*Trisha*

I feel like I'm in a bad dream.  A nightmare. How I didn't see the signs is beyond me. Now, not only am I worried about Nate and his relapse, but I also have to clean up his shit from his DUI. Media attention is all over Nate already. Susan Hardy is loving this.  There are too many fires to put out, and I'm feeling overwhelmed.

I finish up on the phone with one of Nate's lawyers as Julia and Jonah come home from The Avalon. I knew Julia would be a train wreck but to see Jonah upset is something I've never experienced before. 

Julia goes out to the balcony to see James while I fill Jonah and Paul in.

"His lawyer says Nate will have to spend the night in jail. There's no way to get out of that one." I say, still stunned at the sudden turn of events this day as brought on. I still can't believe Nate is drinking. Then to get pulled over for driving drunk...it's just not like him.

I walk out to the balcony somberly while James explains to Julia and Casey what will most likely happen. He's right on the money which makes me think he knows someone who has been in this position before.

I stare straight ahead for a moment and don't say anything for a few minutes.

"He's such an idiot." I break my silence.  This is my breaking point, isn't it?

"He's such a fucking idiot!" I yell now, gaining everyone's attention, including Paul's in the other room. He comes out to the balcony and stands behind me with his hands on my shoulders.

"Cmon. I'll make you some tea." The bodyguard grumbles but I break down.

"He's such a fucking idiot!!" I cry and turn around, crashing in to Paul's arms. "I can't believe he's drinking again!"

Paul takes me back inside and brings me to Nate's bedroom to calm down. He knows I don't like to draw this kind of attention to myself. I'm always trying to show my strength through any situation thrown my way. But this? This is on a new level. This is my very best friend on the planet-  in serious trouble. Legal trouble. Trouble money can't clean up for him.

We sit on the edge of Nate's bed with the door closed so I can cry privately. Paul tries to comfort me but he's a bodyguard and trained to be ice cold, so feels like a carboard box right now. He's stiff and rigid and not what I need. Paul isn't used to this shit and as much as I try to chip away at that hard surface of his, sometimes the lack of warmth shows.

"You don't have to sit here with me, Paulie. I know you can't handle crying." I give Paul a way out but he doesn't take it. His arms fall away from me and he  folds his hands together, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Sorry. You'd think I'd be used to it with Moretti always balling her eyes out." Paul says, sensing the awkwardness. 

"You're fine." This is one of the times I notice Paul and I aren't very compatible. I think he is starting to see it as well but neither of us say anything in the moment. There's too much going on right now.

For once, I wish it was James in this room comforting me and not out there with his arms wrapped around Julia.

****

*James*

Trisha left shortly after hearing the news about Nate. Paul will be with her so she's not alone, though I've known Paul for years. He's not the most affectionate person.

Jonah is pissed with Nate and for good reason, so Casey is with him in his room, leaving me and a very distraught Julia in the living room. She's still not talking to anyone but clearly upset. She ends up crying herself to sleep in my arms.

My sisters all heard the news about Nate  but know I'm not able to use a phone yet so called Jonah for the information. They are concerned for me but I'm fine. Yes, this is stressful but it doesn't pertain to me directly. My biggest concern is how this affects Julia with her current mental state not being great as it is.

Of course, Kendall is the one to come up and check on me. Julia is a mess. This is NOT a good time for anyone to visit.

"Kendall, you really shouldn't be here." I say and head to my room as she gets off the elevator. Julia is out on the balcony so Ken doesn't see her breakdown.

"You're my brother. I have every right to check on my brother." She follows me into my room and plops down on the couch.

"How's ma?" I sit down next to her, knowing she's not gonna leave anytime soon now.

"Ma's fine. What's going on James. Is all this true? On the news?"

"Yeah. I think so."

"When are you gonna see living here isn't healthy for you? It's a toxic environment." Kendall is just dying to get me outta here, isn't she?

