*James*

After visiting Carter's grave and talking to Trisha, I head back to Nate's. Trisha and Paul are just a few minutes behind me. 

I don't bother making eye contact with Nate and head right to the nurse who's sitting at the dining room table doing something on his laptop.

"How is she???" I pull a chair out and sit down.

"She's been sleeping all afternoon," Jonah sighs. "But I talked to the nutritionist who is gonna put her on a high calorie diet, and at the Avalon, she'll have bloodwork done to check her potassium level. That may be why she gets so dizzy."

I nod and sit back in my chair.

"I have a feeling tomorrow will be a rough day too, after she tours the Avalon and starts to come to terms with everything." I say, and Jonah ticks his head up and looks beyond me. Julia has woken up and is heading out to the balcony.

"Thanks, Jonah." I stand up and follow her out.

We sit outside on the balcony for some privacy and because it's nice out and Julia could use the fresh air.

I know what I came here to do. But damn it.. I feel awful. She's not going to understand. 

Julia needs this help. She needs the Avalon.  Nate is the one who can afford it. I can't get in the way of her treatment, and I can't pay for her myself. I need to step back and let Nate take over. I cried my whole way here.

I have to give up this fight. He wins. Nate wins. And my heart fucking hurts so damn bad that I can't provide her Julia like he can.

We both sit at the small patio set and I hold Julia's hand. I need to just get right to this.

"So I guess I won't see you anymore, huh? That whole one month plan isn't gonna work if Nate is taking you to the Avalon, and then you come back here at night. I'm gonna start work again, so I will be working by the time you come home at night." I frown. "There's no reason for me to hang around here during the day if you're not here."

"Maybe some nights I can come hang out with you at work, like old times?" Julia stares ahead at the view without really focusing on it, not comprehending what I'm trying to say.

"You're gonna be tired after being in treatment all day. And babe, I can't just be friends with you. I'm too in love with you. It will be too hard. I need more." I squeeze her hands and watch her eyes sadden when she realizes what's happening. 

I feel like I'm going to throw up.

"So. That's it?! I just lose you all  together? Even as a friend? God, James.. Who DOES that?!" Julia jumps up and yells at me. I drop my head down and let her yell. "I can't believe you! You're just ... giving up on me all together?!!?"

"I just want you to get healthy. I'm in the way of you getting healthy now." I try to take her hand again, but she backs away.

"No. you just don't want to deal with it. Do you? When things get hard, James just walks away. You never step in, do you?!" She throws her hands up.

"Julia, that's not fair." I rake my hands through my hair. "Baby, listen to me. I love you. God. I fucking love you so much." I cry. "I can't just sit on the sidelines hoping someday you will love me the way you love him. All I'm doing now is getting in the way." 

At some point Trisha appears and neither of us realize it until now. She closes the door behind her.

"Everything ok out here?"

"Go back inside Trisha. This doesn't concern you." Julia snaps.

"Actually, it does when I see you screaming in James's face like that. He's my friend and doesn't deserve to be yelled at."  Shit...... Things are gonna get ugly real fast.

"It's ok, Trish... really." I sigh. I stand up and cross my arms over my chest.

"No. That is never ok. You don't deserve to get yelled at No one does. If you can't fucking talk to him like a decent human being than leave until you can." She scolds Julia.

"You know what? FUCK YOU. You have no idea what's going on! Because Nate doesn't give up on you." Julia glares at me and I wipe my face.

"Julia...."

"James...." She pleads. 

"If you choose Nate, I need to walk away. Baby, I need to move on.  And you need the Avalon. So you should choose Nate. Because I can't give you that. I'm sorry. It's too fucking hard to just be your friend. It has to be all or nothing." I cry.

"NO!" Julia screams up in my face. "You can't do this to me. You can't just tap out James!!! It doesn't work like that!"

"Julia go inside and calm down." Trisha furrows her brows. "Stop yelling at him."

"Well, you win, Trisha. You get them both. You have Nate AND James now!!" Julia cries and storms into the apartment, sliding the door behind her.

"I knew that wasn't gonna go well." I mumble to myself and look down. Trisha walks closer and wraps her arms around me. I stiffen up at first.

"I'm sorry, James. But no one deserves that. That's exactly how Dave used to yell at me. Get right in my face." She says close to my ear. This triggered her.

I rest my head on her shoulder, uncross my arms, and wrap my arms around her waist, giving in to the hug.

"I just can't do it all. I can't work full time, and be reliable  to pick up the slack when Nate travels. Julia needs the Avalon. She doesn't need me. I need to walk away from this. I need to do the right thing." I cry on Trisha's shoulder now and feel her tighten her hold and rub my back.

"It's so hard, isn't it." Trisha whispers, almost to herself and I feel like she needs this embrace just as much as me now.

