*Trisha*

Nate's not on board with my idea on making an appointment with Dr. Donovan but he's been outvoted. Nothing will be done today though. I'll call in the morning to schedule an appointment. I suddenly have other things on my mind.

When I look at the calendar on my phone to see what days would work for a therapy session I notice something. I notice something and quickly need to leave Nate's apartment. 

"Ok. Nate. You know you have a session later. I'm gonna go get my workout in downstairs at the gym, ok? I'll be back up in time to remind you." I smirk and Paul gets up. Nate brushes me off and goes on to the balcony for fresh air.

"Paul... After you."

I follow him into the elevator, and he presses the lower floor, but I then hit the lobby floor. 

"I thought you said you were going to the gym?" He cocks an eyebrow at me but I throw him my keys.

"No. I need you to take me somewhere but I swear to God, Paul. If you tell anyone anything I will murder you. Flat out murder you, you hear me?" I glare at my bodyguard who only nods, feeling the seriousness of what I need to do.

*****

*James*

"The sun feels good, huh?" Julia opens her eyes at the same time I do, and I nod. We are outside on the balcony feeling the sun on our faces and getting fresh air together. I'm concerned for Julia and now for Trisha. They are both playing with fire dealing with this doctor.

 "You really don't remember Griffith Park?"

No. I shake my head having no idea what she's referring to, which also makes me nervous.  What else don't I remember? Is this part of the brain injury or somethin more? Am I turning into my mother? Dementia runs in the family. Oh God. What if I have that too?

"That's a shame. We'll have to go there soon. Maybe that will help. Did you do your PT with Jonah while I was gone this morning?" She raises an eyebrow at me but I just shrug my shoulders.

"I take that as a big fat no. Why do you fight with everyone over that stuff?"

She kisses the corner of my mouth and I stop thinking about my mom and dementia.

 "What am I gonna do with you?"

I can hear Nate playing his guitar and quietly singing a new song he will begin to record today. It's a slow song and I love it.

"What do you think about Trisha seeing Jeremy as her therapist to get more evidence? Think it's a good idea or not?"

I take her hand  and squeeze it and nod yes. I mean to say no but my brain tells my head to nod instead of shake. Another thing that seems to happen which concerns me. Now Julia thinks I'm on board with this idea when I'm not and I can't even say anything about it.

"Yeah. Maybe. She's strong. She can probably handle it. I'm not strong at all. Not like her, ya know?" Julia closes her eyes and I rest my head on her shoulder, giving up on trying to have a conversation now. It's to frustrating.

 "I wish you could talk. I miss hearing your voice. Your laugh. You always made light of everything."

"Only time I heard even a little bit if your voice coming through is when we had sex that time. And we aren't doing that again."

Yeah, sure Julia...

"I mean it. We're not together. You know that and I know that."

I shrug my shoulders and smile at her. I know it's not the last time for us. She knows it too.

"I'm just letting you know. You know I'm a mess, James. I'm a mess. Nate's a mess. God, you're a mess. Look at us all. It's all because of me."

I frown hearing Julia talk like this. I shake my head no and mean no and wrap my arms around her to hug her.

"I hate the way things turned out."

Believe me, babe. So do I. But none of this is your fault. This is that hand you were dealt.  I wish I could talk to you and tell you this. I wish I could do a lot of things right now. 

We were all dealt a shitty hand.

*****

*Trisha*

"Trisha, why are you being so secretive about coming here? I don't understand why you lied to Nate and told him you were going to work out." Paul follows me into the building with a confused look on his face.

"You figure it out in a minute. I knew something was wrong. I just fucking knew it." I mumble and feel my hands begin to tremble.

The minute we walk down the aisle in the drugstore it all comes together for Paul.

I stare at the multiple brands of pregnancy tests and feel tears roll down my face. 

"Shit." It's all Paul can say.

I fucked up. God did I fuck up. I swallow hard and quickly pick out two different brands  and walk up to the register. "Say nothing. Paul. Say nothing to no one. I don't even know if I am."

"I won't say anything." Paul looks down at me as I pay and quickly walk out of the pharmacy. I sit in the car and hold on to the bag. I close my eyes when I feel the tears coming down more.

"Now what?" Paul asks from the drivers seat.

"I told Nate I was gonna workout. I need to waste time. Just give me a second ok?" I open my eyes and take a deep breath. "God. What if I am??" I rest my head back on the seat and look ahead. "Nate doesn't want kids. At all."

"Oh.." Paul looks away for a moment. " I didn't realize... I actually thought it would have been...nevermind." He stops short and I furrow my brows at him.

"What? No, you started your sentence. Finish it, Paul." I turn my head and glare at him. Maybe he didn't know me and Nate have slept together recently. Quite a few times actually. Then again, how would Paul know this?

