*Trisha*

"Last night was nice. It felt ...normal." Dave smiles at me and takes a sip of his coffee. I'm starting to fall for my addiction. I see it happening but do nothing about it. We sit on the park bench and Dave puts his arm around me.

"The food was good. I like Capriotti's. It's fairly new." I lean back into his arm a little. What the fuck am I doing? "So..you don't drink at ALL?" I don't know why I ask this question. It doesn't make a difference. I'm not WITH Dave. I don't even know why I'm entertaining the idea or investing any of my time here.

"I don't. I'm really trying Trisha. I'm not asking anything of you though. Believe me. I understand. I was an asshole. I can never erase the things that I've done. I'm aware of that. All I'm asking is for you to somehow, at some point down the line, is to forgive me. That's it. So..I guess I am asking something of you, then, aren't I?" He sighs and looks ahead at the joggers passing by on  path.

"I'm trying...."

"I don't expect that to happen anytime soon. I was a real douche. Looking back ...that wasn't me. I can't explain it and I'm not making excuses."

For the first time, thanks to seeing Nate  as a completely different person because of his withdrawals, I understand Dave and have empathy for him. I've never felt empathy for Dave until this moment right now. I know that wasn't Nate last night. Not at all. So, I now see how addiction can really change a person.

My one fear is that Nate starts changing into Dave.

*****

*James*

It's been a full 24 hours since Julia had her nervous breakdown. Unfortunately, we have yet to have a conversation about what happened thanks to ma loosing her marbles the last few days, giving Katie a hard time. I can't help out with mom emotionally  because she looks at me and see's Joe which means the girls have to deal with that, but I've been helping out with running all the errands and the bills so they can focus on moms mental health.

I feel like I'm being pulled in a millions different directions and not being able to sleep lately is starting to take it's toll on me. 

I sit on the stool at the kitchen of Nate's "Compound", drinking as much coffee as I can get into my system while listening to Hollan complain. He was a moody individual BEFORE detox, now..he's a pure pain in the ass.

"Can you take this damn IV out of my hand already?" Nate snaps at Jonah, clearly in the middle of a mood swing. It's 10am and he doesn't want to lay in bed anymore. The nurse sets him up sitting on the living room couch. Trisha has yet to make her daily appearance, Paul is on the other end of the couch from Nate, and I'm caffeinating myself to prepare for another long day

"There's gotta be something more you can do. Look at him..." Julia paces around the room fidgeting with her hands and driving everyone crazy.

"I can take your IV out. It's just saline and electrolytes to keep you hydrated but you're not vomiting so I think you should be ok." Jonah comes back in the living room, snaps on a pair of gloves and takes Nates hand. "Then I need to log in your vitals. You already had your antibiotics, pain reliever, Zofran and an Ativan. It takes time for that to kick in." Jonah pulls out Nate's IV and puts pressure on hand for a few seconds before cleaning the tape off with a wipe and placing a band aide on.

"I do need to change your wound dressing as well as Julia's wounds soon."

"My wound dressing is fine." Nate huffs, not in the mood to cooperate.

He flips through the channels annoyed that his face and Julia's are still plastered on the tv.

"Doll, can you PLEASE stop pacing. You're driving me fucking insane." Nate snaps at Julia and she stops in her tracks. All eyes are on her. We all feel like we are walking on eggshells with her and she's so emotional that even the smallest snap hurts her feelings. Especially when it comes from Hollan.

"Sorry." Julia sits down on the couch.

"Sorry, Jules. You can pace all you want." Nate says softly, trying to retract the agitation in his words.

"You're fine. I get it. I just hate seeing you like this. How long are these symptoms gonna go on for?" She asks Jonah who is wheeling the heart monitor machine in to the room for a vital check. He stands near Nate and puts the velcro cuff on him while he talks.

"It's different for everyone. Depends on a lot of factors. How much he drank, how long, genetics, but there's no specific timing to any of it. His nervous system is trying to learn how to function on it's own again without the alcohol." He pauses to do his job. "149/82. High but not as alarming as it's been." Jonah writes down the numbers and checks Nate's temp. "101.7" He sighs. "Seen higher, but want to get this number down. Why don't you drink some more of your Gatorade."

"I'm fine." Nate throws the remote on the couch after finding a soccer game to watch, slouches down and crosses his shaky arms over his chest. Jonah shakes his head and walks away to get the first aid supplies for our wounds.

"Who wants to go first?"

"She does." Nate grunts, keeping his eyes on the tv. 

"Ok, Julia. You blacked out halfway through, and then the Ativan kicked in. I left the bandages alone yesterday so you haven't seen your arms yet. It looks worse than it really is though." Jonah says, now perking both mine and Nate's attention.

"You don't have to look at anything, you can look away, but I need to clean everything up and check your stitches."

"I have stitches?"

"Julia.. you shattered a mirror with your forearms." Nate reminds her sarcastically. He's in rare form today.

"Oh my God!" She stares at her self inflicted injuries. There's multiple small gashes, cuts, and a few stitches. Nate sits up more to look over Jonah's shoulder to see the damage. I rub Julia's shoulders while standing behind the couch, trying to comfort her but also hoping she didn't see my initial reaction to the damage. She really did a number on herself and that scares the shit out of me.

Both me and Nate stare at all the small gashes in shock. How does one person do something like this to themselves? Julia is on the verge of a panic attack as it is, so we try to stay calm for her. 

"Everything will heal. They are all still fresh wounds right now. It will take time." Jonah explains while moving quickly to clean and replace each gash, paying extra attention to the ones with a few stitches, so he can cover them back up for Julia.