"So fucking hard." I huff. She holds me for well over a minute and something stirs inside me now. Feeling her arms around me, the smell of her shampoo, the way she's rubbing my back softly...the longer she holds me, doing what she's doing, the more my body reacts and I know she can feel me start to harden against her. I back away quickly to separate us and lean over the balcony, focusing my eyes on out in the distance.

Shit.

I don't look at Trisha but know she stands there for a moment in silence before heading back inside.

I drop my head down feeling defeated and unsure of what the hell I'm doing with my life.

*****

*Trisha*

"Someone needs to go and have her chill the fuck out. James doesn't deserve that shit." I huff and head back to the kitchen to continue making dinner.

"What was going on??" Nate turns around on the couch.

"You're little hot mess wants the best of both worlds, that's what. She can't have you BOTH like she wants so she's having a hissy fit because James has integrity and won't be her little side guy." I glare at Nate.

"I'll go check on her this time. She needs to take her meds anyways." Jonah gets up and heads down the hall. Nate also stands and makes his way to sit at the kitchen island, watching me make a salad to go with the chicken.

"She's got issues." I say while angrily chopping up a cucumber.

"Well aware. Hence why we have an appointment at the Avalon tomorrow."

"Yeah...and then what? What's gonna happen when your life gets busy again. Who's gonna be the one to take her in the mornings and check her in, and then discharge her every night? You're gonna be all over the place. James has a job, that he fucking needs. And when he's not working he's taking care of his mother or trying to sleep before work. He can't work at the Marriott AND take over when you're not here for Julia. And you can't be here all the time, Nate." 

I hack into the lettuce, thinking of how hard this is for James. He shouldn't feel guilty for walking away from this burden. Especially if Julia isn't gonna give him the time of day.

"And what would you like ME to do about it?" 

"Do you know he sometimes doesn't have money for groceries?" I lean in and whisper. "All his money goes to take care of his mom. God, he gets his breakfast and sometimes lunch from the free breakfast buffet at work. His sister had to buy him groceries to make sure he had food for the week, Nate. We need to help him."

"Julia did mention something like that to me once. He's not gonna take my money, Trisha. He did once and that was because I needed the help with her while I was recovering. I don't really have a job for him to do here once she goes to the Avalon. I'm not sure how you want me to help."

"I don't know Playboy, but you're gonna figure something out. He may not be your friend but he's mine, ok? He's got enough shit on his plate to deal with, nevermind that hot mess." I point the knife towards the hallway meaning Julia.  Nate sighs.

"I'll think of something." He says and we both turn to look at the balcony. James is still in the same position. Still leaning on the railing but this time, not looking out into the distance, his head is dropped down in defeat.   Nate looks away when James stands up straight, wipes his eyes and heads back inside.

"I think I'm gonna head out." He says softly and looks at me. I nod, knowing exactly what he's saying and Nate looks at him, then me, then back at him again. He's leaving leaving....

James walks up to Nate and shakes his hand before Nate can even comprehend what's happening. 

"Thank you for everything." He says to Nate and walks right through to the elevator with his head down as it closes.

"What the hell was that???" Nate looks down at his hand wondering how the hell not long-ago James could bust his lip open and today shake his hand and say thank you.

"That's James saying goodbye, Nate." I grab my purse and Paul jolts up now ready to follow me out. "I have some errands. I quickly head to the elevator and hit the button. "Chicken is in the oven and ready. You can finish the salad." 

I say nothing to Paul, not really needing an audience right now as I walk out of the elevator to try and find James. It doesn't take me long. He's leaning up against the drivers side of his SUV. I walk over and stand right in front of him. When he sees me he stands up a little straighter and wipes his eyes.

"You ok?" I ask, knowing he's not. James closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath in.

 I will be after a few drinks. I'm gonna go to Sully's"

"You shouldn't go alone. I don't drink but I'll go and keep you company...if you like...." I  can feel Paul's eyes staring at me. James nods.

"I'll be your designated driver after." I nod and walk around to the passenger's side of the SUV. Paul now scurries to get to the back seat.

******

*James*

I pull into my uncle's pub, and we walk into the very busy bar. There's a big soccer game going on, so everyone is focused on the TVs. 

"Cmon, let's go steal Nate's booth." Trisha weaves in and out of people, making it hard for Paul to see her until she steps dead in her tracks. Both me and Paul almost fall over her. 

She's looking up at this tall  good-looking guy, who looks to be in his thirties, well dressed and almost has a Nate Hollan look to him. He has money, that much I can tell, and he also has Trisha's full attention. 

Paul must recognize the man because he quickly passes me and stands next to Trisha with his hand on the small of her back.

"Trish...please...we need to talk..." He quickly puts his drink down and focuses only on Trisha, not Paul, not anyone.