"You have NO idea what a toxic environment is, Kendall!" I lash out. "You never lived with Joe, ok? This is nothing and I want to be here for Julia." I put Kendall in her place. She knows she was the only one spared when we were little. Mom got us away from our father before she had a chance to experience his abusive behavior. Kendall huffs and leans back on the couch, just like Julia would. They are alike in so many ways.

"Anyways, remember who is sending you money for mom, for the bills, for my mortgage while I can't work. Nate. He's taking care of me and our whole family right now. Don't you ever for..forget that." I stutter.

"I know. And we are grateful. I just worry about you."

"Don't. Now tell me the truth, how's ma?" I can tell when Kendall lies and she certainly lied when she said our mother was fine.

Kendall shakes her head before covering her face and crying. "She's just getting worse."

I drop my shoulders and hug my sister. We knew mom's health would decline but thought the dementia would move much slower than it is. She's not even in her sixties.

"And Katie.." Kendall starts but stops before saying anything more. She wipes her eyes and composes herself, pulling away from me.

"Katie? What about Katie??"

There's a long pause where Kendall just stares at me.

"James, when did mom start showing signs something was wrong?"

****

*Trisha*

Paul orders my favorite- Chinese food - in hopes to cheer me up a little. He knows it won't work but we do have to eat to survive. I'm all out of tears and it's getting late yet I'm not tired. All I can think about is what it must be like for Nate in that prison cell.  He must be so scared. He's never been arrested before.

"Banks, turn your brain off. I can tell it's going a mile a minute. Eat." Paul notices my overthinking shit.

"I'm really not hungry."

"Oh my God, I can't handle two Morettis. Please eat." Paul knows that'll get to me and I laugh a little, begin to eat but also begin to talk.

"When did this become such a problem?!"

"What. Nate's drinking?" He questions and I nod. "I don't know. You both drank a lot early on. Young. Too young. Obviously you stopped completely after Dave but not Nate." He huffs.

"It was before Julia though, wasn't it? He started drinking more after Macy broke up with him."

"Yeah. I think that is probably when. He was a mess, huh?" Paul says and we both think back to that stage in Nate's life.

Macy was perfect for him, she really was. The two of them...they were Hollywood's favorite couple. But that damn limelight and Susan Hardy pushed Macy away. She still keeps in contact with Nate and checks in every once in awhile but not often at all. I wonder if she is married with kids now.

"Banks.." Paul reminds me to eat when I apparently stop and get lost in my own thoughts.

"Paul? What are we?" I know I've asked this question before and both me and Paul dismiss it fairly quickly. Paul shrugs and inhales sharply. "The sex is amazing. We both know that much. And you take really good care of me. Especially after ...you know." I can't bring myself to even say the word miscarriage yet, but he knows what I'm saying.

"But that's pretty much it, huh..." He sighs, feeling the same way. "Can we not make any big decisions tonight though? There's too much going on." He asks and I nod in agreement. Right now we're together. Even if no one knows. But that spark..that one thing I'm waiting for to happen isn't happening. I know Paul feels it too. Right now it's just convenient to be together since we are already together 24/7. 

"Are you disappointed in me?" I look over at Paul as he takes a sip of his beer.

"Why would you ask that?"

"Cuz I have a feeling you envisioned more. Felt more for me."

"Trish, stop."

"I mean it. I'm asking seriously."

"If you mean, do I think we are compatible? No. We're not. We're... convenient." He says exactly what I was thinking. "I don't think convenience is enough."

"Yeah.." I look down at my food and sigh before looking back up. "We could still be convenient until we find our someones..." I smirk and Paul knows exactly what I'm saying.

"We could... But the minute you find your someone, it's off. This whole Moretti, Gallo, Hollan deal...that doesn't fly with me."

"Agree." I begin to eat.

"Plus, your someone is Nate. You can't deny it. You're just playing the waiting game in hopes him and Julia break it off, aren't you Banks?" Paul cocks a brow at me.

