I never liked the ocean,
it scared me
the way the waves crashed
     never ceasing
     stretching outward
     for forever
     into nothing
     into sky

It wasn't until today,
when you got on that plane
on your way to reach a war
     that's never ceasing
     stretching onward
     since forever
     across the ocean,
     that was when
          I realized why

it was never the waves
     never the seaweed
     never the trenches
     never the salt
          never the icebergs
          never the mermen
          never the hurricanes
          never the sharks 
                (sometimes the shark-nadoes,
                  but let's be honest, those aren't real)

it was the way it feels
when you cross that ocean
and I'm left on the shore
never knowing if you'll make it home
     or if the dog-tags will be all that's left
     the dog-tags and the shrapnel already in your lip
     already in your eyebrow
     you've already come and gone
     you've already served

Kuwait was supposed to be the end
the last plane
the last dusty phone call
     from a place I'm not allowed to know
     it was supposed to be the last time you'd go

across the water 
where I couldn't reach you
     across roaring waves
           across scorching time zones
       between twisting bullets
          against raging wind
     amongst improvised explosives
        beyond cresting surf
  before I was ready
             before I could even say 
                        goodbye

I was just starting to like the ocean again
I was just starting to get used to how it felt
     to have a dad on this side of the water
                 on this side of out of harm's way

and they don't need you more than me--
     they couldn't need you more than me
     they can't need you more than me
     they could not need you more than me
     not more than your beautiful brown eyes
     not more than your first born, your baby
     they couldn't need you more than I do

     but they need you just the same
     and that's why you got on that plane.

and that's why
     while the ocean still churns
          I will wait for your return
       with bated breath and heavy prayer
    wishing you weren't over there
      and although I'm sick with fear
         I'm still fighting back the tears
      as I stare out at the water
        ever proud to be your daughter.

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