*Trisha*

Julia and I have been awkwardly sitting across from each other in the café, waiting for Nate.

He's now fifteen minutes late. I know he has a hangover, but it's almost noon and we had a meeting to go over some interviews scheduled for next week. I try calling him again with no luck. I'm starting to get annoyed because I have other things to do...

"I knew this would happen after last night. Sorry he's late."  I apologize to Julia, who has been waiting patiently without complaining. Nate isn't known to be very late to these things ... except when he drinks the night before, which is starting to become a habit.

"Knew what would happen?" Julia asks.

"Ugh. That kid drives me nuts. I had to pick him up from Sullivan's once again after he gets plastered and fucks some waitress." I say, nonchalantly, because this is SO a Nate Hollan move.

"You know what, I'm actually not feeling great." Julia abruptly stands up. "I'm so sorry, I gotta go." She rushes to the exit before I can even respond and out the door she goes. Weird. 

Right as Julia leaves, Nate waltzes in.

"What was that all about?" Nate looks at me but I just wave him off. 

"I don't know, you're late, and she doesn't feel good, so she left. Meeting's over Hollan." I look down at my phone.

"What did she say?" 

"Nothing. I apologized for you being so fucking late after hooking up with some waitress and she left." I keep my eyes glued to my phone and he knows I'm pissed at him.

James calls on my phone, so I get up and leave the cafe, and Nate, without another word. He deserves the silent treatment for a little bit anyways.

"Hey James. How's it going?" I talk on my phone while walking back to my car. 

"Didn't know if you were busy. Was gonna go for a run in Griffith Park today. Wanna join?" 

I unlock my car door and let out a sigh as I get in.

"Ahh. I do want to go. But I can't. I'm swamped today...really swamped." I admit, feeling overwhelmed with everything that needs to get done and now the cancelled waste- of -time meeting with Nate and Julia that accomplished nothing.

"Oh. Ok. No worries. Hey, you good?" James can tell even through the phone that I'm struggling with this day and its only noon.

"Yeah. I'm just gonna be late for a meeting." I lie. "Today hasn't been my day, James The Receptionist." I hear him laugh a little with me calling him that all the time now.

"I'm sorry, Trisha The Assistant. I'll let you get to your meeting. We can chat another time."

"Thanks. Cya." I hang up and feel a panic attack coming. I lied and said I had a meeting to go to because I didn't want him to catch on. My heart picks up the pace and I start sweating. I rummage through my purse and grab another anxiety pill to get me through the rest of the day. I hate taking this shit, but it's needed, especially when I start hyperventilating. I take a few deep breathes and pray the pill will calm down my nerves soon. 

*****

*James*

"Looks like it's just you and me today, Mags. Ready for our run?" I scruff up her ears and we're off. I don't listen to any music today. Sometimes just hearing the sounds of the park are enough to help me decompress. Griffith isn't very busy today so you can hear the birds and shit which I like. 

We run hard. A good 45 minutes before I notice her.  Julia is laying down on the grass in the middle of the park. I watch her take in the sun while walking closer. But the closer I get I realize she's upset. She's crying.

Maggie sees Julia as well and pulls me faster. I let go of her leash, knowing she's not going far. She licks Julia's face and Julia scrunches her nose and opens her eyes. Why would Julia be upset? Is she regretting last night?

"Hey, Maggie."  Julia whispers softly, and Maggie lays next to her.

I squat down and pet my dog while looking at Julia.

"Why are we crying."

"We just are." She looks up at me with red puffy eyes. She's been crying for a while.

"Is this because of what we did last night??" I push Maggie off to the side and lay down next to Julia. Maggie barks a little and moves to the other side of her instead, resting her head on Julia's lap. She shakes her head no. 

"Are you ok?" 

"Nope." Julia answers honestly. I turn to her and lift myself up, putting my weight on my elbow. With my free hand, I tuck her hair behind her ear.

