*Trisha*

While Julia, Nate, and Jonah are at The Avalon, Paul, James, and Casey come to the apartment, so I'm not alone. If I need to go anywhere or have meetings, Paul will be my bodyguard. I study the man who is sitting on Nate's couch scrolling through his phone. We agreed we aren't very compatible. Aside from the sex we are actually pretty boring together. But I'm glad we both agreed, and there's no awkwardness between Paul and I.

"Hey." I sit down next to him. "How's it going over there?" I ask, and Paul knows I'm talking about the situation at James's. 

"Hollan's not gonna like this. But Julia is actually pretty calm at James's house. It's a zoo here, all the time. And now with Nate's detox... She's better off where she is." He replies without looking up from his phone.

"Yeah, I wouldn't go telling Nate that anytime soon. He's a mess."

"He's always a mess, Trish." Paul smirks and finally makes eye contact with me. "It's pretty bad here, huh?"

"Kinda. Jonah is pissed at Nate for bringing liquor into the house, and he has every reason to be mad." I stop short when we hear the elevator. That means Ren has dropped Nate off at home. It also means Paul, Casey, and James need to go back. Julia waits in the SUV for them to come down.

But when the elevator door opens, Hurricane Hollan comes through.  He throws his wallet and phone on the counter hard and storms through the house to his room and slams the door, making us all jump. Jonah  comes in right behind him, shaking his head.

"Well. Have fun with that." Paul laughs at me and gets up. Casey doesn't have a chance to see Jonah, knowing Julia is downstairs waiting, so she gives him a quick kiss hello and goodbye before her, James, and Paul exit.

"Do I even want to know?" I watch Jonah pace.

"I'm gonna have to give him an Ativan to calm him down. Today wasn't good. At all." 

"Why? What happened??"

Jonah tells me everything. How Cara needed to be sedated, how Jeremy talked to Julia about her future and how Julia told Nate she's not going on tour with him. Nate is also pissed at Jonah for agreeing with Julia on this.

"I mean, he can't actually think  she is ok to travel like this.."

"He doesn't want to hear it. On top of it all, his detox is at its peak. Tonight is gonna be difficult for all of us." Jonah announces and heads to Nate's room to talk to him.

Lovely.

Ten minutes go by, and all I can hear is Jonah and Nate battle it out in Nate's room.

"Twice now. TWICE, you put me in an awful position when it comes to my own sobriety. You KNOW I'm a recovering addict. You stored away the one thing I'm addicted to under the same roof as me." Jonah continues to lay into Nate.

"All these fires you start... they affect everyone around you. So, no, you're right. I didn't stick up for you during Julia's meeting. Because I think she is right! She shouldn't go on tour with you. For God's sake, Nate, think of someone other than yourself here.
Jonah storms out of the bedroom after getting it all off his chest, so of course, I go in to check on Nate.  He's sitting on one of the chairs by the window clearly distraught and struggling.

"What was that all about, Playboy?"

"Apparently, I'm selfish and only think of myself."

"And this is new news, how?" I laugh and sit next to him

"Ha. Ha. Very funny."

"Nate, I hate to burst your bubble here. But you are one of the most selfish people I know. With that being said, you are also the most selfLESS person I know. In some areas of your life, you will go above and beyond for others. For example. James and his family. Not only having a full room built in this apartment for him to comfortably live in, but financially provide for him and his struggling family. You pay for Julia, too. Her medical shit. The Avalon. But, sweetie... you are also very selfish. You want what you want, and you don't care how you get it, regardless if it hurts others."

I take his hand to comfort him, though he needs to hear this.

"You put Jonah's sobriety at risk because you wanted a drink. You put Julia's mental health at risk because you wanted a fuck. Was it worth it? The drink? Mila? Any of it? I'll always love you. You're my best friend. So I think I can tell you these things without you getting mad at me."

Nate nods and lets me continue.

"Did you think of me when you got behind the wheel drunk? Did you ever think how I would feel if something happened to you, Nate? Or how I feel now, having to put out all the fires you started because of your DUI?"

"I'm sorry." He drops his head. "Shit. I'm sorry, Trish."

"And what about Julia? Do you think she's better off with you? Is she better off without you? Going on tour....or staying behind for stability... you need to think of these things, sweetie." I pause.