Shit. This is Dave, isn't it! At a bar.....

"There's nothing to talk about." She swallows hard but keeps her eyes on him. She looks hurt seeing him here. She still has feeling for him, you can tell.

"Look, it's a soda." He holds the drink up and then places it back on the table. "I'm not drinking. Please.. can you let me just talk to you for a minute? I need to explain everything.. If you'd just let me-"

"Dave...stop." Trisha shakes her head. He looks up at Paul and then back to Trisha.... connecting the dots... "Is he here...because of me???"

I don't know whether I should just take Trisha's hand and walk her to the booth or let her handle this, knowing me and Paul are here with her.

"You don't remember a thing, do you?" Her shoulder's drop. No, no no...don't give in to him.

"That's what I'm trying to explain. Please, five minutes. I can explain everything."

"Five minutes. That's it."

Fuck.  She really IS addicted to him like I am addicted to Julia...like Julia is addicted to Nate. Both me and Paul shake our heads and look away.

"You have TWO bodyguards?? " Dave notices me now. "A little excessive..."

"This is my friend. James." 

The man studies me for a moment while I say nothing. "Gallo...am I right??" He asks, catching me off guard.

"Should I know you??" I question. He DOES look familiar but I don't know from where.

"Jesus fucking christ... James Gallo. How the hell are ya, man? You look good."

Holy Shit. Dave Brennan. Trisha's ex-fiancé is Dave Brennan. My eyes widen and I'm conflicted on what to do. Do I punch the guy for Trisha or hug him for me?

"Brennan..." I stand frozen and the man in front of me steps forward and throws an arm around me for a hug, backing away quickly with a smile. I'm still frozen.

"I knew you'd remember. Hey, I heard about Carol, so sorry. Awful."

"HOW do you know each other??" Trisha blurts out asking the question both her and Paul need to know the answer to.

"We were next door neighbors, childhood friends. Best friends. God, I can't believe it." He smiles at me. "Did your asshole father die yet??"

I swallow hard. Dave WAS my best friend. We grew up together. It wasn't until my mom moved us away from Joe did we loose touch with each other. He knew EVERYTHING I went through. We'd sit in his treehouse plotting ways my father would just...trip down the stairs and die. Kidding of course, but Dave Brennan. Shit.

I have yet to say one word, still stuck in the moment.

"Wait...are you two..." Dave looks at Trisha and then me...

"No, Dave. Let's sit down somewhere ok? C'mon, James." She grabs my hand and brings me back into present time. No one is in Nate's booth because most are standing near the tvs cheering on the soccer game. Trisha goes in to the booth first still holding my hand, and pulls me in to sit next to her. Dave sits across from her and Paul makes himself at home and sits right next to him, giving him a look that shows he's on the job and not fooling around.

Natalie comes over, looking confused to see me with Trisha...and Paul with no Julia or Nate.

"Hey, James.." My cousin smiles at me and nods at everyone else. "What can I get ya guys."

"Club soda with lime for me." Trisha starts. Soda for Dave, water for Paul and when she gets to me I'm conflicted on whether I should drink in front of Trisha's alcoholic ex...my old best friend... But we ARE in a  bar and I came here for a drink. Not to get drunk though. No way am I doing that again.

"Just a beer, Nat. Thanks."

"Anything you need to tell me you can say in front of James and Paul." Trisha starts without hesitation. I'm still floored putting two and two together. 

Dave sighs, trying not to pay attention to the two men in the booth while he talks to Trisha.

"I'm not sure what happened. I fucked up." He tries to take Trisha's had but she backs away and rests her hand under the booth next to me. Part of me wants to hold her hand under the table but another part thinks she can handle Dave just fine. 

*****

*Trisha*

So much is going through my head right now. Before Dave's addiction, we were all friends. We'd come here all the time whenever Nate was able to, He grew up here just like me, so I'm not surprised he knows James. And he once WAS a decent human so I'm not surprised he was friends with James either. But to have these two worlds collide in front of me like this? What are the odds??

I waste no time trying to clear shit up. I try not to think of that night while we talk.

"Yeah, you fucked up all right. Why did you.. how did you fall off the wagon."

"I didn't mean to. It was a work dinner. I thought I could handle one beer. It was just a beer the table with my coworkers. God.. Trish. This is so stupid. I forgot I had taken allergy meds . My allergies have been killing me since I came back here. I wasn't thinking. One beer turned into another, then shots  and before I knew it, I was out of control. The mix of the allergy med and the alcohol. Trish I don't remember anything besides going to your house. But something happened because you've been avoiding me since. Please... you need to tell me what I did!" He talks fast.  Natalie comes back with everyones drinks  James is the first to gulp down his and look at his phone, listening to this conversation but also trying to not look at either of us.

"But then you came back...drunk again, Dave. This wasn't one slip up, was it?" 

