I have that security shes coming home and I'll get to feel like her daughter again.

I don't wanna live alone, I don't wanna be alone, I don't wanna feel alone and I most certainly don't want to end up alone.

I looked back at Billie, I guess I had him. I had Eden too, there was Coby- but they weren't family like mom was.

"I want her home," I repeated. "But I want her happy. I want her happy at home. I don't want her there miserably,"

"Would you rather have her miserable at home or happy in Rome?"

"Miserable at home... with me. Miserable with me,"

"Is that really what you want?"

I had said the wrong answer again, hadn't I? "I feel like I should say no. But there's this one selfish strand with in me that would rather her be home unhappy with me then living a better life with out me,"

Expecting the face of disapproval, Billie nodded. "That's understandable,"

"Is it?"

"Of course it is, shes your mom. You're aloud to be selfish, you're aloud to have selfish thoughts. But remember that thing you said to me?"

"What thing?"

"When you love someone? You love their happiness, Even when it's not from the person you thinks right or the person you don't like. If it makes them happy- even for a little while- Then that's all you should care about. Remember that?"

I looked at him, I bite my tongue behind my sealed lips perfectly remembering what I had said that was now coming back to bite me in the ass.

I had told him he was being a hypocrite. But now I am.

Maybe I should let her decide if she wants to leave me for David or stay. But I shouldn't forget my own desires here- cause I need to have a chance at happiness too.

"So do you think... I should tell her I want to stay for sure... and let her decide from there?" I asked questionably. Praying he wouldn't slowly blink, shake his head and purse his lips in that expression.

And my prays were answered. Cause instead he gave me a gentle smile and nodded. "Exactly that, she needs a chance of choice just as much as she's given you. She's not made you come, so don't make her stay,"

He was right. I hadn't even thought about that.

Although I made it clear I wasn't going to leave. She never ever said I had to. She left that choice to me. So I should- at he least, give her the choice back. Even if it's not what I want, it's about what she wants now.

I've made my decision, it's time for hers.

"I hate when you're right," I giggled slightly.

He dropped my hands and rested them around my waist, pulling me closer as he leaned his head on my stomach and hugged me. "I know,"