"Just eat your food, Paul."

*****

*James*

Just like everyone else, I barely slept last night. But not because of Nate. Because of Kendall. Because of my mom. Because of Katie.

The youngest and oldest live together and Katie takes care of mom the most, being a nurse. Kendall is noticing some changes and confided in me first before letting any of our other sisters know.

Katie is starting to forget things.

Little things. Like mom's birthday when she picks up her prescriptions or forgetting where she's going in the middle of driving. Which is something everyone does but when you have a mom with dementia and know it is something that can be passed down, you wonder if it's more.

Katie is Julia's age. I can't remember how old mom was when she started showing signs. I think it just happened. Quickly taking over.

God, what if mom AND Katie start going downhill? What if ALL of us are at risk?! I already have brain injuries that are taking forever to heal. What if I'm next?

"Hey. You good?" Casey asks as she comes into my room to get me ready for the day. I snap out of it and nod.

"How's Julia?"

"The same. Jonah said Nate is due back here any minute.; Trisha and Paul are already on their way."

Casey helps me with everything, helps me with breakfast and cleans up just as Trisha and Paul come in. Trisha is a mess. She spends the next twenty minutes pacing back and forth waiting for Nate to arrive.

And when we hear the elevator we all tense up.

Nate walks off the elevator, and I almost didn't recognize him. He has bags under his bloodshot eyes and is pale as a ghost.

"What the hell were you thinking!" Jonah is the first to lay into Nate when Nate sits on the couch with no emotion left to him. No one knows what to say or do. The tv is on displaying all of Nate's shit on every channel. Casey quickly turns it off as we all look over a Nate.

"Do you have alcohol in the house?" Jonah asks, still glaring at his friend.

That's when Nate nods and breaks down in his hands. Trisha is the first to pull him in and console him since she's sitting right next to him.

"Hey, it's ok. It's over now. We're gonna get you back on track and moving forward again." She wraps her arms around Nate, and he hides his face.

"I can't stop, Trish."

"Where is the alcohol, Nate. Where in this house?" Jonah pushes on angrily. He's a recovering alcoholic himself, so this doesn't just affect Nate. This affects Jonah, too.

"No... Jonah. I need -"

"You need to fucking get a hold of yourself!" Jonah yells at Nate before he can finish his sentence. "WHERE IS THE BOOZE? Don't you realize this affects me too? God damn it Nate. Think of other people, for once in your damn life!"

"Casey. Get rid of it. All of it. I can't be near it." Jonah abruptly removes himself from the conversation and goes in his own room.

"Lets go. Show me where it all is." Casey grabs Nate's arm hard while he's crying in Trisha's arms. He nods and stands up. "But I'm not kidding. Show me ALL of it."

I follow Julia to the balcony knowing she's gonna explode from her emotions.

"I can't believe he drove drunk. He's changed. I don't know how or when it happened, but he's different. Not just the alcohol either." It's the most she's said all week so I let her continue.

"He was so rotten to me." Julia bursts into tears and then proceeds to tell me all sorts of shit about Nate. What he's done. How he treated Julia. The things he said to her. The ways he hurt her. She tells me everything and now I'm the one ready to fucking explode. 

"He's never made me feel so low before."

I hold Julia in my arms and kiss the side of her head before I decide to knock some sense into Hollan. Literally. I stand up and march right into his room, not caring that Julia is following me, and punch him clear across his face, leaving both him and Casey in shock.

Nate stumbles to the side and grabs his jaw but he says nothing. 

"Casey was right. You... you ARE a piece of shit!" I glare at the bastard before walking out of the room.

He was so disrespectful to Julia. I don't care if he was drinking or not, you don't treat people like that. You just don't. I know its not right that I punched him.  Mom always told me to treat people with kindness, always.  But who the hell does he think he is? You just don't act like that towards the woman you love.

