*Trisha*

"Paul, you can go up. Really. I will be up in a minute."

Paul is stubborn and won't budge. 

"Sorry, Banks. You know I can't." The body guard shakes his head. We are parked in the garage at Nate's apartment, and Paul refuses to give me a moment alone to talk to James.

"I can walk her to the elevator." James looks at Paul from his rearview mirror and nods.

"See? And look at him. He's just as big as you. Maybe I'll hire JAMES to be my bodyguard, too. Then I can have two sexy men follow me around." I laugh, and they both shake their heads at me. I just shrug as Paul gets out of the SUV and heads up to Nate's. The minute he shuts the door, I turn to James, who is looking down.

"Hey, you ok?"

*To be honest, I'm not sure." James scratches the side of his head. "I'm so used to going up and seeing her, ya know?"

 I understand what he means. The routine has always been for James to stop by at some point, even sleep over and spend most days with Julia. This has to feel weird for him. I'm sure it hurts like hell, but I wonder if James feels some sort of relief. The stress that goes along with caring for Julia is a lot. Too much for Nate, and I worry about that. But I still think James did the right thing by stepping away

"What time do you work tomorrow?"

"I'll probably go in around seven. If I can't sleep, I'll go in earlier." 

"Let's go out for breakfast, my treat." I shift in my seat. "Nate is bringing Julia to the Avalon for her tour, I don't have anything to do for work until his stitches heal... Thanks for that, by the way."

"My pleasure." He laughs for the first time today, and I instantly fall in love with it.

Fuck. I have a problem. 

I think I'm starting to have feelings for James.

******

*James*

"Nate Hollan's breakfast special." Trisha chuckles. I roll my eyes at her. 

"You're gonna get caught one of these days." I raise an eyebrow.

"Oh please, he owes me. Times a trillion. I'll text you in the morning." Trisha starts to open the car door, and I remember I'm supposed to walk her to the elevator.

I still can't believe I'm walking her over to the elevator because of Dave Brennan. None of it makes sense to me. He was one of the kindest kids back in the day.  But Trisha is right. I started seeing the change in Nate's attitude when his drinking got out of hand. I'm sure that's all it was, though. I hope that's all it was for Dave.

"Trish..." I start before we get out of the car. "Can you text me tonight and let me know how Julia is doing?" I watch Trisha sigh deeply and turn to me.

"Yeah... I'll text you. But  just because I feel bad for you today, hot stuff. I'm not doing this tomorrow, or the next day ..or the day after. I want to see you move on, ok?"

"I just worry about her." I admit and look away, feeling the heat rise to my face, wondering how Julia is going to do tomorrow. How I won't be with her. How I'm giving up on her. I'm such a coward. I still can't believe I'm walking away from Julia.

  I stay looking at nothing out my window as all these thoughts flood my head, and my tears flood the rims of my eyes. Trisha must notice because she puts a hand on my shoulder to comfort me but I keep my head turned, feeling like I'm gonna burst into tears just thinking about Julia waking up and finding out I left without even saying goodbye. But I know the second I look at her, I'll give in again. Nothing will change. I'm just in the way of her and the Avalon.

But I love her. She's Julia.

"Hey. Come walk me to the elevator so Paul doesn't have a fit that the boogie man is gonna get me." Trisha opens her door, and  I try to pull myself together for a moment before opening my own door. I walk behind her a little for good reason. The tears are now sliding down my face with every step I take across the parking lot, knowing I'm not going in the elevator up to see Julia.  Not only that, this is the very first time I've ended a relationship, not on good terms. I'm friends with all my exes. Doing this to Julia... guarantees her hating my guts. 

 Once we are in front it the elevator, Trisha turns around and sighs at the sight of me.

"Aww, James. Come here.." She wraps her arms around me, and I bury my face in the crook of her neck.

Eventually, I give in and slowly wrap my arms around Trisha and hold her tight while crying. She lets me fall apart in her arms, and I do.  For a good five minutes straight. God, I'm such a damn mess.

But then...

