*James*

Everything feels surreal. 

I sit in the hospital room next to Julia's bed holding her hand. We originally came here because Nate was throwing up blood, but Julia has gone into shock. She can't handle all this. It's too much for her. I quietly pray for both Julia and Nate for so long  until I feel Julia's hand move in mine. She's awake.

"Hey there." I try to seem calm for her though I am anything BUT calm internally.

"Where's Nate??" She tries to jump out of the bed but gets dizzy and falls back down on the pillow. The very first thing she thinks about when she comes to is Nate and it's a fucking stab in my heart. "James. Where's Nate?" Her eyes anxiously dart around the room in confusion.

"He's in surgery. They're repairing a GI tear in his stomach from all the drinking. He'll be ok, though." I squeeze Julia's hand and push her her out of her face. She notices the I.V. in her hand. She really doesn't remember anything, does she?

"What happened?" 

"You went into shock. I think all the commotion..." I don't bother finishing my sentence. I'm exhausted at this point. I watch her look at the band aid on her arm and she starts to freak out.

"James! Did they do bloodwork??"

"Probably. Why?" I squint my eyes at her in confusion and she starts crying. I don't get what she's thinking. "Babe, what's the matter? Nate will be fine."

"Oh my God. I need to leave!" She tries to get up again and I scramble to lay her back down.

"Julia... lay down."

"They're gonna see all the pills I took last night, James!! And the wine I had at your mother's house! What's gonna happen?" That's what she's freaking out about?

"Probably nothing. Just be honest with them. I think you'd be covered under HIPAA law and labs would stay confidential. It'd be different if you had a warrant out for your arrest or something." I make a joke out of it and smirk at her.

"You don't do you??" I try to joke with her but it falls flat and she gives me a dirty look. "We can find other ways to use handcuffs without needing a warrant, baby." I whisper in her ear and wink at her, gaining an eye roll right before the nurse comes in.

"My gosh. Only Nate Hollan can cause this much attention. His fans are certainly... persistent. They really think they're gonna get an autograph tonight?" She shakes her head. Another nurse follows behind. They are obviously friends and both frustrated with the situation.

"Jesus! Is someone calling in more security? It's getting crazy out there. I thought we were done with this!"

This has already hit the news, hasn't it. Nate has no privacy.  I do kinda feel bad for the guy in that sense. Julia is an emotional mess and starts crying  again. She's all over the place tonight and the nurses notice it.

"Give her another Ativan." One says to the other.

"Ativan?" Wait... Shit. They've been giving her more of that shit? I look up at the nurses and they both notice the sudden surprise.

"Don't worry sweetie. It's just to calm her down a little. She went into shock."

"Wait. How much has she had??" I stand up now while Julia continues crying. The two nurses look at each other confused.

"Sir?"

I feel bad doing this, and I know Julia is gonna be pissed off. But the nurses need to know she already has that shit in her system. Last thing she needs is to overdose.

"Can I talk to you in the hall?" I purposely don't make eye contact with her.

"Wait! James, no!!" Julia yells, and my heart breaks as I ignore her, walking out with the nurses to the hall. I shut the door behind us but can still hear Julia freaking out in the room. 

"JAMES!! I said NO!"

"Sir? Is she allergic to the medication?" The nurse studies my face, now nervous that she did something wrong like administer a med Julia's allergic to.

"No. Listen. She's got a lot of shit going on in her head. But.." I pace a little and swallow hard trying to get the words out. "She has an addiction to Benzo's."

The nurse's eyes widen.

"She took Ativan not long ago. A LOT of Ativan. Today, she had a few glasses of wine. I just need to make you aware of the situation." I start to get choked up a bit saying this. Ratting Julia out like this.

"You did the right thing, Sir. Thank you for letting us know. We'll put that in the notes in her chart for the doctor to be aware of.

I did the right thing.... That's what the nurse said...... But I don't feel like I did the right thing. At all.

