A security guard escorts us to Nate's room, where two more security guards are stationed. I'm relieved for that. That's all we need- fans breaking in to see Nate.

The security guard lets me in to the sterile room and closes the door behind me. I stare at Nate. Oh my God. This is real. There Nate is. In the hospital bed. He looks worn out and I try swallow the lump in my throat before I burst into tears.

I walk to the side of his bed and hold his hand.

"What happened, Playboy?" I ask the question but then begin to cry before Nate even says a word. He squeezes my hand to get my attention.

"Hey. I'm fine. See? I'm completely fine." He tries to console me while lying in the bed with wires and noises all around me.

I nod and sniff, trying to be strong for him, and sit down in the chair next to his bed without letting go of his hand.

"It was minor. I'll be outta here in no time, yeah?"

"Yeah." I wipe my eyes and stare at him. He can tell I'm not handling this very well at all.

"You good? How's Julia?? Is she ok??" The monitor goes off, and a nurse comes in to check on him.

I look over at the numbers on his heart monitor. Holy shit.

"Your blood pressure's so high, Nate." My eyes widen. "What did they say?"

"How's Julia?" Nate doesn't answer me. He's too concerned about Julia.

"She's a fucking mess. Can you blame her with this shit show?" I look up at the muted TV reporting live from the hospital entrance. "And the article. Christ, Nate. No wonder you're having heart attacks." I try to make a joke out of my words but it comes out flat.

"But really. Trisha . I need to know she's ok."

"You seem more concerned about her than yourself, you idiot."

"She can't handle things like we can. I just want to know she's holding it together." Nate gives me his sad eyes and I sigh at him. He's really in deep.

"Julia is fine. She's downstairs with Paul. She had a few moments where Paul had a nurse come check on her but it's just because she's upset and overwhelmed."

The monitor beeps again and I push the mute button. I know all these buttons. I took care of my mom when she was dying of cancer. Looking at this machine and this hospital bed brings all those memories to the forefront of my head now.

"I'm not sure you should be touching any of this shit, Trish."

"How quickly you forget. My mom? I know ALL the buttons! Every time I mention Julia's name, your heart races you, big horny mess."

Nate cackles loudly and makes me start to laugh as well. But I can tell he's not concerned about himself. He's not concerned about me. He's concerned about Julia. And his blood pressure isn't going to go down until he sees her for himself. It also makes me kind of sad. Not that I want Nate to be concerned for me. But sometimes ..I don't know.. I feel like I'm put on the backburner because I let off that I'm stronger than I am. God, if Nate only knew I'm on the verge of a breakdown...

No. I need to hide it. He deals enough with all of Julia's shit. I can't add to his stress. I need to be strong. Fake it till I make it strong.

"I don't know what to do, Nate." I admit. "Tell me what to do."

"Nothing, ok? Say nothing to no one. Wait till Elliott and Richard figure shit out. They will hold a press conference." Nate says but that's not my concern.

"I'm not talking about the fucking NEWS, Nate!" I burst into tears. "I don't now how to fix this! How do I fix you!" I'm the fucking fixer. I fix all of Nate's problems. I feel so lost right now.

"Hey, doll. Look at me." Nate squeezes my hand and I look into his sad blue eyes.

"I'm ok. Seriously. There's nothing to fix. I'm in good hands." He leans over the railing of the bed and kisses my forehead. "Just do what Paul says. Don't worry about the rest. Go get Julia and bring her here before she has a heart attack too." He tries to joke and I fake a smile and nod. Nate pecks me on the lips and I leave the room, still feeling lost and broken.

I'm escorted to the waiting room and I look at Julia and nod for her to go in before sitting down and lowering my head to my hands to quietly cry. I don't care if Paul sees me like this. At this point, I don't care if anyone sees me like this.

*****

*James*

"Hey Paul, what's the latest?" I pace my living room wondering how Julia is doing but ask how Nate is. We may not like each other, but he's still a person. The minute Julia left my house, I've been praying. Not just for Julia. For Nate. For Trisha. For everyone involved in this mess.

"No news is good news. I'm on Julia duty now and she's a fucking mess." Paul says on the other line.

"To be expected." I respond.

"Hey. Nate told her to go stay with you tonight." Paul says the words but I don't comprehend what I hear at first. I stop in my tracks and mentally repeat what he just said.