"I was thinking you slipped up and had sex with Dave..."

"God no. Not in awhile. No. Paul, if I AM pregnant it's Nate's. Shit."

"I repeat. Trisha Banks. You're an idiot. You are old enough to know about protection." Paul shakes his head at me and looks out his own window now. He may be Nate's bodyguard but he's also his friend and he knows what this will do to him. To us. To everyone.

"First. I'm NOT an idiot. Second, I've been on the pill forever. But.. When we got into the car accident and I was in the hospital, there were a few days I missed. And with the concussion affecting me a little longer than I let on.. I realized I forgot a few more days here and there. FUCK! I can't believe this!" I freak out in the middle of my conversation and cover my face.

"Just take me back to Nate's. Please."

And he does. I stuff the bag in my purse and we head back to Nate's apartment.

*****

"Hey. Can I use your shower before the session, instead of going back home? I can just meet you there in a little while?" I ask Nate who seems to be in the middle of a serious conversation with Jonah. Nate nods. 

"Go for it." He grabs his guitar out of his bedroom before I take over.  I lock myself in his bathroom and rip open the first test, taking forever to read and then reread the instructions. My hands are still shaking.

I pee on the first test and set it aside, paying attention to the time on my phone. I rip open the other brand and follow the same steps. I turn the shower on so Nate thinks I'm really taking one and sit on the counter. I try not to look at either of the tests until it's time but now, my whole body is shaking. I've been waking up nauseous and  been tired a lot lately. But I also feel like I'm overthinking things.  I hop off the counter and begin pacing back and forth the large bathroom, fidgeting with my hands. Jesus Christ, I'm fidgeting like Julia does.

Halfway through I give in and look over at the two tests, just to make sure they are even working.

I don't look away. In fact, I stare at them.

Oh. 

They are working all right. Both tests already show the two pregnancy lines and the time isn't even up yet.

Shit.

Holy shit.

I'm pregnant.

I'm pregnant.

I look away from the tests and then back.

Yep. I'm still pregnant.

Shit.

I grab my phone and text Nate.

[I think I went too hard with my run. Not feeling great. Go to the studio and if I'm better I'll meet you there]

I lie. Nate can't miss this session. It's an important one. There's no way I'm telling him before the session but put one of the tests in my purse for when I do tell him. I quickly throw everything away and unlock the door. Nate is already gone, thank God. Nate is gone but Paul is sitting in one of the two chairs near the window of Nate's room, waiting for me. He knows I'm gonna need someone and by default, he has to be that someone. I lock eyes with my bodyguard and swallow hard. All I have to do is nod just a little and he knows. He stands up and walks over to me and hugs me. Paul hugs me and I hold on to him so tight and cry. I cry harder than I've cried in a very long time.

"I can't believe this is happening. He's gonna freak out." Paul pulls away from me and looks down almost like he's mad.

"For once, Trisha. Stop thinking about Nate and think about YOU. How are you??"

I stare at him for a moment.

"You said Nate never wanted kids. Great. What about you?"

"I..." I wipe my tears and shake my head. "I don't know. I never really thought about it with the job I have. It's too demanding to do AND raise a child at the same time, so I never really thought about it." I sit on the corner of Nate's bed and then a slight smile escapes me. 

"It would be a fucking cute kid though. I mean..c'mon now." I laugh a little. And Paul lets out a  sigh of relief.

"Plenty of celebrities raise families. A lot of times their kids go on tour with them." He tries to make me see the positives. "You can certainly keep your job and have a baby at the same time Trisha. I'm just trying to make you see another point of view here."

"He's gonna freak."

"He will. And then he will get over it."

*****

*James*

"What a day, James." 

Trisha keeps me company while Julia is taking a shower. I'm lying in bed because, let's be honest, there's nothing else I can do. I know I'm starting to fall into a depression over all this. Especially since I'm not seeing any changes in my physical health yet.

 I don't want to be like this forever. I don't want people to have to take care of me like this forever. My sisters already have their hands full with Ma. Julia needs someone to take care of her, and after what Trisha just told me right now..... she's gonna be a little busy for the next...eighteen plus years.

"I mean. He's gonna freak out. That we all know. But what if this is all going to be too stressful for him? His heart can't handle anymore stress. What if he wants nothing to do with  me now? I don't think I can handle that. He's to me like you are to Julia. He's my best friend. I can't lose him, ya know?"

I nod and continue to hold Trisha's hand and be there for her. Shits gonna hit the fan when she tells Nate. Hell, when he tells Julia. 

Julia just had a very long conversation with me how she thinks we should remain just best friends. How she will take care of me no matter what forever. No question. 