******

*Trisha*

Due to the sudden media attention once again, Julia and Nate now share a recovery room. Outside the door is complete chaos. It didn't take long for news to leak and we are back to security guarding the door, police escorting intruders out of the hospital, reporters and fans taking over the main entrance of the building, and their faces plastered all over the news.  I'm watching it all play out on the tv in disgust. This is gonna be awful publicity for Nate, and Julia can't handle shit.

Me, James, and now Paul are all allowed in the room at the same time. It was too hard for the staff to handle two separate rooms, and they gave up on the one visitor at a time rule when Paul showed up- giving them a piece of his mind. He was already pissed because he had a client he had to give up to another bodyguard, Max, for this. 

Nate wakes up, and I'm  the only one to notice. James, Julia and Paul are sleeping.

"Incompetent my ass." I walk over to Nate. He can clearly see I've been crying by the way my eyes are puffy and there's no hiding that.

"Now look who's incompetent. By the way, I got everything done on your massive to-do list when you decided to cough up your intestines." I tease.

"Fine." He grumbles. "You win. I'll never call you incompetent again, ok?"

"You sure won't! How are you feeling?" I grab a chair and pull it over to his bedside.

"Awful. Everything hurts. I want this tube out of my nose. What are they saying?" He ticks his chin up to the news.

"They don't know shit yet. Which is your case is good." I glance up at the news reporting live right outside the hospital entrance.

"What about Julia? What are they saying??"

"Not much. They are more focused on you. Media reports she just went into shock. But Nate, everyone in this room now knows there's something more going on. "How many of those pills did she take last night? I heard the two nurses talking and said she mixed it with alcohol today? Jesus!" I exclaim.

"They got it all wrong. She DID take a few pills last night but woke up and felt just fine. I don't know anything about today. I was with you, remember?"

"How could I forget." I give him a look and roll my eyes at our shower shenanigans. 

"She had two glasses of wine at my birthday party. That's it." James hears me and Nate talking and sits up to defend Julia. "They gave her Ativan when she went into shock. I don't know how much, but it was too much for her system with everything else she had. I told them what's going on with her, and they changed her medication. She's been sleeping since." James runs his fingers through his hair and looks up at the television to see the news. He slumps back in his chair and pinches the tension at the bridge of his nose.

Nate nods, understanding, but I give a dissatisfied look.  Nate glares at me, and I slouch down and look away. I hate to be judgmental, but c'mon. This isn't a teenager we are dealing with. This is a 40 year old grown adult who can't get her shit together. Why don't Nate....or James for that matter.....see this?

"It's not her fault. She can't help it." Nate glares at me longer. 

I see Julia's eyes start to open and hear something, but none of us can hear the words. James sits up  little when he sees her waking up.

"What, Jules??" Nate furrows his brows, but James seems to know exactly what she said. He jumps up fast.

"She's gonna get sick!" He grabs the puke bucket left on the side of her bed and turns her to her side seconds before she throws up in the bucket. She's still half asleep, which isn't making any of this easier for him. He holds her on her side with one hand and holds the bucket with the other.

"It's ok..." James rubs her back and makes sure her head is tilted enough so she doesn't choke while she gets sick. I may have had to take care of my mom when she had cancer, but my stomach turns the minute Julia gets sick. I rush out of the room, unable to handle anything medical like that.

I pace around for a little bit, but what's the point. It's late, and James and Paul are there with Nate and Julia. I text James to tell him to keep me posted and then decide to head home for a while, knowing tomorrow is going to be a VERY busy workday for me, with this media shit going on.

****

*James*

I help Julia as much as I can, and when she's done getting sick, she starts crying like she always does when she throws up.  She's half asleep thanks to all the meds, and I hate that the stress of Nate has caused her to be physically sick. I also wonder if the nurses gave her too much Ativan before realizing her addiction and she's throwing it up. 

She finishes and falls back asleep. Nate watches me put the bucket inside the bathroom and shut the door in case they need to monitor what comes out of her. Like instructed, I leave to  tell a nurse, who then comes in and takes it. The nurse gives me another pink bucket to leave by her bed. We've been doing this for a while now.