"No." He shakes his head and looks down. "Trish, you have to believe me. I'm trying so hard." He pleads. "I was doing so good till I came back here. I slipped up twice. Both times I came to you. I haven't since then. I go to my AA meetings, I have a mentor, I'm trying to do everything right. I don't know what happened. "

"So why are you in a bar today??" I raise an eyebrow, and James looks up from his phone for a second.

"I was hoping you'd be here. You haven't answered my calls, my texts. I know this is where Hollan goes... I know it sounds stupid to come here. But I'm not drinking. I was hoping to see you so we could talk." 

I believe him.

"You were drunk. You were awful that night. I'm NOT going into details. God, Dave you were so awful to me. I tried to get a restraining orde-"

"What?? Oh my God, what did I do??" He looks horrified. He puts a hand over his mouth, and he shakes his head. He really doesn't remember. Just like James doesn't remember handing Nate the bottle of whiskey.

"Maybe another time I will tell you but today has been a pretty shitty day and I really don't want to get into it. I'm sorry I've been avoiding you, that wasn't right." I feel both James and Paul glaring at me and Paul shakes his head. I ignore him. "Can we just not talk about it?"

"I'm sorry. For whatever I said or did. That wasn't me. You KNOW whatever happened... that's not me." He takes my other hand that's on the table and holds it. And I let him, feeling the eyes on me from the two other men in the booth. At the same time, I feel James hold my hand under the table and give it a squeeze.

"Regardless, I'm keeping Paul around for a while. You showed up at my house drunk twice. And just because you don't remember it, doesn't mean it didn't happen. I really need some space. I'm not here to see you, I'm here for my friend so...please. Just give me some time, ok? I will text you when I'm ready."

"I can respect that." Dave lets go of my hand and leans back. "Gallo... She has my number.... Let's catch up sometime.... I mean it." He scoots out of the booth. "You look really good, man." He nods and disappears into the crowd. James lets go of my hand and takes a sip of his beer.

 Paul looks dumbfounded. "What the hell just happened??"

"Small world, I guess." James mumbles. "Can I have moment to talk.... privately..." He looks up at Paul who nods and leaves the booth, finding another table close by to still keep an eye on me. I have no idea where Dave went off if he left due to how crowded the bar is. 

James turns to me now. "Dave Brennan was your fiancé??"

"You grew up with him??"

We both shake our heads at each other.

"I can't believe he is the same man you described to me. Jesus, Dave is a good- I'm sorry... It's just that this is so hard to believe." James is at a loss for words.

"People change when they drink. He was a good guy. I was gonna marry him... But his drinking got out of hand."

"Like Nate's?"

"Like Nate's... I was in denial with Dave until things got out of control. That is why I'm always up Nate's ass about staying sober. You already know he has a temper." I say quieter, knowing people are around. "I can't let his addiction change him."

"What does he do now?" James asks, and at first, I don't know what he's talking about. "For a living. Dave."

"He's really smart. He's an engineer."

"No shit. Dave Brennan did well for himself.  A damn engineer." 

"What are you thinking right now?" 

"An engineer. Yeah, it makes sense. He was always smart. I wasn't that great in school; I had to take care of my sisters a lot....so homework didn't really get done..."  James is fucking comparing himself to Dave.

"Hey." I nudge James and he looks down at me for a second and smirks. "Quit comparing yourself. I see where you're going in that head of yours Mr. Gallo."

********

*James*

"I'm a 37-year-old man who works at a hotel for a living. No wife, now kids." I swallow hard and look away.

"Stop.  You're a 37-year-old man, who lost his son, works his ass off to provide for his family, puts everybody before himself. You're the kind of man women would die for..." She cuts herself off but still keeps her weird focused on me. 

She stares at me. I stare at her. We stare at each other. My heart is racing, and it's obvious by the way my chest rises and falls a little faster.

"Anyone need a refill over here?" Natalie interrupts us, and I break our staring contest. "No, just the check, Nat." I look down at the beer I barely touched.

"I should probably get home. I start back at work tomorrow night." My eyes meet Trisha's again, but I look away fast.

"James."

"Yeah.."

"I'm proud of you. You do so much for everyone else. You got dealt a shit hand growing up with Joe as your dad. I know things must have been really hard. But I see the way you are...were...with Julia. You took good care of her. You never lost your cool or raised your voice even when she's screaming in your face. God, not like Nate. He just yells back at her.  Even how you were for Nate. Aside from the punch in the face moment, of course." She laughs a little.

"Of course." I smirk.

"He deserved it anyway. He had it coming for a while. You may not want to hear this... but I'm proud of you for walking away today and putting yourself first for a change. You deserve to be happy and have someone who treats you well."

I don't know what to say to that. If anything, I feel like a coward for walking away from Julia.

******