*James*

I spent half the day thinking about reaching out to Julia, and the other half on a long run with Maggie to tire her out. I then dropped her off to Lindsay and worked out in the hotel gym, lifting weights for over an hour before showering.

Once again, instead of thinking of Julia in the shower, I get myself off thinking of Trisha and our second attempt of trying to kiss.  I think Trisha is right. Once I move on it will be easier for me to be friends with Julia. Maybe moving on will be with Trisha. Who knows. We can't seem to make even  simple kiss happen yet. 

I let out a sigh when I'm finished and let the hot water run over my sore muscles from weight training. Once my body is calm and relieved completely I step out of the shower, dry off and start getting ready for work. I look at my phone a few times before finally sitting on my couch and sending the text.

[I owe you an apology, Julia. I'm so sorry for not reaching out to you, for ignoring you all week. I'm sorry for everything.]

I let out another sigh when I'm finished and within minutes Julia texts me back.

[I miss you]

It's all she responds but I can feel all the emotion from her right through her message. I know she's crying. I can feel it in my bones.  By ignoring her like that I hurt her so much and all because I was being  a selfish idiot. Julia's too sensitive for gameplaying. I thought I could just ignore her and move on and we'd both be better off in the long run, but the reality is, I lost my focus. I wasn't doing the right thing by either of us. I was being a coward by walking away from my best friend when she needs me the most. Especially today, her first day at The Avalon as well as her name all over the news again. I can't hurt her like this anymore.

[ I'm always gonna love you, Julia. But that's something I need to work through on my own. I'll always be your best friend. I know today was a heavy day for you, hope you're ok.]

I put my phone down and close my eyes. For the first time I feel like I'm doing the right thing.

*****

*Trisha*

After leaving the studio I spend the rest of my day dragging poor Paul with me everywhere. First to the courthouse to file for a restraining order against Dave. Then to the police station to grab the needed police report and paperwork before going BACK to the courthouse to wait for my appointment. That doesn't happen till almost 4pm.  Until then both me and Paul sit on the steps outside the courthouse eating tacos from a local food truck.

"You think I will qualify for the restraining order?" I ask Paul who has been silent most of the day. Actually since he caught me and James almost kiss. I don't know why, but I have a feeling that irked Paul a little. 

I take a bite of my taco, loosing half the meat as it drops on to the wrapper and Paul laughs a little.

"You really need lessons on how to eat a taco properly, Banks." Paul shakes his head at me while I scoop up the meat with my taco and shovel it into my mouth. "But yes, I think the order will go through now that he was arrested. He hasn't contacted you since then, has he?"

I nod and take a sip of my soda before speaking. "He's texted me to apologize but I haven't responded. He does this every time something happens."

"Has he hurt you physically before?" Paul keeps his eyes on his food and continues eating to make it more comfortable for me but I don't answer him.

"If I get the restraining order, are you off my back now?"

"Answer my question, Banks." Paul looks down at me but I quickly look down at my taco and don't make eye contact. I only shrug and take a bite of my food. I don't even want to think about it never mind say things out loud. Paul gets the hint and nods with a pained look on his face when I glance at him and quickly look away again, feeling my face heat up.

"No, I'm sure Moretti will do something stupid to keep me employed as someone's bodyguard." He says to lighten the mood and I laugh.

"I'm sure she will." I shake my head and throw my wrapper in the bag, get up and straighten my skirt. "C'mon Paulie, time to see the fate of my efforts today."

*****

An hour later I walk out of the courthouse. I cover my mouth and begin to cry hard.

"I can't fucking believe this!" I yell out and hold my forehead. A few people walking up and down the courthouse steps glance at me  and turn their heads when Paul glares at them. He doesn't know what to say to me so stays silent. I hold my stomach while crying and quickly bolt down the steps, Paul right behind me. I look to the right to see the big trash bin and rush over to it, throwing up my taco into the can. I cry and violently vomit at the same time, feeling Paul hold on to my hair to keep it away from my face. I know people are staring at me. I don't fucking give a shit. I continue to empty my stomach and then drop down on the step and cry even harder, covering my  face with my hands.

"The system is a FUCKING JOKE. You hear that?!" I glare back at the people walking by, like I'm some unhinged crazy lady  as  black mascara streams down my face. "A fucking joke." I mumble and sniff, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. 

Paul sits next to me and pulls out a napkin from his pocket. Why he had a napkin in his pocket is beyond me but I take it  and wipe my eyes.

"I don't get it Paul. How much evidence do they need from me?" I look up at my bodyguard.

"Maybe the judge was right. We should have taken pictures of your wrists for documentation. I should have known to do that right away. That's my fault." 