"Just. I don't know. Just start thinking of others BEFORE you do shitty things, not after. Ok?" I smirk, but it fades fast. Jonah was right. Nate is at the hardest part of his detox. I can see it in his eyes.

"You're at the body pain stage of your detox, aren't you? I can tell in your eyes."

"Yeah. The body pain stage. Everything hurts." Nate admits.

"C'mon. I'll get your shower ready. That will help." I stand and take his shaky hands, leading him to the bathroom. He watches me turn the hot water on and undress.

"Trish.." Nate shakes his head at me but I don't pay any attention and lift his shirt up over his head.

"You don't think Moretti isn't over there having her way with James? Please." I scoff.

I keep my eyes on him while pulling his shorts down, following them until I'm on my knees. He's already hard, that much I know.  I kiss him over his boxer briefs and Nate closes his eyes.

"Wait." He gasps. "The last time I was with you my swimmers made it to the finish line..."

"Yeah." I take his underwear off and stand up.

"That's why I'm not only back on birth control but had my doctor put in an IUD." I pull him into the shower with me but can tell Nate is trying to figure out what an IUD is.

"Google it later, Playboy. I'm not getting pregnant."

*****

*James*

I just finished my PT session so join Julia out in the backyard while Maggie runs wild.  She probably misses our daily five mile runs but I'm not quite there yet with my stability.

"She's nuts, isn't she?" I shake my head at the hyper dog.

"She really is."

"Wanna talk about today? Something happened today. I can tell."

"I told him I'm not going on tour with him." Julia pauses. "Say something."

"I think you made the right choice, babe. But doing that pretty much breaks up with Nate. He will be gone traveling around the world or a full year. I can't go two weeks without sex."  I laugh.

"Oh please. You've gone longer than two weeks."

"Nope. I... I don't think I have in awhile." I admit and feel Julia's eyes piercing me. "Lindsay. Every once in a while."

"Really??"

"Well. I'm not waiting around for you for that part. You're all over the place."

"Yeah." She stares out aimlessly. "Is it good?"

"Yeah it's good. Sex with me is always good."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. So as I was saying....I don't think I'm mentally prepared to travel every few days for a year. Maybe I could do bits and pieces of the tour with him. But, talking to you as James my best friend, I don't want to end it with Nate. I don't know where we are exactly right now. Everything is a mess but I love him."

"I know you do, sweetie." I nod and kiss the side of her head.  I know now is not the time to fight for Julia. She needs me as her friend. Someone to listen to her rant, and I do just that.  I'll do whatever she needs me to do.

Because I will always love her.

*****

*Trisha*

It's been two weeks since Nate's arrest. Two weeks of me busting my butt to clear his name. And for what? Why?

Because I will always love him.

Nate can't help his addiction. But I can at least help him get back on track. He's nearing the end of his detox now and finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

It helps that he is focusing on himself and not Julia. He doesn't have a choice. She's not giving him the time of day. Can't blame her there. He fucked it all up when he got in deep with Mila Giovanni.

Now look, she's back in Italy. Was it worth it? Probably not. But it got Nate to think of something else BESIDES Moretti. And now he is working hard to better himself.

He's going to The Avalon. He's going to AA meetings. He isn't obsessing over Julia because I think she barely talks to him now. It's for the best.

Now Nate can move on.

With his tour.

With his life.

*****

*James*

"Imagine if things were different?" Julia looks out into the distance.

"I think you're drunk, Miss Moretti." I chuckle while we swing on the playground.

It's pitch black out, and Julia decided a whole bottle of whiskey was in order. Nate's detox is done, yet she is still staying at my house. Things are rocky between the two of them since he fucked up royally.

Julia passes the bottle to me but I shake my head. I have a small buzz going on but nowhere near drunk. Not like Julia.

"No, I'm good. You think you should be drinking this much with the meds you're on?"

"Probably not." 

"C'mon. Let's head back before you get too drunk." I think Julia can tell I'm beginning to get nervous being alone with her while she's intoxicated.

Last week, I had another seizure.

Smaller than the first one but enough to remind everyone I need to continue to be monitored carefully. the doctor said I will always need a full time nurse.

