*James*

That's the night I knew I lost Julia for good. I could just feel it. Even though she was saying goodbye to Nate.... I could just feel it.

I close my eyes when Julia heads back in. To my surprise, she doesn't slide into Nate's bed like always. She slides into the recliner with me. Julia still thinks I'm sleeping. She gets under the blanket and rests her head on my chest and falls asleep quickly. And then I fucking cry.

*****

I wake up at six in the morning and feel Julia move off me. She heads to the balcony. I give her a few minutes before I follow. Do I tell her I know what they did last night out here? Do I even bother to tell her how much it hurts? Or is she too unstable mentally to even bother...

"You ok, babe?" I stand behind Julia and wrap my arms around her body, resting my chin on her shoulder. I can tell she's been crying. Welcome to the club, sweetie.

Her body still shakes from her detox but I don't talk about it. "Why are you crying?" I ask.

"I'm not messing around anymore. I told Nate last night. I can't be like Luke."

I squeeze her tighter wanting to say so much to her but I stay silent.

"But I could really use my best friend James, right now." Her voice quivers and cracks. "Because it hurts so bad."

I turn her around and hold her while she cries in my arms. Because I'm James. 

I'm just fucking James.

****

*Trisha*

"Jesus, Playboy. You look like shit. Rough night?" I'm still in my pajamas and starting the coffee when Nate walks by me to get a water bottle. He fucking ignores me like an ass and takes over my spot AND my blanket on the couch. Douchebag

"Did you call maintenance yet?" He grumbles from the couch.

"Yes. They will have someone come in three days." I say dryly without turning to look at him.

I don't say anything more. No "thank you". No nothing. God I could go for a drink right now.

"Seriously. You good Nate? You feel ok?" I lean over the side of the couch and feel his forehead. He really does look like shit.

"I'm fine. Just have a headache. And need a fucking drink. Ok?" He snaps and pushes my hand away. I sit on the space in front of him on the couch, making sure I don't touch his healing incision. And tuck his hair into place.

"How can I help you?"

"I don't know. Postpone the meeting with Richard maybe?" He says the comment in a snarky manner. "It's too soon. I'm not ready."

"You know I can't do that." I drop my hand.

"Well try. Please. I'm not ready to go back to the studio yet. He's gonna wanna get the ball rolling the minute I step foot in that building. I'm not ready." With that, Nate stands up and goes back to bed.

I can't win with him. What the hell am I supposed to tell Richard? Already I'm stressed out and the morning has just begun. On top of that, I feel bad for James and how Nate treated him. All because of fucking Julia. Everything is always revolving on Julia and it's really messing up people's lives.

****

*James*

Julia comes out of the bathroom at the same time I come in the bedroom to check on her. She was taking awhile and I started to get nervous.  She seems to get dizzy a lot lately.

She comes out with damp hair, wearing a plain red t-shirt and black leggings. She doesn't look at either of us.

We both watch her walk over to the window where the two big chairs are.

"You feeling ok?" I sit on the chair across from her and  try to read her facial expression. Nate sits up in the bed now as well.

"He was in Boston that day." Julia looks out the window while she talks and I looks back at Nate.

She's doing it again. She's remembering shit she suppressed for so long. It's like she's starting to come to terms with her reality. Nate grabs his phone and I imagine he is texting Jonah to let him know.

"He was supposed to be at work but instead...He...they were in our favorite hotel in Boston, that we to go every year for our anniversary. It's a really nice hotel. Fancy. That's where he was the day she called me. Nicole. I've met her so many times. She's much younger than me. She's beautiful. Like, really beautiful."

 I literally feel like I'm going to throw up.

"Apparently, Luke was supposed to come clean and leave me. Nicole was getting frustrated that he wasn't following through. She decided to call me after having sex with him to tell me the truth. The details. She even sent a picture of his clothes on the bed while he was in the shower. His briefcase on the floor."

"The day she called was the day Danny died. Luke was at the hotel with Nicole, "busy", when everyone was trying to get ahold of him." Julia can barely get the words out, but continues to stare out the window.

Jonah rushes in to the room now but doesn't quite know what to do either so sits on the corner of the bed near Nate, also observing her.

"Can you believe that?" Julia turns and looks at all three of us now, like she's out of her trance. Tears stream down her face and James takes her hand to hold. "I was all alone. In the hospital, with my dead son. While he was at OUR hotel having sex with her."

"He was never in love with me. It was all about Danny. It was all about Nicole. Even after our son died. She was the one to console him, and then he'd come home to his broken wife, and I guess pretend to console me. I was too gone in my head to see the truth. While we were grieving he was also starting a fun new relationship with someone else. Or was already in a relationship. For who knows how long. He had someone to turn to. God, I'm humiliated thinking he was genuine with me."

