*Trisha*

I can tell Nate is upset that Donovan didn't slip up during my therapy session. I should have tried harder and I know that's what he is thinking. I try not to let it bother me as I get ready in Nate's bathroom while he showers. 

My morning sickness has taken over me and I almost made Paul late for the Avalon.

Then, while Nate was in the shower and I was doing my makeup, he got a text message from Paul saying that Jeremy went into the bathroom after Julia and tried shit with her. Jeremy doesn't have a thing for me. He has a thing for Julia and only Julia. He's not gonna slip up with me. Maybe that first initial time but that was it.

"We need a plan. Some kind of real plan." Nate holds on to his towel while walking out of the shower.

"No one can prove he was in the bathroom with her unless they have cameras. And I'm pretty sure, it being the Avalon, filled with celebrities, that isn't the case." I say while putting my mascara on. I'm trying to hurry now because Nate has a huge photo shoot for GQ Magazine that we are both excited for.

"Speaking of cameras Mr. Man Of the Year Award, we need to go shopping for the MOTY Red Carpet Party soon."

"That's not until November!"

"Doesn't matter, if you want that Kiton Cashmere Herringbone Suit the same color as your eyes it's twenty thousand dollars BEFORE alterations and it's being shipped from Italy. You know I wanna be on top of things before.....shit." I barely make it to the toilet and begin heaving again.

"Get out!" I scream at Nate. I don't want him seeing me like this. It's humiliating. "Nate, go!"

All of this is humiliating.  I already hate being pregnant.

*****

*James*

All of this is humiliating. Tears begin to sting my eyes. I'm trying not to let it get to me and I understand I need to learn how to do this shit. But Casey is so wrapped up in Jonah this morning she doesn't seem to catch on I'm having a hard time eating. I'm trying. I'm trying real hard. I  focus on the food and try to stab at it but I just can't do it. And I'm so  damn hungry right now. It's embarrassing. Tears are falling because I can't feed myself. It's humiliating.

"You look sharp." Jonah hands Nate a cup of coffee and his daily heart medication as he walks through the kitchen.

"Wait till you see him AFTER the GQ photoshoot!" Casey nudges Jonah with her hip a little as they lean against the counter side by side. 

"Do you stalk me on EVERY social media site?? How the hell did you know I had a GQ photoshoot?"

"I happen to follow GQ who announced the Men of The Year this morning on Twitter."

"Oooffff course you do and of course they did." Nate sits down next to me. I keep my head down. Like I don't feel bad enough, embarrassment sets in with Nate right here.

"Mornin' Gallo." Nate notices I'm upset and quickly adjusts my fork in my hand right away before anyone else notices. I nod  up at him to thank him and I think he realized I have been struggling for some time with the way he looks at Jonah. He's pissed.

Casey immediately comes over and takes Nate's place awkwardly, knowing she slipped up a little and wasn't doing her job.

"Hey, I have the cleaners coming to organize my wardrobe today before they clean the house so don't be alarmed if they come early." Nate goes back to being normal now as Trisha comes into the room. She doesn't look great. She looks.....green.

******

*Trisha*

"I don't think I'm gonna be able to join you this time, Playboy." I lay down on the couch feeling queasy.

"What? You love going to these things. You sure Trish? The driver won't be here for another fifteen minutes." Nate sulks down next to me and wipes my hair away from my face. He can tell I'm clammy.

"I'm sure. There's no way. Not today." I close my eyes and drop my head down to the pillow.

"Want me to reschedule?"

"No. You can't. It's GQ Magazine. Just....remember to bring all the clothes hanging up in your room. The shoes are lined up next to them, ok? Have Ren help you carry everything in."

I can tell Nate feels bad. He knows I love this stuff. This will be the very first time I've ever missed an event. All because of being pregnant. This is how it starts, isn't it? I miss one thing .....then another...and another... and soon I won't be reliable enough for him. Soon he will find someone else to take over for me when I can't do things. I'm sad, mad, angry at myself.

"Well, if you feel better in a bit and change your mind. Call Ren to get you. I'll be there until noon for today's session. Then I'll come back and grab Julia and take her to the studio with me if she's up for it." 

I nod, keeping my eyes closed. I'm not able to do my job and this is the first time that has EVER happened.

"So you gotta stay here then. No going home. Not without Paul."

