*Trisha*

 I've been sleeping in Nate's bed, and both Paul and Jonah know it, but don't say anything. I've washed all his sheets beforehand except for his pillowcase. I don't wash it because it smells like his cologne and shampoo. It smells like Nate.

I cry a lot in this pillow, and a few times, Paul has come in to check on me in the middle of the night. Usually, it's Jonah checking on my medical status, but he's been exhausted lately going back and forth to the hospital and taking care of... everyone.

Tonight is another night I'm anxious. Nervous for Nate. Nervous for James.

I hear the usual knock on the door, and it opens slowly like the other times.

"You're crying again, Banks." Paul says this every time.

"Sorry, Paulie. Didn't mean to wake you." I sit up and turn on the small lamp on the nightstand. "I'm turning into fucking Julia, aren't I?"

Paul comes in and sits on the recliner like he has the last few times.

"No. You're upset because you have two friends that you care about in the hospital. Julia cries when her eggs are made the wrong way." He says and I burst out into laughter.

"You're not lying there!"

I lay back down on my side and face Paul. I study the shirtless muscles of a man in his forties who is currently in just a pair of jeans he threw on to come in here.  Maybe he's like Nate and only sleeps in his boxers. I wonder if James does too... 

Aww James.

"What if something happens?" I turn serious quickly and frown. God, I am turning into Moretti.

"Like what, Trish..."

"Like what if James doesn't pull through. And what if Nate's heart keeps getting weaker like his dad's. What if I lose them both?" 

Paul leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees. He draws his hands down his face and rubs his jawline before sighing.

"I don't have an answer for that." He grumbles.

"Well you're of  no help to me." I sniff and tease him.

"Sorry." 

"This shit's hard.  Every time I close my eyes I see that fucking crash. And worrying about asshole Dave on top of it all. I feel like I'm losing my mind, Paul. This isn't like me.  I feel like I'm breaking apart at the seams. Sorry, you don't have to listen to me complaining. You deal with enough. You can go back to bed."

Instead of going back to bed, Paul gets comfortable on the recliner, resting his hands behind his head as a pillow and closes his eyes. 

"I want you to try and fall asleep. And if you wake  up from a nightmare, I'll be right here, ok?" He pauses and I nod. 

"Thanks Paul."  I close my eyes and hear my bodyguard inhale deeply as we both start to fall back to sleep.

******

For the first time since the accident, I sleep more than four hours and wake up with OUT a raging headache. Paul is already out of Nate's room and I smell coffee being brewed. I take a quick hot shower, let my hair air dry and throw on a pair of  black leggings and Nate's green Nike T-shirt, before heading out in to the main living area of the apartment.

Both Paul and Jonah are awake and slurping down bowls of cereal at the kitchen island like two teenage boys.

"Any news, Jonah?" I  ask while  pouring myself a cup of coffee. Him and Paul are the only one with cell phones right now. The rest of us have no idea where ours went in the crash. Same goes for purses, wallets, licenses, you name it. Gone. Just thinking about all the work I have to do starts up a headache. I squint my eyes and hold my temple with my coffee free hand.

"Actually, yes. But are you ok? Still getting headaches?" Jonah studies my pained look.

"I'm fine." I lie and drop my hand away from my head. "News. Chop chop."

"James did well overnight and is almost at the 24 hour mark with no ventilator." Jonah rattles off the news. He seems to be doing ok breathing on his own. He now just has a small oxygen tube near his nose. No seizure after the second one he had the other day."

"Oh, thank GOD." I exhale all the tension I was holding on.

"Now we wait. That's all we can do. But if you're up for it, at eleven their having a meeting with the doctors on what to do moving forward."

"Of course I'm up for it."

"Trish... You'd tell me if this is too much, right? Not just the headaches." Jonah asks with hesitation.

"What do you mean?"

"You're a smart woman. You know nurses don't just help with physical ailments. If you having trouble sleeping or-"

My eyes dart to Paul.