I prop her pillows so she isn't laying flat, fix her head so she doesn't kink her neck, and use a wet face cloth to clean her face. When I'm done, I sit next to her, push her hair away from her face, and hold her hand while praying. 

"Sorry for all this, mate." Nate says, and I open my eyes, still holding on to Julia's hand.

"You know I was actually pissed off at her earlier because she took care of you?" I confess and take a deep breath. "She said she will always love you even if she's not IN love with you and will always take care of you. She let your drunken ass fall asleep on her lap while she calmed you down, then carried you to her bed and made sure you were ok. Even made sure your head was situated perfectly so you wouldn't wake up uncomfortable." I'm angry, but don't yell and keep my cool while talking to Hollan- even though I want to punch the guy in the face for making Julia go into shock because of his bad habits.

 Obviously, I'd never punch him in the face.... but still. I want to.

"We had our first real fight because of you. She told me I need to have more compassion for you because you can't help it... and went back up to make sure you were ok. Good thing, too." I continue.

"I'm sorry...?" 

"No matter what you do or how you sabotage your own life, she will always be there to help clean up your messes. Look where it landed her. In a fucking hospital bed right next to you." I grumble and look up at the tv displaying her face again. I could give two shits if you go down. But don't drag Julia down with you. You need to cut this shit out. I'm serious. You're tearing her to pieces. And now look, she's back on display for the whole world to judge her. She can't handle all this, Nate."

"James stop. Leave him alone." Julia mumbles with her eyes still closed.

"See? She's even sticking up for you in her sleep."  I shake my head. "So Frustrating."

Julia moves her position so she flips to the other side, now facing Nate while she sleeps. Nate starts to fall asleep as well which just leaves me awake watching the news on tv. I eventually start to doze off in my chair as well.

When I do finally wake up a little I see Julia with the nurse trying to get her back into bed Shit. Did she try to get out of the bed alone and pass out? My heart races and adrenaline kicks in. I jump up in a panic and rush to Julia.

"Are you ok??" 

"Yeah, I had to pee." She takes my hand.

"I could have helped you." I sit back down in another chair closer to Julia.

"So this is James?" Jonah questions, putting two and two together.

"Hey, nice to meet you." I  reach over Nate's bed and shake the nurse's hand.

"Nice to meet ya. I'll be taking care of both these crazy addicts every night. I'm their overnight nurse." He pauses. "I knew Nate had some competition but, shit, Julia. You're giving him a run for his money. Literally!"

Ok.... I don't know what to say to this so say nothing at all, giving Julia a strange look. This guy Jonah must be like Kendall. No filter whatsoever. He looks me over and shakes his head.

 "Hollan's a damn good looking guy but he doesn't have a chance against this one."

"Oh my God!" Julia says louder and starts laughing. Then the nurse does as well which makes me think I slept through some weird inside joke they had. I look at the tow of them like they are both going crazy.

"Apparently Nate has shared more than I thought." Julia covers her face briefly out of embarrassment and lays back in the bed. "That's so not like him."

"He needed a friend. I can only imagine what it's like to be in his shoes." Jonah says exactly what Julia was trying to tell me earlier. When I hear it come out of Jonah's mouth, it hits differently and I no in agreement. 

"Well, breaks over. If you guys are good for a bit, I'm gonna go do my rounds." With that, the tall dark nurse grabs his clipboard and leaves the room.

"He spent his break in here??" I look over at the now empty chair near Nate. Weird for a nurse to do that.

"I guess they became friends the last time Nate was here. I'm glad though."

"He's a funny guy." I look at Julia seriously now. "How are you?"

"Come here." She moves over to the edge of the bed closest to Nate's side and pats the empty space.

"I don't know if I'm supposed-" I start but Julia cuts me off.

"James..." She gives me a demanding look and I let out a sigh.

"Julia.." I recite back, like always, and climb into the bed facing her. She moves her body closer so she's right up against me and hugs me tight. "I'm sorry I keep putting you through all this. This isn't the way I wanted to end your birthday."

