*Trisha*

It's early. Too early and my body is letting me know. I wake up not feeling 100% but know we have to get to Nate's  by seven. Today Paul will be Julia's bodyguard. Her first day back at the Avalon.  Well...half day. She'll only be there for four hours so it wasn't worth Nate hiring another body guard for me for  one morning. I will just hang out at his place while Paul is with Julia.

I can already smell the coffee brewing. One thing with Paul. He lives off of coffee.  So the moment I wake up I can smell the aroma. I knew having him around would be good for something.

I roll outta bed not really caring what I look like. It's fucking five forty five in the morning.  But the way Paul is eyeing me when I enter my kitchen makes me forget he IS indeed part of the male species.

"Um. You forgot.... your clothes." Paul raises a brow and shakes his head before taking the first sip of coffee. He takes his mug into the living room and sits down, trying to wake up. I look down at what I'm wearing. Maybe he's right. I'm in only a thin light pink tank top and hipster underwear that look more like boy shorts. Whatever. It's my house. He'll get over it. 

How he is already showered and completely dressed is beyond me. 

I pour myself a cup and sit down next to Paul, grabbing the blanket off the armrest of the sofa to cover over me.

"Better?" I smirk.

"Much."

"Do you even have a plan for today? What the hell is gonna happen if she sees Dr. Donovan? You know she's gonna flip. It will just make it easier for him to get her locked up somewhere if other people see her freak out."

"You underestimate my abilities, Banks. I will make sure to get her outta there before she draws attention to herself or makes a scene. But she most likely won't even see him. The place is huge, she requested to try a female therapist, and she has a nurse escorting her from one class to the next and documenting everything. Even if she does see him, it will just be in passing. Nothing will happen."

"Hey Paul. I never did thank you for the other night. Stopping me from letting Dave in." I look down at my coffee feeling embarrassed for the way Dave has a hold over me sometimes.

"It's what I'm hired to do." He grumbles.

"I don't know why I..." My words trail off. I thought I should explain myself but as I try to come up with words for an explanation, I realize I don't have one for why I keep doing this.

"Because you're an idiot."

"Heyyy. Take it back." I nudge the big bodyguard who doesn't even budge or flinch but does smile a little. He has a great smile. He should practice doing it more often.

"Go put some clothes on. We're gonna be late." He huffs and ends the conversation there.

*****

*James*

"Morning James. Sleep ok?"  Julia walks by as Jonah is wheeling me out of the bathroom. He helps me onto the dining room chair and already has breakfast ready. Julia is not gonna be around this morning. She's going back to the Avalon which I think is an awful idea. She's putting herself in danger just by going there knowing Jeremy works there and there's nothing I can even do about. I can't even voice my damn opinion. 

Julia sits next to me and kisses the top of my head while giving me breakfast.

"I told you I have to go back to the Avalon today, you remember right?"

I nod to let her know I'm aware. Please don't do this though. There's nothing I can do to stop her. She's gotta be nervous. This isn't good for her mental health.

"So you gotta let them help you while I'm gone ok? It's only for a few hours. I'll be back before lunch and then I'm home for the day. But you gotta listen to everyone."

I put my hand on top of hers that's resting on the table. She knows exactly what I'm thinking.

 "Yeah. I'm nervous. God, James. I'm so nervous. How the hell am I gonna do this? But you really gotta help me, ok? I can't worry that you're not behaving here on top of it all. If they have to take vitals. Let em. Let em help you get dressed, give you your snack, help with PT. I mean it. I can't ....it's all too much." She whispers and I nod. Last thing I want to do is make anything harder for her. I'm trying  to  not get frustrated with others but it's hard. I'm frustrated with EVERYTHING lately.

"We gotta go." Paul gets up off the couch. Trisha will stay behind for a few hours.

"Ok."  Julia kisses the top of my forehead and Jonah takes over. I'm too hungry to fight him so I just eat like he wants me to.

"Maybe it's too soon, Julia. Maybe we should wait." Nate leans against the counter, second guessing everything now. Please wait. Guys, I know her. This is too much. She's gonna shut down. 

"It doesn't matter how soon or how long we wait, Nate. It's gonna be the same no matter how much time goes by. Time's not gonna heal this. That's bullshit." Julia is stubborn.

"If it's too much. If anything happens. Just bring her home." He says to Paul before they head out.