"Tell me why you're crying, Julia."

"It's over now." Her response is vague, but I know exactly what she means. It's over between her and Nate. As much as I'm relieved that he will be somewhat out of the picture.

I'm still sad for Julia. I hate seeing her upset like this. She's my best friend. I never want to see her upset like this, and I always want to be here for her to talk to.

I push Maggie away again and lay my head on Julia's lap. Like always, she starts running her fingers through my hair, and I close my eyes.

"I'm sorry." I respond. 

"Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong."

"I did. I fell in love with you. I know I shouldn't say that to you. We're in "Friend Mode." I say, but don't open my eyes as she continues to play with my hair while we talk.

"You can say anything you want in friend mode. You know that, right?"

I smile a little. "Yeah."

"Julia," I start. This is also becoming one of our things. Saying each other's names like this.

"James..."

"If you never met him, if things started off differently, say we met in a coffee shop, or here at the park," I open my eyes and look at her now. "Do you think you'd be with me? In a real relationship?"

"It depends. Would you have Maggie with you?" She jokes, and I without moving or lifting my head, I grab a handful of grass and throw it at her.

"Hey!" She brushes it all off and laughs.

"I'm serious. But yes, me and Mags here are a package deal." I close my eyes again.

"Would I be a normal person or a messy damaged person?" 

"Damaged. Nothing changes but erasing him from your memory completely. Then, would you?"

"Yes." She answers before I can even finish the sentence. "I'd probably marry you."

I open my eyes and look at her with a huge stupid grin on my face now. 

"Aren't you already married?" I tease.

"Just on paper."

"What happened? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"Life happened. Death happened." Juliaa sighs and nods, and I nod against her stomach. I get what she's saying. I close my eyes again when the sun comes back out from behind a cloud and feel the warmth on my face.

"How long did it last before you called it off?"

"I didn't call it off. He did. He left me after seventeen years." 

SHIT.

I open my eyes again and study Julia's face. She's been through a lot of traumas in her life.

"Shit. I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Things were good. Until they weren't. It's ok, though. I'm a lot to handle." 

I lift my head off her lap and lay next to her on my side so I can face her. 

"You're not, though. Not at all. Why do you say that?"

 "Oh, you don't know the real me, James. God, she's a mess. You seem to bring out the best version of me when I'm with you. I know it's not much. But this is it."

"It's perfect. Now, I just need to find a way to erase Nate from your memory." I huff in defeat. If Julia never met Nate, we'd be together. 

*****

*Trisha*

We have twenty minutes in the studio to get shit done before Nate has Julia's guitar lesson. I forced him to come early after having a minor panic attack in my car from not getting anything done this morning because he was late, and Julia left.

But Nate is fucking off in his own world. Barely paying attention to a word I'm saying, making this meeting much harder than it has to be.

"Did you hear me?" I look up from my files laid in front of us on the studio table. I'm starting to get aggravated, and Nate can tell.

"Sorry, what was that?"

"You need to pick which interview so I can reschedule the other one. They overlap in time. What's going on with you lately?" I put down my phone and give Nate my attention. Something is up. He needs to spill it.

"What do you mean?"  He plays dumb but he knows exactly what I'm talking about.

"This binge drinking, fucking around, not paying attention. Even throwing Julia's name into the mix." 

"What? What about Julia?"

"I don't know, you were drunk off your ass that's what. Rambling on about 'Julia happened'- making no sense. Nate, if you don't think she's learning quick enough... if you don't think she'll be ready, we need to tell them."

Before Nate answers, Julia comes walking in.

"Sorry, I'll be out of your hair in a sec." You feeling any better, sweetie?" I ask. The way she ran out of the cafe earlier I thought she was gonna throw up.

"Yeah, sorry about that." Julia mumbles back and heads to the couch to scroll through her phone while waiting. 

Nate signs the last of the paperwork that needed to be signed, and I gather everything up so I can call it a day.