"I certainly hope not."  I smirk and wrap my arms around her, comforting her for a good fifteen or so minutes.

"I love you." I whisper in her ear as she starts to fall back asleep.

"I love you." She whispers back and it's all I ever wanted to hear.

*****

*Trisha*

James left. Paul waits outside the door. I wait outside the door....Or should I say...pace. Elliott and Richard are in the room discussing shit with Nate. There was a big press conference held first thing this morning. Right in front of the hospital. Elliott did an outstanding job, as always. Setting rumors straight and discussing Nate's health.

He lied the whole fucking way through and did amazingly well at it.

I spent most of last night and this morning rescheduling all of Nate's shit for him. Canceling Austin. Doing all his dirty work. Elliott had his hands full with the press conference and I'm sure Richard is having a few "words" with Nate now, telling him to get his act together. 

I can't believe things have gotten so bad Nate drank right through his intestines. It scares the shit out of me. First a heart attack and now the alcohol taking over his body. How long is he going to let this go before he makes a change? A real change? Or he is going to be another statistic of celebrities who die before their time because of addiction.

I start  crying.

I don't mean to  but I do. I stand there and fucking cry at the door. At first, Paul doesn't know what to do. I feel bad, but I can't hold it in any longer. The two other security guards also notice and glare at Paul to do something since they know he has known me forever.  I close my eyes and completely lose it. Then I feel Paul wrap his arms around me. He says nothing. He stands there and holds me while I lose my shit.

I fucking cry for so long and Paul doesn't let go of me until I'm so worn out I don't have any tears left. He drops one arm off me and leans over to grab me some tissues off the small corner table.

"Sorry, Paul. I  didn't mean to-" I don't even bother finishing my sentence. He knows what I'm trying to say and nods before sitting me back down in a chair. "I just don't know what to do."

"I know. No one does." He finally says.

And he's right. No one knows what to do.

*****

*James*

I bring the dog to Lindsay's for a while and let her know what's going on. When I come back to the hospital, Trisha is asleep in a chair and looks like she's been crying. I look at Paul who just shakes his head. This is weighing on everyone, including Trisha. She may put out that she's strong but everyone has their breaking point. She's hit hers.

I walk in to the room and Julia is giving the nurse and Nate a hard time about eating.

Shit.

"I'm really not that hungry." 

"Cmon. I'm jealous you get to eat real food and I get.....this." Nate stirs around his broth.

"Sorry, no solids for you yet. But Julia, you do need to eat a little. They won't discharge you on time if you don't."

"Would she get discharged today?" I look over at the nurse in a hopeful manner but it fades when I hear the nurse's prediction.

"Probably not today. She passes out too easily. But possibly tomorrow....if she EATS." Jonah taps on my tray. "You threw up a lot last night. You have nothing in your stomach, Miss Moretti. I'm serious. You don't eat a few good meals, you don't go home."

Julia looks to me for help but I shake my head at her. She needs to eat.

"C'mon Jule." Nate whispers. "Even just a little. Don't shut down like this. I know that's what's happening."

"Shut down?" Jonah gives Julia a confused look.

"He doesn't know what he's talking about and I'm really not hungry." She pushes the tray away forcefully, and turns to her side facing me, then pulls the covers up and closes her eyes. This is her shutting down...right in front of the nurse for him to see.

"Babe, just eat a little." I say. It's all she has to do. Just eat a little and Jonah will probably get off her back and leave her alone. But Julia is so friggen stubborn sometimes.

"Oh my fucking God can I just get my own room or something?? Can you all just shut the hell up?!" She bursts out, catching all of us off guard. "I'm sorry. I'm just really tired ok?" 

She pulls the covers over her head so she doesn't have to deal with any of us now. Jonah the nurse looks at me and Nate but we both shake our heads. We know this is how Julia gets. And it's happening more frequently lately.

"Julia, does this happen often?" The nurse walks over to Julia and pulls the covers away. "I need to see something. Let me check your vitals."

"Are you for real right now? I'm fine." Julia sits up. She lets Jonah listen to her heart and check her pulse. He puts the stethoscope back around his neck and sits down next to her.