"Wait... are you sure that's what he said? He may be confused, Paul." I shake my head like the bodyguard can see me.

"No really. He doesn't want her to be alone. Even with me guarding her on the 4th floor. He doesn't want her to be in the hotel room alone. Nate knows you will watch over her. He requested for her to stay with you tonight. Someone will bring her to your house later, but you are gonna have to call out of work tonight. I've got the 4th floor covered already. Julia can't be alone. At all. He was pretty adamant about this all."

Shit. Who's gonna want to cover an overnight shift? Everyone hates that shift. I'm gonna have to go begging Cheryl to. She won't be happy but I don't have a choice. I pinch tension between my eyes and forget I'm on the phone for a second while my brain races.

"Ok. Thanks Paul." I hang up and text Cheryl. Fortunately, she is willing to cover for me tonight. Last thing I need is to lose my fucking job that provides for my family.

Then. I wait. I order a few pizzas and put it on my charge card. Whatever. I'm almost at my limit but Julia ... and Paul ... are gonna need to eat later.

I sit on my couch in the den and watch the news replaying today's events over and over again. This is all surreal. I wonder how Trisha's handling it all. She's Nate's fixer.

[Hey Trisha, The Assistant. How are you holding up?] 

I text her instead of calling because if she's still at the hospital she probably won't pick up. She gets right back to me.

[What a shitshow, James. A fucking nightmare]

[ I know. How are YOU though??] 

I have a feeling Trisha makes it out like she's stronger than she is.  I bet no one has even asked her how she is today. They are all worried about Nate and Julia. There's a pretty long pause before Trisha responds.

[I'm hanging in there. Thanks for asking. I feel a little invisible right now to be honest.]

I knew it. I feel so bad for her.

[If you need anything, don't hesitate, ok Trish? I mean it.]

[ Thanks James. I appreciate you checking in on me. Really.]

[Of course. Trisha The Assistant is my good friend. I'm always gonna check in on ya. You can't get rid of me now.] 

I can almost feel her smiling at that.

*****

*Trisha*

I smile at James's text. That was nice of him to check in on me. He's a good guy. 

Once Julia is out of Nate's room, I go back in to keep him company.  I sit next to him and we chat for a bit, then he falls in and out of sleep while nurses check in on him multiple times. This is serious. More serious than he thinks. Especially with his family history and his dad having a heart attack at 42.

After about an hour Nate wakes up and we both hear commotion outside the hospital door.  I recognize the voice right away. Fucking Rita is here! This is NOT what Nate needs right now! Me and Nate share a look.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." I stand up and mute his machine again when his blood pressure escalates. "What do you want me to do, Nate?"

He pinches the tension at the bridge of his nose. "Just let her in."

"REALLY?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Yeah, I just want to get this over with."

 I huff and open the door and freeze. There she is. Nate's mother. Being held back by a guard. I'm supposed to say Let her in but I just stare at the woman.

"Let her in." Nate says from behind me.

"THANK you." Rita gives the security guard a dirty look as he lets go of her. 

"Rita." I mumble.

"Move out of my fucking way, Trisha." Rita barrels in practically knocking me over. I give Nate a sympathetic look before going out in the hall and closing the door behind me. I'm escorted back to the waiting room. Paul is getting ready to leave with Julia now which means I'm stuck here with Max, which is fine. But I know Paul better.

I plop down in the chair and say nothing after Julia and Paul leave.

"It's a zoo out there." The tall black man tries to make conversation with me. He's nice enough. A good looking man around Paul's age who has also been working for the same company for years.  He leans against the door, looking out the small window at the mayhem on the other side. 

"It's only gonna get worse." I admit. "This is going to become national news, if it hasn't already. Word travels fast." I curl up in the chair and the man nods.

"Especially if you're fucking Nate Hollan." He smirks and I look up at him, felling a little more comfortable that he just dropped the F-bomb. I laugh a little at that and nod as well. We both look at the small tv hanging in the corner of the room.

"Fuck.." I say softly at Nate's face now on the National News Channel.

"That didn't take long.." The bodyguard shakes his head.

*****

*James*

The SUV pulls up to my house and I walk outside to meet them. I know the run down from Paul. I know what to expect.

"I don't know what the big fuss is." Julia says to me through the half open window while waiting for Paul to give her the ok to enter my house.