There was a lot of tears that night that I kept to myself. My life will never be the same. And if I were to have a seizure right now while Julia's drunk, I'd probably crack my head open on the pavement and REALLY be braindead. 

"I'm a good caretaker, right?" Julia stumbles a little when she gets off her swing, and I grab her arm as we walk home.

"You're an excellent caretaker."

"So maybe I can just move in with you and be your caretaker."

"I need a nurse, babe. Not just a caretaker." I remind her.

"I don't fit in anywhere, do it? Not in Nate's life. Not in your life. Maybe I'm better off alone."

"You can't be alone either. I don't think you will ever be able to live alone. You forget to take your meds all the time. Your bipolar and moods fluctuate all the time -"

"Yeah, yeah. Ok, I get it." She cuts me off as we walk back to my house and sit on the front steps together. "I love your house."

"I know you do, sweetie." I take the bottle away from Julia now.

"I think I'm drunk."

"Ya think?" I laugh, and Casey opens the front door.

"I see we have quite the party going on out here? Julia- you really can't drink much on antidepressants." Casey frowns when she sees the bottle. "Have you made up your mind on what you're gonna do yet?"

"Nope."

I'm certainly not going to be the one to force Julia to make a decision. I'm not sure what the right decision is but know whatever choice Julia makes will affect me in some way.

Sure, I'd love to go on tour and see the world. But it also sounds a bit hectic and I'm anything but a hectic person, though I know how to go with the flow.

All I want is for Julia to be happy. I also don't want her to regret it if she stays behind and  misses out on a once in a lifetime opportunity. At the same time, I don't want her to push herself to go if she is not mentally well. I want her to be able to enjoy it and not worry.

I have a feeling that's why she dragged me to the corner mart near my house to buy whiskey. No, Julia doesn't have an alcohol problem but she sure as hell was looking for a way to escape shit for a while and this time it wasn't by using me for sex- unfortunately.

And she is certainly drunk.

*******

*Trisha*

"I just want everyone under one roof again." Nate paces his living room while I'm trying to watch TV and while Jonah is doing research on God knows what in the dining room with his laptop.

"Look. I'm done with my fucking detox." Nate throws his hands up in the air. They are barely shaking. A great sign we are at the end of his withdrawals.

"I go to those damn AA meetings. I show up at the Avalon when I'm supposed to. I do my volunteer work at the shelter, I'm doing everything everyone told me to do, why isn't she answering my calls?"

"Nate, you know Julia can't make these kinds of decisions. I don't know why you sound so shocked." Jonah reminds him. "Believe me, I want her to make her choice just as badly as you do. I never get to see Casey anymore. But James having his second seizure just shows he still isn't fully healed and will need to continue having a nurse. And you- god- you need like a trillion nurses to keep you going."

"Can you stop pacing? You're driving me nuts." I move my head to the side to see the TV. "Go down to the gym or something. Burn some energy, playboy."

"I'm going for a drive." Nate attempts to grab his keys but Jonah swoops in fast.

"No you're not. Not with a suspended license." He shakes his head.

"Fine. Can you take me to the studio then? I want to work on a song."

"I can." Jonah nods. "I can drop you off and then go pick up your prescriptions. Just text me when you're ready to leave."

"You- you go nowhere without a bodyguard. Watch your damn Hallmark movie."

"Plan on it." I wave the remote in the air, happy to have the place to myself. Once the guys leave I turn my phone on again in case Nate or Jonah need anything from me. I've been shutting it off when I'm with everyone because I don't want them to see that Dave is still bothering me.

His texts are as bipolar as Moretti which makes me know he is still drinking. One minute apologizing to me for everything under the sun, the next minute calling me a bitch for ignoring him the way I'm ignoring him. 

The second my phone turns on three texts are waiting for me. One asking why I got a restraining order against Dave- Shocker, I know. The second one asking if we can meet up at the Cafe to talk- Not a chance in hell. And the third telling me I'm being a child and need to grow up and forgive him already. I can't win.

I'm trying to move on. Dave needs to move on as well. He also needs to get himself some help. Real help. And I'm NOT gonna be the one to be by his side when he does this time.

*******

*James*

"Maybe we should get her inside." I stand up and pull Julia up with me. "She drank a lot."

