*Trisha*

Nate sits upright on the loveseat in the living room of the suite with a pillow behind his back. It helps him breathe better. I sit next to him and Paul went downstairs to grab a few coffees. I know I am safe in this room with the number of bodyguards throughout the hospital. Dave won't come back anyway. He knows better.

Julia is down at PT, so me and Nate talk. He tells me what he's doing for James. How he's paying for James's medical  and providing private care so the Gallo girls  won't have to worry. How he's bringing James up to the Presidential Suite to be cared for.

"You've got a big heart, you know that? A big broken heart." I shake my head. He did all this without even telling me or letting me help. I flip through the documents outlining it all still a little shocked. Nate did this all on his own, and the hospital already approved it...

"You did this all on your own? God, you all will be sharing a room again? Just like the recovery back at the house. Good Lord, give us strength." I look up to the ceiling. That was a disaster. 

"This will be a safer environment. The hospital has everything from imaging to labs to PT and speech therapy if he needs it. And Julia will be safer too. More people to handle her while she detoxes. TRAINED people. It's this, or Julia gets lost in the shuffle at some rehab, and James goes into some dingy nursing home facility. I can't watch that happen. He's such a good guy."

"Wow....look at you, Playboy. Coming around to actually liking James. Is this all it takes? A coma?"

"Just read through the forms for me, will ya lady?"

I continue reading the documents while Nate stares at me. I I wonder if he realizes what this may do to his relationship with Julia.

"Nate, you know by doing this, you pretty much guarantee Julia being with James, right? You will lose her."

"I'm aware. She was never mine to lose. She loves him."

"She loves you too, Nate. So are you giving up?"

"No. I'll never give up on her. But I'm not gonna push it either. It's out of my control. Whatever she decides whenever she finally figures it out, I'll accept it. Right now, she's with me. When he wakes up, she'll probably choose him. But I'll always be here for her."  He closes his eyes when I rest my hand on his cheek. 

Nate deserves all the love in the world  yet he can't seem to ever find it. He deserves to be happy and have someone to be happy with. I'm anything but shocked to hear him say he will always be here for Julia, no matter what.  That's the type of guy he is. When he loves someone he loves with all his heart. That doesn't go away easily.

"Just like you are for me."  I smile up at him but can see the pained look in his eyes. I peck his lips and rest my head on his shoulder while holding his hand..

"I know, sweetie. Hurts like hell, huh?"

"Sure does."

*******

*James*

There's so much commotion around me. Voices I don't recognize. Something big is happening, but I can't figure out what it is. It takes a good amount of chaos before I hear any voices that are familiar to me.

"Knock, Knock. We have a special delivery for you, folks."

"James!"

I hear Julia's voice and feel better about whatever was going on before. She's here with me now. 

"He's freshly 'showered' and clean thanks to yours truly." 

"Whoa whoa whoa... hold on there. You're forgetting you have a broken leg." An unfamiliar voice says. There's more than one person here?

"Ok. Ground rules. You need a spotter before you go walking across the room like this. Especially during detox. Dizziness could be detrimental to that healing leg of yours." 

"Thank you, Nate." 

Now I'm very confused. How many people are with me? I hear Nate  and Julia. Other people are here that I don't know.

"You're welcome, doll." 

 I feel Julia's hand. I know it's hers by now. The way she holds my hand. The way she puts it up to her face. The wetness of her tears. I haven't figured out what exactly is going on, but she is happy. Extremely happy.

The rest of the night consists of a lot of familiar voices.  Some at the same time. People talking to me, around me, kissing me, holding my hand, and taking care of me. Wherever I am,  it's different than where I was before. I hear all my sisters voices. All but Kendall's. I still haven't heard her voice. 

I hear Trisha and Nate. Jonah and Julia. A few other people that seem to be regulars, though I don't know who they are.  I barely spend any time at the beach because of the number of people in the black. 

Julia is struggling. Even when things go quiet and I think I'm about to go back to playing with my boy, I don't. I hear Julia crying. I hear her getting sick and having trouble getting from one place to the next.  I hear the frustration and concern in Nate's voice.

Julia's not eating enough. Not drinking enough. Getting sick. She's weak. Something is terribly wrong with her, but I can't remember what she told me. She talks to me a lot and tells me a lot, but I can never remember much after until she says it again. People check in on her. People talk to Nate and check in on him. He's not well either.

The confusion is too much for me, and I wish I could find my way back to Carter. Things were peaceful at the beach. All we heard were the waves. There was no commotion. I want to be back with my boy.

But then I will feel Julia's hand. Much more often than before. She'll hold my hand and talk to me. Even when everything is quiet, she still holds my hand. I feel her kiss my lips and comb her fingers through my hair. She's comforting me. 

"Everyone's sleeping now, James. Paul, Trisha, and Jonah left. Nurse Casey just finished her rounds for a few more hours. Nate has been over there sleeping for a while. They can't regulate his blood pressure. All I keep thinking about is how his dad died from a heart attack at 42. What if you never wake up and Nate has a heart attack like his father. What if you BOTH leave me?"