"Your heart is racing. Can I ask you a few questions privately?" Jonah asks and then looks around the room. The only person who can leave is me and the nurse realizes that after the fact.

"Just say whatever. I've slept with them both." Julia lays back down on her side and pulls the covers to hide her face. Both me and Nate look at each other wide eyed. Julia just wants to be left alone and for the first time ever, she's can't have her way. She is NOT happy.

"You know what? Maybe now's not the best time." Jonah stands up and writes something in Julia's chart. "I may have someone come in and check on you in a little bit, ok? Try to eat something." Jonah looks at Nate with a slight nod and then at me. He ticks his head to the side signaling for me to meet him out in the hall. Probably because I'm the only one who can physically leave the room. I follow the nurse outside the door and close it behind us. Trisha is still sleeping which just leaves the bodyguards to hear anything we say.

"I think I'm going to have to get psych involved." Jonah looks at me and I nod.

"I know. I had a feeling that's what you were bringing me out here for. She's not gonna cooperate though. She's pissed."

"You don't have to tell her anything or get involved. This is part of my job. But...Julia is emotionally distressed and  working in this field, I can't turn away and ignore it. I have to call in a psychiatrist to get Julia evaluated. She can't be discharged until we know she is healthy both physically AND mentally. You understand, right?" The nurse waits for my answer.

"Of course. That's all any of us want. For her to be healthy." I admit.

"Has she ever been diagnosed with depression or  gone to counseling?"

I shake my head. "I don't think she has.." I feel awful having this conversation behind Julia's back. First ratting her out with the Ativan last night, now this. I'm already feeling like the worst boyfriend ever and we just started officially dating.

"Ok. Go back in and hang tight. I'm going to have a doctor paged and get the ball rolling. Thank you for being honest with me. It will only help Julia in the long run." Jonah pats my shoulder and walks away. I quietly walk back in to the room, feeling awful about everything now. I sit own and say nothing.

There's a long thick silence that takes over the room. No one says a thing.

I don't push Julia to eat. Nate doesn't push me for info on what was said in the hall.  Julia ignores the world around her.

The silence ends when I see Jonah talking to someone in the hall. The door is closed but I can see him through the small window. I see him nod and then walk away.

There's a quiet few knocks on the door before it opens. A woman in her mid 40's wearing a white doctor's coat walks in with a clipboard. She's small like Julia with jet black hair tied in a ponytail.

"Oh, is she sleeping?" The woman asks and we both shake our heads. Julia isn't sleeping, she's just checked out of the real world for a while.

The woman gets the hint and closes the door behind her.

"Hi, Miss Moretti." She talks to the ball under the blankets. "My name's Angela. I just wanted to leave this survey for you to take. I'm gonna leave the iPad next to your food and whenever you're ready, you can look at it." Angela is soft spoken and calm. She places the iPad on the table next to the full tray of food that Julia has yet to touch. She takes a mental note of it and nods to herself.

"I'll come back in a little while to grab the survey. Take your time. If you have any questions just hit the call button on the side of you're bed and a nurse will page me." She looks at me and then Nate, giving us both a little nod before leaving the room.

I lean over to look at the iPad to read the questions.

Shit.

I feel lightheaded. This survey... these questions.. are all about  mental illness. Depression. Suicidal thoughts. Anxiety. Even Bipolar Disorder If Julia was truly honest with herself, us and the staff here- she would be checking off yes for all these questions. I make eye contact with Nate and then hand over the ipad for him to read for himself. He quickly scans it over and hands it back to me. We both share the same look now.

We say nothing.

We say nothing because both of us can answer those questions on Julia's behalf and come up with the exact same answers. The result isn't ideal.

I stand up and lean on Julia's bed, patting what we assume is her shoulder under the covers.

"Hey Julia. Babe, I gotta go feed Maggie." I lie. The dog is with Lindsay. I need some air before I lose control and cry in front of Hollan.  "I'll be back in a little bit, ok?" My eyes fill up and I look away, ready to break down. I quickly leave without saying another word and shut the door behind me.