"Ok, Hollan. I'll leave you to it."  I clean up the table and exit the room. If Julia is THAT bad at guitar, she needs every minute of studio time they can get. I close the studio door behind me and lean on it for a second, grateful this workday is almost over. 

Once outside and in my car, I decompress for a second. I still have to work out tonight at some point. I couldn't go for a run with James today. It was nice of him to think of me though. Maybe I can bring him dinner to the hotel again. I search for my phone in my purse.

I look through my purse but can't find my phone. Shit. I left it in the studio! I rush back hoping Nate hasn't started his session with Julia so I can grab my phone real quick.

 "Sorry, I forgot my phone -" I open the studio door but freeze. 

 HOLY SHIT! 

Nate and Julia are kissing and jump when I open the door.  I feel like I'm frozen. I can't believe what I'm seeing right now!!

"Nate! What the hell are you doing!?!" I burst out.

"Shit, Trish." Nate doesn't know what to say.

"No. Don't say another word. Fuck. You guys...do you know what this is gonna do??" I grab my phone off the table and glare at them both. I can't believe this is happening.

"God Nate. You know better. She might not. She has nothing to fucking lose!" I yell and glare at Nate. He knows this is fucked up! " YOU have everything to lose!"

"Watch it. You're out of line, Trisha." Nate reprimands me, catching both me and Julia off guard. I feel the heat of embarrassment rise to my face. Everything I do for him, and he yells at ME? The one thing he wasn't supposed to do, Hook up with his student, he does. 

"Am I!? Really? You know what this does. This doesn't affect just you!" I yell back, throwing my arms up in the air. This is more shit I'm gonna have to clean up. God, I'm gonna have to deal with Richard and Elliott... and... I feel another panic attack coming on. This is all too much.

"It's ok, Nate. I'm the one to blame. Blame me, Trisha. I kissed him. He was ending it." Julia chimes in but I don't want to hear it.

"You're sweet but don't fucking lie to me, Julia." I snap at her. "I know Nate better than you do. How long has this been..."  I stop dead in my tracks and stare at Julia. Oh my GOD! That sweater...

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I glare at Julia. "The sweater you're wearing..."

The anxiety I'm feeling is taking over my body now. I'm putting all the pieces together and this puzzle is not pretty.

"That sweater." I repeat "YOU were the one in his shower that morning. That was you?" I sit at the table, shocked and feeling dizzy. I can't let them see me having a panic attack.  They have been together this long????  From the very beginning??? 

"Let me explain." Nate walks over to the table, but I don't want to hear it.

"No. I need to figure this out." I pinch the tension forming at the bridge of my nose. "I don't want to get caught up in your legal shit, Nate."

"It's over." Julia says, clearly looking like she gonna cry. I can't handle that right now.

"Practice ends now. Go back to the hotel, Julia. We'll let you know the plan later." I dismiss her so I can think, and Nate watches her leave. The minute the door closes I burst in to tears, unable to hold it in any longer.

"Shit. I'm sorry. Trish." He sits down and tries to take my hand, but I pull away.

"You're ALWAYS fucking sorry!! God, Nate. I can't handle all this!! Look what you're doing to me!" I lose control and the anxiety gets the best of me.

"I know... Trisha...I'll fix this. Ok? I can fix this. This won't fall on you. I promise."

"You know what will happen if this leaks out??? Do you even fucking care?!" I stand up and start pacing.

"Of course I care! Why the hell do you think we've been hiding it for this long?!" Nate stands up now too. " Do you know how hard that has been for Julia? I can't fucking be seen with her in public." He yells back. Is he serious right now?

"You could choose anyone. You could have anyone in the world, and you choose the one person you CAN'T be with. THE ONE PERSON. She's not even fucking good enough for you!" I yell in his face just to get more of a rise out of him. I don't mean it, but I'm so fucking pissed off.

"Fuck you, Trisha." Nate storms out of the room and the door slams behind him.

