*James*

"When do you even sleep??" Julia asks while watching me do my laundry from the small corner table.

"You know everything is gonna get wrinkled if you don't fold your clothes right away."

"O.K. Mom." I ignore her. "I hate folding."

"Would you like me to fold your clothes for you?"

"Be my guest." I know she was just kidding but she actually gets up and grabs my basket to fold my clothes.

"You fold, and I'll load your wet clothes in dryer. Deal?" I put my hands on her hips as I walk by and feel her tense up, which makes me smile.

"I suppose." Julia dumps my clothes on the table and starts organizing everything before folding. "So, when DO you sleep if you work the night shift. You don't ever look tired to me."

"I usually try to go to sleep around 2 pm and sleep till 5:30 or so." I respond.

"That's it? That's not a lot of sleep. You need more than three and a half hours of sleep."

"Look who's talking. Hollan told me you have insomnia. You don't sleep either." I turn around to grab more clothes and glance at her. "Cept for THAT morning... after...you know..."

"Nate told you that? When?"

"When you were sleeping. He was worried because you weren't waking up. He said you never sleep, so I guess it weirded him out."

"Ahh, there's my favorite color..." I hold up her red lace underwear and raise an eyebrow at her.  She blushes and I laugh at her before tossing her underwear in the dryer.

"I request you wear those next time."

"NEXT time?!" Julia scoffs. "What makes you think there will BE a next time?"

I lean over the table to get really close to her face.

"Ohhhh. There will be a next time." I whisper. "There's always a next time."

"James, stop." She furrows her brows while matching my socks. I walk around to her side of the table and push the basket out of the way.

"I could take you right here on this table." I whisper in her ear and hold her waist so I can lean my body into her.

"Cut it out. We can't hang out if you keep flirting with me." She angrily pushes me away. "I mean it, James. I like spending time with you, don't ruin it."

I sigh and give her space.

"You're no fun, Miss Moretti."

"Whatever. You may want to go take care of that." She nods, looking at my prominent erection showing through my sweatpants.

"Only if I can think of you in your red lace underwear." I tease and sit back down, having to shift myself a little.

"You've got issues."

"Maybe. But if it dulls the pain even for a little while, I'll take it." I say in a more serious tone now.  I pick up my phone and read a "Hello" text from Trisha while waiting for my erection to go away.

"What do you mean?"

"You know..." I glance at Julia and realize she doesn't understand what I'm trying to say. I put my phone back on the table so I can explain further.

"C'mon. You don't use sex to escape from life a little? Everyone does." I shrug.

"I don't know. I guess I never thought about it?"

"Ok, so answer this. When you wake up in the morning and feel that pain you described earlier... the one that stays with you all day long. Do you notice it when you're fooling around? Do you think about that pain in your chest?" I ask.

"No, I don't think about anything."

"Exactly! You check out, right? You forget about all your problems. The pain goes away for a little bit. It always comes back later, but at least it goes away for a little while." I tap the side of my head when the lightbulb finally comes on for Julia.

"Huh. I never thought of it like that."

"And it feels good. Which is an added bonus. Especially with you." I laugh and pick up my phone again.

"So, what you mean to say is - you used me that night to forget about your problems." She scoffs and I can tell she took it the wrong way.

"No. Just being around you makes me forget about my problems. I'm saying you can do things that feel good without feeling guilty all the time. If it's the one thing that fills the void for a little while, then have at it. No one can judge you for that. Not everyone has gone through what we've had to go through." I smile at her.

 "And THAT'S how I know there will be a 'next time', so I'm putting in my request now for the red underwear."

"You're an ass." She jokes.  "So now that you know a little more about me and what we have in common, does being around me make you think of your problems more instead of forget about them?"

"No, it makes me feel better. Now I have someone to talk to who knows what I'm feeling. Cuz you've lived the same hell as me." I answer, and we both nod in agreement.

"And now I know when you come in at night and your eyes are a mess, it might not be from Hollan after all. Though I still think he's gonna break your heart. So, I'll still wait for you."

