*James*

We all come back to Nate's apartment, and Jonah gives us all a quick run down of how things went with the psychiatrist appointment.

Shit.

It didn't go well. Bipolar? I know what it is, but gonna have to do some research to find out more. I hate that Julia shut down again while I was gone. And I ABSOLUTELY hate the fact that Hollan was here to comfort her. But this IS his house, and I AM grateful he is letting me come and go to see Julia whenever I want. 

He's a good guy. With a big heart. That doesn't mean I have to like him around Julia.

"I'm not sure what to expect moving forward." I admit to Jonah as we all sit on the couch.  Trisha doesn't have any questions, which makes me think she is either not concerned or she is more familiar with the mood disorder.

"It's what you've already seen from her. Really high highs and really low lows. The way she's all over the place and the way she shuts down. She can't control it. But I'm certain that once we get her on the right antidepressants and into counseling to help her cope, she will feel much better. Right now, everything is new. She's gone so long without medical care." Jonah explains.

"How though? Why would she let it get this bad? Kinda selfish if you ask me." Trisha comments. I glance over her quickly and then back down to the ground. I get it. I can't be mad at Trisha.  She's only worried about Nate. And that's fine. But I also don't think this was a selfish move on Julia's part. I think this was her survival mode for so long. 

"You could say that.  I understand what you're saying. But in her case, I don't think it was selfish. I think it was self-LESS, I think she was too focused on caring for others that she may have put herself on the backburner. Now that she's all the way out here...by herself.... She's seeing it." Jonah tries to explain to Trisha. She just nods and starts doing her own thing.

I can't tell if she's uninterested or mental health just isn't something she's used to dealing with.

I decided to make Julia some food and go in and check on her. Jonah takes note of everything I put on the tray. Apparently, this eating issue of hers is a bigger thing than I thought. He needs to log in all her food, when she eats it, and how much. I almost wonder if the nurse realized what he was signing up for with all this work.

Paul sits on the couch and scrolls through his phone. Jonah sits at the dining room table with a bunch of files and folders reading through shit and Trisha helps me in the kitchen. We stand side by side, cutting up fruit to make a big fruit salad for whoever wants some.

"It's a lot, huh." Trisha looks down at the strawberries while slicing them. It seems to be her go-to phrase these days.

"It really is. Think this is the right call? Having them discharged?" I swallow hard and put my knife down to look at her. She keeps her eyes focused on the fruit though, while talking.

"I don't know what the right decision is. I just know those nurses were overwhelmed having Nate in the hospital and starting to get stressed out at him. All because he is who he is." She stops but stares at the strawberries. "Do you know what an awful feeling that must be??" Trisha looks up at me. "People being mean to you, not liking you, just because you're you?"

I sigh and nudge her with my body a little. "We did the right thing." I nod. I want to hug Trisha. I do. But I also don't want it to be taken out of context, especially with Jonah and Paul  in the room.  Trisha smiles a little  and understands that small  little nudge was my way of saying I'm here for her and that I get  what she's saying. We both go back to cutting up fruit and throwing it in a big bowl.

I scoop some out for Julia, along with some crackers, and Trisha puts two Ensure chocolate shakes on the tray for Julia and Nate. It's all he can have until his GI Tract heals more.

I take a deep breath and walk into Nate's bedroom.

"Hey." I say softly. "Food for you." I put the bowl of fruit salad, crackers, and drink on the nightstand. "And food for you." I hand Nate an Ensure. I sit on the recliner, still feeling weird sitting on Nate's bed. This is seriously the last room I want to be in.

"You ok?" I study Julia's face and rub her knee while she rests her chin on her kneecap. She has her legs pulled up to her like a little kid would, and everything about her reminds me of a child.

"I can't believe I let myself get this bad. I'm such a mess."

"You're not a mess. You've just been dealt another shit hand." I remind her. She curls her legs so she is sitting on them and hugs me, burying her face in my shirt. I wrap my arms around her, making sure I don't touch her IV cord and hold her close to me. She starts crying a little, and I get this hard lump in my throat that won't go away.

"Hey, when you're off the IV and a little stronger, would ya wanna go to our spot? With Mags, of course." I whisper near her ear while embracing her. She nods in my chest, and I close my eyes. "We'll hit up the taco truck again... I'll play your favorite song."

Julia cries harder.

"I promise not to try to sing it this time." I laugh a little in the crook of her neck and feel her laugh with me.

"No. You HAVE to sing it. That's the only way now." She teases me and backs away. I tuck her hair behind both ears and kiss her.  A soft light kiss, not caring that Hollan is not only in the same room but in the same bed. There's nothing I can do about that part, and he seems so far away. I know he's not trying shit. He can't even roll over for God's sake. 