"SHIT!" I yell out loud to myself. How the hell am I gonna fix this?

I take a few deep breaths to try to calm my anxiety. Pull it together Trisha. What's the first thing you need to do? I ask myself. Right. I need to take Julia off the schedule for a while. They can't be together. This is all too risky. I open my phone and hit the calendar app, quickly canceling all things highlighted with Julia's name for the next two weeks.

Including the Awards Gala

*****

*James*

It's after 9pm. I'm at work, keeping busy by cleaning the coffee bar area and letting this afternoon get to me. Me and Julia didn't end things great. We didn't actually fight, but after telling Julia how I feel and how I want to be with her, she pretty much told me she needs to end everything with.... everyone, saying she needed space. She stormed away before even letting me plead my case.

I can't keep up with her mood swings lately. I don't know what the hell is going on with her but I'm trying. God, I'm trying.

"Hey." 

I turn around when I hear Julia's voice. I throw my paper towels in the trash.

"Hi." I say dryly and walk past her, back to my spot behind the front desk. I lean on the counter but don't know what to say to Julia. I've said it all and she pretty much shot me down. 

"Do you have a first aid kit by any chance?" Julia's voice cracks a little.

"Yeah." I turn around to the shelf that has a whole bunch of shit on it, including the white first aid kit. I walk back with the box and look down at Julia's hand. She has it wrapped in toilet paper but it's bleeding through.

"What happened??" I lean over the counter and nod at her hand.

"I practiced the guitar too long and sliced my fingers." She answers.

"Come around. Let me take a look." I sit down and nod to the empty chair next to me. The last time Julia sat in this chair was when she kissed me and everything changed. I push that thought out of my head and wheel my chair closer. I take her injured hand and rest it on my thigh while unwrapping the bloody toilet paper, throwing it in the small waste bin under the desk.

"Jesus, you're not kidding."  I examine her two shredded fingers. 

"I was too focused on getting it right, I guess." She responds as I open the first aid kit and find everything I need. 

"Focus is one thing. Torturing yourself is another. How long were you practicing?" I look up at Julia with concern.

 "Two or three hours. I think. I don't know, I lost track of time."

I clean up her fingers and carefully takes care of them gently, putting ointment and Band-Aids on both.

"I messed up." Julia says softly while keep her eyes on what I'm doing to her hand. "I really messed up, James."

When I'm done taking care of her cuts, I hold her hand on my lap and look up at her.

"I think I'm going home." Her words barely come out. But I heard her and the second I did I think my heart stopped.

"What?!? Why?"

"I just- I fucked it all up. I broke my contract. Someone found out. They canceled all my upcoming events. I think they're gonna send me home."

With that said, she finally makes eye contact with me and sees the distraught look on my face. this can't really be happening, can it?

"No. You can't leave." I shake my head, still trying to process what I heard. "Julia, there's gotta be something that can be done. Don't leave."

"I don't think I have a choice. I think it's over. I don't know what will happen now."

"It will be so weird not seeing you here every night..." I trail off.

"I know." 

"It will be so weird not hanging out with you every night..." I continue.

"I know."

"If you leave, I'm not gonna have anyone to get drunk and sing bad karaoke with..." 

"I know."

"Maggie will miss you so much." I cup her face and lean my forehead on hers, closing my eyes. "I'll miss you." While my eyes are still closed I feel Julia rest her hands on the nape of my neck. I open them  right  as she kisses me. This CAN'T  be our goodbye kiss. I let her kiss me and for the first time, it's me who pulls away.

"Whose gonna watch over you, now?" I tuck her hair behind both her ears and she gives me a confused look. She can't go back to Boston. Not like this. Not alone.

"What do you mean?" 

I lean back in my chair and let out a sigh. 

"Julia, I know about your weekend in Boston."

"What?!" She squints her eyes at me. "What are you talking-"

"Nate told me." I interrupt.

"James, what are you talking about?" 

