THEN

„Oh, come on, Tom. Don't be grumpy."

All that Beth gets as a response is a grunt. A grunt sounding so much like it would come from a 6-year-old that she needs to hide a smirk behind her left hand. Beth's right one reaches out from her place on the passenger seat to lightly squeeze Tom's thigh as he's driving the car.

"I'm not grumpy." Oh. He still can speak after all. It's more a mumble though.

"Grouchy, then."

"Libby..."

"Tom..."

The look Tom throws her just makes Beth giggle. One would think he's 6 and not 27.

They're on their way from the busy London city life they're living to the country in Suffolk. It's not an actual holiday, though they both have earned one. Tom's going to appear in Othello soon, and Beth's worked non-stop in the hospital getting her degrees and actually freaking bringing babies into this world. She still can't believe it.

No. They're on the way to Diana's new place. Something Tom's not entirely happy about. Beth doesn't exactly know why, but she can imagine it has to do with his family not living together in the same spot anymore. Tom and Beth won't be able to simply go to Oxford and visit everybody in one place, although of course Diana and James haven't been living in the same house for 15 years now.

He's not good with change, her boyfriend.

Beth squeezes his thigh again, and this time Tom takes her hand, pulls it to him and kisses her knuckles. It makes her smile.

"It'll be fine, Tom. She'll be happy there."

"Hrmpf. She was happy in Oxford, too."

"You'll still be able to see her. We've moved away first and still manage to visit."

"I'll just miss my family." He lets both of their hands fall on his leg again and holds on tight.

"I know. But it'll all be fine. She's not out of the world."

He's a family man, and Beth knows this. She's acutely aware of it really. Because yes, they talked about kids. In length even. They're not there yet with Tom just starting to get more roles in movies and being massively successful in theatre. But they're getting there. Maybe quicker, maybe slower, but definitely steady.

"Libby?" Tom squeezes her fingers and Beth startles.

"Hm?"

"What's with the smile? Especially while I'm so very, clearly miserable?" He doesn't really mean it, Beth sees it in the grin around his lips. But she also feels herself smiling still – and blushing. Goodness, is it hot in the car? Hotter than before?

"Nothing. Just thinking." She squeezes back. Tom's gaze is a little critical and very intriguing as well. But she holds her own. "I mean it."

He nods. "Hm-hm. Okay."

***

NOW

"You're quiet, Tom."

He feels a hand on his thigh and suppresses the urge to pull his leg away. Well, Tom doesn't have any other choice, not with him driving the car down the A12 towards his mother's home. And he shouldn't even be startled, after all he's the only one in the car together with Julia.

But Tom's strangely nervous. Or maybe not so strangely? Julia – his fiancée Julia – is going to meet his mother and sisters for the first time. It was exciting, when she met James. But Tom's entire rest of the family, a family he himself hasn't seen in years? That's maybe a bit much. Too much, especially considering that the last time they've seen him with a new girl – woman – it hasn't been a new girl at all, but a girl they've known forever. A girl they've seen growing up along with him, Sarah and Emma.

And now here's a new woman. What if the three of them – Tom doesn't count Sarah's and Emma's families as he barely knows them himself – compare Julia to Libby? What if they actually say something to Julia? Or, what if they don't? What will be stranger, them mentioning or ignoring the big elephant in the room that actually isn't one since it's been history for a while now?

"Tom?"

"Sorry." He takes Julia's hand in his. "Sorry, I was just thinking."

"What about?"

It's a fleeting smile and he knows it, of course he does. But Tom sends it her way anyway. "Nothing really. Just memories. I don't know how often I've been on this road since my mum moved there, but it's been many, many times." He simply talks on, when it doesn't prompt a response from his fiancée – future wife. "It's just a little strange to see how many things have changed here. It's been a few years, you know?"

"Does that mean you're nervous?"

Well. One could put it that way. "I guess I am, yes."

Another squeeze. "Are you scared they won't like me?"

"No," he shakes his head, maybe a bit too much. "No, I'm positive they'll love you, because I do too."

"What is it then?"

Tom sighs. And then, maybe for the first time since he's arrived in the U.K., Tom voices it. "I'm not sure they'll like me."

He tries to ignore the gasp that follows, but as he's suspected, Julia won't let him. "Tom, they're your family. They love you. I love you. You're a great man and an even better actor. They have every reason to be proud of you."

But that's not the point, is it? Yeah, he's successful, and of course he wishes for his family to like him, be proud of him. But just as with his friends it goes both ways with his family, too. Tom's forgot if he likes them, actually. And he certainly hasn't made them feel as if he's proud of anyone of them.

"I love you, too," is all he answers.

***

"I'm so sorry."

"It's fine, I understand."

Beth frowns. "No," she starts. "No, I don't think you do. I'm really sorry."

"I know. Like I said, it's fine, and I understand," Martin smiles. He actually smiles. How is this possible? He can't smile at something like this. Actually, Beth doesn't know if she should be exasperated, concerned or maybe even a little offended. He doesn't seem to care at all. She's breaking up with him, and he doesn't care. Doesn't even want to know why. Which would be a horrible question anyway, because Beth doesn't have an answer for it.

Everything should be perfect. Everything is perfect. But maybe just not for her. It doesn't feel right. Well, that's not true. It does feel right, feels great even. But while Beth has been separated from Tom for six years now and can finally close that chapter in her book and leave it behind, she's also not too proud to admit she's been hung up on him.

Every day – well, maybe not every day, she hasn't been that desperate – Beth has been waiting for some kind of news, someone showing up again, someone telling her friends – they haven't been her and Tom's friends for quite some time, right? – she's actually not divorced at all. She wasn't herself in those times, wasn't the funny, quirky, adventurous woman that girl she knew could have grown up to be. Tom's taken her with him, without her actually following.

