Trigger warning- anxiety

My brain is releasing an ear splitting screech.
I can't even make a goddamn sound.

I try to speak and anxiety just washes me out.

How can I say what's on my mind when all that's on my mind is pain.

How can I ask you when I know you're answer is my worst nightmare.

How can I be brave if all I ever feel is fear.

I say I'm bad at talking but the truth is I could scream at you till my lungs burst and it wouldn't matter.
You'd never hear a word leave my cracked lips.

It's not like i wanted this.
It's not like I'm shy.
No. I just can't function like you do.
I am trapped and suffocating within myself.
And it's my own fault.
It's my fault.

I am not myself.
You don't know that though.
They would.
They aren't here.
They don't exist.

I'm pretty sure they don't care anyways.
I'm pretty sure you don't either.
No one really does.
Not about little ole me.
Why would they.
Why would you.
How could you.

I singled myself out.
Put all my hated traits out of the frying pan and into the fire pit.
I wish I could say that as I burned they melted away.
No. They are just the only things left anymore.

Not that you'd ever know that.
Not that I'd ever tell.
Too risky.
You might pity me and I can't live with that.

I just want to scream.

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A/n- this poem is about feeling like you don't have a voice.

I often feel this way, I won't lie. But it doesn't make it true.

It doesn't matter if I feel like I can't speak, someone out there wants me to. Someone will listen.

Someone will listen to you.
Even if that someone is a random wattpad writer (me).

If anyone here has read purple hibiscus (I highly recommend it) understand that anxiety has taken my voice like Eugene took Kambili's. But bravery steals it back.

Anyone suffering with any mental illness is brave. Some of the bravest people I have ever known.

I'm always here to listen.

Love you all,
Bye.