"Yeah, yeah yeah...don't waste your time." She brushes me off. 

"Want a coffee from the lobby while you wait for your clothes to dry? I'm gonna go grab one." I ask, and Julia nods yes, but I can tell she's still stuck on what I said.

"Don't overthink it, Julia. I can see you driving yourself crazy up there." I stand up and pat the top of her head before walking out the door.

"How do you like your coffee?"

"A little cream and one sugar. Please. Thanks."

*****
When I come back with Julia's coffee, she's fast asleep with her head resting on her arms on the table.

She really IS struggling with her insomnia.

While she rests, I text back and forth with Trisha for a little while and then touch base with my sisters in the group chat to check in on my mom.  I hate that she's getting worse so fast and worry how long we'll be able to take care of her at home.

Today is a better day for mom, but by the time I get over there to visit, it will be time to come back and get ready for work.  Plus, a lot can change in 45 minutes with the way her moods fluctuate. Now, I only plan on visiting on Sundays for church and Sunday dinner. That way, the girls can all be there and prepare in case mom freaks out when she sees my face.

Out of nowhere, I feel my eyes water and am glad Julia is sleeping so she doesn't see me emotional. It's just so hard to watch mom go downhill and equally hard that she associates me with my abusive father.  It hurts like hell. Shit. I need to pull myself together.

I wipe my face and lean back against the wall to close my eyes for a few minutes.

A full hour goes by before Julia starts to wake up.  I watch as she looks around the room for a moment, not sure where she is before it clicks.

"It's about time."

She raises her head and looks at me. I take a sip of my coffee and smile.

"How long did I sleep for?" She asks groggily. Her voice is a little raspy, which is pretty damn sexy.

"Almost an hour now. Your coffee might be cold. I can get you a new one." I start to stand.

"No, I'm good. You don't have to do that. Thank you, though."

"You haven't been sleeping much at night, huh?"

"Not really." She fights back yawn. "Did you... did you fold my clothes for me?"

"Well, you said the clothes get wrinkled if you don't fold them right away, and I didn't want to wake you when the dryer stopped."

"But you hate folding laundry."

"You're welcome." I smirk and rock back in my chair.

"Sorry, thank you..."

"I'm just teasing ya. You don't have to thank me."

"Why didn't you go home so you could sleep?" She asks.

"No... I wasn't just gonna leave you here in the laundry room by yourself like that. I had nothing better to do anyway. I'm not tired. I could sit here and watch you sleep all day long." I pause. "Plus, I'm really enjoying your raspy bedroom voice right now."

"Do you have to flirt EVERYTIME you talk to someone, James?" Julia rolls her eyes at me.

"Just you." I wink. "Hey, you around tonight? They're doing some beer tasting and karaoke night here in the lounge."

"Really?" Julia perks up a bit. Is she really interested in going? "Wait, aren't you working the front desk?"

"Not tonight. C'mon. It'd be fun. We can get drunk and listen to people sing really bad all night."

"It does actually sound like fun. I haven't done that in years! But I have practice." She frowns. "Can I get back to you on that? I just don't know what time it will end."

Friggen Hollan.

"Practice, right." I breathe out heavily. "Guess I'll see you tomorrow morning then."

"What? No. That's not true.

"Julia."

"James."

"You know you don't have to cover that shit up with me. I'd never say anything. You know that, right? You're part of the '4th floor club', remember??" I remind her.

"I know, and believe me, I appreciate you not saying anything. I do. And I think tonight sounds like fun. I just don't know what's going on yet. I'm already on thin ice with Nate." Julia blurts out, and I can tell she regrets it instantly.

"That came out wrong. That's not what I meant. At all."

"Why would you be on thin ice?" I question.

"That's not what I meant. I mean..." Julia closes her eyes and sighs before continuing.

"James...I told him about us. What happened. In the lobby. He knows already. I'm sorry. It was eating me up inside. I told him this- the other day."

At first, I'm shocked, then I start laughing.

"Did he flip his lid??" I ask in between laughing.

"Stop. It's not funny. And yes, he did. We had a huge fight over it. It wasn't pretty. Why is this funny to you?"