"You know I love you. So much. You know I'll do whatever you need me to do to help . I'll be whatever you need me to be, ok?" I whisper in her ear and kiss her again. I can't stop pecking her soft, perfect lips, so talk in between my kisses. "And you know I won't be able to be the one to stop." I peck her lips over and over again.

"Ok. Then I'll be the one to stop. Get a room. And not mine." Nate throws his head back and looks at the ceiling. "Bloody hell." He says, purposely making his accent thicker.

Julia gently pushes me off her and sits back down in  the bed, leaning up against the headboard. "Sorry."

"Just put your mouth to better use. Eat your food."

Both me and Julia immediately share a glance, thinking of something dirty we could have said with that comment, but neither of us say it, to spare Nate. I hand Julia the sleeve of crackers.

"You'll eat a little, right??"

"Yeah. I'll eat a little. But I don't need you two gawking at me the whole time, either." She says while opening the package and taking out a few crackers.

"Well, unfortunately, I can't leave." Nate looks at Julia and takes a sip of his drink.

"Holy hell, this stuff is disgusting!" He makes a sour face and reads the ingredients on the bottle. "You get fruit and crackers, and I get this?? It tastes like chalk." He purposely guzzles it down to just get it over with and lays his head back on the headboard like me.

"Have we tasted chalk before, Mr. Hollan?" Julia smirks at him.

"No, but I imagine that's what it'd taste like. God I need a fucking drink." He pinches the bridge of his nose and squeezes his eyes tight. Both me and Julia nod in a consoling manner.

"Hey, I have to sleep a little before work. Are you ok if I go home for a bit or do you want me to stay?" I'm hesitant to even bring it up. I hate having to leave her. But I also need a paycheck to help with my mom. Unfortunately, not all of us have unlimited funds like Nate Hollan does.

"No, go sleep. I'll miss being in the lobby with you tonight, killing time." She pouts while throwing a grape at me. I don't miss a beat and catch it in my mouth. "Impressive."

"I try. Text me tonight if you're awake?" I kiss her forehead and stand up to leave.

"Maybe." She winks and I watch her eat for a second before heading out.

"Bye hot stuff!" Trisha yells obnoxiously as I leave the apartment. "God he's sexy." I hear her say right when I get in the elevator. She cracks me up.

*****

*Trisha*

"Bye hot stuff!" I yell from the kitchen obnoxiously as James leave the apartment. "God he's sexy."  I tease and both Paul and Jonah look up at me while I'm cleaning up from making the fruit salad. 

"What? Not gonna lie. He IS." I continue.

"You have a thing for James now?" Jonah smirks while heading to the bedroom. I shrug and Paul looks away. I definitely have a thing for Paul. That one is obvious.  I've had one since the moment we met years ago. 

But I can't figure him out. He's quiet. Too quiet. He's a bodyguard, so I get the whole quiet and scary shit, but I don't think Paul is.  He's always been very good to Nate  over the years and does his job well. But he never lets his guard down. Probably from being trained that way but one of these days I'm gonna crack the code and figure that sexy bastard out.

I find myself lost in my own thoughts while leaning against the counter staring a Paul, who is oblivious to my eyes on him, when I hear Nate giving Jonah a hard time. Lovely. 

I walk into the bedroom hearing Nate not want to get up and walk for Jonah. He's on edge without booze in his system and not cooperating at ALL.

"C'mon Playboy, lets do this." I walk in and take charge but Nate throws a pillow at me instead.

"Oh no you don't. Not today pal. I'm sick of taking care of your sorry ass when you're drunk. I'm sick of having to wake you up when you miss a meeting from being hungover. You're gonna knock it off and get better. Up we go." I pull his arm to the point he gives in.

"Ok, ok. Jesus Christ woman, I'm going." He says, and I smirk knowing he'd listen to me.  I watch him slowly get up, using me to lean on, before finally standing straight. I can tell he's in a lot of pain standing straight up. "Great, now you get to walk me to the loo cuz I gotta piss." Nate smirks and I roll my eyes at him.

"Ugh. Lets gooo." I sigh and Jonah laughs.

"I don't know which patient is worse. The one that's Bipolar or the one that's a baby."

I help Nate to the bathroom and close the door behind us.  He steadies himself by putting one hand on the wall in front of him to lean on while he goes.

"I can't take a piss with you watching me, Trish."

"You can jack off looking right at me but you can't pee? You're not serious." I look at him through the mirror while checking my make up.

"That WAS a good one. C'mon. You gotta admit it.