Julia storms out of the room not two minutes after me, so I know they had words, grabs the car keys and pulls me by my hand into the elevator.

"What's going on, Julia?" I look down at the angry woman.

"We're gonna go back to your house for a bit. I can't be there. I can't even look at him right now." She says as the elevator door closes.

"Julia..."

"James...."

I don't want to remind her what happened the last time we were alone at my house. How she left me to fend for myself while she got high, because she's fuming right now and it may not end well this time around either. I drop it and say nothing more. It's like she can read my mind.

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna do anything stupid. And I'm sure Nate will send someone over to babysit us eventually."

"Yeah.." I say nervously, now wishing I could coordinate my hands well enough to dial on a cell phone just in case. But I haven't gotten to that part yet in my road to recovery. Julia drives us to my house and unlocks the door. Right as we walk in her phone notifications go off.

"See? I told ya. Paul just texted. He's on his way because they don't think we should be here alone."

I hate that Julia noticed me sigh in relief but she has to understand where I'm coming from here. I'm of sound mind and know I need a caretaker. I can't rely on her to care for me if she can't care for herself. 

I sit on the couch and patiently wait for Paul to arrive while Julia orders doordash for us for lunch. Another thing about Julia. She never cooks. I don't know why, nor have I ever asked. Right now, I'm just happy Paul is on the way.

*****

*Trisha*

I sit here holding an ice pack on Nate's jaw. James could have broken it if he really tried. But he didn't. He was just sending Nate a message Loud and Clear. Get your life in order. Especially after Nate just confessed to all the shitty things he said and did to Julia. This just isn't Nate. 

Paul offered to go to James's house to be with him and Julia. We know that's where they ran off to and Julia can not be alone with James. She can't be in charge of him. She's too much of a mess.

Both Nate and I watch Casey pour all the whiskey down the kitchen sink. He had bottles and bottles stashed away. Now she is in her room and Jonah is with her. He's so pissed at Nate. Not only for his own actions but for putting Jonah's sobriety a risk as well. 

Nate has stooped low. So low.

"I don't even know what to say Nate. This isn't you. The things you said to Julia. The drinking. I don't even know who you are anymore." I shake my head.

"That makes two of us."

"You're gonna have to go through detox all over again. How much were you drinking??"

I peer at my best friend waiting for him to tell me this was just a minor slip up. But he doesn't.

"The moment I found that first bottle of whiskey, I binged. I haven't stopped since. Before I got arrested, I hadn't gone more than three or four hours without getting wasted. I was even waking up in the middle of the night  for a drink." He confesses.

"Jesus..." I drop my head back on the couch.

"I can't stop Trish. I'm terrified of the withdrawals."

"We're gonna get you through this. Just like last time. But first, you need to go apologize to Jonah. You could have really fucked his life up like you fuck yours up." I stand up and walk out to the balcony, leaving Nate to think about his actions and how to make amends with Jonah. 

I have my work cut out for me now. Always cleaning up Nate's shit. Always.

*****

*James*

"I need to forget shit."

I know what Julia means when she says that. Paul is downstairs, already asleep on the recliner and Julia is up here in my bed. She can't shut her brain off. I lay on my side facing her and tuck her hair behind her ear. Then she kisses me in the dark. I'm fully aware she's just using me right now. I don't care. I will be whatever she needs me to be. Always will.

So I deepen our kiss and Julia rolls on top of me. She still has tears yet to dry  while wanting to "Forget". We Forget all night. She uses me and I use her right back. Julia is mad, sad, angry, all of it. And she takes it out on my body in the form of sex. She scratches down my back, bites my shoulder, pulls my hair on the back of my head. Her hands are everywhere. Her mouth is everywhere. It may have been the best sex I've ever had.

Julia collapses on top of me, both of us out of breath, and actually laughs a little.

"God I needed that." She laughs.