"You shouldn't feel like you owe anyone an explanation for anything you do. What you guys have - it's not real. In my eyes, you're still single. You can sleep with whoever you want, whenever and wherever you want. Even if it's in the hotel lobby." I smirk.

"You know we are kinda- together?"

I lean on the table and look at Julia seriously.

"This... "thing" ...that you two have, whatever it is... Julia, it's not sustainable. You know this. You guys sneaking around and shit- It's gonna get old fast." I watch Julia look down and fidget with her rings on her hand while I talk.

"Hey, I'm not trying to upset you. I'm saying this in "Friend Mode." Not because I want you to choose me. You already know I do. But you do see what I'm trying to say, right? You guys are playing a game that you're destined to lose. It's not gonna end well, and it's gonna break your heart."

I reach over and hold her hand.

"Listen, I can't compete with him for obvious reasons. We are two very different people...that ...I think in some weird way; makes you feel the same thing? Correct me if I'm wrong." I give her a sympathetic look.

"So, why would you choose someone that's gonna set you up for disaster when you could choose someone that makes you feel the same AND without having to hide everything? Don't you sometimes wish you could go on a date? Or out to eat? Or even hug or hold his hand without worrying about it?" We both look down at me holding her hand and back up at each other.

"Christ, you know if you were with me, I'd want to show you off to the whole world. Hold your hand in public, kiss you in front of people...You know I'm the easier choice. I don't know why you don't just pick me. I'm still in friend mode, by the way. I'm just calling it out like I see it." I squeeze her hand a little but don't let go. "I'd pick me."

Julia pulls away and stands up, pacing the small laundry room.

"Of course you would." She shakes her head as I watch her pace back and forth while she talks. "Why does this conversation keep coming up. We can't just be friends?"

"We can. We can be whatever you want us to be. Friends, friends with benefits," I raise an eyebrow, "or more. We could be together. Like adults. Not hiding anything. Balls in your court. I'll take whatever I can get. I'll take whatever you give me."

"You make this so difficult. You know that?"

"It doesn't have to be..." I say and stand up, putting a hand on her shoulder to make her stop pacing nervously.

"I'm gonna be honest with you. Because you already know this. I can't be in a room with you without feeling - more than just friends. But the same goes for Nate. It's not fair to either of you. I don't say this in a hurtful way. I say this in a truthful way. "

"And I'm gonna be honest with you now." I put my hands on both her shoulders. "I'm not into throuples." I laugh and Julia rolls her eyes. "I don't swing that way. So, you'd have to pick one or the other either way. Or you could wait and put yourself through hell when everything falls apart before you make the right decision. I'm just trying to save you the trouble. I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm sorry." Julia takes a step back, needing distance between us. "I know these conversations are weird. I don't want them to be. I'm grateful I can talk to you and be honest with you about what's going on in my head."

"That's what 'friends' are for. Even if it does stab me in the heart every time you choose him over me." I chuckle a little but it's fake, we both can tell. "Do you talk like this with Nate? Does he know how you feel?" I lean on the washing machine next to me, putting my weight on my forearm, and cross one ankle over the other casually as I talks.

"God no! He'd REALLY Flip his lid!"

"So I get an extra point then, right? If you can confide in me, ABOUT me, and I don't flip my lid, I get extra points. Your feelings are valid, Julia. Their yours. I don't ever want you to not tell me stuff because you think I'd get mad. I don't anger easily."

"You don't anger at all. It's a little freaky, actually. I kinda want whatever you're taking."

"It's just how I am, I guess. I'm just -me."

"And I love that about you." She sighs, " Why does everything have to be so complicated!" She looks up at the ceiling in frustration.

I stand up straight again and take a step closer to Julia, crossing my arms over my chest like she does. "Again, it doesn't have to be. You complicate it. You say it's not fair to us, but what about what's fair to you? Put feelings and attraction on the backburner. In the long run- who makes you happy? When you look in the future, who do you see yourself with years from now?"

"You. When I'm with you."