"It will scar. My arms will have all these little scars." She looks away. "I'm gonna be reminded of this every day now."

"It'll heal. Scars will fade over time." I try to comfort her but Julia's not buying it. Her arms will have scars to remind her of her mental illness forever.

"Can you just hurry up and cover these?" Julia rushes Jonah.

Paul gets a call on his cell and looks at me before answering it. He walks into the office and I follow him before closing the door.

"4th floor issue?" I ask quietly as Paul looks at his messages.

"Yep. Same two celebrities." He rolls his eyes at the high demanding, high maintenance "Best Friends" who need to stay at the hotel for a few days. They are very needy and make our job much more difficult then it needs to be.

"Lovely." I roll my eyes. "Listen. I need to talk to Julia and hash things out. Can she join us so I can talk to her privately? I can't do that here. Nothing is private here."

"Yeah so long as she doesn't tear apart the hotel room or jump off the balcony." Paul grumbles.

"It was really that bad, huh." I look at Paul, think of the tornado of a mess I walked into, and Julia's gashes on her arms and my question is already answered.

"It was really bad. James, I never want to  do that again."

I don't understand what exactly he's talking about and need to know more. I raise an eyebrow without having to say anything and Paul knows what  I'm asking.

"I had to be the one to hold her down in the bathroom so the nurse could get all the glass off her body. Julia's strong when her adrenaline kicks in.  She gave me a good fight. She cried so hard and screamed so loud, fought me until the meds kicked in. Christ, it was awful. I never want to do that again." Paul explains and I have no words. I have no clue how to respond. We walk out of the room together.

"Hey, we need to run an errand real quick for someone. Are you guys good for an hour?" Paul asks, knowing he's on duty here.

"You're fine, Paulie. Do what you need to do." Nate waves him off and  I tick my head to the side, signaling I want to talk to Julia in the other room.

"Go ahead." Jonah says to Julia, noticing my cue right away." I'll check Nate's incision before replacing the bandages on your knees."

Julia follows me into Nate's bedroom.

"See if you can come with us. We need to talk about the other day."

Julia nods without saying a thing and follows me back out to the living room.

"Can I go back to the hotel to get a few things since I'm staying here a little longer?" She asks Jonah who thinks for a second before responding.

"Ok, Paul, you will have to keep an eye on her too." Jonah gives permission so long as Paul is with her.

"Of course he will." Julia sighs. She knows everyone is on edge and she has to earn his trust back in order to be alone.

We say nothing during the car ride, with Paul in the back seat of the Range Rover and when we get to the hotel, we use the side entrance.

"You guys go up. I've gotta check in on a few things at the front desk. James text me when you guys are ready." Paul walks away.

We stay silent in the elevator. I unlock the hotel  door and let Julia in before saying anything to her.  I watch her quietly look around her room. I walk over to the desk and sit down in the chair while Julia pulls out her backpack from the closet and starts packing,

Once I see she's finished I begin.

"Go ahead and put your bag near the door." I lean back in my chair with my eyes on her. Last thing we need is to go back to the apartment empty handed because she forgot her backpack. Julia gives me a confused look but does what I say and then sits on the edge of the bed, waiting for me to talk. 

"Julia..."

"James."

"What happened the other day? I feel like we should talk about this now that we're alone and you're back to yourself."

"I lost control and tore through the house like a psychopath." Julia fidget with her hands nervously.

"Was it all stemmed from me catching you with Hollan?"

"Isn't that enough?"

"Jesus, Julia. It's not like you're having his fucking baby." I shake my head at her overreaction. "Why would you flip out like that over something stupid? Look at your arms."

"You looked at me the same way Nate looked at me in Boston when I told him I slept with you."

Shit. 

"You know I'd never yell at you. I'd never leave you in some hotel alone for hours to make you feel like shit. I'm not Nate, Julia." Shit. Again. I went too far.

Julia squints her eyes at me. "You know the details from that weekend? I thought-"

"It doesn't matter what I know." I cut her off quickly. "What matters is you staying safe... from whatever shit you've got going on in that head of yours. Just because I caught you guys and left, doesn't give you the right to trash someone's place like that."

"I thought I lost you. You're the only good thing I have left."

I wheel the office chair over so I'm sitting right in front of Julia . 

"Think I'd just, what, never talk to you again because you made out with Nate? We're not in highschool, babe. Time to grow up. You didn't lose me."

"Why do you stay with me? All I'm doing is dragging you down. There is nothing positive for you to gain from being with me."

"Because I'm in love with you. You can't control who you fall in love with."

"I'm always gonna slip up when it comes to Nate. Just like I'm always gonna slip up when it comes to you."

I'm well aware of this fact. 

"Because you can't control who you are in love with either. You've told me that yourself, in the laundromat, remember? You said when you're with me, you love me. And when you're with him...you love him. And I told you I'll take whatever you give me. No matter what."

"So how do we fix this?"

"Once you're better and not living there you won't see him as often, right? The temptation won't be there. I wanna take you on dates and vacations once I can afford them. I wanna sing bad karaoke with you. I want your clothes in my dresser and your toothbrush next to mine. Don't you get it, Julia? I want to spend the rest of my life with you." I cup her face and go in for a kiss.

"Julia..."

"James." She breathes out catching a moment of air before I attach my lips to hers again. She's this addiction I just can't seem to stop. No matter how hard I try, I can't be mad at her.

"We're alone."

"We are..."

"Take your clothes off." I  demand.

"What?" Julia sits up straighter and back away.

"Take your clothes off."

*****