"I know. I know.. Stay here. You got it Playboy."

Once Nate leaves I quickly get up and head to his room to lay down. James notices that tears stream down my face. 

I lay down on top of the covers of Nate......and Julia's...bed and a few minutes later, James slowly makes his way into the room and carefully sits on the recliner next to me. He takes my hand. He's trying to let me know he's here for me. He's still James. My friend James. "James the Receptionist", James. I sit up and look over at him.

"This is how it starts, James." I begin and use him as my silent therapist. I tell him what I feel is gonna happen now that I'm pregnant and all my  worries. He does things to let me know he's listening, and he cares. Like squeezing my hand, or nodding, or patting my knee.

 It's sweet. It's James.

****

*James*

The day goes by as planned, but all I can think about is how Julia is while she's at the Avalon. So when she comes home and I see she's not handling things well, I begin to worry again. I sit on the couch, finishing up my PT workout  and drop the weight the second I see her, making Jonah scramble to catch it.

Julia is a shaking, crying mess. Nate sits her on the couch next to me and she curls up against me, putting her head on my lap. I comb my fingers through her hair and Maggie notices Julia isn't well so comes and licks her face.

Nate sits next to us and extends Julia's legs across his lap to rub her bad leg for her. We do whatever we can to care for her. Because she has both of our hearts.

"Where's Trisha and Casey?" Nate looks around the room.

"Casey is helping Trisha in the shower. She got sick again. We think she's dehydrated from getting sick but she doesn't want to go to urgent care for fluids so we're making her drink a ton of electrolyte. We have a grocery order in process that I will pick up when ready with more Powerade and saltines. Things that will help her." Jonah explains. Paul sits on the chair next to the sectional while Jonah puts away the weights and shit.

"Talk, Paul. What happened?" Nate says and we both look over at the bodyguard, now needing to know what went on. 

"He's a prize, Nate. He started first thing in the morning." Paul tells this crazy story of Jeremy coming into the bathroom while Julia was in there. The things he said. How he touched her, intimidated her. I fill with anger and begin to tense up. I want to punch this Jeremy kid right in the face ...and never stop.

Julia can sense my anger and grabs my arm, wrapping it around her and holding it to comfort me. To let me know she's ok.

"Breakfast was unreal. You had to be there. No one noticed but Cara and I don't think she qualifies as a witness being your sister, but when Jeremy wasn't looking I took a picture of Julia's tray in comparison to your sister's tray. I figure, even if we can't use it because you can't take pictures in the Avalon, we have it as evidence. I don't care if my license gets stripped and I lose my job with the company. This was ridiculous."

Paul's nostrils flare and this is the first time I've ever seen him upset like this. I've worked with this guy for years and this is the first time someone has really gotten under his skin.

"You will always have a job with me, Paul. No matter what." Nate reminds him as he hands over the phone. Nate looks at it and then out of respect, shows me. I grit my teeth  and clench my fists just looking at the amount of food that she was forced to eat compared to everyone else.  It's awful. Just awful. He knows she has an eating disorder, Donovan is rubbing it in her face. Punishing her.

Julia kisses my fisted hand and rubs it until I relax.

"THIS? That's double the amount of Cara's plate! He made her eat all this??" Nate studies the picture.

"No. There's no way she could have finished. But she was a trooper, right Moretti?" Paul looks down at Julia with a nod. "She challenged him. When he told her she did a good job and was about to take the tray away, Julia grabbed it and told him she wasn't done eating yet."

"You did??" Nate is shocked by her boldness. As am I.

"I was so mad, Nate. I couldn't resist antagonizing him. I know it was wrong... but ..I mean.. He was trying to punish me." Julia sits up and rests her head on the back of the couch now.

"He let her off the hook when he dropped the f-bomb when he was mad at her, and Cara heard. He apologized and was extra nice the rest of the morning. He knew he slipped." Paul tells the whole story for the entire morning. It's sickening.

"Jeremy is a fucking psychopath." Julia blurts out. "He truly is. And I'm his project. He's loving this. He's loving the control. He's even getting off on the confrontations, getting a rise out of me. He's enjoying every single bit of it."

Nate stands and begins to pace anxiously.

"I hate this. This is her life he's messing with. A person's life. Their mental health. We need a plan." He says in frustration. Jonah, who has been sitting at the kitchen island, begins to speak now.