I feel Trisha turn her head a little. I feel her gently kiss the side of my jawline while my forehead is still resting in her shoulder. Maybe she didn't mean to. She probably didn't. She's just trying to console me.

But she does it again.

My heart is suddenly pounding out of my chest, and I know she can feel it against her. I should back away and let her go inside. Instead, I close my eyes  when I feel her hands in my hair.

Trisha backs her head away, just a little. Our mouths are inches apart, and all I can think about now is what her lips would  feel like. What would they taste like? What it would feel like to kiss her...

The urge to kiss her is overpowering.

My hands grab the sides of her head, and I lean my forehead on hers. We both close our eyes at the same time. I'm breathing much heavier now, and I can tell she is, too. 

"I should go." I whisper with my eyes still closed, feeling her breath against me.

"Yeah." She breathes out but keeps her hands in my hair and her forehead against mine. I open my eyes slightly and notice her eyes are still closed, her lips parted, her cheeks flush.

The tension built up has me aching, thinking all sorts of things I haven't let myself think for so long. My mind was always consumed with... Julia. But now...

Jesus Christ. How am I feeling this urge right now? I'm completely hard for her, and we haven't even kissed. Just looking at her, with her eyes still closed and lips almost touching mine, has my stomach tied in a knot.

"I really should go." My lips brush up against hers just barely as I say the words.

"Yeah." Trisha repeats with her eyes still closed hands in my hair. She can feel me hard for her, and I press against her, walking her backwards to hit the wall next to the elevator. My hands still holding her head, our lips still barely touching as I press my body into her.

"Trisha." I close my eyes now.

"Yeah."

"I'm gonna go home now." I press against her, and she lets out a slight moan against my lips and gently pulls my hair.  Holy Hell.

"Ok..." She whispers.

"I can't back away." I brush my lips against hers again, and her breath hitches.

"So don't back away."

Minutes of us having this internal battle as I press up against her body is torture. I really need to reel it in.

"James."

"Yeah." I breathe.

"I need you to kiss me."

Trisha needs me to kiss her...

I want to- so damn bad. It's all I want right now. I haven't kissed another woman romantically since Julia's very first kiss to my lips. I've been completely faithful all these months, even though Julia hasn't.

Because that's who I am.

And now...

Julia chose Hollan. Not me.  And that fucking hurts. It hurts like hell.  But I don't want my first kiss with Trisha to be because I'm hurting from another woman.  I want that first kiss to be when I'm clearheaded and calm.  Not with my mind clouded from Julia and crying.

"I want to kiss you, Trish. God, I want to kiss you so fucking bad right now." I stare at her lips. It's all I want. "But I don't want our first kiss to be because I'm hurting from another woman. I don't want our first kiss to be because I'm crying, and you feel bad for me."

"Yeah......" She stares at my lips while I talk.

"But, I can't seem to back away" I admit and close my eyes and kiss just the corner of her mouth.  "You're gonna have to be the one." My stomach is so tightly knotted and I'm so hard right now I can't take it. I've never wanted something so bad in my life.

"I can't.."

"Please."

"No." Trisha opens her eyes and looks deep into mine. "I mean, I can't. You've got me pressed up against the wall and your dick is holding me in place." She smirks and I drop my head to her shoulder laughing. Only Trisha would say something like that.

She lets go of my hair and slides her hands down to my chest, then softly pushes me off her.

"I better go before Paul comes back with a search party." Trisha sighs. "Breakfast tomorrow. I'll text you." She says, not asks, and I love that about her.

"Ok."

"Hey.  You're gonna be ok, James The Receptionist." Trisha nods, and I smile, forcing myself to back away and let her go.

I watch the elevator door close behind her and let out the breath I've apparently been holding.

*****

*Trisha*

"Took you long enough." Nate squints his eyes at me suspiciously from where he's sitting on the couch. Here we go.

"Didn't know I had a curfew, dad." I open the fridge and grab a water bottle, plopping down next to him.