Once they leave Nate sits down on the couch and my traitor of  a puppy sits by his feet. The only explanation to this is Maggie knows Nate needs her. She may not be an official therapy dog per say but she is indeed a therapy dog and good at what she does. 

But to my surprise, as well as every one else's in the room. When Trisha sits down next to Nate, Maggie moves over and sits by her instead. Which means something is up. Trisha is not ok.  My friend is not ok and I hate that she's always put on the backburner when it comes to getting the care she needs. She never talks about her own problems and Julia takes up a lot of Nate's time so he probably never bothers to ask Trisha what's going on in her own life. She would talk to me. A lot. But hasn't in a little while now so I have no idea what is going on with her. I stop eating and look at her. I don't want Jonah to help me anymore. I want Trisha to. She'll talk to me if she's over here.

I close my mouth and shake my head, then look at Trisha.

"Cmon, James. Don't do this. She JUST left. It's gonna be a long four hours . You need to keep eating, pal." 

Nope. Get Trisha over here. She needs to vent. She will talk to me. I shake my head again, then look at Trisha. She looks up from her phone and we make eye contact.

"Me? You want me to help you James?" She asks with s slight smile. I nod.

"Oh I see how it is..." Jonah laughs and Trisha walks over to me, taking his place. Maggie follows her. "Works for me. If you're good for a few minutes with him I'm gonna hop in the shower. If anything changes...anything at all, come get me, ok?"

"Got it boss."

Talk to me Trisha.

"Ok. You're gonna eat for me though, right?"  Trisha picks up the fork and begins to help me eat. She looks sad. Or sick. Maybe she's just tired. I place my hand on hers and she smiles.

"You're always so sweet, you know that? If only everyone had a little bit of 'James' in them." She says softly and looks over to Nate.  He's flipping through the channels on the television and paying no attention to us.

"Can I have a therapy session with my friend James for a minute?"

I nod and her eyes widen. Guys. I cant speak. I CAN understand. I don't know why everyone seems so shocked by this...

I nod again and tap her knee a few times with my hand. Trisha continues to feed me while she talks.

"Dave came by again." She says quietly so no one but me can hear her. "I don't know what my issue is, James. I was about to forgive him. Even AFTER getting a restraining order. He shows up apologizing and needing my help. He does need help. He's just like Nate, you know? He's struggling and it breaks my heart. But God... when he drinks... He's a different person."

*****

*Trisha*

I talk to James like he can understand me- because I think he can. Nate is off in his own world over there on the couch, even though what he SHOULD be doing is preparing for an interview tomorrow. 

But I need to get shit off my chest.

"Listen. The things I tell you. You can not repeat, you hear me? Because there will be a day when you can talk. I believe that, James. But you can never tell anyone this shit."

He nods and furrows his brows in concern.

"All this stuff with Julia. The rape. James it's haunting me. It's bringing up shit I've gone through and I can't get it out of my head. I actually had an appointment with Doctor Donovan in hopes to have him be my therapist but I cant fucking talk about my rape to a damn rapist now can I"

James puts his hand on my cheek and looks at me with sympathy which I'm a little take back by. He CAN understand me. I inhale sharply and help James drink his orange juice before continuing.

"The only person who even knows about any of this is Paul. And  that's only because at the time I told him I was fucking drunk. This is one of the reason's why I don't touch the stuff anymore. Not one drop. And I never will. Not after that. You know what the saddest part is. I don't even think DAVE knows and he's the one who raped me." I whisper but James hears me.

"I can tell by the look in his eyes. He was so drunk James. It was awful. He hurt me so bad. When he drinks he turns into this monster. And yet. I still take him back. I take him back because  love him and I know if only he got the help he needs he would be  different. He wants me to help him. Believe me, I want to. But I don't think I'm strong enough.  You know? And maybe if  he only raped me one time  and I knew it would never happen again... but it was multiple times, James. Towards the end it was multiple times. To the point I had to go to the ER. I swear to GOD you tell Nate I will  wheel you right off the balcony, you hear me?"

James nods and his eyes water. He feels bad for me. Maybe talking to him about this stuff is too much for him to handle.

"Anyways. That's when I called the wedding off for good. The ceremony was a week away. Can you believe that? I stayed with him all that time, trying to help him. Then a week before the wedding he hurts me so bad I called it quits."

I look down at James's plate. He finished everything but still stares at me. He is listening to me.

