*Trisha*

Ok, so to say I'm a little bit pissed off at Nate may be an understatement. He knows I work hard to coordinate his schedule, his interviews, promos, session slots, practices. He knows. So, when he wiped out the rest of the calendar to spend time with Julia, he knew I'd be fuming. We fought the whole ride back to the apartment, where we'll switch off. Julia goes with Nate, Paul comes home with me. It's not ideal but unbeknownst to anyone, Dave has not let up on the phone calls and texts. I haven't given in but things are not getting better. He needs help. Real help. Like Julia help or something.

"There she is." Nate parks the car the same time Ren pulls up with Julia and Paul. I give him a slight eyeroll but am done fighting with the man. It's the weekend and I've got a lot going on. I can't deal with him and his childish ways.

We all get out of the cars at the same time. Paul hands Nate Julia's folder for the weekend.

"Thanks Paul. You get the weekend off. Well, from Julia at least." Nate smirks and I throw him a dirty look. 

"C'mon Hot Stuff, I'll buy you lunch on the way home." I hand Paul my keys. He knows the drill. I haven't driven much since the accident. I can't seem to bring myself to. Bad enough I have fucking panic attacks with the way Nate drives.

"We can get whatever you like. Go wherever you like." I say as we walk to the car.

"Taco food truck near Griffith?" Paul brings up a fond memory I have of me and James and I suddenly feel sad. 

"Sure, sounds good."

 While in the car I think of the memory of me and "James the Receptionist" hanging out together.

****

I pull into the parking lot of the Food Truck District and wait a few minutes before James pulls in. He looks good. Wearing casual clothes now instead of his usual Marriott polo shirt and khaki pants. I'm still in my skirt and heels.

We both jump out of our cars at the same time.

"Hope this is fine. I wasn't sure what you'd be in the mood for." I grab my purse and phone, and we walk to the food trucks together.

"This is perfect! What are you in the mood for?"

We both decide to tacos and find an empty table to sit at.

"Hey, thanks for this, by the way. Next time I pay." James smiles before taking a huge bite of his taco.

"Stop. You're not paying. Hell, I'm not paying. Nate can. He won't care."

"So, you always dress up for Taco Trucks in the District?" He teases, looking me up and down as some of the taco meat falls out of my taco, making us both laugh a little.

"Well, you know... I AM Nate Hollan's P.A. Gotta dress to impress, right?"

"Sexy." James pokes fun of me and raises his eyebrows while inhaling his food.

"I don't know, Hot Stuff, you look pretty good in that Marriott polo you have to wear for work." I tease James back but he knows he looks good. He takes care of his body. It's noticed.

*****

God we were flirts. Friends but still very flirty. I wonder what would have happened with that if the accident didn't change everything. He clearly has an intense bond with Julia now. They are like fucking mind readers with each other. Like one person. They even eat off the same plate now.

I also think of the amount of money Nate spent feeding James and laugh out loud. I let Paul in on my secret on the ride over and he thinks it's hysterical.

"People get fired for doing shit like that, Banks." Paul smirks and keeps his eyes on the road. He knows I'm on edge with driving. He drives slow and pays attention for me to help calm my nerves.

"Please. Nate Hollan would be fucking lost without me and we both know it."

I go back to thinking about James. We never really had closure. Do I still feel something more for him??

*****

"Mr. Gallo." Nate nods a hello and begins to sweep up the grapes that were dropped on the dining room floor. 

I'm giving Jonah a hard time eating on purpose. Why the hell haven't they caught on yet? Julia is coming home from the Avalon. She may shut down. Wait for her to come home before  giving me lunch. I need her to eat. She'll eat if she's  eating with me. Christ, no one understands! It's so frustrating. I'm doing this for Julia. I need Julia.

Julia takes over and wipes my tears. I have two grilled cheese sandwiches, some veggies with dip, a fruit salad and a small bag of Cheetos  everyone knows is my favorite junk food. I don't eat much shit but when I do, I tend to gravitate towards these.

Julia puts one half of the grilled cheese sandwich in my hand. Once I get a grip on it, I can lift my arm a little though my coordination is still shit. Julia has to guide my hand to my mouth so I can take a bite.  

"See?! You're doing so good James! Just last week you couldn't coordinate yourself enough to hold the sandwich. Now look, You're almost eating on your own!" Julia exclaims proudly.

If only I could talk. All I want to do is have the ability to talk. I keep practicing the exercises the speech therapist does with me. I keep trying to get my voice to come out. I swear, the only time I hear my voice is when Julia is getting me off in one form or another.

"So, Kendall, Jennie and Gwen are coming over later to hang out with you. Remember?" 

I nod, letting her know I remember. 

 "Ashley has to work and you know Katie can't bring your mom. She gets too confused."

I miss my mom. At least before, if she didn't notice my blue eyes, she would know it's me.  She'd hear my voice and know it's her son Jamie and not her abusive sonofabitch husband Joe. But now..now I have no voice. So I have no way of letting my mom know it's me without her looking at me. It kills me. I'm the man of the house. her only son.  I should be taking care of her. Of my sisters. Not the one needing the care. God I worked out multiple times a day to get where I was so I could physically take on Joe and defend my family if need be. Now look at me. 

I'm pathetic.

The only thing I can do is keep pushing forward. Keep eating, getting the calories, doing my PT so I can start real weight lifting again. I need to get back to my life. My routine.