"Listen, I don't know details. But I know you're struggling with shit-"

"You don't know anything!!!" She interrupts me and stands up.  For the first time, Julia yells at me. Like really yells.

"It's ok. Don't be mad." I stand up as well. "He was just trying to protect you."

"From who.... myself???? What did he tell you, James? And when?! When did he talk to you about me like this?"

I take a step closer but she immediately takes a step back and glares at me.

"Right when you returned. He said you told him about... the lobby... and things got a little crazy. Nate didn't give me details. He's still pissed at me, for good reason, and had a few choice words. But he's also worried about you, because of everything..."I pause. "He asked me to watch over you. To make sure you were all right. To just... be aware... in case anything seemed off. He was really worried, Julia."

Out of nowhere Julia pushes me hard in the chest, but I don't budge.

"Is that what all this is??? You fucking BABYSITTING me??" She cries out, and is crying hysterically, throwing me for a loop with another change in her mood. She tries to push me again in frustration but I grab both her wrists to stop her.

"Not at all. Julia..."

She pulls away from my hold, letting her anger take over now. "I can't believe this. I hate you both. I hate this city. I hate being here. I fucking HATE you, James." She lashes out and quickly makes her way to the elevator. All these different emotions coming out of her at once.

"Julia...C'mon."  I say but she ignores me and disappears in to the elevator the second the doors open.

I know she doesn't hate me.  She's just upset and all worked up. I decide to to chase after her I actually can't really leave the lobby unattended for long anyways. I sit back in my chair and think of what I'm gonna say when I do see her. I also think of what she said. How she broke contract. How she fucked up and they are sending her home. There's gotta be a way to fix this. Maybe Trisha would know? Right as I go to text her, Paul texts me. Apparently Julia doesn't have her room key. Big surprise. But Paul said she's flipping out up there. She kicked the door and  is really upset. Shit.

I register yet another key for Julia and quickly run it up to her. When the elevator door opens I see Julia  sitting on the floor against her locked door, full of tears.

"Your new key, Miss Moretti." I squat down in front of the broken woman and she lifts her head up  and rests her chin on her arms, still a sobbing mess. "C'mon," I pull her up to her feet and unlock her door for her. I don't enter, knowing she needs space.  She walks in and lets the door slam behind her.

I swallow hard and  Paul shakes his head at me.

"I should have warned you not to get involved with that one, Gallo. She's a firecracker." Paul mutters without looking up from his phone. 

"Apparently." I stop where he's at when he looks up at me.

"And she's with someone else. So you may want to keep that in mind the next time she drags you to her room." Of course Paul is talking about Nate. I dont say another word and head back down to the front desk. 

This is gonna be a long shift at work.

*****

*Trisha*

 I've had a little while to calm down.  Now home, showered and in comfortable clothes.  I've also ignored the 2 missed calls from Nate since he stormed out of the studio. It's after 9pm and I'm sure he's probably at Sully's drinking or fucking Natalie. 

Perfect time to interrupt and call him back.

Nate's home. I can tell he's pacing around his living room while we talk and try to iron out everything and come up with a plan. I can also tell he's drinking. Again. And not thrilled about the calendar changes I made.

"What do you mean? No.." He grumbles and I can hear him pour another glass. I'm attempting to keep track over the phone and so far I've heard him refill his glass three times already. 

"You need some time apart, Nate. You know it's the only way this will work." I explain and curl up on my couch with a blanket.

"We need those sessions Trish. We can't cancel them like that."

"Thursday needs to be off too, Nate." He knows what I'm talking about. The Gala.

"Ok. No, Trisha. We can NOT do that to her. You know that's one of the highlights of winning the contest. You already helped her pick out her dress. Trish, she's so excited to go to that."

"It has to be done. If anyone found out you guys broke contracts... God, Nate, I don't know what would happen. For now, Julia has suddenly come down with the flu, and you will make your appearance solo or bring another date."