"The only way we are going to get him to slip up is by doing something inappropriate, multiple times to make a case out of it, in front of other people, not your sister. She counts, but she's related to you.. it works against Julia. And unfortunately," He pauses. "The only way he's going to slip up is by being with Julia. She's the only one he's obsessed with. He can't keep his hands off her, apparently."

"So I'M the bait we have to use to lock him up for doing what he did to ME? I'm my own bait for him??"

I don't think this is a good idea at all. This man abused Julia. She should have had the rape kit done, told the nurses while in the hospital, called the cops. The whole nine yards. Instead, they are playing this game that could ruin Julia's life and put her in danger.

"Jonah, you're telling me she has to make herself AVAILABLE to him for him to make a move and fuck up? I can't let that happen." Nate throws his arms up, then notices the time. "Shit. I have to go. I have a big thing at the studio." He frowns and kneels down in front of Julia, taking both her hands and kissing her knuckles.

"Jules, you gonna be ok here? You wanna come with me?"

"No. I wanna stay home. With James." I silently nod and internally jump for joy. She's choosing me over being with Nate right now.

"Ok love. I'll be back in a few hours. Sorry." We watch him quickly grab his wallet, phone and keys and rush out of the apartment.

Julia stares at Paul and he stares at her, like he can read her mind now that Nate's gone.

"I'll do whatever needs to be done to put that asshole away. Even if I'm the bait." Julia says and Paul gives her a little proud smile. "I can't do it without you Paul. That much I know. I need you to reel me in like you did today."

Both me and Jonah are confused and both give Paul a questioning look.

"We have a system going." Paul continues to stare at Julia. That's all he says. He gets up and heads to Nate's room to check on Trisha. 

What is their system? How is Paul helping Julia get through this type of thing without letting Jeremy in on the fact Paul knows about the rape? I don't understand but I let it go. 

I have no choice but to let it go.

Julia spends the rest of the day with me. She doesn't completely shut down like I thought she would. Instead we go into my room, which is really the size and feel of Julia's hotel room at the Marriott, just without a bathroom. She closes the door and we lay on the couch together. I lay on my back and Julia lays on her side facing me, with half her body practically on me. She vents to me for awhile about this whole Avalon thing until she can't think about it any more.  Then she pulls the blanket that was thrown over the couch over us and nestles into my body, using my chest as her own personal pillow. 

I can feel her heartbeat slowing down as she relaxes into me and I have to admit, it's the best feeling. We both fall asleep in each other's arms just like this and take a nap together. Nothing sexual about this. I don't try anything on her, knowing this whole Jeremy thing has gotten to her head, I just show her I'm here for her and comfort her any way I can.

As much as I want more from her, I know no matter what, I will still be in her life in one way or another. I'll still be her best friend. I'll take whatever I can get- whatever Julia is willing to give me.

*****

*Trisha*

Casey helps me get dressed and now all I want to do is go home. Paul gets the hint and stands up the minute he sees me. I'm so tired. I've never felt this type of exhaustion before.   

I curl up on my couch, needing to know what happened today. Paul plops down next to me and tells me everything. He is getting comfortable here and I enjoy having him around, believe it or not.

"How is this even happening?" I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about Jeremy.

"I'm not sure but we just have to be really careful. He knows how to play the game."

"He really does. Who would have thought?" I lay my head back on the couch and Paul can tell I'm overthinking.

"You're having a hard time keeping up, aren't you?" Paul studies my face when I turn my head to him. "With work." He clarifies.

"Paul, I don't know how I'm gonna do this. What if I'm sick like this the entire pregnancy? I've heard that can happen. Nate is relying on me. What's gonna happen when he goes on tour?  Does he even want me to go now? Am I just a liability being pregnant? Another worry for him?  I'm doing this all alone,  aren't I?"

 I say out loud all the things that have been rattling my brain. It was like Paul could just sense it. 

He takes my hand and holds it for a second, giving it a slight squeeze before letting go. Paul's not the most touchy feely guy so this throws me for a loop.

A lot of things with Paul throw me for a loop.

"He'll come around. He's not thinking straight right now." Paul explains.

"He's never thinking straight. That's the problem. I frown and lean my head on Paul's shoulder. I use his shoulder as a shoulder to cry on. And he lets me. Not only does he let me, he lifts his arm, wrapping it around me and lets me rest my head on his chest. Just by doing this small gesture makes me feel so safe. It also makes me feel other things.