"Did you drink, James?" Casey asks.

"Not much." I say truthfully. "Not enough to feel anything."

"Ok, good. Hate to be the Mom. but I really don't think either of you should drink with the medication you guys are on."

"Yeah yeah yeah, ok mom. And anyways. You can't be my mom. I'm older than you."

"And I sure as hell am. I'm forty! Jesus, I'm forty?" Julia's eyes widen and both me and Casey roll our eyes at her.

"C'mon, Miss Moretti.. Time for bed." I walk her inside and Casey brings her upstairs to help her get ready for bed.

I sit on the couch and Maggie jumps up on my lap.

"What about you, Mags? You want to go on tour? Travel the world?" I scruff up my dog's ears and she licks my chin. "Yeah. I don't know either. Sounds fun. I'm not getting any younger. Neither are you, ya big baby." I hear Julia upstairs but it's not Casey she's talking to now. It's Paul. He walks down the stairs, fresh out of the shower with his hair still damp with drunk Julia on his tail.

"Please. Paul, pretty please?" She clasps her hands together in the praying position while Paul plops down on the recliner.

"Where would you like to go, Moretti?" Paul sighs.

"Anywhere. I'm bored out of my mind." Julia is drunk out of her mind is what she is. Paul gets a notification and my heart drops. Because I see the smirk on his face when he reads it and looks up at Julia before looking back down. Without making it obvious, I look down at Paul's phone while petting Maggie.

Nate. He's going to the studio.

"Fine. Lets go." Paul says. He's gonna bring her right to Nate, isn't he? I can just feel it in my bones.

I watch Paul grab his keys and Julia follows him out. I know full well if Julia sees Nate- especially while drunk- she's going to take him back. She'll forgive him in a heartbeat. 

******

*Trisha*

"So, I guess we're roommates again?" I sit next to James at the edge of his bed. Apparently Moretti got herself wasted and Paul thought it'd be a fun idea to drop her off at the studio- where Nate was- to "Make amends." Who's team is Paul on anyways?

In one night of Julia and Nate hashing it out, she decided to move back in to Nate's apartment.  I don't know if she's forgiven him or where they are at in their relationship, but we are all under one roof once again.

"Are you ok with everything?" I nudge my friend James.

"I am, actually. I like being around people. Believe it or not, I like it here. I don't mind Nate. He's his own worst enemy, not mine." James laughs. "Plus, we made an agreement that if I wanted to, I could spend the weekends in my own house, with one of the nurses and I like that idea. Having that option. I think Maggie does too." The pup hears her name, and her ears perk up while she lays in her doggy bed.

"Yeah. I get what you mean. I like being around people too. Well, most people." I also like that Casey gave up her bedroom to me and moved into Jonah's room, so I don't have to sleep on the couch. Paul does though but the old man doesn't seem to mind.

Word got out about Dave still trying to contact me and Nate was not having it. So here I am. With the rest of the crew. I think Nate just wants everyone together under one roof.

"Trish, you need to get over whatever you have against Julia." James raises his brows at me. "Jealousy doesn't look good on you."

"Ha....ha...ha.. I'm not jealous, James. I just worry about Nate. I worry about his heart. I worry about his stress." I shrug. James knows I'm just as overprotective of my best friend as James is of his best friend.

"I'm glad you're here. I just want everyone to get along. Julia tries. You know that much." He proceeds.

"I know she does. Hopefully everything just falls into place." I look up at the attractive man and smile.

My eyes drop down to his mouth accidentally and a rush of heat burns my cheeks, making me look away.

"Maggie looks happy." I quickly try to redeem myself. My heart is pounding hard all of a sudden.

"Hey." James gets my attention to turn back to him. He tucks my hair behind my ear but keeps his hand on the side of my face, gently stroking my cheek with his thumb- sending electricity right through my body.

"Everything will fall into place. It always does."

James leans in closer so our foreheads are almost touching. He's gonna kiss me. I feel like everything is moving in slow motion when his soft lips graze mine. I focus on his lips and then close my eyes. I want this.

"Knock knock." Casey knocks on the closed door before opening it, making us both jump and back away in time.

"The grocery order is ready."