But Julia is choosing Nate.

Can you blame her? Look at me. I'm a damn vegetable right now. I'd choose Nate too.

But when she finds out Nate and Trisha are having a baby together....

Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe.... maybe if I try real hard to get better, she will come back to me. More than just my best friend.

Stranger things have happened.

******

*Trisha*

I cry the whole way to the studio. I don't want to go into the recording studio Nate and the band are currently using because I'll only be a distraction. There's no hiding I've spend two hours crying with how puffy my eyes are. Instead, Paul and I wait in Nate's studio room  until the session is over.

About twenty minutes later Nate opens the door and sees me sitting on the couch and Paul on the chair next to me.

"You never came in to the studio?" Nate raises an eyebrow and looks down at me. He notices the tears. "What's the matter?"

"You need to sit down for this one." Paul demands and Nate gives him a confused look before sitting down next to me. 

"What's going on? Is it Dave? Did he-" 

I stop him  mid sentence when I pull out my positive pregnancy test from my purse.

"Please tell me that's a Covid test." Nate whispers and I start crying again. "Wait. You're on the pill. You said- wait.. Trish.." His voice cracks.

"I skipped a few days after the crash and I was in the hospital with the concussion. I didn't realize- I didn't think a few days would... I..."  I quickly put the test back in my purse and cover my face with my hands.

"Is it..."

Is he fucking serious right now? I glare at him giving him the answer to the question he is trying to ask.

"Of course it's yours, you idiot! My God, Nate!" I cry.

"Well I don't knoowww. Jesus Christ Trisha, it's a simple question. We're not fucking married..." He shrugs.

"Well aware."

"It could be a faulty test..." Oh, God. He's in fucking denial.

"I took two, Nate. I took two. That's why I texted you that I wasn't coming here."

He finally gets it and pulls me in to hug me.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't realize...." My words trail off.

"We'll figure it all out. Ok? I'll do whatever you need. You're not in this alone." 

We stay in the studio longer than anticipated before I am finally calm and exhausted, ready to go home.

 The drive home is silent.

* * * * * * *

I wake up in the middle of the night in tears and know I can't be alone. I WILL drive myself crazy.  I crack open the door to the guest bedroom. Paul is asleep of course. But being a well trained bodyguard, a very light sleeper at that. Even know the door didn't make a sound, he rolls over in bed to see me in the doorway. I walk over to the side of the bed as Paul sits up.

"You fine?" He grumbles in his half awake raspy voice. I shake my head no and begin to cry. "Shit." He sighs. I know Paul can't handle crying and I don't cry often, aside from recently. 

But what surprises me the most out of the bodyguard is his reaction.

"Fine. Get in." He pulls the comforter up  and lets me crawl into his bed. What surprises me even MORE is when he spoons me and wraps his arms around me. I hold on to his arms and cry. And Paul lets me. "Five minutes, Banks. You get five minutes to cry and then go to sleep or I'm kicking you out." He grumbles again and I actually laugh a little.

"I knew you were gonna break down sooner or later." He huffs and holds me against him. I'm only wearing a tank top and my underwear and he's only in his boxers but nothing about this is sexual.  This is Paul trying to calm me down and get sleep at the same time. 

Two birds. 

One Stone.

When morning comes I realize I must have cried myself to sleep. Paul is still in a deep sleep when I wake up and notice we are in the same position as last night. Neither one of us budged. The only thing that budged is the enormous bulge pressed against my ass.

I don't even wanna know what he is dreaming about. Men.

 I slowly slide myself out of Paul's arms and leave the room. I shower, get myself ready, make the coffee, try to live normal. Shit. Can I even drink coffee now? I dump mine out and frown. I know absolutely nothing about pregnancy. Nothing about babies. I was an only child. It was just me and my mom. And then it was me and Nate. With this lifestyle and job there's no room for children. There was never any exposure.

Once Paul wakes up and is ready for the day we head to Nate's. He knows if I stay in this apartment I will go batshit crazy. We don't mention anything about last night. Because there's nothing to mention. We pick up breakfast on the way and both wonder what we will be walking into when we get into the apartment. Did Nate tell Julia? Does anyone know? Should they know? Do we wait? I haven't a clue but both Casey and Jonah are the only ones up right now and happy to not have to make breakfast. 

"Bagels, muffins, Danish, donuts... I didn't really know what everyone liked so bought it all." I lean against the counter envious of Paul sipping coffee. I will have to google that later.

We are all gathered around the counter when we hear Nate's door swing open and hit the wall.

Fuck.

 Julia storms out of the room, heading towards James's room but when she sees me she stops and turns around.

She slaps me across my face. Hard. My hand instantly shoots up to my stinging cheek and my eyes blink away the stinging tears.