"I keep taking him back. I take him back because I'm in love with 'Sober Dave.' But 'Drunk Dave' scares the shit out of me. Sorry. I don't mean to lay all this out on you. I don't even know what the hell I'm doing." I shake my head and kiss James on his forehead  before attempting to get up. But he grabs my hand in the process and I sit back down. At first I'm not sure what he's doing when he leans forward but then he wraps his arms around me and hugs me. He hugs me  and rubs my back to console me.

"Thanks James. You're a good friend." I feel him nod his head and back away. He smiles at me a little letting me know it's ok.

******

"Will you stop pacing already? You're driving me up a wall. Sit down and focus." I give Nate a look while trying to help him get ready for tomorrow's radio interview with L.A. 106.5 fm.

"I think it's too early. What if she freaks out while she's in there? It's not gonna look good." 

"Nate. I'm sure if Paul notices anything at all he will pull her outta there before anything happens. She's not gonna freak out. The Avalon is huge. She probably won't even see him once. She's only there a few hours today." I look up from my laptop on the dining room table. James is sitting on the couch giving Jonah a run for the money on doing his PT.  He's pretty much ignoring Jonah and petting his dog instead.

"And if she does??" Nate walks over and sits next to James on the couch. Maggie jumps up on his lap and lays across him and Nate actually pets the dog in front of people. James furrows his brows at his dog.

"James. What do you think? Was having Julia start the Avalon too early?"

James nods.

"Was she nervous when she was talking to you this morning?"

Yes.

"We made the wrong decision, didn't we? What if she freaks out. God. What will happen? What if he tries to talk to her?"

"Paul is with her." Jonah reminds him. "Nothing will happen, Nate."

"God. I'm getting that damn pain in my chest. That anxiety thing you said I get."

"Panic attack. You're overthinking everything. Let me check your blood pressure real quick." Jonah leaves the room and comes back moments later with the machine in his hand. 

"147/90. Nate, you need to stop worrying . That's high."

"I KNOW it's fucking high! " Nate gets up and begins to pace. "Jesus Christ, Jonah. Of course it's fucking high. I just sent Julia into the Avalon to face her fucking rapist. God. What the hell was I thinking?"

"Nate. You're freaking out. Can you sit down, please? She's only there for a few hours." I remind him from the dining room table. "Two sessions. That's it. C'mon Nate. Lets just go over these notes real quick, ok? It will get your mind off it. Even for a little while."

But Nate's phone starts buzzing and I lose him again to the messages.

"SHIT!" Nate slams his fist down on the counter startling us all. I jump up and am by his side within seconds. James stands knowing it has something to do with Julia.

"What... Nate. What?"  I ask. He looks like he's about to pass out or something.

"Nate. Sit down." Jonah demands while also pushing James down to sit on the couch, unsure just exactly what he is capable of physically because of how he feels emotionally or if his wiring is lined up correctly to have the ability to reel it in when needed. 

Nate sits at the kitchen island and I grab his phone. I make sure not to read it out loud because I don't want James to get worried, but show Jonah the message.

  James doesn't want to be out of the loop. He furrows his brow and makes a fist with his hand, then lightly taps the couch with his fist over and over again in frustration while staring at Jonah.

Jonah rubs the back of his neck nervously as James begins to punch the couch harder, breathing heavily now, needing someone to tell him.

"Dr. Donovan is teaching the first group therapy session." Jonah looks at James. I sit down and hold both of James hands in mine but he stares at Jonah angrily shaking his head no. This is not acceptable in his eyes. 

"What the hell do I do? I knew this was a bad idea! We don't have a fucking plan!" Nate drops his head in his hands.

"We do. The plan is that Julia goes to two sessions today. IF anything happens Paul pulls her. Nothing has happened, Nate. Right now he's letting us know they are in the same room together." Jonah replies right as Nate's phone goes off again.

"Give it to me." He demands and I pass the cell over without opening the text.

"Holding it together. She shouldn't fucking HAVE to hold it together!" He says out loud. No one says anything. All this is too much.

Tears stream down James's face. He's worried about her. Now I feel bad for burdening him with my own problems. He's dealing with enough as it is. 

Nate's phone rings and we all stare at him while he talks.

"Oh thank God. Ok." He hang up the phone. "Paul is bringing her back. It's too soon. Jeremy already tried to be alone with her."

"Oh my God." My eyes widen. Jeremy is still trying to be alone with her? God he's just like Dave!