"Don't test me Hollan. I'll go grab Paul and have my way with that sexy bastard right in front of you."

"You think EVERYONE'S sexy." Nate scoffs at me. I shrug my shoulders and turn on the water to help him relieve himself. It works.

"Do you want me to help you take a shower, for real, though? You'll feel better clean and in your own clothes. Get out of this awful gurney thing." I open the door to get Jonah before I hear an answer.

"Can we get him in the shower?" I yell out to Jonah. It takes about five more minutes before Jonah comes in, with some supplies and a change of clothes for Nate.

"Totally up to you. If you are comfortable I can help you, or she can, or both. But you can't shower alone. Not yet, my friend." Jonah tapes up Nate's hand where the IV port is and waits for his answer before attempting to take my gurney off.

"Trisha can. She can hold me up I think. Right?" He looks at me for permission.

"I can handle it." I nod. Nate is much better than both me and Julia weight wise but I'm almost as tall as him in the height department which is an advantage.

"Ok. I'm gonna leave the wheelchair right inside the bathroom for you in case you get too tired halfway through. But first I need to take a look at the incision and wrap it."

I have yet to see the damage, myself. Nate lets me take off his gurney and I grab a towel hanging and wrap it around his waist for him. We both look down at his abs to see a bandage right below his belly button. Jonah re-dresses the small incision and covers it with a special waterproof tape. I take note on how he does it exactly in case I am the one who needs to do it at some point. But the tape looks like the same shit my mother came home with when she had the chest port in for her antibiotics.

"All set. Shout if you need me." Jonah leaves the room.

"Ok," I boldly start taking off my own clothes. "You're not ruining ANY more of my clothes, Hollan." I whisper while undressing. Nate doesn't  even bother looking away. I fold my clothes and put them on the counter, not caring that Nate is checking me out. 

I turn on the water and adjust it and help Nate in. He leans one hand against the wall to balance himself and  I stand behind him washing his hair. I  let him have all the access to the water heads. He is trembling bad and this is just the beginning of his detox.

"Thanks for helping me." Nate says genuinely. I grab the bar of soap and turn him to face me now so he can rinse his hair while I wash his chest. I try to pay no attention to the boner he's sporting right now. He can't help that being a human being taking a shower with another human. He doesn't try anything. At all. He is just grateful for the warm water.

"Of course. You'd do the same for me." I nod at the same time he does. I know if anything happened to me Nate would be the first one to help take care of me. Good thing because I have no one else anymore.  Nate holds on to the wall while I wash him up and then put the soap back on the ledge. He looks so sad right now it kills me.

"You're gonna be ok, Nate." I move in close and hug him, letting him lean his forehead on my shoulder while I talk softly. "You're gonna stop shaking," I tangle my fingers in his hair and hold him.  He's trying so hard to hold in his emotions. While resting his head down on my shoulder Nate begins to cry.

"You're gonna quit this shit. Your stomach will heal. You'll promote your album, go on tour." I remind him. I take his face in my  hands and look him right in the eyes with my brows raised. "You're gonna be just fine. You're Nate fucking Hollan." I nod and smile, he nods and cries.

"And I'll be there with you. Every step of the way. Like always, ok? Just like you do for me." I hold him against me and stroke his back to comfort him. We stay like this in the hot water for quite some time until he is ready. Nate knows he can cry with me. He knows he can be himself and I will always be here for him whenever he needs someone. I love him.

"Now lets get rid of this monstrous thing, ok?" I whisper in Nate's ear to lighten the mood and my hand travels down his body, lightly tracing his ab muscles without touching the bandage. I kiss his neck, right under his ear. A spot I know drives him insane and my hand moves to where he needs it to be and does what he needs it to do.

When I see he's balancing fine, I kiss my way down his body until I'm kneeling on the shower floor.

"Is this ok?" I whisper and Nate nods right away. He holds my face in his hand and his thumb grazes my bottom lip. The second I take him in my mouth he gasps, trying his best to remain quiet. It doesn't take him long at all today. 

What a strange "friendship" we have.

*****

"Hey sexypants. I'm gonna make a bunch of grilled cheese sandwiches for people to pick at. You hungry?" I ask while in the kitchen grabbing  cheese out of the fridge.

"Starving." The bodyguard admits and gets up off the couch. He comes and sits at the kitchen island while I cool. He's actually participating in a conversation??

"So, be honest. How do you feel about this whole set up?" I ask while buttering multiple pieces of bread. 

"Honestly?" The man looks up at me with that deep voice of his. "I think this is all fucked up." He huffs.

"Yeah."  I nod and we make eye contact.  I lean over the counter a little and speak softer. "Think Nate will stop drinking?"