"And Nate, when I'm with Nate." She adds, making us both start to laugh a little, lightening up the atmosphere.

I pull her in and hug her. "You really are a mess, you know that? Saying that in "Friend Mode" of course..."

"Of course." 

"I have Maggie. That's another extra point for me."

"That's a hundred extra points." She laughs and grabs her basket, heading for the door. "I'll let you know if I'm around tonight."

"I'll be here..." I shake my head and watch Julia leave. She's a mess.

*****

*Trisha*

I text back and forth with James a little but it doesn't sound like our plans will coordinate well today so we won't be able to hang out. I enjoy his company, but he understands how busy I am when Nate is around. Today I need to finalize plans for Nate to travel to Austin, Texas for a promo week. It took a year to plan and now I'm down to the wire to get as many interviews and Radio talks in as I can. I also want to bring up the possibility of making plans with Macy for Nate. 

He will probably say no, but I think enough time has gone by and they left off as friends. I think they even still talk every once in a while. It would be good for him to see her. Who knows, maybe something more will come out of it. I still believe Macy is THE one for Nate. They were perfect together. He was happy. Genuinely happy. The only thing that ruined it was the media attention. Unfortunately, being Nate, that will never disappear, but maybe the time away helped Macy and she would be willing to accept it better this time around.

I sit in my usual spot in the Café and take over the table with Nate's shift. Booking flights, calling hotels, setting up interviews. It takes a good portion of my day.  And then, right as I start packing everything up, who walks in? Dave. He now knows this is my spot, which means, for a few months, I'm going to need to find another place to grab coffee. 

I hold my breath, hoping he doesn't look over here but of course he will see me. I have a feeling that's the only reason he comes in here now.

The minute I hear my name I close my eyes and hope he will just go away.

"Just because you can't see me doesn't mean I can't see you, sweetheart."  I hear Dave say and open my eyes, letting out the breath I was apparently holding... He already has his tea in his hand and is staring down at me in front of the booth.

"I actually really have to go." I lie and it falls flat. Dave knows me too well. He knows I'm an awful liar and sits down without an invitation.

"When are you gonna stop hating me, Trisha?" He asks and I can tell he is genuinely asking.

"You know I don't HATE you Dave." I finally make eye contact with him. It's weird seeing Dave sober now after seeing him at his lowest for so long. It's also weird how we were such good friends before everything fell to shit and now I am afraid to even look at the man sitting across from me.

"But we'll never be friends again, will we?"

"Probably not..." I swallow hard admitting that even though I miss the Dave I first met, who is also the Dave sitting here right now. Drunk Dave is someone completely different. This isn't Drunk Dave.

"I miss you, Trish." He looks down at his cup and says it softly. "I miss the way you'd make me laugh. I miss being friends with you. We were good as friends back then, weren't we?" His blue eyes look up and meet mine now and I can see the sadness come through. He looks so broken right now. I'm not gonna lie. It hurts to see him like this. Especially if he really IS trying to change and better himself.

"We were. We all were." We all were good friends. Me, Nate, Dave. We had some fun times together. Until we didn't.

We both are silent for a bit, both looking at our cups of tea instead of at each other.

"Remember when Nate stole Shawn Mendes's car that night after the IheartRadio awards and we 'redecorated' it for him?" Dave asks. How could I forget. Nate and Shawn are always pranking each other and somehow Nate was able to get a hold of Shawn's car keys to his Tesla. We wrapped the ENTIRE car in toilet paper and left it in front of his mansion, that night.

"How could I forget?" I laugh a little. "The next day Nate's brand new Mercedes was decked out in condoms. It took us forever to get them off the car. There were hundreds. It was disgusting."

"Yep. We were awful human beings weren't we?"

"We were kids. Kids who had no parents watching over them. Just bodyguards. Poor Paul. Remember him? We gave him such a hard time." I sigh. Paul didn't have a chance back then. It was really only five or ten years older than us and Nate kept him on his toes. I watched over Nate for the most part but we still needed to let loose and have fun every once in awhile.

