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chapter eighteen: when I think too much about it I can't breathe

a/n:

hahahahahaha (yikes)

tw(s): emetophobia warning (marked by ✹ ) and a cliffhanger

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By the time that Friday comes, Rory has still not heard back from any of her relatives.

It makes getting for the stupid dinner incredibly hard.

"Something bad happened." She swallows the bile rising in her throat and blinks back tears, wringing fingers that have been bitten bloody. "Something bad has to have happened."

She's only half-dressed. Rachel watches from her bed as Rory, wearing a nice skirt but no shirt, paces the length of their room, only tearing her eyes away from the frightening display to eye the mountain of energy drink cans that has accumulated in the trash can at the foot of Rory's bed. She frowns, slightly, at the sight. The frown only worsens, though, when Rory stops just long enough to pop a few anti-acids into her mouth.

(For a brief moment, she wondered when she last saw her roommate actually sleeping through the night.)

"I'm sure everything's fine. They'd, like, call you otherwise. Maybe no response is actually a good response."

Rory has also already cried off all the makeup she tried to put on. When she turns to face Rachel, her face is red and puffy, and her bottom lip starts to tremble like a little kid's would when their eyes meet.

At first, she was telling herself that everything was fine. She dove headfirst into her studies and hockey so she didn't have to think about it, going so far as to do work that wasn't due for weeks and clock more hours in the weight room than were necessary, working so hard all three days until her body was so exhausted that it still hurt the following morning. But then, even with the petty distractions that made the days pass by quicker, there was still no word from home. It was like Detroit had completely fallen off the face of the Earth and she was the only person who even cared. And she found herself staring at the clock all day, literally watching the hours tick by instead of paying attention to anything.

She sat there, sweating and aching and completely exhausted, waiting for an announcement, or for the secretary to come find her, but she got nothing.

"Maybe he, like, had surgery or something and just hasn't woken up yet? Doesn't everyone react to that stuff differently?"

Rachel soon regrets her poor word choice, though, when Rory's eyes grow impossibly wide.

"What do you mean by that?"

"That some people just take a little longer to wake up—— that's all I meant." She puts her hands up in defense and then sighs as Rory runs her hands through her hair. "Maybe you should sit this dinner out, hon."

Sniffling, Rory shakes her head. "I can't. Rick will be pissed off."

Rachel looks at her flatly.

"Rory, my brother is an idiot and an asshole, but he worships the ground you walk on. Look, you're worrying yourself sick over this——"

"Because someone should've called me by now!" She gestures widely as the words burst out of her. "Because if my stepmother didn't know anything, then my dad's bodyguard should've called, and if he didn't have the time then Kim, my grandfather's home nurse, should've. But it's been all radio silence."

Her voice breaks so she takes a few deep breaths to try and keep herself from crying again—— or, worse, from puking.

Rory lets Rachel wrap her up in a hug because she doesn't think that there's anything else that her roommate can do for her.

She read somewhere—— on a pamphlet in a therapist's office, she thinks—— that hugging is meant to calm you down. That it turns a part of your brain, the parasympathetic nervous system, on, and releases all sorts of chemicals and hormones that help your body in the long run. She's never given it too much thought but, as her body relaxes into the squeeze of Rachel's arms, she can't think of anything else.

Doesn't want to, at the very least.

"Look, if you go to that damn restaurant, all you'll do is wonder if you're missing a phone call." Rachel murmurs. "I know I can't stop you from freaking the hell out, but staying here will keep you from having a breakdown in front of all those people."

"But Rick——"

"Oh, please, I'll handle Rick."

"Thanks, Rach."

"And, this way, if anything happens, if you get any news, you'll have me right here with you, okay?"

Rory sniffs again and looks down at the floor a little petulantly as they pull away from one another. "Okay."

"Good."

Rachel squeezes her shoulder once more for good measure.

Just as she's gotten Rory to calm down (albeit slightly), someone knocks on the door.

Her heart rate spikes again, and she stares at Rachel like a deer in the middle of a busy road.