"You're a dick." They both know I'm teasing by the way I say it. Paul smirks and sips his coffee. "I'm fine, Jonah."

"You're crying a lot at night, Trish. You're having trouble sleeping. I can tell by the dilation in your eyes you're in pain which means you're head still hurts. You sure you don't want to skip out  on the meeting and take the day off? Lay down and rest?"

"I'm going to the meeting. And you.." I point at my body guard and squint my eyes. "You  keep your trapper shut next time."

"Part of my job is to make sure you're safe and healthy. Crying and not sleeping isn't healthy. But you've all been through a lot so I let it go at first." Paul admits and put his coffee down, turning this into a real conversation and not just us joking around.

"Wait... Last night wasn't the first time? How long  have you had trouble sleeping, Trish? Why aren't you being honest with me. I'm hired to take care of you."

"Well then you're fired. I don't need anyone taking care of me. I need those two men lying in those hospital beds to be taken care of." I feel the heat rise to my cheeks. "What I need is for James to survive!"

I don't anger often and not sure why I'm having this mini outburst but the minute I raise my voice a shooting pain rips through my head. The sharp pain makes me close my eyes tight and throw both hands to my head, in return, dropping my  mug of hot coffee to shatter and spill all over the floor.

"Shit!!"

Both Jonah and Paul jump up and over to me, walking me over to the couch to sit down. Jonah grabs his medical bag off the dining room table and rummages through to find whatever he is looking for while Paul begins to clean up the spilled coffee and shattered mug.

"They discharged you way too soon." Jonah waves the small light across my eyes but I flinch and instantly close them.

"You trying to kill me??"

"You're getting a migraine." He pulls out a bottle of Advil and talks while he walks to the fridge for a water bottle. "You should stay behind and rest, Trisha. You're doing too much."

"Bullshit. I'm going. This isn't about me. This is about James and Nate and I want to go to the meeting." I take the Advil and water from the nurse and gulp down the medicine. "I'll be fine once this kicks in."

"Ok. But can you let me know if things get worse? I mean it, Trisha. Last thing we all need is you having a stroke."

"I'm not gonna have a stroke. Don't be overdramatic. You've been hanging around Hollan too long." I lay down on Nate's couch and close my eyes while both Jonah and Paul clean up the coffee mess. "Just, let me know when you're leaving and I'll be ready." I say with my eyes still closed.

*******.

The meeting was held right up in Nate's room since it is the biggest room to hold all the doctors involved in James's care. Along with the physicians, four out of the five Gallo girls are in the room along with Nate and Julia. Julia sits in her wheelchair with her leg extended on the footrest. Nate has no choice but to sit up in bed with his broken ribs, and I sit next to him on the chair near his side of the bed. I don't bother telling him about my headache this morning because the pain reliever kicked in and I'm fine. I don't need him worrying about that shit.

Dr. Giovanni is James's main doctor in the ICU.  He listens to everyone's concerns. He goes over everything, and he is compassionate when both Julia AND James's youngest sister, Kendall breakdown and cry.

"He can't go into a nursing home." Julia cries, prompting tears from the sisters. 

"The other option would be a private facility or home care." Dr. Giovanni states.

All the sisters cry now.

"We can't afford that. You don't understand." Gwen whimpers and I feel a hard lump form in my throat for James's family.

"I've already talked to Julia about this. Don't worry about money when it comes to James. He will be taken care of. No matter what the cost, ok? You don't need that burden on top of everything else." Nate says and my eyes widen at that. He's never mentioned this to me before. This is a big decision.

The room falls silent. Even Dr. Giovanni doesn't know what to say to this.

"I'm serious girls. I can pay for James's healthcare. James means everything to Julia. He's her best friend and I will do whatever it takes financially to support him. Julia loves him. And I love Julia."

"You... you're not kidding..." Jennie's eyes widen.