"Of course I remember Paul. We had fun. Before, you know. I fucked everything up. But Trish, I'm getting my shit together. I hope you believe me. I've BEEN getting my shit together." Dave takes my hand and for the very first time in a long time, my hand doesn't shake in his. For the first time in a long time, I'm not afraid of him.

*****

I go to the hotel Lounge a little early, just to say hi to the bartender, Charlene. She's a little rough around the edges but actually a really nice woman. She is here all the time but because I'm always at the front desk, we don't really see each other often. She and my mom were, well... are friends...when my mom remembers her.

"She's not doing so hot these days is she, Jamie." Charlene pours me a beer and leans on the bar while we chat. "Sometimes I call her and she doesn't even remember who I am anymore. We've been friends for years."

"I know. I'm sorry. She doesn't mean to ... She just forgets people easily these days." I look down at my beer wondering how much this even costs and it's like Charlene can read my mind.

"Hey. Anything you order tonight it on the house, ok? I mean it. You kids have been through so much." Charlene pats my hand a few times and I nod.

"Thanks."

"How are all your sisters doing? Katie a big ass surgeon yet? I remember when she was in med school. Smart girl, that one."

I let out a sigh. We all had these big dreams of being something someday, didn't we? Now look where we are. I'm in a  dead end job making money illegally under the table on the side with Paul just to make ends meet, Katie never made it past becoming a nurse and then had to quit to be mom's caretaker, and all my other sisters have retail, nanny positions, teacher's aid jobs... nothing that pays big and certainly not where we hoped we would be in our thirties.

"She became a nurse." I snap out of my own thoughts. " But she quit and is now home taking care of ma full time."

"Jesus, she needs full time care already?" Charlene's face contorts into disbelief for a second. She's probably around the same age as my mother, so to hear someone your age unable to take care of themselves would be shocking to hear, wouldn't it? I only nod and take a well needed sip of my beer.

"What about you? C'mon, Jamie. You must be ready to settle down and get married by now. Who was that cute blonde thing you were dating for awhile? Lindsay?"

I gulp my beer now, really hoping Julia will show up soon.

"Yep. No I have someone else in mind, but me and Linds... we're still good friends..."

"Of course you are sweetie. You're good friends with everyone." Charlene gives me a sympathetic look and then watches my eyes light up when I  see Julia come through the lobby. Thank God.

"You made it!" I pull Julia in for a quick hug and she sits  on the empty stool next to me. Charlene moves on to someone else and gives us our space. "I didn't think you'd actually come... with practice and all." My smile fades when I see her red and irritated eyes... again. 

"Yeah, practice ended early." Julia says blandly. Something happened between her and Hollan. A fight or something.  Right when  think I'm off the hook with my mom's friend Charlene, Julia waves her hand up to get the bartender's attention, desperately in need of a drink.

"Right..." I don't question her. She'll tell me when she is ready.

Charlene notices Julia and makes her way back over here.

"What can I get ya, sweetheart?" Her raspy smokers voice asks and she gives Julia a friendly smile.

"Whiskey, neat. Please." Julia responds and Charlene raises her brows and looks at me for a second.

"Whiskey neat," She repeats, gives me a nod and then points at Julia. "I like her already, Gallo. She's a keeper, " 

"On me, Charlene." I turn to Julia and smile.

"You got it." Charlene winks and lets out a little laugh before giving  Julia her drink.

We both watch Julia take an abnormally large gulp and my eyes widen. Charlene quickly refills her glass, laughs and moves on to the next customer now.

"You ready to hear my God awful singing through that microphone up there??" Julia pulls out her pony tail, letting her long brown hair fall down her back . God, she's so beautiful.  I watch her while sipping my beer and already feeling turned on by the littlest things she does.

Julia finishes her drink quickly and hops off the barstool. I stand up while holding my beer and tower over her. Our bodies are very close to each other but not touching. Yet. I can't stop gazing at Julia right now. She grabs my hand suddenly and pulls me away  from the bar.

"C'mon, let's do this!" She yells through the crowd, dragging me with her. She looks back at me and I smile as we push through the small crowd together.