Trisha is awake now and sees the look on my face. She can also see the tears in my eyes.

"James." She quickly stands up. I shake my head and try to walk away but she follows me.
"Hey. Lets get some fresh air, ok?" 

I nod, unable to talk just yet and she leads the way now. A security guard lets us out a back door that leads to a small outdoor patio area. A few nurses are having their breaks and eating but there's a bench in the corner that I spot and go to. The second I sit down I lean over and rest my elbows on my knees and face in my hands to silently let go. I feel Trisha sit next to me and rub my back. She says nothing for a few minutes and lets me do what I need to do.

"It's a lot, huh." She says instead of asks. "I already had my meltdown moment inside. Paul was there for me and I'm gonna be here for you, ok?" I hear her say. I nod and lift my head. I don't make eye contact with her and she gives me the respect of staring straight ahead while we talk so she doesn't see me cry.

I take a deep breath and lean back on the bench.

"Sorry." I wipe my eyes and for some reason start laughing a little. Trisha looks  at me now, a little confused. " Weird how everything is one big circle." I  start. "I'm sitting here with Hollan's best friend and he's in there with my best friend."

"Yeah. That is kinda weird huh." She laughs a little too now.

"Only difference is I sleep with my best friend." I shake my head. Trisha says nothing and I immediately turn to make eye contact with her.

"Wellllll....."

"Stop. " My eyes widen. "Seriously??"

"Shit happens. You say one fucking word to anyone and I'm defriending you James the Receptionist. I mean it!" Trisha pokes me in the chest.

" I'm not gonna tell a soul." I assure her.

Trisha turns to me fully now. "What is it about Julia that has a hold on both you and Nate? I just don't get it." She admits. I sigh and stare ahead for a second.

"Yeah. I don't get it either. She just....does. She's Julia. I can't explain it." I shrug knowing not having an answer is not acceptable for Trisha.

"Well...the two of them together is not a good combination. Nate needs to focus on his health right now." She doesn't say this to reprimand me in any way, because I fully agree with her.

"I completely agree. They both need to focus on their own shit. Julia can't handle his stress and he can't seem to handle hers. They aren't together though.. " I correct her. "Julia is with me and that's how I intend it to stay."

"I'm glad we're on the same page." She exhales feeling some sort of relief from hearing this and nudges me a little, making me smile. I don't think Trisha can stand Julia just like I can't stand Nate. Maybe Trisha is in love with Nate and hates seeing him obsess over Julia like I'm in love with Julia and hate seeing her think about Nate.

****

Trisha's phone notifications go off. Someone named Richard seems to be stressing her out. She ends up leaving to go tie up lose ends .

 The day passes by quickly. IV bags get replaced. Pump bags get emptied. Nurses come in and out throughout the day check vitals, incision site, fluid retention, and also how Julia is doing. Her mental state. If she can stand up without blacking out, use the bathroom, mood control and eating are also evaluated.

Even though she thought she ate enough, it wasn't acceptable enough to send her home. She took a few bites of her sandwich and ate the fruit but that's the only meal she's eaten since we both got here and I have no idea how long she went before that one meal.

Julia had a few choice words for that nurse that wasn't as pleased as Julia would have hoped, sending the nurse out and Julia back to being frustrated and shutting down.

Trisha comes and goes. Paul leaves to shower and comes back a while later, Jonah is off his shift until later tonight.

I am  the only one left.  Cheryl was able to take my shift for tonight. 

While Julia and Nate are sleeping, I call Katie to make her aware of it all, though I'm sure the news has informed my sisters plenty. I also explain how my next paycheck may be a small one. That whole paycheck was supposed to help my mother.

I  think I'm gonna have to wash my own dishes for a while and give my birthday money back to the girls for mom. Which is fine. I don't NEED a dishwasher. But it was exciting to think I was gonna get one for a minute there. I sigh once I hang up the phone. 

"Worst fucking Birthday Ever." I say out loud to myself while the two patients in the room sleep.

*****