*Trisha*

It's late, I'm exhausted physically, mentally emotionally. Yet the second we get home Nate calls me in a panic.

"Ok. Slow down. What?" I look at Paul and shake my head. "Fuck. Ok ok. Give me ten minutes."  I hang up and glance up at my bodyguard before the panic sets in.

"Help me unzip my dress. Hurry!" I demand, and Paul immediately steps into action. I throw my clothes and heels in the living room and rush to my bedroom and put on yoga pants, a T-shirt and sneakers. 

"Are you gonna tell me what's going on, Banks?"

"Get changed. We need to go back to Nate's. It might be an all nighter so something you can sleep in."

Paul takes off his own clothes and throws on grey Nike joggers and a plain white t-shirt with sneakers. If we weren't in such a rush I'd do the man again seeing him in clothes other than black. The way he looks in those joggers, his muscles stretching the arms of the white t-shirt.

Fucking snap out of it Trisha!!

"We'll talk in the car."

I tell Paul how Julia fled in the middle of the night and isn't well. No one knows where she is. Paul  and I speed to James's house hoping she's there but no luck.

"I'm sorry, Nate. She's not here. Any other ideas?" The line goes dead. He hung up on me. Nate's a mess. And for good reason. Julia is struggling mentally and not making rational decisions. The last thing she should be doing is going anywhere unattended.

*****

*James*

Nate and I look everywhere. Trisha just called. Nate slams the phone down on the console of the SUV, making me jump.

"Trisha said she's not at your house."

My eyes water while I look out the window. We've been driving around Griffith Park for an hour now. Julia's not at Sullivan's. Not at the studio. Not at the Marriott. Not at my house. Nate has called and texted her numerous times without an answer.

"I'm running outta ideas, mate."  Nate pulls off to the side of the road and closes his teary eyes. "I don't know what to do. James tell me what to do!"

I wipe my eyes and stare straight ahead.

"We should try the airport...."  This is the one place we've been trying to avoid, hoping Julia didn't freak out and flee.

*****

I close my eyes, completely exhausted. Julia wasn't at LAX. I walked around the airport forever. Nate couldn't be seen so had to wait in the car. But then, when I get back into the car Nate gets an automated text from The Avalon saying a payment plan has been reactivated automatically.

Julia checked herself into The Avalon. It's now four in the morning but Nate calls the front desk knowing someone is there twenty four hours. They have a conversation I only get bits and pieces of.

"Yes." Nate sighs. "I'll be right there."

"What's going on??" I ask.

"Julia checked herself in to The Avalon. That's all I know. C'mon."

We rush to The Avalon. It's  friggen Jeremy Donovan on call tonight so of course, Julia is a mess.  He explains how a UTI triggered her current mental state and I immediately think back to my mom.

When her dementia started to get bad she developed a UTI. None of us thought much from it. It's a common ailment that heals after a round of antibiotics. If you're of sound mind.  But mom? No. She became even more confused.  She wanted nothing to do with Katie, or any of the girls for that matter.  She only wanted her son. Her son that couldn't look her in the eye without triggering bad memories.

Do you know how hard it is to care for someone and comfort them without being able to look them in the face?

I ended up having to call out of work for three days because mom was such a mess. She kept trying to leave the house, saying it wasn't safe. She thought the girls were gonna harm her.  MA cried. Alot. I literally had to lay in her bed with her until she calmed down and fell asleep.  The infection really messed her up and took awhile for her to bounce back from. 

So, when the doctor put two and two together, it all came back to me.

We were able to discharge Julia, and I say in the back seat with her while she cried the whole way home. 

*****

*Trisha*

Paul and I now camp out at Nate's. No one knows what the hell is going on. Jonah is barely able to keep his eyes open and poor Casey is a mess. The minute the elevator doors open Casey practically pounces on Nate to get to Julia.

"Oh my God! Is she ok?!"

"I can't stand the prick... but his brains were helpful." Nate blurts out before bringing Julia to the bedroom to sleep. James follows behind.

Everyone's a mess. Julia scared us all. I look over to Nate who has already had such a stressful and confusing night. Now is not the time to tell him how I saw him go on the elevator with Mila up to her room.

"You Ok, Playboy?" I walk right up to Nate and pull his head down so his forehead rests on my shoulder. He cries and I hide his face for him, threading my fingers in his hair to calm him.

"That was awful."

"Yeah. You must be exhausted. I'm gonna cancel today. You don't have much planned on the calendar so I'll make something up. Like stomach bug. Everyone needs sleep." 

I look over at Paul and Nate gives me a funny look but I try and play it cool. We are keeping things hush for now. "Wanna crash here or drive home?"

"We're just gonna hit morning traffic. Crash here." The bodyguard grunts, kicking off his shoes and claiming his spot on recliner. I go into the linen closet and grab blankets and pillows for me and Paul and purposely sleep on the other end of the sectional. Jonah calms sweet Casey down and the dog heads into Nate's room where James fell asleep on the recliner.

We are all under one roof once again.

I glance over at Paul who fell asleep within minutes but my mind is on James.

Poor James. He's hopelessly in love with someone who is a complete and utter mess. Head to toe mess.  I feel so bad his heart is where it is and he has to go through with this stuff.  Like he doesn't have enough medical shit of his own to deal with.

It has me thinking about things.  A lot of things.

Paul is great. He really is. He took such good care of me during one of my worst moments in history. I really like him. I've known Paul forever. Am I in love with him? Of course not. That comes with time with anyone. I've only ever been in love with Nate.