"I'm not kidding."

All the girls cry more. The room is filled with tears. But I think they are happy tears. Overwhelming tears but grateful and happy tears. They don't know what to do with themselves and aren't sure whether to hug Nate or shake his hand or what.

"Bring it in." Nate shakes his head and stretches his arms out. The four out of five Gallo girls bombard him with hugs and thank you's and kisses on his cheeks, "The ribs ladies. Watch the broken ribs." He teases. "So this is what it's like to have a big family of sisters, yeah?"

"When you are outta here you are coming over for Sunday dinner. Then you'll REALLY see what it's like to be part of a big family with sisters."

"It IS pretty crazy." Julia comments and smiles at the Gallo girls.

Once the meeting is over and everyone leaves, it's just the core group. Me, Nate, Julia, Jonah, and Paul.

Julia has fallen asleep- still on the Ativan. Jonah is talking to Casey out in the hall...hopefully not about my headaches,  which just leaves me, Paul and Nate to talk.

"Are you sure about this, Nate? It's a huge financial commitment. One that could last years and years." I get right to it.

"Trisha. You are very well aware of my net worth. You know how much is made from one concert alone, never mind a tour with 100 concerts-"

"Yeah but you're not touring. Your health keeps pushing it back. Taking on someone who may need expensive treatment for years is a huge responsibility. Eventually the well WILL run dry."

"I'm going on tour. That's not an IF it's a WHEN. The album is out. It's selling and doing well on the charts. Don't think just because I'm in here I don't know what's going on out there. What's the worst that happens. I go bankrupt and you have to resort to being in porn films? You have an amazing porn face, princess. You'll do just fine."

Both me AND Paul grab pillows and throw them at Nate.

"Jerk."

That hot Dr. Donovan kid comes in to check on Julia but she's asleep....again.

"She's getting too much Ativan for someone who is barely eating." He looks at her chart in frustration and shakes his head before putting it back.

"You really don't have any pull do you?" Nate questions.

"I'm sorry. I really don't." He sits in one of the chairs in the "living" room area, leans forward with his elbows on his knees. "Her detox is going to be brutal. How was she the first time around?"

"Brutal." Me, Nate and even Paul blurt out in unison.

"She could detox at the Avalon, but would then be under a different doctor's care during that time. I don't really deal with the addiction/detox part of the patient. I deal with the mental aspect.. and if I may be honest. I'd hate to say it ... but... she'd get better one on one care during her detox here. The Avalon is an amazing facility and we all known damn well it's pricey. But along with that price comes the fame of it. The celebrities who are demanding and high maintenance taking up all of the staff's time to accommodate them. They are needier and expect more out of the nurses. Some are downright rude. They pay a lot and expect a lot. Julia is timid. Sensitive. She needs someone to care for her. She would get lost in the crowd in the detox program. It's harsh. Julia's not."

Wow. Ok. This kid knows Julia and how she is, that's for sure. I'm a little impressed by his knowledge.

"I hope you don't take offense. I obviously know you're a celebrity, Mr. Hollan. The type of people I'm talking about...you don't fall into that category."

"Oh he was a pain in the ass during his detox. He just chose to be a pain in the ass at home instead of in program."  I throw in and get an eyeroll from Nate.

"Are you prepared to have her stay here for her detox? Or do you think her home is more suitable. She would need a lot of care 24/7 hour care. And a safe space. I'm telling you right now, her detox will be a hundred times worse than the first time. If she was destructive then, guaranteed she will tear through her house this time around even more. She will have meltdowns. She will be self- destructive as well. She could harm you or herself in the process. Her bipolar...her manic episodes...everything will be heightened. If she had the side effects of the tremors, nausea, headaches and mood swings the first time around... you can expect it twice as bad this time. Especially with these high doses they have her on round the clock."

"Shit." Nate drops his head. This is all so stressful for him. Too stressful.

"I take it the first time around was pretty bad by that reaction."