"What did you have to say to James that would take so long?" He raises an eyebrow. I shrug and decided now's a perfect time to take a sip of my water so I don't have to answer.

"You're acting weird, Trisha."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I'm saved by Nate's phone ringing on the coffee table in front of us. It says Gallo. James is calling Nate? 

Nate gives me a strange look and then picks up the phone.

"Yeah..." 

I try and listen to the one sided conversation to figure out why James would be calling Nate. He's probably in his car still in the parking garage.

"Are you kidding me, Gallo?"

There's a pause and I can tell whatever James is telling Nate is not what he wants to hear. Nate  rubs his forehead, clearly frustrated. and then hangs up without saying another word.

"What was that all about??" I question.

"What the hell were you and Gallo talking about down there?"

"Why, what's going on?"

"Apparently James doesn't think it's a good idea for him to be involved with Julia's care or help out with the Avalon when I travel. He's done, Trisha." Nate furrows his brow like I had something to do with it, but I shake my head.

"I had no part in that decision."

"How the hell am I gonna break the news to Julia? He didn't even say goodbye to her when he left today. This is gonna kill her."

I shrug my shoulders, not really knowing what to say.

"If you put him up to this, I swear to God..."

 "I didn't! I swear. I wanted James to help out as much as you did so we could get money to him. You know that."

"I'm gonna have to call the Avalon now. She's gonna have to do overnights there whenever I travel. I have no one else to take care of her and she can't be alone."

I look down at my water bottle, still unsure of what to say. Maybe it's for the best but no way I'm telling Nate that tonight. He's pissed. He glares at me as he stands up  and heads to the balcony to make the call.

I quickly grab my phone and text James.

[ What did you tell Nate?] I ask, already knowing but need to hear it from him.

[ I can't help with the Avalon. It's too hard to be around Julia and too much with my job, and my mom, and everything. I can't be counted on right now.]

[Yeah. I get that. It's a lot. Nate is gonna call the Avalon and just have them take her overnights when he travels. It will be good for her anyways.]

[I feel awful doing this.]

[It's the right thing to do, James. She picked Nate. You should be able to move on with your life and not feel guilty doing so.] I look up towards the balcony and see Nate pacing while on his phone.

[I love her.]

I sigh.

[I know you do. It will take time. Breakfast tomorrow. ok?]

[Yeah, ok] 

I can almost HEAR the sadness in his texts. He needs to get over Julia. He will feel so much better once that burden is lifted. He's such  good guy and deals with so much already. He deserves to be happy.

*****

*James*

"Hey, Mags..." I kick off my shoes and sit on the couch. The dog is all over me tonight wanting attention. The first thing I think about as I scratch her tummy is how much she loves Julia. Letting her go will be harder than I thought. She's everywhere in my head. I pull my phone out of my back pocket and place it on the table in front of me. Should I text her at least..to explain why I'm doing this or just let Hollan tell her? She'll probably take it better if it comes from him, anyways.

My mind then wanders to Trisha. I was about to kiss her tonight. What the hell am I doing? I've never really thought of her like that. Yes, she's drop dead gorgeous, she knows that. But I've been so consumed... and faithful ...to Julia that it never crossed my mind. I've always thought Trish had a thing for her boss anyways. Her and Nate are so close. Could she really be into me? I mean, tonight she obviously was.

I need to shut my brain off. I  go in the kitchen and fill up Maggie's food and water and then head upstairs to take a shower.

I stand under the shower head letting the hot water run down my body and calm me down but Trisha is on my mind again. She wanted me to kiss her. The way she was looking at me. 

Shit. I can't stop thinking about it now and my body is letting me know.

I drop my hand down to my body and close my eyes.

For the first time in a long time, I take care of myself in the shower thinking about someone OTHER than Julia.  I close my eyes while my hand does the work and picture me with Trisha. Those lips. The way she felt against me. The smell of her shampoo lingering in her hair. The scent was like...green apples. I wonder what it feels like to kiss her. To be with her. Inside her. Fuck...

Maybe getting over Julia won't be as difficult as I thought...

******