Julia seems lost in space somewhere and forgets I can't really  feed myself here.. I nudge her to snap her back into reality, so we can eat. So SHE can eat.

"Right. Sorry." She puts the other half of the sandwich in my hand but I purposely drop it and furrow my brows, ticking my chin up to Julia. "No? What, James?" 

She understands what I want and takes a bite of the sandwich. I smile and nod at her as we share lunch and she tells me about her day.

"Jeremy was being a dick today. He knows what he's doing. He was questioning why Paul has to be my shadow to the other therapist before I left." Julia says while taking another bite of the grilled cheese then helps me take a bite.  We do this the entire time with everything while she talks to me. Then she cleans up and takes me to my room.

"Ok, how bout a shower before your sisters come over later?" She asks while making my bed. It's the only time I can really "be" with Julia lately. I'll take advantage of any opportunity I can get. She pulls our a few different T-shirts for me to choose from and then does the same with my shorts. I like how she lets me choose. She doesn't treat me like a child. She treats me like me. Like how I would treat her. 

We walk into Nate's bathroom because it's the biggest shower and you can walk right into it so for my balance it's perfect. So far Nate doesn't seem to mind. I mean, the guy's got what.. five bathrooms here or something? He'll be ok.

Nate sees us and raises an eyebrow at Julia.

"Don't worry. Once I get him all situated for the day we can have our date, ok?" 

Date day? Ugh. I don't even want to know. I need to distract her. Prolong our shower in some way. The only way I know how.

I watch her take her clothes off but she keeps her bra and underwear on, making me give her an "Are you serious?" look. She's serious as she takes my clothes off.

"We're not together. I'm keeping clothes on." She whispers and we step into the shower.

Then I remember something.

I remember everything.

 "What's the matter?"

I don't know how to explain it to her. I pull on her bra strap and hold on to it with my head dropped down. She must remember. Please tell me you haven't forgotten Julia. That will kill me. I feel the emotion rise up  my cheeks thinking about all the times she's worn this red bra and underwear set for me. All the times this particular set has been talked about.

My favorite set.

She's forgetting me. Forgetting us. And I can't even say anything to help remind her.

Something clicks and she remembers why I'm sad. She throws her arms around me and I hold her tight. 

She still remembers.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't even thinking. I'm sorry."  She grabs the soap and begins to wash me. I drop my shoulders, feeling defeated, and turn around to let her do what needs to be done. All the memories flood  to the forefront of my mind.

*****

I think about the time in the hotel laundromat. The first time I saw the red set.

"Ahh, there's my favorite color..." I hold up my red lace underwear and raise an eyebrow at her then begin to laugh at Julia's blushing face while I toss them into the dryer.

"I request you wear those next time."

"NEXT time?! What makes you think there will BE a next time?"

"Ohhhh. There will be a next time." I flirt "There's always a next time."

******

I think about the time on Nate's balcony...

"Then you take me up to your bedroom." Julia says softly.

"Mmhmmm. Then what..."Can I request the red bra and underwear?"

"You can request anything you want."

"Anything??"

"Anything."

*****

I think about the date night at my house. When she DID wear the red set and invented the "request anything" game.

"Well, hi."  I peel off my shirt, eyeing her standing there soaking wet from the rain, wearing only the red bra and underwear set. "You're so perfect." 

"Tell me what you want me to do. You can request anything you want." She whispers against my lips

"Anything??"

"Anything." 

*****

She brought back all those memories of us together. Way before this accident changed my life forever.

"I'm so sorry." She hugs me from behind now, apparently thinking about all the things I'm thinking about. I'm so sad. I'll never be the same and Julia knows it. It will never be "Julia...James" again, will it? I'm too broken now.

I turn around with tears running own my face and touch the strap again. I just want to be normal again. Babe, I want you to look at me like I'm not broken. I want you to want me still. Not feel sorry for me. I'm still here. A grown adult man. One that you couldn't get enough of at one time. I never stopped feeling that for you. I still can't be the one to end a kiss first. I still can't be the one to pull away first. I need you to feel the same way for me again.

 Even with tears running down my face, I lean down and kiss her neck. She lets me. I press my body against hers and gently kiss her lips. I'm still here. I'm still James. I feel her arms fall to my waist and she melts into me.

"Wait. No. We can't." She rethinks it and instead tries to show me how to get myself off for myself. She knows I don't have good coordination yet and I get too frustrated.

So she helps me.

She guides my hand to hold myself but she keeps her hand on top of mine and something about this is very intimate. I can tell she feels it too.

"Here. You do it yourself." She begins to move my hand so I'm pumping myself but with her hand on mine doing it as well.

"See? You can do it now. You just need a little help until your coordination comes back." She whispers in my ear and then kisses my neck. I press my body into her and notice her close her eyes and bite her bottom lip while helping me. 

This is turning Julia on.

Which in return, turns me on even more. 

She can tell I'm beginning to get close and pumps me faster. Surprisingly, she crashes her mouth into mine and kisses me with so much desperation and need it's like there is nothing wrong with me. She begins to take over and I drop my hand, she's now getting me off and breathing heavy as she finishes me off. I let go and let out a moan and it drives her crazy. I want to do the same for her but have no way of telling her. Or showing her. 

"Sorry. That was my fault." She says and I can't help but smirk at her. She gave in too quickly. I got to her, didn't I?

"Next time- it's all you though. I mean it. We're not together." She reminds me and I laugh.

"Ugh. I can't stand you sometimes." 

********