With that, I hang up, knowing if I don't, Nate is gonna tear me apart over the phone. This whole night is turning into a nightmare. All because of Julia Moretti.

*****

*James*

It's been an hour, and I imagine Julia has finally calmed down now. I call her on the hotel phone knowing that will get her attention. 

"What do you want, James?"

"Can you please come back down and talk to me? You know I can't leave the front desk unattended."

She says nothing.

"Please? I never want to be the one to make you cry, Julia."

"You didn't. Nate did. Again." 

"Come down. I'm bored without youuu." I whine and can tell she's smiling at that.

"We'll see." 

But Julia doesn't come down right away, and at one point I wonder if she even will. Then the elevator doors open and she  walks out. I smile and  feel relieved. She was just taking a shower, that's all. Her hair is still damp.

"Took ya long enough. I didn't think you were gonna come down."

Julia shrugs, not knowing what to say and resume her designated seat behind the desk she always sits at in the middle of the night.

"Hey, I'm sorry." I lean in and tuck a strand of her damp hair behind her ear.  "I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm not one to want to defend Hollan. We're kinda, you know, Archenemies, fighting over the same woman. But, he told me because he cares about you. He wanted to make sure you were all right. That's all. I probably would have done the same thing."

"I didn't give him permission to tell anyone anything about that weekend." Julia responds dryly.

"You're right. But from what I now know, he was with you. So it's not just you who went through something that weekend. I can't imagine being in his shoes. That shit's traumatic. I don't think Hollan is used to the dark side of things. Not like that." I don't say this in a way to make her feel bad. Just for her to see someone else point of view. I think of what Nate must have felt and gone through and I feel bad for him. No one should have to go through that trauma.

"Listen." I lean forward in my chair and take both her hands. "I get it. You KNOW I get it. I don't know details or how you did it, and I don't need to know, but I get it, ok?" I pause.

"I've been there. So many times. It doesn't take much, does it..."

Julia shakes her head knowing I understand her and  have been there before without me having to go into detail.

"Hey, come here." I can tell she's on the verge of breaking down once again.  I pull her to come sit on my lap and I wrap my arms around her, holding her tight. "You think I've never hit my rock bottom before??" I ask and Julia shakes her head.

"You think I've never thought about ending it all, just to get the chance to hold Carter again? Just one more time?" My voice cracks  with my emotions and I hope she doesn't notice. "I think about it every single damn day. It's been years, and I'm finally at the point I'm not counting the days down until I get to see him again."

Julia cries instantly making it known she's still doing that. Shit.

"Shit. You're still doing that, aren't you??"

She hides her face in the crook of my neck and wraps her around me while crying.

"Aww, sweetie. I'm sorry." I rub her back to try to calm her down. 

"Every single day." She admits and sniffle at the same time.

"Can't you meet with your therapist for virtual appointments? If not, we can find one here."

She says nothing.

"Julia?" I back away and make eye contact. I can read her like a book. She never went to therapy did she? She never got any kind of help after her son died. No wonder she's such a mess. She's stuck in a rut and nobody has noticed until now. No one has reached out to help her.

"Shit." It's all I can say before I pull her back in to console her  more. After a good fifteen minutes Julia finally calms down in my arms.

"Help me forget." She pulls away. "I can't shut my brain off."

Before I have a chance to answer, Julia kisses me "Please. I need to forget shit. Just for a little while."

I can't help but kiss her back. I don't know if this will be our last time with whatever happens with America's Voice. I kiss her with so much passion hoping that whatever she needs to disappear in her head will disappear and she will forget, even for a few minutes. She holds on to the nape of my neck while our mouths clash into each other so fast with so much desire that it's unbearable. I hold on to her waist tightly as she takes a breath without detaching herself from my mouth before crashing into me again.

Not caring about anything but making out  in this moment, Julia lifts herself up and swings her leg over so she's straddling my lap. I lean back in the chair, bringing her with me, my hands now on her ass. I  could seriously give two shits if someone walks in right now.