"He's all yours now. You made that VERY clear."

She walks to James's room and shuts his door. Nate is glaring at me. Everyone is staring at me.

"Fuck, Trish! I was gonna tell her on my own. You didn't have to leave the friggen thing in the garbage for her to see!" Nate's British accent echoes through the apartment.

"What's going on?" Casey asks and I lose it.

"It's a FUCKING TRASH CAN! You know? Where you throw FUCKING PREGNANCY TESTS IN!" I scream

"Ok then. Jonah. Let's eat breakfast in my room." Casey and Jonah quickly exit and I can almost feel Paul on edge, unsure which client to protect.

"Go find something to do, Trisha. Go fucking shopping or get your hair done or something that doesn't involve being here right now."

I quickly grab my purse and leave his apartment with Paul trailing behind. He barely makes it into the elevator when it closes. Once it's closed is when I really lose it. I slide down the wall and cry like a fucking baby while still holding on to my face.

 "Why does she even care!? They're not together!!" I yell out in the elevator and Paul pulls me up, walking me to my car.

*****

*James*

I wake up to see Julia in my bed, laying on her stomach. Crying. I sit up and see Nate on the small couch in my room, also crying, with my dog by his feet. I  now know exactly what is happening. Julia notices I'm awake and turns her head to the side to look at me. I furrow my brows and lay back down on my side facing her. I put my hand on her cheek, and she holds it there, still crying.

"Jules. Can we please talk about this?" Nate says from the couch. I don't think he knows I'm awake yet. Julia looks at me and shakes her head.

"There's nothing to talk about, Nate." Nate walks over to the bed and tries to touch Julia's back but she flinches. "Please. Just go."

And he does. Maggie follows him out.

Julia says nothing. She closes her eyes and buries her face in my chest. I want to tell her I know. That Trisha told me. I want to tell her that it's ok. That I'm here for her. But all I can do is let her cry next to me.

"I can't handle any more negative shit, James.  I just can't."

*****

*Trisha*

I spend the rest of the day in my bed, which isn't like me. I flip through the channels on the tv to try to ignore life for a while, settling on some hallmark movie I've seen a trillion times already. You know the one. Single woman moves out of the city to get away from ex and opens her own fucking flower shop or something stupid. Moves to country, hooks up with a low maintenance cowboy who own a beautiful wood cabin and a fucking farm, blah blah blah. It usually happens around Christmas, so the quaint little town is decorated just perfectly. They're all the same. Half the time with the same fucking actors as well.

I lay in my bed and pull my knees up to my chest feeling pretty God damn alone and pathetic right now. I can't believe Julia slapped me across the face. Last time anyone  has ever hit me was...

I try to force that memory out of my brain but it begins to haunt me. Dave was so drunk. He claims he doesn't even remember doing what he did and I actually believe him because when I came out of the emergency room and told him  what he did and how that was the final straw for us, barely made it to the bathroom before throwing up at hearing what he did to me. But this time, I didn't have a choice but to get medical treatment. I knew I needed stitches. I wonder if Julia did too when I think of how Nate described the change of bloody sheets.

My stomach begins to turn just thinking about it right as Paul knocks on my door and waits for me to answer. I get up and wipe my eyes, swing the door open and plop back into bed to wallow in my self pity.

"Tea." Paul says being a man of many words and handing me a cup of tea.

"Thanks Paulie." I sniff. "God I fucked up."

Paul makes himself at home and sits on the oversized chair  on the other side of the room with his coffee. He chuckles a little when he looks at the TV.

"Really? This is what it's come down to?" He shakes his head at me and my sappy Hallmark movie.

"They all end the same. Happy ever after. Or an ex girlfriend kills him off. Same thing."

"You're in rough shape, Banks." He sips his coffee but watches the movie with me.

"Am I vain? The way Nate talks sometimes. 'Go find something to do, fucking shopping or get your hair done or something that doesn't involve being here right now.'  Who the hell does he think he is? Half the time the shopping I do is FOR HIM! Spoiled motherfucker."

"Anyone ever tell you you have the mouth of a trucker?" Paul snickers. "And anyways, THAT's what you're worried about right now? The way Nate told you to leave? I'd be more worried about his psychotic little girlfriend killing you off like this damn movie you're watching."

I laugh at that. 

"She IS fucking crazy, isn't she?"

"Damn straight. I'd watch your back. Moretti may come tear up your bathroom next."

God I love this guy. He cheers me up instantly with his dry sense of humor. Always ending  with somehow involving Julia and that damn bathroom.

"What the hell am I gonna do, Paulie? I'm having Nate's baby."

"I don't know but that kid is gonna be the richest sonofabitch alive between his two parents."