"It's no big deal, Julia. Really. If anything you should feel better knowing they are taking all the precautions to keep everyone safe." I grin tiredly. "How is Nate?"

Julia seems much calmer now. Either things have settled down in her head or the nurses gave her something in the hospital.

"He's in good hands. I think he'll be ok. But stress is the culprit." Julia says. "It doesn't help his dad died from a heart attack."

Oh shit. I didn't know his heart attack was something hereditary. Or that his father died. I don't really watch TV and don't follow him on social media. Maybe I should start to.

"Shit. I didn't know that. Jesus." I lean against the car window a little, patiently waiting for Paul to come out of my house.

"He was 42."

Holy Shit.

"Jesus Christ." It's all I can say, almost stunned. I may not be friends with Nate but I certainly don't want to see him sick or dead either.

Paul comes out and the conversation ends. "All set." 

I open the car door and take Julia's backpack for her.

"So, he's just gonna, what- hang out in your living room with us now?" Julia gives Paul a dirty look and walks by him while talking to me. She's gonna give him a hard time, isn't she?

"It's fine, Julia. Paul's a good guy. You don't give him a chance." I say. I know Paul. Julia needs to chill and just go with the flow tonight.

We walk into the living room, where just hours ago we were making out like teenagers before the day turned upside down. Julia immediately starts to cry. Again. Both me and Paul turn around and notice right away.

"Sorry. I'm just really tired." She turns around and shuts the door, trying to pull herself together before looking at me.

I know my eyes are giving me away right now. I'm worried about Julia. Especially knowing what I know now about her depression and suicide attempt.

 "I'm fine James. Stop looking at me like that."

I look away and change the subject.

"There's a few pizzas in the kitchen I just ordered in case anyone's hungry."

Paul nods and sits on the recliner in the living room, scrolling through his phone. Julia walks away into the kitchen and I give her a minute before I join her.

"Hey." I walk over to Julia and hug her but she keeps her arms down at her side and freezes. I had a feeling this would happen now.  She said she loved me this afternoon, but I can tell she loves him too and is struggling internally. "Are you ok?"

Julia gives in and wraps her arms around me and cries against my chest. "I can't believe this is happening."

"I know." I rest my chin on the top of her head as she lets it all out.

"Do you want a drink?" I pull her away so I can look down at her. "A drink drink I mean. To calm your nerves?"

She nods and I open up the cabinet above it that's filled with hard liquor.

"You don't have kids. Why do you keep your booze way up there?" She asks while I pull down a full bottle of whiskey and grab two small glasses. Julia sits on the stool at the kitchen island now.

"No. I have Maggie instead. I used to have all my shit on a wine rack over there." I point to the ground that now has Maggie's dog's food and water bowls in it's place. "The big baby knocked it over with her tail and had a field day. Poor thing was a mess for a good few hour."

"Shut up!" Julia's eyes widen and watches me pour us each a glass taking a much-needed sip before she does. I rarely drink this shit. I'm a beer guy. But after today, I need a drink.

"Yeah. Let's just say Lindsay wasn't too happy about that so I pretty much baby proofed the house to get her off my back." I sit down next to Julia. "You should eat something, Julia." I nod to the two boxes of pizza stacked on the island in front of us.

"I will. I just need to let this kick in first. So, does Lindsay have Maggie tonight?"

"Yeah."

"What happened between you guys?" Julia boldly asks, needing to talk about something other than this day. I can't go there right now though.  I stand up and open the pizza box. I throw a few slices on a paper plate.

"I'm gonna make sure Paul eats. Can't have a hungry bodyguard." I grab a soda out of the fridge and head out of the room. When I come back in Julia is looking at the article from today again.

"You're gonna drive yourself crazy if you keep doing that." I sit back down next to Julia and take another swig of whiskey.

"C'mon, You need to eat something, babe."

"What's gonna happen?" Julia looks down at the pizza.

"With the pizza? You're gonna eat it that's what." I smirk.

"I mean it."

"Here's what's gonna happen. Nate's gonna be fine. They caught it early. He'll probably have to watch his stress levels and have to take meds for the rest of his life, but he's healthy. He works out. You already know that. I'm sure he doesn't eat shit due to the energy he needs to perform on stage for hours. He doesn't smoke or drink much, right? He'll be fine." I rub her back to comfort her.

"He drinks. A lot lately. Because of everything I've put him through."