"We gotta figure this out, Nate. This WILL kill her. Slowly but surely." Jonah gives up on trying to give James is snack, who isn't cooperating and is too worried about Julia now. Nate sits down next to James and takes his hand and squeeze it before putting it back on his lap.

"She's ok. She's coming home." Nate tells James t try and help him calm down  a little.

"She's gonna be a mess." I sit on the other side of James and pat his hand. "It's gonna be a shitshow in here. Lock the bathrooms."

"Joke's getting old, Banks." Nate sighs and the dog jumps on him.

"I'll take her out." Jonah stands up. "Maggie. Wanna go for a walk? Wanna go out?"

 She jumps up and heads right for the door. Jonah puts her harness leash on her and they head out.

"God, I actually feel nauseous FOR Julia. Go figure." I rest my head on James's shoulder. He knows exactly what I mean. Julia is going through the same thing I went through.

"You're right. She's gonna be a mess. Maybe when Paul comes you guys should find something to do. You're not gonna wanna be around for this." Nate warns.

"You have a studio session this afternoon, Playboy. Recording the trial run of the new song. You can't forget this session."

"I'm sure you'll remind me a million times. I'll be there, ok?"

They buzz in.

Nate jumps up to be near the entrance for Julia.

The elevator doors slide open.

The sight of Julia, her teary eyes, swollen lips, shaking body. Paul is still holding on to her arm to support her, while shaking his own head, letting us know none of this worked out as planned.

The moment they step out of the elevator Julia falls into Nate's arms and sobs. Not cry. Sobs. I have to look away.

"It's ok. You're home. It was too soon." Nate tries to comfort her. "You're home, now. You're home. You're safe. ok? "

"What happened?" Nate walks over to where Paul and I am at the kitchen island and I pour both men a cup of coffee.  Jonah has been letting Nate have one cup of caffeinated coffee a day so this is it for him.

"He couldn't wait to be alone with her. The minute the class was dismissed he was sitting next to her. She was already shaking before and I don't know what he said. I barged in and got her outta there. He doesn't know anything though. I'm there because of a crazy Hollan stalker and we left because she has the squirts."

"The what?!?"

Paul laughs a little. "Hey I had to think of something on the spot. I took her to the infirmary and told she has the stomach bug and shit herself."

"Oh my god. You didn't.." I drop my head.

"It got us out of there and a 24 hour stomach bug pass before needing to return." The bodyguard shrugs and I shake my head at him.

"Only you."

"But she didn't make it down to breakfast so she hasn't eaten anything yet today. Just thought I'd throw that in. I offered to get her something at Starbucks but she's been zoned out and unresponsive since we left."

"Can ya blame her? You guys threw her in to the lions den with a steak around her neck. God..." I say. 

I look over the couch. Julia has her head in James's lap while he strokes her hair to calm her.

This was way too soon.

Jonah pulls Nate aside into the hallway and when they come back they sit with Julia and James on the couch. Both Paul and I share a look but stay in the kitchen to see what's going on. Jonah has a pad of paper and a folder and begins writing.

"Julia. We're gonna start a folder with everything related to Jeremy, ok? We're gonna document everything. I don't know what we'll do with it just yet but lets go over today. Can you sit up for me?" Jonah seems hesitant. Nervous. He doesn't know the frame of mind Julia is currently in.

She ignores him.

"She's in shock, isn't she. Like when she had to journal shit from her past." Nate say to Jonah.

"I really want to get as much out of her while it's fresh in her mind, though." Jonah waits patiently.

"Jules, What happened? Did he say anything to you? After the session, Julia. What happened?" Jonah asks. "Everyone left right?"

"Yeah. I was already in my own head. I don't even remember anything from the class. The second I saw it was him running the morning session, everything came back to me."

"He obviously noticed you in the class. Paul said you were sitting in back, next to Cara, right?"

"I wasn't paying attention to anything until Cara told me to answer the question. At the end we all have to say what we are grateful for. I don't know what came over me. I suddenly felt.. I was angry. I wanted him to know. I couldn't look at him the entire session until that moment. Then I just.. I stared at him. I stared at him and he started to get uncomfortable. I could tell."

Jesus she's brave. Like she was trying to antagonize her rapist.

"It happened once before. I swear it's my bipolar or something. It's weird. I looked him dead in the eye and said what I was grateful for."