Julia's afraid. She's upset.

I'm not gonna leave you. I promise.

"If you both leave me, I will have nothing to live for. So you gotta wake up, James. Because I feel so alone. I think about it all night. Being all alone. I would rather be dead."

Don't say that, sweetie. I hate when she talks like this. It's scary because I know it's true. She's not in a good place right now.

"I don't even know how I'd do it either. But I'd make sure to do it right."

Don't do anything stupid, babe. I'm trying to get back.

Don't you dare do anything stupid.

*****

*Trisha*

"How are you holding up over there?" Jonah looks at me from the other end of Nate's dining room table.  He's on his laptop doing whatever medical stuff he does, and I'm on my laptop trying to keep Richard happy by emailing people back who want to interview Nate. I don't have a timeline yet, but book a few things for next month. In hopes by then, Nate will be just fine.

"I'm perfectly fine." I lie, trying not to think about Dave and  how I broke down. Thank God Paul was coming off the elevator to snap me back into reality. Paul, who is now passed out on the couch, slightly snoring.

"You know you can talk to me, Trisha. I may not be a therapist, but I am a good listener."

"Mm hmm." I brush him off and continue typing. The screen becomes blurry and hard to read from the build-up of my tears. If I blink, they will fall. So, I try my best to stare at the laptop for as long as I can in hopes they will dry.

It's no use.  I blink, and my tears come down.

"Trish.."

"I'm fine. Really. I'm just a little overwhelmed right now. That's all."

"Why do you do that??" The nurse shuts his laptop and gives me his full attention.

"Do what?"

 "Hold everything in? Try to force yourself to be strong. You don't have to be strong all the time. You know that, right? You've been through a great deal."

"Jonah. I'm fine. Really."

"That. Right there. Lies. There's no way you can possibly be fine.  You are human, not some bionic woman with no emotions."

"What the hell do you want from me, Jonah. You want to see me fucking cry? Great . Here. Take a look. I'm crying. Is that what you wanted??" I snap at the man across the table and look down at my laptop. "Shit." I slam it shut and drop my head into my hands. 

"Just talk. You'll feel better."

"What do you want me to say? That I'm fucking pathetic for thinking Dave could change. That I'm fucking pathetic for constantly wanting him back?"

"Do you want him back? Even after the things he's done? Let me remind you that cycle will continue for as long as you let it." Jonah gets up and walks to me, sitting in the empty chair next to me and taking my hand. 

"What cycle?"

"Him making it seem like he changed and is doing well... until he slips up and does something stupid. Then after he does it, he apologizes profusely and needs you to listen to him so he can explain that he's trying to be better. That it was a minor slip up. You make excuses for him, and forgive him. Then  it happens all over again. He does well. Slips up. Hurts you. Says he's sorry. Over and over again Trisha. And you let him."

I'm full on crying now hearing Jonah describe exactly what has been happening with Dave without ever meeting him or knowing half of what Nate knows.

"Why do I keep letting him in?" 

"Because you're a victim of domestic abuse." Jonah says matter of factly.

"Jonah. Stop. No I'm not. Not even close.  I am not  victim of domestic abuse. At ALL!" I pull my hand away.

"Were you ever involved with him romantically?"

"Obviously you know he was my fiancé, Jonah...." I roll my eyes at the nurse.

"There's the domestic part. Did he ever lay a hand on you, hurt you in any way. Maybe...lets see.... hold your wrists so tight you had black and blue marks??"

"That was different and you know it. He was drunk and-"

"And there you are making excuses for him. He put his hands on you and hurt you. That's abuse, Trisha. And until you recognize it and acknowledge it for yourself, things will never change. You will constantly make excuses for him, let him in to your life. And I'm sorry but I sure as hell don't want to be visiting you in the hospital or grave some day because that man went to far and lost control."

"You know that would never happen." I say dryly. He's being overdramatic now. He really has been hanging around Nate too long. He's rubbing off on the nurse.

"I'm a nurse. You don't think I've treated domestic abuse victims? Women AND men? You have no idea some of the stuff we see in the ER. It's awful. It's horrific. It's real. And guess what. Most of the victims don't believe they are victims. Most don't see the other person as a threat. Yeah sure you get a few dozen here and there that are very well aware of their situation but too afraid to leave the other person, in fear for their life or their children's lives. That's a whole other level. But most of the time it started off little. And escalated. They didn't do anything about it and accepted it as their new reality. They made excuses. Trisha. You're making excuses. See it for what it is so you can heal and move on."

"Fuck you. Jonah. You have no clue what you're talking about." I snap.

"Do we really need to take a ride down to the local women's shelter? I bet you half of those women I have probably treated at one time or any other. Would you like to hear some of their stories before you come to your senses and stop living in denial? Cuz we can take a ride right now and talk to some of those women.  You are no different than they are. Don't become a statistic."

I wipe my eyes and look away. Nobody else has ever been so blunt with me before on this subject.

"Let Dr. Donovan accompany you to get a restraining order Trisha. It's time to close that door and not let Dave take up any more space in your  head. Make the decision." 

"Get him out of your life and never let him back in."