After several months of (relative) happiness,
My emotions have crashed
And I can't help but wonder,
Was that happiness real,
Or was I just trying desperately to suppress all my bad feelings?

Was I lying to myself when I convinced myself that my friends don't hate me?
Was I so determined to feign happiness that I even fooled myself?

Now I feel like I'm back at square one,
Damaged and hurt inside,
Emotionally as delicate as a feather,
Feeling so despised

I'm starting to become numb to the burning behind my eyes
And the tears following that soak my face and neck
It's routine, crying this way every day
I know nothing different

I don't know where my joy went
All I feel is regret for the past, sorrow for the present, and dread for the future
I can no longer see anyone wanting to be my friend
I can't see any way of getting through school, either
I haven't felt this pathetic in a long time

I think I need help

1/3/2019