"What were you grateful for, doll?" Nate asks while holding her hand.

"While staring at Jeremy I said I'm grateful to be out of the fucking hospital. I could tell it made him on edge or something. I just kept staring at him. I wanted to show him I wasn't scared of him." Julia's voice cracks a little.

"Then what happened?" He asks.

"Jeremy said 'Right' and cleared his throat. He looks away from me but then looked back and saw I was still staring at him. He dismissed the class but I just kept staring at him. I don't know what. I wanted to make him uncomfortable. And I did. And then that boldness I had left when I saw him walk over to me. That's when I started to get nervous. I was about to stand up but he sat down right next to me and I had to look away from him. I knew I was shaking at that point and he knew he got to me. He won. Nate he fucking smiled. He said 'Welcome back.' I had forgotten my nurse was still behind me and she told me we had to go to breakfast."

"Do you know her name?"

"Yeah. Mary. Jeremy said he he needed a moment to catch up with me and that he'd escort me down in ten minutes. Nate she left!" She begins to cry. "A lot can happen in ten minutes!"

That. That right there. Julia is spot on. A lot can happen in ten minutes. A lot can happen in ten seconds. I look at James who now may be permanently damaged because of ten seconds. I think the multiple times Dave raped me when he was drunk. Most were under ten minutes. I start to feel like I'm going to burst into tears and Paul can tell. It's like he knows what I'm thinking or something.

Nate pulls Julia into his chest and lets her cry for a moment.  And a twinge of jealousy hits me that no one does that for me. "What did he say? Did he do anything?"

"He tucked my hair behind my ear and I froze. I closed my eyes real tight and just kept them closed hoping he'd get up and walk away or Paul would come in or something would interrupt him. Jeremy was calm at first. He said 'We can get past this', and that it was one mistake. That everyone's allowed to make one mistake." She says while crying. I look at Jonah who continues to jot everything down.

"Then what. That was it?" Jonah looks up from the chart. 

"No. I kept my eyes closed but he kept talking. Something about being a damn good doctor and how he's the only one who can help me. Then he leaned in real close to my ear. He was mad. He whispered in my ear and said "Fucking get over it, Julia." That it was one slip up."

Holy shit. He IS Dave. God he is JUST like Dave.

"I heard him say that. It wasn't a whisper. He was very distinct and didn't realize I was already behind them." Paul  chimes in. "You could tell he was trying to intimidate her more. That's when I said it was time to go and yanked her up outta the chair. At first he didn't know who I was and then remembered from Trish." Paul continues. "I told him I was hired for stalking issues and that Julia was not to be out of my sight. He believed me. then he told Julia to see him after breakfast for a therapy session."

"Oh my God. He's persistent."  I feel nauseated from this.

"That was it. She said ok and we left."

"So how the hell do we... what can we do? Our hands are tied." Nate says. "That's all just him talking to her and intimidating. And it was between just the two of them. Nothing was really done. He can still twist shit."

Then. I have a thought and say it out loud before really thinking it through.

"What if...." I pause. "I made an appointment with him. I had one scheduled but then had to cancel. Made up some bullshit about Nate Hollan's busy schedule." I look at Nate. "What if I actually start having sessions with him. I mean, if he's a creep he's a creep. And he is. I felt uncomfortable with him once before. He was a little handsy but all you guys are. You're all disgusting creeps." 

"No fucking way." Nate sits up and glares at me from over the couch. "Not happening."

"What if I had Paul with me?"

"Then he's not gonna do anything." Nate shakes his head.

"But if Paul waits by the door or something.. and if something happens, or I yell or do something to get his attention to come into the room. That's a witness." I look at Jonah now.

"No. Bad idea. Awful idea." Nate is getting angry. I can tell just by how thick his accent is coming through. "Anyways. He knows we all know each other. He's just gonna know we are trying to trick him.

"Not necessarily." Jonah chimes in. "He knows Julia lives with you and Trisha is your personal assistant but that doesn't mean Julia and Trisha would know each other that well. He has no idea Trisha is your friend, Nate. She could just be your assistant. That has nothing to do with Julia."

Nate abruptly stands up.

"Not happening. I'm not putting you in this situation."

"It could work. Nate, I can't live like this. I can't go to the Avalon, and ... and have to deal with him. I know I need to go. I know I'm not well. But I can't focus on myself with him there." Julia looks at Jonah.

"This may be the only way."