"None of this is your fault. All of this is fucking DAVE'S fault. So what, I need to have this happen more than one time to qualify for anything? That's absurd.  One time on the record isn't enough??"

"Right now it's your word against his. You said 'come in'.  We obviously know that wasn't for him but it's what he told the cops and it's true. You invited him in to your home. All that's documented is the cops were called because he wouldn't leave when you asked him to. They didn't see how he held your wrists. We were all too caught up that no one mentioned it and the bruising was never documented."

"Fuck documentation." I blurt out. I should have told the Judge how he was when he had sex with me that time. But again. That's my word against his, the cops were never called, and to be honest, just saying it out loud to Nate was hard enough. I don't know if I could ever repeat it, never mind to a complete stranger.

"Well, looks like you're stuck with me, Paulie." I sniff and nudge into my bodyguard, trying to snap out of it and make light of my situation. But Paul sees right through it. He puts his arm around my shoulder in a comforting way and I break down again, hiding my face in his chest. I feel him rest his chin on the top of my head which is probably the most affection anyone has received out of this man in a very long time.

After a good five minute cry I push myself off Paul and he drops his arm away from my shoulder, looking straight ahead. I open my purse and pull out my compact and use the mirror to fix up my make up. While doing so, I'm still sniffing and recovering from crying. But I can't let this ruin my day. I need to push through it like always. There's so much going on today with Nate and now fucking Julia's name in the news. The last thing anyone needs is to see me being fucking weak. I  grab my prescription Ativan bottle and put one pill under my tongue. Paul doesn't judge me. I could care less if he did. I'm not Julia. I know how to take my medicine only when needed. Today...today it's fucking needed.

*****

*James*

I don't know why I'm being so weird about this. I sit in my SUV contemplating going up to Nate's or driving out of this parking garage. That is.. until Trisha and Paul pull up in her sedan right next to me. She rolls down her window and I do the same.

"Stalker much?" She rolls her eyes. "You chickening out on your 'friend mode' Gallo?"

"You good, Trisha?" I shoot Paul a look who then only shakes his head at me but it's too late, the question was already asked out loud.

"Looks like I'm stuck with this big baboon for a while longer. At least until fucking Dave Brennan decides to do something else and I document it better." She huffs and pulls down her visor to look at her reflection in the mirror, wiping under her eyes. "What an asshole."

"They wouldn't give you the restraining order??" That's shocking to me to hear. I didn't think it would be this difficult to get protection.

"System's so fucking flawed. If I was a drinker I'd be flat out drunk right now." She scoff slams up the visor angrily. 

"I'm sorry, Trish. That's awful."

"Whatever, just means I get this sexy motherfucker on my tail longer." She smirks at Paul but I know her swearing and jokes are all a front. She's pretty torn up inside. I don't say a thing more about it. "C'mon, hot stuff one and two. I'll walk you two up." Trisha gets out of the car and now I have no choice but to do so as well.

This is a good thing. Going to see Julia. We have to remain friends. Only friends. I keep repeating that to myself over and over again in the elevator even though I know the second I see her I'm going to want to kiss her. Instead, I try to think about Trisha instead. Or anyone else BUT Julia.

Trisha walks into Nate's apartment first, then Paul. 

Then me.  

I swallow hard when I see Julia laying with Nate under the blanket on the couch. I didn't think seeing her would be THIS hard.

Trisha drops her keys on the table in the hall and gives Nate an eye roll at the sight of Julia laying with him. 

 "I'm gonna take a shower." She huffs and heads into the bathroom. Paul is raiding the fridge and I stay silent for a second, staring at Julia. Surprisingly Nate gives me the smallest shift of a smile when he sees me which in a way, makes me feel better.

"Julia..." 

The moment Julia hears my voice she bolts up off of Nate.

"James!"

Julia runs to me and throws her arms around my neck, almost knocking me over. I  instantly wrap my arms around her in a hug, lifting her up a little. I close my eyes and the first thing I do is take in her scent I've missed so much. That damn intoxicating Vanilla perfume.

"I've missed you so much."  Julia says into my neck and I tighten my arms around her.

"I'm sorry. Babe, I was being selfish and acting like a child." I whisper so no one but Julia can hear me. I let go and take a step back. "I don't have long. I have to go to work in a bit but wanted to see you. And apologize to you face to face."

She surprises me by pulling me in again and burying her head in my chest...even with Nate in the room watching everything unfold.

 I want to kiss her so bad it consumes my mind. But, for obvious reasons, I don't.

I can't lose my focus. I'm here to be her friend. That's it. That's all she wants from me and that's what I'll be. I'll take whatever she gives me.