She doesn't know where this cathartic thought is coming from. Maybe Martin was good for her in that way? In seeing that she could actually be this wonderful, carefree woman, not playing her? Because of course she's had fun with her friends. She's been dancing in the pub with them, has been laughing, joking and telling everythi ng – except the truth about Tom, that is. But she's been holding back. And Martin showed her that she doesn't have to, but that she must actually be quite nice to be around as well.

And now she wants to explore that experience on her own, wants to go out there, be out there, and be herself and by herself without the fear of being found out. She doesn't want to change, that's not the goal. She just doesn't want to be scared anymore.

It doesn't make Beth feel any better, though, because she's breaking up with him without knowing how to voice the reasons that sound perfect in her head, and Martin's looking at her with his puppy dog eyes, that don't show even the slightest amount of hate for her. She's been stringing him along, hasn't she? So, why is he so understanding?

"Martin, don't do this to me, please. "

And now he's actually laughing. Beth doesn't know if it's at her or with her, though to be honest, it must be at her, since she can't remember laughing herself. "I'm not doing anything to you. I simply understand. I've been expecting it for a while to be honest." Beth's gasp interrupts him, but he doesn't seem fazed otherwise. "I enjoyed it while it lasted. Thank you."

"You're crazy." That must really be it. He's crazy, and Beth should be happy she got away from him, before he could show his true side. There. That's a good reason to break up.

"No." He shakes his head at her. They're sitting just feet apart, him on her couch and Beth squirming on a chair she's taken with her from the kitchen, because she simply couldn't sit next to him for this. "I just know your story. And I think it's quite understandable that you're not ready to bind yourself to someone else just now. I was actually quite surprised you said 'yes' to me so quickly." Martin smiles. His real smile and not just something to make her feel good. Beth might currently be breaking his heart, but she does know him a little bit as well. This isn't acted. "Not that I was complaining mind you."

"I..." She doesn't know what to say, or what to feel for that matter. "I've got no idea what to say."

***

THEN

"Your place is beautiful, Diana."

Tom's mum beams at her, making Beth smile as well. And she's not lying. The place really is beautiful.

"Thank you for saying that, dear." Beth can see that there's more Diana wants to mention. And it's confirmed when Diana looks out of her kitchen window and into the backyard, where Tom's currently sitting on the garden chairs with both Emma and Sarah, not saying anything, but staring out in the garden. Huh. That's unusual – most of the times. "I don't think Tom agrees with you."

Beth shakes her head and looks at her mother-in-law. "It's not that, Diana," she disagrees. "He's just... he's going to miss having you all in one place. Or well. Two places. Three, with Sarah in India from time to time." She shakes her head with a laugh. "Sorry, I'm rather bad at this."

Diana huffs, but bumps their hips together. "You're not bad at this. You understand him, without him having to say anything to you. He hasn't, right?"

"No."

"Uh-huh. And still you know what's going on, and you try to make it better. He can be stubborn. And he'll miss me, and I'll miss them all as well. But I'm not worried at all. Because he's got you just as Sarah and Emma have Yakov and Jack."

Beth's face feels hot all of the sudden. "You're making me blush. It's nothing special. I just love him."

Diana squeezes her fingers, holding on. "Oh, believe me. It's not just love and obviously knowing him for 15 years now. You have something special regardless. You're something special together."

The blush is spreading, but so is the smile on Beth's face. She looks back out of the window. In that exact moment Tom looks into the kitchen window as well, waving then shrugging. She knows what this means. He's still not happy about this, but he has to admit that this place is perfect for Diana.

And then he smiles at her and waves her out.

All will be well, indeed.

***

NOW

"So. This is your mother's place, huh?"

They're still in the car in front of his mum's house, and Tom's got no idea who's stalling more. Julia doesn't seem to be impressed and also became quieter and quieter the further up north they got. And Tom hasn't been here for more than six years – he was busy even before he went to Los Angeles – and is surprised to find the house still looking the same. He doesn't know what he's expected. It's not like his mum would suddenly renovate her entire home.

"It is."

"Looks nice."

"It does."

"Do you want to go in?"

Before Tom can answer with another two-word-not-quite-sentence, the front door opens to reveal a small girl that reminds him of his older sister in her childhood pictures, and said older sister standing behind the little girl, arms crossed, head tilted.

"Is that your sister?"

He swallows. "Yeah," he answers. "Yes, that's Sarah, the oldest."

"And who's that little girl?"

Oh, goodness. If he only knew. "That's her daughter. That's my niece."

"She looks cute."

"Yeah."

The look on Sarah's face becomes more of a frown, and the little girl in front of her jumps from one foot to the other. Okay, it must be getting a bit strange, seeing Julia and him in the car, clearly talking, without any signs of actually getting out and going to the house to greet them.

"We should go meet them." He reaches for Julia's hand, but before tom can grab her, his fiancée sends him a tight smile, nods and reaches for the door handle.

"Yes."

And so that's what they do.

"Hi, Tom," Sarah says as they slowly make their way to the door. Too slowly probably. She still sounds the same, and it's making Tom feel even worse than before. Of course she sounds the same. It may have been a while, but she's still his older sister, still protecting him probably. And he's never deserved it less.

"Hi, Sarah," he waves and immediately feels stupid. This time it's Julia taking his hand, leaning in close to him, and making them stop a few steps away. Tom clears his throat. "And please, meet Julia, my fiancée."

They nod at each other. "Nice to meet you, Julia."

"Nice to meet you, too."

"And please, meet Violet. Your niece."