"You know none of this is your fault, right Julia?" I stare at her and watch her drink the last in her glass and stand up. I have a feeling she is blaming herself for all the shit that went down today. She needs to know this was all out of her control.

"You know what, I'm really tired. Can I just go lay down for a bit?"

"Sure. After you eat." I look down at her pizza and back up, waiting for her to eat something.

"I'm really not hungry." She pushes it aside and goes to walk away but I grab her arm.

She glares at me and pulls away. I knew this was gonna happen. I was already warned ahead of time.

"Please. One slice. That's all I'm asking."  I say, but she pushes the plate aside.

 "Nate warned me this would happen." I pour another glass of whiskey and leave the room. Julia follows.

"What do you MEAN, Nate told you this would happen??"

I sit down and ignore Julia.

"James..."

"Julia." I look down at my glass instead of up at her. 

"Answer my question." 

"Never mind. Forget I said anything."  I take another sip of whiskey. Paul keeps his eyes glued to his phone, trying not to pay attention to us but not before huffing and mumbling something.

"What was that? Do you have something to say, too?" Julia turns to Paul now.

"Here we go. That's what I said." 

"What... Did Nate tell YOU something, too? And I'm supposed to read both of your fucking minds to know what was said?"

"You need to eat. Miss Moretti." He stands up and literally walks Julia back into the kitchen. I follow behind and take the seat next to her again.

"Are you for real right now, Paul?" 

"Can you just eat something? I'm not asking much. You're just gonna stress Nate out more by being so difficult." I plead while grabbing a slice of pizza for myself. "I'm serious, Julia. He warned me you sometimes shut down, k? It's no big deal. Today has been a shit show. But you need to eat something. You'll feel better after."

"I'm not shutting down." Her voice cracks and I rub her back while refilling her glass. She starts eating the pizza to prove me wrong.

"I know, sweetie. It's just been long day."

"I'm not shutting down." Julia repeats.

*****

*Trisha*

Once Nate's mom showed up, I left the hospital. I can't handle that woman. She has always been so rude to me and her life causes Nate stress. Too much stress. I'm surprised he even let her in the room. Instead of going home, I go to Nates house. I walk into his empty apartment and look around.

I walk through the living room and in to the bedroom. The bedroom we had sex in just this morning. That's when I lost it.

I fall to my knees and cry so fucking hard. I feel like everything is falling apart. 

I don't know how long I knelt on that floor and cried. Over a half hour. Then my phone snapped me back into reality.

James.

I pull my phone out of my back pocket and sit on Nate's bed. The bed we were both in this morning. I sit here alone and answer the call.

"Hey." 

"You're not ok, are you. I can tell already." James says on the other line. I sniff and wipe my eyes.

"Its all just ..a lot." 

"Where are you?"

I start crying over the phone.

"I'm at Nates." I cry. I never cry like this. Especially over the phone to someone I just met not long ago.

"Aww Sweetie. Stop torturing yourself. Go home. Get some rest. I'm worried about you."

I'm worried about you. 

I can't remember the last time I heard those words without them coming out of my own mouth.

"I'm ok, James The Receptionist." I try to lighten up a little and can hear him sigh on the other end. "Really. I'm gonna head home."  I lie.

"Good idea. Call me if you want to talk, Any time. Day or night. ok?" James is concerned.

"Ok" I hang up. I don't go home. I lay on Nate's side of the bed and bury my face in his pillow. I can smell his shampoo and cologne on it. I cry. I fucking cry in his pillow.  

Why am I falling apart like this?

*****

*James*

I hang up with Trisha while Julia is still in the den talking to Nate. I'm worried about Trisha now just as much as Julia.  

It's been about an hour since Julia has been in the den. I knock on the door and slowly open it to make sure she is off her phone. There she is, sitting on the couch, reading the article over and over again. She's not in a good place right now. I don't say anything. I sit next to her and take her phone, fumbling to shut it down completely. I tuck her hair behind her ears and study her face.

"Julia.." I wipe one last round of tears that fall from her exhausted eyes and wait for the response I want. But instead, Julia's bottom lip quivers like she is trying to hold everything in.  She's driving herself crazy in that head of hers. She doesn't have any coping skills whatsoever.

"Aww Sweetie, come here." I pull her in for a hug and she breaks down in my arms.

"I'm trying. James. I'm trying so hard!!"

