Today I say goodbye.

The air holds a suffocating smell of burning wood.

Wet leaves cling to my bare feet and a crisp chill coats my hair, damp strands clinging to my face.

There are no explanations.

The wind sweeps up my dreams and a hardness consumes.

The sharp stones cut into my flesh, as I try to run.

They are holding my arms, as I strain to break free.

I bite and taste salt and blood on my lips.

They whisper words in my ear I don't want to hear.

I hate them all.

I watch the car leave at speed, gravel spitting out from under the wheels.

Low sunlight hits the chrome of the trim and painfully invades my eyes.

Blink...Blink... and she is gone.

I sit on the cold floor, my sobs will not stop.

My chest is splitting in two.

Pressing my hands into the gravel, I need the pain.

So tired.

breathing is too much.

They scoop me up.

Eyes closed bring a dark deception.

No illness exists here among the calm of my mind.

She is still here with me.

My future moments: a first kiss, graduation, marriage, first child are encased in this falsehood.

The sofa is soft beneath me.

I draw my knees up close to my chest.

The cushion below my head is damp. The tears won't stop.

There are voices and smells.

Strong coffee on the air, perfume, suffocating me.

The hushed voices "Poor little things." "She was so young." "Shouldn't be allowed."

My hands move to my ears.

Masking the sound I hum a favourite nursery rhyme.

The sound of wheels crunching on the stones,

The swell of urgency within me,

Paralysis of fear.

Heavy slow footsteps across the wooden veranda.

Screen door slamming.

The voices are silent.

He is here, next to me, hand on my hair stroking gently.

I unfurl, arms grasping out, heart straining for reassurance.

His hand is at my face brushing the tears away.

His kiss against my forehead.

"I am sorry my lamb. Mama is now at Peace."