Ok this is the one where my mental health issues really come through uh I should probably put a trigger warning 

⚠️TW⚠️

possibly sensitive topic mostly my intrusive thoughts but still

i remember

The first time

i stood

At the top of the stairs

And almost

Threw

Myself

Down

Them.

i remember gripping the railing

my legs feeling like rubber

Swaying from side to side

Leaning forward

and then realizing

What i was doing.

i sat down

Tears streaming down my face

Terrified

Of what i had almost done.

And yet

That time

i stood at the top of the stairs

Imagining throwing myself down them

Was only the first

Of many. 

...

kinda sad actually this is still true maybe even more so than it was back then

-JJZ