Rachel takes a deep breath and points at the sweater that's been sitting on her bed. Rory nods and pulls it over her head as Rachel walks over to the door, waiting until Rory is decent to open it.

Rick and Scott both stand on the other side of it. They take one look at the two of them, assess the situation in only a matter of minutes, and enter the room before Rachel can say a thing.

"Hi." She chews on the inside of her cheek as Rick walks over to her, voice nasal from all the tears. "I, uh, don't think I can make it tonight."

Rick nods, the look on his face so terribly soft. "Okay. What's up? What's wrong?"

Rory opens her mouth to answer him but can only really manage a stuttered breath. This proves to be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

The last glimpse she gets of Rick's face before she dashes to the bathroom is a wildly confused expression.

✹

Rachel sighs as Rory starts puking.

✹

"Nobody from home has called her back yet," Rachel answers her brother for Rory as she follows her into their bathroom. "And I don't think she's sleeping at night."

Rory groans miserably as Rachel pulls her hair behind her head and rubs her back. Things are uncomfortably quiet until she's sitting back on the ground beside her roommate and able to look them in the eye.

"Stay here." Scott says softly. "Deal with your stuff. It's fine."

Rick agrees with his friend silently and then looks at her all sincerely again.

"Do you want me to stay?"

Rory shakes her head. "No. Go do your thing. I'll be fine."

The face that Rick then makes doesn't exactly scream that he trusts her.

"I will. I have Rachel."

Rachel smiles somewhat sardonically in the direction of the two boys lingering in the doorway. "Yeah. She has me."

Scott rolls his eyes and puts a hand on Rick's shoulder.

"Will you beep me if anything happens?"

"Yeah. Of course."

With one last reassuring look from her, Rick (hesitantly) makes his leave with Scott. In their absence, Rachel sits on the floor with Rory for a long stretch of time, only standing and pulling Rory to her feet after she says her world has stopped spinning.

Together, once Rory has changed into more appropriate clothing, they make their way down to the cafeteria to get a late dinner.

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It's not until a few hours later that Rory gets any kind of news.

The girls are sitting with a few other kids, watching Hey Arnold! in the common room on their floor and sharing a pan of smuggled brownies amongst them, when it happens. One minute, she's half asleep, head on her roommate's shoulder as a full stomach and the quiet tones of the cartoon lull her to a resting pace, and the next, the television has been muted by one of the kids and a of the eyes in the room are on her.

"What?" She croaks, lifting her head as Rachel nudges her.

"They're calling your name."

It's then, as she takes in the worried expression on her roommate's face, that Rory hears it.

"Lorelei Myrtle to the main office? Will Lorelei Myrtle please come to the main office?"

Her body moves on autopilot after that. Rachel scrambles to follow her as she hops up and starts walking.

They leave the building without stopping by their room to get their coats. With nothing more than sweatshirts and slippers, they brave the bitter Minnesota cold.

It hurts to breathe. Rory isn't sure if it's the weather or if it's her lungs, but it hurts. Each intake of air feels like a bundle of needles sitting in the middle of her chest and each exhale scrapes at the back of her throat, and it only gets worse as another announcement causes her to go from speed-walking to full jogging.

And Rachel, being the saint she is, keeps up with her.

Buckley's secretary looks up from her computer when she hears them, a mess of chattering teeth and heaved breaths, enter.

"Uh, hi. I'm—— Lorelei Myrtle. It's me."

The secretary's face falls, slightly. The sympathy in her frown is so intense that Rory clenches her fists.

"Oh." She says softly, then presses a button. "Miss Myrtle is here... With Miss Riley."

"Send Miss Myrtle in, please."

The secretary ushers her inside, then, but makes Rachel stay in the outer office. Rory enters alone.

Expecting a phone call, one can imagine her shock when she steps into the office and sees that her principal isn't alone.

Blinking a few times, she clears her throat.

"Dad? Krystal, what's going on?"

And the minute that her name leaves her stepmother's mouth, she knows that the horrible feeling she had was right...

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a/n:

word count — 1602

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