Julia focuses her eyes on Nate now.

"Now... God, Nate, now I'm starting to remember things. I was so mentally gone he became careless. He thought I was completely checked out. And I was. At the time. But now I can't unsee things. I now remember catching them in the act, multiple times. One time in my own shower and Nicole looked right at me... and fucking smiled. His back was turned and I closed the door as quick as I opened it. She'd leave her lingerie in my bedroom for me to find. It was all a game to her. She wanted to torture me and make it known she was winning. I don't even think Luke knows I know."

"Jesus Christ." Nate blurts out.

"I was so broken from losing Danny...I was oblivious. Naïve. I saw what I wanted to see and suppressed what I didn't want to see, what I couldn't handle. Now it's all starting to come back to me. I can't stop it either!" Julia rambles fast like if she doesn't say everything now she's gonna explode or shut down completely. It's a lot to take in that's for fucking sure, but I rather know than have her shut down on us. I think this is also part of the medication "working", because Jules never talks this much, not like this.

I try to put the pieces of her life together. 

"And you stayed with him even when you found out? He ended up leaving you after all that? What a piece of shit coward!" Nate blurts out in an uncontrolled manner. Jonah shakes his head at Nate.

" She won. I stayed just like James stays with me when I continued to do stuff with you. I really did love him. Luke may be a coward, but he's still a grieving father."

Just like James stays with me. Yep. That me. James. I sigh.

"I was too in shock to do anything. I had just made the decision to take Danny off life support when Nicole called. I must have blocked it all out. Apparently for a long time."

"Yeah, but -" Nate starts up again.

"He was an excellent dad. Just not an excellent husband."

"He's still a tool." Nate keeps going.

She looks back out the window and doesn't say anything else for a while. The rest of us sit in silence, all feeling crushed that she not only had to deal with the loss of her son, her husband's affair, but also the game player girlfriend who wanted Jules to cave in and divorce her husband. The torture that lady put Julia through when she could barely survive as it was...it makes my stomach turn.

"That's why I'm a mess, Jonah. I was living a lie." She turns and focus on the nurse. "I don't want to remember this stuff. I don't want to relive the affair. Nicole left too many details for me to take in. It's not like it was this one and done mistake. For all I know, they're still together. But what he did...what SHE did...I don't want to remember any of it." She stands up now and all eyes are on her.

"I don't want to remember anything. I'm not attending the virtual therapy appointment today, and I'm not taking anymore of those fucking pills. So figure it out."

Julia storms out of the room.

"It's like we're getting nowhere. We're right back to the beginning." I say, feeling completely defeated and drained. "There's been no positive progress." 

"She needs to be on medication for her Bipolar Disorder. If left untreated, she could keep spiraling out of control. At least on it she seems calmer." Jonah replies.

"Yeah cuz she's in fucking shock, Jonah. You said it yourself yesterday. Shock isn't being calmer. Shock is just adding another diagnosis to her list." Nate blares at the nurse.

"I can't force her to take her medication. She has to want to do it for herself. I still think she's only doing this for you two. Maybe that wasn't the right approach for therapy but for medication, if she stops...especially cold turkey, there's no point moving on with any further treatment for her." Jonah stands up and walks to the door as well.

"She listens to you two. Figure out how to get her on board without missing any doses. Cuz if she stops her medication, I'm out." The nurse heads back to his room and closes the door.

"Fuck!" Nate picks up the remote and chucks it across the room and then pinches the tension at the bridge of his nose.

"Well, that right there solved all of life's problems." I sit back in the chair and look at the remote as the batteries roll away.

"How the FUCK are you so calm right now, Gallo!" Nate retorts. I shrug my shoulders. God if Nate only knew how I felt inside right now. 

"Aren't you the one who has had years of media training? How are YOU NOT the calm one right now??" I raise my eyebrows at the man and grab the remote, putting the batteries back in and putting the remote back on the nightstand.

"I don't know what to do." Nate gets up and starts pacing the room. "I don't know how to keep her taking her meds. I don't know how to make her forget what she wants to forget."

"Well, I only know one way and it's only a temporary fix, and you already did that with her last night." I mumble

"She already told you?" Nate stops and stares at me. Never mind tell me. I had to witness it myself.

"She tells me everything, Nate. You know that. But it's over now, right?? So now you're main focus should be helping her heal."

"Yes, Gallo. You win. Ok? You're the fucking winner."

"It was never a competition, Nate. This is a human being you're talking about. A woman. A woman who apparently has been through so much it's mentally AND physically tearing her down. We need to work together to get her healthy again. This was never a contest."