And the moment is gone. Whatever the moment even was......

*****

"It's not such a bad idea." I try to make light of what I think is the right thing to do, in hopes I don't come off pushy, but Nate knows me all too well.

Because I DO think maybe Julia would benefit from the Avalon full time, like Nate's sister.

"It's a terrible idea, Trisha!" Nate bursts.

Why doesn't he use that energy of his to actually help me put the groceries away instead of just standing there watching me?

"Well, what about sober housing for women?" I have put thought into this...

"Yeah? Do they have a 'sober house for women with bipolar, depression, mania, addiction, and eating disorder'? C'mon, Trish. You know places like that aren't going to have trained staff to help Julia. She's better off coming on tour with me. With all of us. Together. My concerts are, what three hours a night? Aside from that, most of it is travel. We'd all be together. Think of what an amazing experience that would be for Jonah, Casey, and James too. Getting to see new places. For free."

"I don't know, playboy. I think you are biting off more than you can chew here. Speaking of chewing, dinner. Pasta or shepherd's pie."

"No to the shepherd's pie. Remember??"  Right. Julia's trigger food from being her kid's favorite. I don't mean to sound insensitive. She's just.... A lot.

"Right. Pasta it is. I don't know, Nate. I really think Julia should stay here and work on herself, but I don't have a say in the matter, do I? So long as you bring me along, that's all I care about."

"Of course I'm bringing you along. Just glad you're not still knocked up."

"Too soon, Nate. Too soon." I glare at Nate. I should have just gone down to the gym with James. this conversation is going nowhere. Julia will have to make the decision for herself. It's her life. It just affects everyone's life around her is the issue.

Including mine.

******

*James*

I try not to think of what the hell that was early. Sometimes my body moves quicker than my brain. I was about to kiss Trisha. Not that that's a bad thing. From what I recall, I felt the sparks right away when we kissed-well, practically made out...the night before my accident. Then nothing was talked about. Sure, I get that tingling feeling when I'm near her, but EVERY man does when they are near Trisha Banks. Just LOOK at her!

I can't confuse what my body wants with what my brain wants. My brain wants what it can't have. Julia.

But Trisha. There's something about her too. It can't be ignored.

I walk on the treadmill with Julia on the one right next to me and let my mind wander. Until Julia begins talking. Telling me maybe it's best for her to just go live at The Avalon full time. That's Julia's way of giving up. I know her too well. She's doing it so no one will have to worry about her and move on.  How quickly she forgets the man who raped her twice works at The Avalon. 

"No, babe. No way. Don't you remember the scum that works at The Avalon? You can't stay there full time. You're better off at my house with a nurse." I step off the treadmill and wipe my face with my towel. I then attempt to open my water with no luck. Julia notices my struggle.

"Damn you..." I look down at my hands in frustration and Julia opens my water for me.

"It'll come back to you, here."  She places the water bottle in my hand and we both walk over to the gym bench and sit down together.

"I feel like every time I think about my future I have a panic attack." Julia starts. "I have nothing to show for the last forty years of my life. Everything that made me- me, has been taken away from me, no college degree, no job, no family, no ... kids. I feel like I'm just existing. And barely doing so at that."

I frown hearing her talk like this. I lean into her a little to nudge her.

 "You still got me. You're your best friend. I'll always be here for you. We can figure it out together. You're not alone in this, Julia. Even IF I want you to marry me and not him." I laugh a little trying to lighten the mood. Julia rests her head on my shoulder with a sigh. 

"Thanks, James." 

I have a feeling I can't convince Julia she's worth so much more than she thinks. Julia is worth more than just going to The Avalon and giving up to make everyone around her happy. I've noticed it more and more lately. The way they look at Julia. The way they talk. She's not stupid. She hears and sees everything. She's very much aware of her mental status. 

Do I think she is healthy enough to go on tour? Hell no. Do I think she should admit herself to the Avalon so Jeremy can take advantage of her every chance he gets? Hard no.  I really do think she'd benefit from staying with me, at my house, with a live-in nurse. I'm not just saying that for my own selfish reasons. I'm saying it because I really do think that would be the best-case scenario for Julia.

But I can't make that decision for her. She needs to make it for herself.

And Julia isn't good at making decisions.