Breathing heavily, unable to stop our tongues from skillfully tasting each other, I  start to harden against her and she slowly rocks her hips to press against me and feel more. Christ.

I break away from her mouth so we can both take a much needed breath, and then kiss down her neck and chest over her shirt before pushing it up over her bra. I continue to kiss all over her chest and then push her bra up to taste her skin. She gasp and tangles her hands into my hair. I feel her pick up the pace with her hips and grind over me faster now that I'm completely aroused and I inhale sharply from what she's doing.

"I need you. Right now, James." She pulls my hair and I groan.

"Right here?" 

"Right here. Right now." She demands and I involuntarily twitch under her.

"What if someone comes down? It's not that late yet..." I tease. She knows I don't care about that shit.

"Let them watch. I don't care. James... right now...." She gets off me fast and takes off her pants and underwear while I pull my pants and underwear down to my knees. She climbs back on my lap holding herself up a little with her thighs and lines me up to her. Without further warning she sits down hard, letting out a loud gasp as I stretch her out and I groan again from the sudden penetration.

"Fuck me Julia." I demand now, and she does as I say, lifting herself up and crashing down on me hard over and over again. She desperately bounces on me so fast now needing relief from the unbearable pressure that's building.  She fucks me hard and fast on the chair in the Marriott lobby.

"Oh God.." She gasps, getting closer to unraveling .

"You're so close baby. You feel so good." I groan again.  We are both panting now, and I'm getting close.

"Keep ... God... keep going.." I say, both of our faces red as we work hard. We're both almost there now. We're both ready to explode any second......

Until the ding if the elevator stops us.

"SHIT!!" Julia jumps off me and scrambles to get her leggings on while I quickly pull up my pants. Fucking Hell. I stand at the computer trying to hide myself from the waist down.

"Room 402 is all set." Paul walks over to the other side of the Lobby desk and slides the key card on the counter. I nod and starts typing on the computer to check out whoever Paul was watching.

Paul gives Julia a look while she's sitting in the other seat, tying her shoelaces. He knows. Both me and Julia can tell. 

"Oh, save it, Paul. Don't give me that look." She squints her eyes at him, and he shrugs.

"I didn't say anything."

"You didn't need to."

"You're breaking his heart."

"Please. He's out there screwing some bar wench." Julia says. I imagine she's talking about my cousin, Natalie. I'm not surprised.

He shakes his head and takes a deep breath knowing exactly who Julia is talking about. 

"You two are meant for each other." He says sarcastically about her and Nate. He pulls out an envelope from the inside of his jacket and leaves it on the counter for me.

"Someone may want to grab those..."
He nods over behind the counter, shaking his head. I turn around to see what Paul is talking about and rush to grab Julia's pink underwear off the ground, stuffing the small fabric in my pocket. Paul says nothing more and heads out of the lobby. The second he leaves we both burst out laughing to the point we are in tears.

"Oh my gosh, that can never happen again!" Julia blurts out, standing up.

"I think these belong to you, Miss Moretti. " I pull her panties out of my pocket and hand them to her.

"God, we need a do over. I was so close... " 

"I need my shift to end is what I need." I say while making my way towards her. I pull her up against me and kiss under her ear.

"Didn't you learn your lesson?"

"Mmmm, no."

"What time do you break out of here?"

"7am"

"Make yourself a key and come wake me up in the morning? We'll be in friend mode after." She kisses me hard and walks away fast.

Jesus Christ. Does she even have a clue what she does to me?

*****

I wait until  4:30 am before I can't hold off any longer. I text Devin knowing he will be up getting ready for the morning shift. He's always looking for extra money so I reach out to see if he wants to come in for five instead of seven and I'll pay him some of what Paula gave me . He, of course, says yes and made it here within 15 minutes.

I quietly unlock Julia's door in the dark and close it. 