"It was really bad." Paul chimes in. Poor Paul had to deal with a lot of shit he's not used to when it came to Jules. He didn't sign up for that. None of us did.

"Listen, I'm not trying to steer you away from home care. I just want Julia in the safest space possible. I'm invested in her care. In my personal and medical opinion, the best place for her would be in this very room. She has everything she needs and with this specific room, off of the main floor with a million other patients, she gets one on one round the clock care. There's a reason this is called the Presidential Suite. The President and anyone who is in this room, gets the best of the best care and the best of the best nurses. Nurses like Casey and Melanie. They get paid more and they work more."

I didn't realize that. Casey and Melanie are amazing nurses. They are both at the top of their class and it shows. Jonah has also been in this specific wing and he is a very smart man. He's invested. Just like Dr. Donovan.

Dr. Donovan picks up Julia's chart to look over a file before continuing.

"Unfortunately, it looks like Julia is on state help for insurance. Through Boston, Massachusetts. This hospital doesn't take MassHealth for the detox program. Her husband would end up getting a pretty hefty bill when it's all said and done." Donovan pauses and repeats that. "Her husband." The kid suddenly has an evil little grin to him and we all see it.

"So her care is getting pinned on him? That fucktard would get the bill????" Nate's eyes widen, as do mine.

"That fucktard would get the bill." Dr. Donovan smirks.

Wow. Ok.

"Luke sent the divorce papers back, remember? I never told Julia because all this happened. Nate. She's still very much married. He didn't sign the papers. This would be the best revenge." I'm loving this and already plotting it out in my head.

"He wants to fight. Lets fight."

*****

"Wait a second. So you're telling me, because we're still married and he is still claiming me as a dependent on taxes, LUKE would get all my hospital bills??"

Julia wakes up an hour later and we replay this news to her. Dr. Donovan is very excited for her to finally catch a break. As are we all.

"He didn't sign the divorce papers, Julia. They got sent back with a "Return to sender." stamp." I reply.

"Wait.. what? Why would he do that? He's with Nicole now. We haven't been together in over a year. That ship has sailed. Especially now that I remember everything that was done to me."

"Either they had trouble delivering it to him or someone declined it. But he never signed the papers so you are very much still married." I explain.

"I don't know if I should like that or not."

"Doesn't matter. You don't have to pay a penny and can get the best care right in this room. And the best part? I can stay here with you! You're allowed one other person to be here with you. Usually it's a spouse or a caretaker... And I'm pretty sure you don't want your REAL spouse here, correct me if I'm wrong..." Nate states.

"I've never been so excited to stay in a hospital in my whole life." Julia blurts out, for once making everyone in the room laugh.

*****

*James*

It's getting harder to see Carter and I don't know how I feel about that. He's still  on the other side of the tunnel playing in the sand but sometimes he feels further away. I'm spending more and more time in the black. I don't know if that's a bad thing or a good thing but I  at least hear people  when I'm there. When I'm with Carter, it's just me and my boy and the waves.

"He looks like...James."

Julia's with me.

And someone else though I don't know who this is.

"Wait, hold on kiddo. What are you trying to do here? Break your other leg??" The guy's voice says.  I listen intently to their conversation because lets be honest, there's nothing else for me to fucking do here.

"Kiddo. I'm like ten years older than you." 

"Doesn't matter. You do things to act like a kid. Things like try and break both legs." 

"I just want to get close enough to kiss him. That's all I'm trying to do."

PLEASE get close enough to kiss me. I'll feel it. I know I will.

"Ok. Let me help you. How do we do this?" There's a long pause and some shuffling sounds.

"Ok, hold on. I gotcha." 

I feel Julia stroke my cheek. I FEEL her lips kissing the corner of my mouth. I'm right here. I'm still with you.

"Did you see that???" She kisses me again. Over and over and I feel her tears on my face.  She's crying.