Things I'm not sure I should be feeling right now.

*****

*Trisha*

Another day where Julia shuts down after the Avalon. Something happened but she's not ready to discuss it yet. The meeting Nate scheduled with Dr. Cohen didn't happen and Nate back to the apartment very distraught. Paul right behind him with a sleeping Julia. She shut down again which means Dr. Donovan did something to her. He's a pig but how is he getting away with this stuff at the Avalon? I mean, yeah the first day at the hotel he made a move on me but we were in a hotel room. Alone. How is he messing with her in a huge facility with a bunch of people?

"Cmon, Trisha. I'll bring you home." Paul says, ready for this day to end. I nod and start packing up my laptop while Nate brings Julia to the bedroom. "I'll tell you later." Paul says softly so Nate can't hear him. We quickly leave the building and drive home in silence. It's like Paul needs this moment to decompress. Today was bad. Real bad.

Once home I hand Paul a beer and he sits on the couch. I don't drink but always have beer in the house for guests. I also don't have an addiction problem like Nate so can have that stuff in my house. Once in awhile I will have one beer but that's it. I don't ever finish it and don't touch anything strong. But tonight. Paul looks like he could use a beer- or ten.

"I'll make pasta for dinner. Or would you rather something else?" I ask Paul while he takes a sip of his beer and drops his head back. In a way, we're like roommates. I have no idea where Paul really lives. Does he own a house? Is he paying rent for an apartment he is rarely in? Does he own anything in any other color besides black?

"Pasta's fine. If you don't want to cook I can order Italian out." The grump man mumbles but he knows I enjoy cooking. He takes his beer and follows me into the kitchen while I begin the sauce. I like to make it fresh and let it simmer for a few hours and it's only early afternoon so it's perfect timing.

"What happened today?" I look over at Paul who takes a seat at the kitchen island while I begin the sauce.

"I don't know all the details yet. But he did something to her in that room. Something inappropriate."

"In what room? She was alone with him?? Paul...."

I can tell already Paul regretted that. He has some plan going on with Julia or something sketchy he doesn't want Nate to know. I know they are trying to get Jeremy caught and not have Nate worry about HOW they get Jeremy caught, but if it's how I think it is, using Julia as the bait...they're playing with fire.

"The door was shut for five minutes tops. But I guess that's all it took. After five minutes I opened it to check on them and Julia was crying. Jeremy was consoling her but I could tell it was an act. The way she recoiled when he touched her. She was damn near shaking." Paul continues while I busy myself.

"She was already shut down by that point. When I confronted the kid he said she just does that sometimes."

"Bullshit. She doesn't just DO that sometimes out of nowhere. Something always happens to make her spiral out of control like that." I remind him, but he knows. He was the one at Nate's when Tornado Julia came to town and fucked up a few rooms.

"It was something physical. That much I know, just by Julia's reaction to him when he put his arm around her. She was trying so hard to hold it in and not blow her cover. I don't know if it was abuse as in actually hurting her..or...." Paul ends there and shakes his head, already ready for another beer. I retrieve one for him and he opens it for another gulp.

"This can't keep happening. This guy...he's so messed up. He's messed up like- Dave messed up."

"Yeah, about that. Trisha.... He's still contacting you every day isn't he?"

I freeze, with my back turned to Paul as I stir the sauce. "Why would you think that?"

"Because you left your phone in the living room when you were puking your brains out yesterday morning. And I'm your bodyguard so I unlocked your phone and saw how many times he calls and texts you.

"You WHAT?!" I spin around with the spoon in my hand. "How the hell do you know my pin number? And why the hell would you do that?"

"Because I do and because I can. I'm trained well. I've known your pin for while. You change it every few months too. I'm a bodyguard Trisha. I know all that shit. You always do it in front of me too." He smirks like it's something he is proud of.

"You're an asshole you know that?" I say but it comes out weak and Paul knows I really don't care that he knows this stuff or goes through my phone. He's right. He is here to protect me and can sense when something is up. He IS trained very well. That is why he is the best of the best. That is why Nate hired him.

"I'm an asshole that knows Dave needs to stop this."

"I don't ever respond."

"You sound just like Julia."