"I know you are.." I hold her so tight.

"I don't know how to handle anything anymore. I feel so... weak."

I back away and cup her face. "You're not weak. You've just been dealt another shitty hand. And you have no coping skills. Julia, I know now is not the time to bring this up but I'm gonna anyways. If I make an appointment with my therapist for you, will you go? She's really helpful and I've been going to her for a good nine years now. I can even go in with you if you want. or not. I'll do whatever you need."

She nods. The instant look of relief washes over my face and I let out a deep breath.

"THANK you." I kiss all over her face like I did earlier today when she said she loved me. "C'mon, we're both exhausted. Lets go to bed."

"Maybe I should sleep here tonight." She signals to the small couch we're sitting on in the den.

She's really struggling between me and Nate now. It fucking hurts like hell.

"What? No. You're gonna get no sleep in here. Don't worry. We're in 'Friend Mode' ok? I'm not gonna try anything. I'm tired too." I pull her hand, so she has no choice but to get up and follow me. I head to the bathroom really quick and when I'm done, I sit on the opposite side of the bed from her.

I take my clothes off, leaving me in just my boxer briefs and notice Julia studying my tattoos.

"When did you get this?" I feel her trace the outline of the cross with her finger and I turn to her. 

"It's work in progress, little by little over the years since I was 20. Not done yet."

"Not done yet, you have no more room!" 

"Sure, I do. It will never be finished." I laugh

"What is all this? The numbers and stuff?"

"Wow.. you actually noticed that? Most people just see a cross tattoo and shading. I'm impressed Miss. Moretti." I kiss her forehead and lay down, putting an arm up behind my head to rest. 

"The numbers are all my sisters birthdays and important dates. That kind of shit. The thorny rose that wraps around the cross is my mom and dad. My mom's favorite flower is the rose...."

I pause before I think of the rest of my tattoo. "And my father is the thorns in our side. Like Jesus's disciple Paul." Julia gives me a confused look. "The thorn is in relation to the persecutions and hardships Paul faced. Dad is the thorn in all our sides. Sick Bastard."

"Are you religious?" Julia asks.

"Christian. I try to get to church on Sundays and read a devotional every morning before I start the day. You?" A yawn escapes me while talking.

"I don't know. I want to believe Danny is some kind of peaceful heaven, but I've never been to church or even picked up a Bible. My dad wasn't into that stuff. I guess...I'm nothing?"

"You're not nothing, Julia. You're a clean slate. You should come to church with me sometime."

"No. I wouldn't fit in. I'd burst into flames the minute I walk through the door." She jokes but I don't find it funny.

"That's kinda who Jesus wants. Ya know that? He wants to heal the broken ones. Like me and you." 

"Huh. I never thought of it like that.. God knows I'm broken. You've got me trying all sorts of new things, haven't ya. Group therapy, counseling, church."

"Can't blame a guy for trying." I joke. "I just want to see you happy, Julia. There's so much this life has to offer. You're just stuck in a rut." 

"I just want to see you happy." I repeat and shut off the lamp. Without warning, I feel Julia lay on my chest right on my tattoo and start to relax.

"You know I meant it when I told you I loved you today, right?" Julia says quietly.

"Yeah. I still don't know what that makes us. But I'll take whatever you give me." 

"Why are you so good to me?" She yawns.

"Guess I'm just a good guy." I raise an eyebrow sarcastically and smirk. "Think you'll get any sleep tonight?" 

"Not sure. I never know."

"Julia...." 

"James..."

I let a moment go by before my next question.

"How'd you do it?" I look down at Julia and lower a hand to rub her back. I need to know. I need to hear it from her. Not Nate. From Julia. And I need to know what she took.

"Do what?"

"You know. That weekend...Boston."

"Why do you want to know??"

"Just so... you know.. I can hide all the sharp objects and shit."  I tease.

"The knives are safe where they are. Pills...I took too many pills."

"What kind of pills?"

"James..."

"What? I wanna make sure my Flintstone vitamins are safe." I nod over to my vitamins lined up on my nightstand.

"It was an anxiety prescription. Can we not talk about this tonight??"

"Just one more question. I promise this is the last one. Then you can go to sleep."

"Ok. fine. What?" She traces the outline of my tattoo.

"Do you still take those pills?"

She stops tracing the outline. Fuck... Please don't lie to me...

"No."

*****