Fuck. Julia is having a PTSD Night Terror!!!  I know all about them from after Carter died. It's a common thing to deal with after trauma and God knows, Julia has had trauma in her life. As have I so I also struggle with these night terrors and know exactly what to do.

I quickly turn on the lamp and pull a chair up to her but refrain from touch her or waking her up. She needs to ride it out. It's too dangerous to wake her because her adrenaline will be through the roof. As small as Julia is, in the middle of one of these dreams she could easily hurt someone or herself.

"Julia. You're safe." I say it over and over again until I  see that she's starting to come out of it. Then I know it's safe to touch her and gently rub her back to console her. After a few minutes I hear her gasp for air and snap out of it.

"Julia..." I say softly and hold her hand.  "Hey, you know how it goes...you're supposed to say James.. like we always do." I smirk.

"I'm so sorry!" She squeezes my hand, coming back to reality. "I didn't hurt you did I?"

"You didn't hurt me. Why, do you normally murder people in your sleep or something?" I laugh. l

"James.." She says confusingly.

"Finally. I've been waiting for you to say my name like always."

"What the hell is going with you? Are you some kind of psychopath that thinks this stuff is funny?" 

"Try to remember your dream. Do you remember anything? Anything at all?" I reach  for the small hotel notepad and pen left on the nightstand.

"What the hell is-"

"You had a PTSD Night Terror, Julia. It's normal for someone to relive their trauma in their sleep. Do you remember anything?" I pause. "Try and think.." 

"What's going on? What are you doing?" 

She really has no clue on how to handle any of this stuff, does she?

"You really need to start going to counseling sweetie. What you just went through ... it's so common."

"How do you know all this?" 

"Therapy, group therapy, grief counseling, you know...all the things you should have done from day one?"

"Why did you just sit there and watch me? Why didn't you wake me up?!"

"Because you're not supposed to wake someone up when they are in the middle of a night terror. You're not supposed to hold them or even touch them. I only started rubbing your back once I knew you were starting to wake up."

"You're not??" She seems surprised.

"No, they could seriously hurt you without knowing it. Like really hurt you. Please tell me he didn't try to wake you up, Julia." I put two and two together and think about Nate dealing with this.

"Shit. Did you kick his ass in your sleep?" I laugh again.

"Maybe... He now puts a pillow in between us and lets me kick the shit out of that instead." 

"And you're supposed to keep a journal next to you and write down whatever you remember right when you wake up...to figure out your triggers and shit. I take it you haven't done that either." I look at her seriously now. "You have no coping skills, do you?"  I sit on the bed and pull Julia in to hug her. "Why? How come you never got help?"

"There was a lot going on." She shrugs. "It wasn't just me dealing with it. It wasn't just my husband dealing with it. All of Danny's friends, his teammates, his coaches, and teachers.."

"So you took care of everyone else but yourself, didn't you? Come to a group session with me." 

"Why are you here so early?" Julia changes the subject and I let her. I

"I couldn't wait any longer, asked the next shift to come in a little early, and I'll pay em some of what I got from Paul. Do you have your Night Terrors often??"

"James."

"Julia..."

She sighs. "Can we not talk about this right now?"

"Sure, we can talk about it in group later today."

"I can't go later today." She lies.

"Why not......" I know her tricks. I know because Julia is shit at lying. "Try it out. We'll go together. It'll be ok." But she shakes her head no. "Why Julia."

"I can't deal with this right now. There's so much going on."

"There's always going to be shit going on. That's not a good enough excuse, and you know it." 

"I'm not ready."

"It's been five years, Julia. You're ready."

"I'm not." 

"Why don't we stay in 'Friend Mode' today. Ok?" I say to the very stubborn woman next to me. I get off the bed and sit back on the chair.

"What??! Why?" 

"I'll pick you up at 4." I say calmly and walk out of the room, letting the door close behind me. She'll come with me later. She needs to do this. A little tough love will help.

*****