"Could be just reflexes Julia. Don't get over your head." 

"You're here, James. I know you're here. Keep fighting, baby. I know you're here."

Yes. I'm here. I'm still fighting. Just keep kissing me. 

She does.

"He's here. Dr. Donovan. He knows it's me."

"He's here." She says over and over again but it sounds far away. Muffled.

"Let's get you situated. Ok. I'm gonna give you some space." The voice pauses. "To visit him. I'll go sit over there." 

Julia's back to holding my hand now., kissing it while talking to me.

"James, I know you felt my kiss. You HAD to have. That wasn't reflexes. It can't be. Keep fighting. You're almost here. I can feel it." 

Julia talks to me like she always does. Like we are laying in the grass together at the park talking for hours. I love that about her. She tells me everything. She's gonna get more medical help for herself. She's gonna stick it to that awful husband of her. How he will get her medical bills. I'm trying to smile but have no idea if I am.

I feel her smile against my hand. Julia tells me I'm breathing on my own. I had no idea I wasn't. 

She tells me that she loves me.

She tells me what Nate is going to do for me financially and how relieved my sisters are. She lays on my hand and I think falls asleep because there's no more talking but she's still with me. I'm still in the black.

I'm still fighting.

*****

[Trish can you please just let me explain?]

I turn to Paul and show him the message.

"Persistent fucker huh?" I sigh  deeply and Paul shakes his head. We're at Nate's apartment eating greasy take out heaven for food while I set up everyone's new phones for them. Something we all lost in the crash. Of course, the first message that I get has to be Dave. 

"Do I answer him or keep ignoring him or what? I can't change my number. All of Nate's  'people'  contact me. Elliott, Richard, hell- Holly the hair and make up girl. Everyone."

"What do YOU think you should do? " Paul asks while shoving a  bunch of fries in his mouth and then taking a sip of his soda like he hasn't eaten in three months. How he stays so fit is beyond me. I have to work hard to burn off this fast food.

"I'm asking my bodyguard what I should do... just tell me."

"Hmph. I get it. Is that all I am to you? After all these years. Didn't even make it to Friend Zone." I love that Paul's personality is starting to come out around me. He's always been so quiet and  'bodyguardish' 

"Oh you made it to friend zone, Hot Stuff." I flirt and nudge him. What the hell am I doing?  Yeah, that's right... flirting with my bodyguard...because THAT'S appropriate.

"So tell me this. If you were to respond to him, what would you even say?"

"Good question. Maybe 'why did you think what you did was ok?' Then he'll say he was drunk and didn't mean to let it go that far and how sorry he is  and how much he misses me and yada yada yada" I ramble and push the phones aside.

"I take it, you've been in this position with him before?"

"Maybe." I sigh and throw my hair up in a pony tail noticing Paul watching me do so.

"How many times?" Paul looks at me in a more serious manner, now.

"How many times what?" I cock an eyebrow.

"How many times has he done something physical and then you take him back after?"

I swallow hard at the way he phrased his sentence. I swallow hard because I've taken Dave back so many times it's actually embarrassing. 

"Too many times." I admit, feeling ashamed of myself and Paul can tell.

"I'll never understand that. I've seen it SO many times in my line of work. I get fighting, bickering, all that shit. But if someone physically hurts you, why would you ever take him back?"

"He didn't hurt me. He just grabbed my wrists..."

"See? That! That right there!" Paul furrows his brow and his deep voice softens. "Trisha, you had BLACK AND BLUE marks on both your wrists! He didn't JUST grab your wrists. He grabbed your wrists. He held  you up against a wall so you couldn't -"

"I know what he did, Paul!" I burst out, "You don't have to remind me!" I lean over and cover my face with my hands.  

"Sorry." I retract. "I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm just stressed out."

"I just don't get it. The second a red flag went up you should have ghosted him right away. Forever."

"That red flag went up years ago, Paulie. Finish eating your fries before I do."