But Paul is a good guy.  Attractive. He's stable, durable, you can count on him.  Ok I just described a Toyota.

But I can't help thinking about James. There just something about him. Obviously he in love with Julia, that's never gonna change. But sometimes you need more than love. You need a Toyota. Someone who can take care of you.  Someone you can rely on. James deserves someone that's mentally stable.

Shit, what am I even thinking? I'm obviously overtired.

****

*James*

The first thing I do when I wake up is pray for Julia. She shut down and doesn't want anything to do with anyone but lets me put a hand on her shoulder and pray. Nate is in the shower right now so I have privacy. I fucking lose it. I pray so hard. Julia is so broken. I've never seen her like this before. Not this bad.

Nate opens the bathroom door fully dressed and is startled by the sad expression on my face that I can't seem to hide.

"You good, Mate?" He asks.

"She's not ok."

"I know. I'm gonna get her back on track." Nate sits at the edge of the bed and looks at the ball under the covers who hides away from us.

"How?? You're never here. You're gone before seven in the morning and not back until well after midnight. And I don't know how to." I drop my head in my hands, admitting I don't know how to take care of Julia. I break down and cry after saying that.

"C'mon. Looks like Casey left you some clothes to change into for the day. I'll help you get dressed."  Nate takes the neatly folded clothes left on the dresser and pulls me up so he can  help me gets dressed and calm me down. Embarrassment fills me when I can't get myself ready for the day and it's Nate that has to care for me, of all people. But he is gracious and says nothing to make me feel bad..

"Think if I keep working out with you I'll bulk up like you?" He teases and I actually crack a smile at that.

"Not a chance." I smirk. "I was working on this before you were in first grade."

He ties my sneakers and looks up. "You were working out hard core when you were twelve? Yeah, I doubt it." 

"Think what you want. When I was twelve I was preparing my body for self defense... and to protect my family. I didn't.... didn't have a choice. And I will continue for as long as I need to."  I frown. "Until the day that sonofabitch is six feet under."

Nate stands up and pulls me up with him.

"How is he not behind bars, James? You have the scars to prove the abuse. I'm sure your mom and sisters do, too. How is he still walking around a free man?"

"Same reason Jeremy Donovan is walking around a free man. He wins. He always wins."

****

"You guys need to figure out a plan." Paul grumbles in his raspy grumpy morning voice. We are all in the living room having coffee and deciding where to go from here to help Julia while she shuts down in my room. Casey at least got her to take all her meds and antibiotics. Nate told us everything. How Julia stopped taking meds, lied about going to therapy, eating, everything.

"Right now we need to wait for the antibiotics to kick in. Once she begins to feel better, we should see an improvement." Jonah says with his laptop on his lap. He's full-fledged in research about the link between infections and mood disorders to learn how to always care for Julia.

"I don't even know how to prevent this from happening again. This was awful." Nate admit and I nod while petting my dog. This was by far the worst I've  ever seen Julia.

"She needs to be proactive. Take care of herself. Start taking vitamins. Get out of bed even when she's having one of these episodes. We need to be better nurses and take care of her more." Casey admits and looks at Jonah, who agrees. "She lied to us about taking her meds. About eating. We have to treat her like the real mental health patient she is."

"She's not gonna like that." I raise my brows.

"She doesn't have a choice. Julia is too be monitored twenty-four-seven. I need you two to step it up." Nate reprimands the nurses. "I need her to come on tour with me. I had a plan so you all could come."

God. Him and this tour. Julia is in no shape to travel around the world. Doesn't he see this???

"Nate... we need to be realistic here." Trisha tries to keep Nate grounded. "Anyways, you're probably gonna have to bring Mila."

"Not happening, Trish. I need this to end. I can't be near her. I'm talking to Richard tomorrow."

"Nate, you're under contracts. Richard doesn't care what you say. I'm sorry, sweetie. You just need to ride this one out."

*****

*Trisha*

I never mention what I know about Nate and Mila. Now is not the time. He'll come around and tell me on his own. But I know he fucked up. And I know he'll deny it until he is ready to confess. I go ahead and cancel his entire day blaming it on the stomach bug. Paul and I decide to stay at Nate's house so Paul can help with Julia in case she freaks out and they need back up. I try to comfort distraught James. This was a lot for him. Julia is a lot for him.

"I really thought she hopped on a plane or something. She wasn't thinking straight at all." James  closes his eyes and lets the sun hit his face while the two of us sit out on the balcony.

"I  can't believe she tried to check herself in to the Avalon. Even though Jeremy is there!" I shake my head.

"Trisha, I don't think she was checking into get help. I think Julia was checking in to check out. To be away from everyone while she let her body shut down. Be..because that's what she was forcing her body to do. Shut down." James stutters and I frown at the sad man. I tuck his hair up off his forehead. I hate that has to experience this.

"She can't be responsible to take care of you when she can't even take care of herself." I pause. "If I didn't have the demanding job I have, I'd take care of you in a heartbeat. I'm a good caretaker. I cared for my mom until her very last breath." My voice cracks. It's not often I get emotional but when I talk about mom, I can't hide it.

"Cancer right?"

"Yeah."

"Hey. Don't worry about who takes care of me. I have plenty of people to fall back on, Julia doesn't. Not one person. The only one who really knows how is Nate."

"He can barely wipe his own ass. She's doomed." I make James laugh with that and he rests the side of his head on my shoulder. Sometimes he's like a little child. Or a puppy. A really sweet puppy.

A really sweet, sexy puppy.

 If I wasn't with Paul....

******