Paul can tell I'm desperate for him to say yes but I also know Paul is an  honest man, so when he swallows hard and shakes his head no, I don't get mad. This is his honest opinion.

I look down and let out a sigh of defeat. "I don't know how to make him stop."

"You can't. Trisha. He has to want it for himself."

I turn  and flip the grilled cheese sandwiches  but also so Paul doesn't see my tears. 

"The nurse said his blood alcohol level was like point thirty something." I say trying to be nonchalant with my words while  putting the food on a platter. "He said he could have died and was surprised his organs didn't start shutting down."

I say the words out loud and drop the spatula on the floor. I cover my face with my hands and cry hard. I feel arms wrap around me and I turn to Paul's chest, hiding my face in his shirt.

Paul says nothing. He holds me like I need him to and rubs my back to console me.

"I'm sorry." I quickly back away and wipe my eyes. "I'm just tired. I'm so fucking tired." I admit. Paul, man of many words, says nothing. He  takes my hand and  guides me to Nate's couch. I sit down and he reaches over the armrest and grabs the throw blanket,  unfolding it and handing it to me.

"I'll finish making the grilled cheese. Fall asleep for a little while. You'll feel better." The man says and I nod, and cry myself to sleep.

*****

*James*

I sleepy very little, unable to shut my brain off today. After a good hour I give up and go downstairs in search of food. I open the fridge to very little. I have nothing. With all that's been going on I haven't gone food shopping. 

I sigh and grab my keys to head to the supermarket before work.

I should have fucking stayed home.

Once I'm almost done and my cart is full I go one more aisle over in search of ketchup. I freeze the second I see my father. His back is turned to me. He doesn't see me. I quickly back my shopping cart up and get out of that  aisle as quickly as possible without bumping into anyone or being noticed. The store is pretty dead today because most people are picking their kids up from school at this time and shit. Thank GOD he didn't see me.

I take a deep breath and decide the groceries aren't worth it today. I need to get out of this store right away.  I abandon my cart and  turn around to head to the exit.

"Well look who it is." The man is  just a few feet away from me. 

I stare at my own eyes on my father's face and feel like my legs stop working. I am frozen at the end of the aisle, in the back of the store. Alone with my father. I need to get away but I can't move.

"What, you're not gonna say hi to your ol' man?" Joe steps in closer and I can smell the whiskey . He's friggen drunk. Too drunk to be driving himself to the market that's for sure. 

I remain silent and my body tenses up when Joe laughs and takes another step closer to me. Why can't I fucking move!! Am I in shock or something? What the hell!

"Saw one of your sisters the other day."

That phrase. That voice. The minute I hear the sentence my eyes fill up. FUCK!  

Emotion is a weakness in my father's eyes. I blink and take a deep breath.

"Don't worry, Kendall didn't see me. She was at the post office. I can't believe she's all grown up." The man is  trying to antagonize me and he thinks it is funny. "How are my girls doing anyway?" I don't even realize Joe has moved even closer to me to continue his one sided conversation. My eyes stare at him but I don't back  up.

"Don't you dare fucking ask how they are." I say lowly with my jaw clenched so tight my words almost come out as a growl.

"What the hell did you just say to me???" Joe grabs my upper arm and gets right in my face. All I can smell is the booze. I close my eyes and turn my face to the side while he talks . "I asked you how MY girls are doing and you don't give me a fucking answer?" He seethes. The grip he has on my arm is so tight I know I will have a black and blue tomorrow. Yet he squeezes tighter. I squeeze my eyes tighter, hoping the man will disappear when I open them.

"Everything alright over here?" 

I open my eyes. Pastor Brandon, our youth pastor at my church is glaring at my father.  Brandon is in his late twenties  with my height and build. 

"Everything is just fine." Joe lets go of my arm and stares me down.

"Have a nice day, SIR." Brandon has guts. He stands up straight while I'm still frozen and watches Joe shake his head at me and walk away. I just fucking stand here at the end of the cereal aisle in shock.

"Hey. You good James? Was that your dad or something?" Brandon asks with his voice filled with concern for me. He's newer to the church so may not know the Gallo history.

"Something like that." I hold my throbbing arm and look at the green eyed light haired man. God if only I could have his eyes instead of mine. "Sorry about that. He gets a little heated."

"Is that what you call that? He smelled like he just left Sullivan's Tap."  Brandon puts a hand on my shoulder. "Are you ok?" He asks sincerely.

"Yeah. Thanks for that.  See you Sunday." I look away and quickly exit  the market before Brandon has a chance to say another word.