"Heyyy." I take offense in a joking way. "Take that back. My bathrooms have never needed remodeling."

I gain a hearty laugh out of the man and it warms my soul. Paul is a very dark and quiet man, so to be able to have the ability to laugh and joke with him, something I am able to do, makes me feel good. Makes me feel like I help him blow off steam from this stressful job.... lighten the day up a little. He has a great laugh, when he decides to use it, once ever other fucking year.

*****

For a single man in his forties, Paul is pretty damn domesticated. He could tell how tired I was after dinner. This first trimester of pregnancy is kicking my butt. Out of nowhere,  he actually offered to do the dishes for me. I was certainly taken aback to say the least.

"How many beers have you had Paul?" I laugh while beginning to rinse out the pot and pan.

"Three. Look at me, Banks. It would take twenty to get me tipsy. I'm not drunk, I'm offering. You're tired. I can tell. Go sit down and read or watch your damn Hallmark Channel or whatever you do."

I don't question the man, grateful for the gesture and sit in the living room. I bought this damn book I probably shouldn't have. It's call What To Expect When You're Expecting. It goes through each month, hell each week of pregnancy so you know what you expect. Apparently this author also has books all the way up to What To Expect In The Teen Years or some shit. Anyway, I plop down with this stupid book and begin to check it out.

Holy Shit.

I read a few pages...then to get a feel of what I'm up against, I skip a few chapters and read a few pages....then skip a few chapters and end up reading a few more pages.... I do this for awhile until I realize I'm in full blown tears.

This is seriously what's going to happen to me? This stuff? I suddenly REALLY do not want to be pregnant. Because I'm an absolute idiot, I flip through to the labor and delivery section. That's when my crying really picked up, apparently enough for Paul to come check on me.

"You're a mess." He says when he sees what I'm reading and hands me a cup of tea.

"I don't think I can do this. I'm dead serious, Paul. I don't want to do this." I cry like a fricken baby and Paul sits on the couch next to me and begins to look through the book. He quickly sees what chapter I am on which has pictures and all and practically throws the book across the room.

"Why the hell would you skip to THAT section!" He picks the book back up and puts it on the coffee table.

"I don't know, ok? I've never been pregnant. I don't even KNOW anyone who's been pregnant. My life has revolved around fuckin Hollan since I was 19!"

"Yeah, same. You guys were just babies." Paul leans back on the couch with his own cup of tea now. Paul has been with us ever since I started, now that I think of it. We pretty much grew up right before his eyes.

"That's right. How old were you then? You're what, forty-five now?" I ask, usually never getting any personal information from Paul, ever. Until tonight.

"Yes, Ma-am." He takes a sip of tea. "So..what..thirty? Maybe thirty-one?"

"Wow. Nate is so immature compared to you when you were thirty." I laugh thinking about Paul being our babysitter. He had his hands full. Especially with Nate as a teenager.

"He was so difficult."

"What do you expect when you become a multimillionaire at age sixteen?!"

"True."

"So really, you're kinda like me. This is all you know. Unless you had the whole family and white picket fence before you turned thirty that we don't know about." I pry a little more.

"No family. No fence. Just bodyguarding." His eyes close a little in a carb coma from the pasta and a long day.

"Do you regret it?"

"Nope."

"That was a quick response."

"Yep."

And that's how I know I've reached my limit with Paul. When he gets to the grumpy one word answers. There's so many things I want to ask him though! I mean, has he EVER had a long term relationship if his life has revolved around Nate Hollan's life?

"One more question then I'm done." I lean back on the couch like Paul does and close my eyes.

"Do you regret taking on this job? Babysitting me and Moretti?"

I open my eyes and turn my head without lifting it to see Paul do the same. We gaze at each other sleepily. My eyes drop to his lips and back up to those dark smoldering eyes.

"No." He says softly.

We have another moment where I wonder if he is thinking what I'm thinking, because for some reason, I want to know what it's like to kiss Paul. And there's no way he can deny the fact he feels the same way, by the way his eyes fall to my lips just like mine fell to his.

He lifts his hand and gently tucks my hair behind my ear while gazing at me, then leaves his hand on my jaw. My heart is pounding now. Because I want him to kiss me.

"Go to bed, Banks. Get some rest." He whispers while looking at my lips, then quickly gets up to put his cup of tea in the sink.

And the moment is gone.