"I could tell." I tease but it only lasts a few minutes before Julia wants more. We "Forget" multiple times through out the night.

****

Julia and Paul ended up spending  the entire weekend at my house. Poor Trisha got stuck on Detox Duty this weekend and I can only imagine how that went.

Monday morning is here and Julia needs to go back to The Avalon. Paul drives us back to Nate's and I am not looking forward to seeing that asshole one bit after knowing what he has done.

Fortunately when we enter the apartment, Nate is sleeping.  Jonah, Casey and Trisha are all eating breakfast together.

"You missed a fun weekend, Moretti." Trisha doesn't look up from her plate of food.

"Where is he?" Paul asks while dropping his keys on the counter.

I sit down next to Trisha and she slides over her plate of eggs, putting the fork in my hand for him.

"Eat away. I don't have an appetite. He's asleep right now but later will be heading to the Avalon.  He has to start right away for his partial program.  His managers are pretty strict on what Nate needs to do and they aren't budging.  The only times he gets a free pass is for work related things before the tour."

"He's gonna be at The Avalon? Today?" Julia asks.

"And it's not gonna be pretty.  He apparently was binge drinking so his body is feeling the withdrawals now." Jonah enters the conversation. "I will still be with you though, Julia. Not Nate.  He insisted I stay with you. He can handle himself. But we should go soon."

"James, you have speech therapy  soon, too." Casey says. I nod while eating Trisha's breakfast she couldn't stomach.

"Paul, you're with me Hotstuff. I have a fun day of meetings to clean up Nate's shit... again."

******

*Trisha*

"Trisha and Jonah are going to stay with Nate to help him through detox. I will stay with you and James so you can begin to recover in a calmer environment. This is all temporary. Eventually we can all go back to Nates and resume the living arrangements. Or at least talk about what to do moving forward. While Trisha is with Jonah and Nate, she will not need her bodyguard, so Paul is packing a bag to stay with us in case I need any help." Casey explains to Julia and James. 

"You mean in case I spiral out of control and you can't handle me... just say it." 

"I don't need to. You just did. C'mon, pack a bag."

This is for the best. Nate needs to take care of himself right now. Julia needs to take care of herself right now.  Being together is toxic on a good day, nevermind now. I watch Casey help James put the harness on his dog and wonder what must be going through his head right now. Casey is a good nurse, but she's young, and I wonder if she will be able to take care of James AND Julia on her own. Fortunately Paul is there. He is a good caretaker.

"Come on Mags.. Lets go home." James smiles at his dog. Even with everything going on, James smiles. He's excited to sleep at home. In his house. His house he worked so hard for. I can't blame him for being happy about that. I end up smiling at him when he looks up at me.

"You're gonna be ok at home, right?" I ask James and he nods.

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Ok. You tell Paul to call me if Julia gets out of control or you feel like Casey can't hack it." I remind him, knowing he can't use a phone yet. He nods  and grabs his bag. Julia comes out of Nate's room a mess, but she's packed and ready to go.

Nate opens his bedroom door  and rushes out as Julia, James, Casey an  Maggie walk on to the elevator. .

"Julia... Julia!" He yells for her but doesn't make it in time. The elevator doors close and Nate breaks down.

Then Nate's detox takes over his body.
This won't be easy for him. Certainly won't be fun for me. But it needs to be done.

"Nate. Let her go."  My words fall flat as Nate punches the closed elevator with both fists in frustration.

"No. Trish, you don't understand."

"I DO understand! And I also understand you need to focus on you and only you right now." I take Nate's hand and walk him to sit on the couch to calm down.

"Don't you get it, Nate? You have a lot riding on this.  You need to get through detox, get yourself healthy before your Tour. Let Julia get herself healthy as well.  You two can't do it together. It's too much." I explain, but he doesn't want to hear it.

Sooner or later, Nate's gonna have to let Julia go- for good.  They are toxic together. Maybe this time apart will help them realize that.
*****