The second I shut my car door I cry. I drive and I cry. Forty five minutes and I'm still crying when I pull  in my mother's driveway.  I see Kendall's car, Katie's car, and Jennie's car. But I can't seem to get out of  my own car. I don't know why this is affecting me so hard today. 

Katie is the one to open the front door and see me. She  gives me a confused look as to why I'm here midweek and why I'm not getting out of my car. I stare straight ahead and don't move. 

I hear my car door open and see Katie lean over and shut off my engine.

"C'mon Jamie." She sighs and takes my hand off the steering wheel. "Lets get you inside."

It takes a good five minutes of me sitting on the couch in the living room before I say anything. Katie and Kendall sit on either side of me. We've been here before. But it's been awhile.

"You bumped into Joe, huh?" Kendal holds my hand and rests her head on my arm. I nod.

"You're under too much stress. With all that's going on with your girlfriend and now this." She continues. She rubs my arm but I flinch and it's noticed.

Kendall gives me a weird look and then looks at Katie before lifting up the sleeve of my T-shirt.

"Holy Shit!" She cries. I snap out of it and look down at my arm.  My arm isn't red. No, not at all. It's fucking purple. Joe squeezed so hard, digging his fingers into my skin so deep I have purple welts on my arm. 

Katie, being the nurse of the family, takes my arm and inspects it with tears rolling down all three of our faces.

"Where's Ma?" I ask.

"She's taking a nap." Katie answers.

"Good. Don't tell her I came by." The girls know I don't want to upset her so they both nod.

"Do we have any food here? I'm so hungry." I admit and wipe my face. We all walk to the kitchen together. We always stick together when this shit happens. I'm grateful Ken never had to experience the Wrath of Joe,  but me and Katie know all too well.

"We have leftover ravioli. Does that sound good?" Katie starts microwaving the plate before I say yes.

"Anything sounds good right now." I grumble and rest my head in my hands on the table.

"James. When was the last time you ate anything?" I feel Kendall's eyes studying my face as she grabs a glass and pours milk into it, sliding it over to me.

"I had some fruit and crackers earlier." Shit. That's all I've had all day, isn't it?  Both girls give me a reprimanding look. "Today was just...busy." 

"Jamie...." Katie grabs a fork and both of them watch me inhale my food and drink my milk like I'm some homeless person. "Did you not have time to go food shopping this week?"

"That's what I was doing when ...." I shake my head and they both get it. "I left my carriage full of food there."

"Shit.  I'm gonna do an online pick-up order and get it to your house while you're at work tonight, ok?" 

I nod at Kendall, grateful for my family.

*****

* Trisha* 

I open my eyes and stretch, forgetting where I am for a second. I look around and see Paul looks like he just woke up as well. We both fell asleep on opposite ends of the couch. For three hours! Paul looks at his phone and notices the time.

He gives me a little nod but says nothing. He walks into Nate's room and I can hear him clearly with the door open.

"Think it's ok if I go home and shower and pack a few days worth of clothes?" He asks, knowing he's pretty much on duty here 24/7. I hear Nate say of course and watch the bodyguard leave the apartment.

I might as well start dinner. I fold the blanket and neatly put the on the arm rest of the couch then head to the kitchen. The open floor plan of this place is great because everyone can be in the living room, kitchen and dining room together and this one big room alone is bigger than my entire apartment.

Jonah gets both Nate and Julia set up in the living room. Nate can't sit up for long so he lays on his side a little propped up with a pillow. He flips through the channels on tv and settles on gold. Both me and Julia groan.

"Get me a glass of whiskey and I'll change it." Nate throws out a snarky comment and we both go silent, settling on his boring golf. 

"No whiskey for you, pal." I say  from the kitchen. "After dinner I'm gonna head out. I still have to go to the gym and shit. I'll be back tomorrow to run any errands you need."

Nate gets bored and flips the channels for a minute before stopping. He freezes.

"Fuck." Nate sits up more and turns up the volume. "You've gotta be kidding me."

There's pictures of Nate and Julia back up on the big screen television. This time captioned- Where are they now?- As a reporter goes live from outside the hospital.

Someone leaked they were discharged from the hospital, together.

Both Nates phone and my phone start binging with notifications. We all silently listen.

"Shit!" I  start burning the stir fry chicken while watching the TV and quickly take it off the stove so I can continue to watch the news.

The minute the reporter says what she says, Julia starts crying.

"And this just in.." The reporter goes on. "We're told that America's Voice winner, Julia Moretti was NOT admitted for what was first believed to be shock. We have been informed of a long term struggle with mental health issues resulting in the need of emergency medical care." The reporter announces.

"NO....OH MY GOD." Julia gasps and covers her mouth.

******