I hate not knowing that I'm safe.
I can't feel but unsafe.
Everything is closing in.
I see the scars on my skin.
The ones I made after my hate.
I'm scared about my fate.
What is love mother?
"It's when you love some other."
I don't understand why I feel this.
I don't understand the kiss.
Why would someone love me?
Why would I be with someone under a tree?
This feeling is just terrible.
This pain is unbearable.
Everyone else is so so happy.
I'm unhappy.
I'm sorry.
My pain is too gory.
I'm not joking.
I'm choking.
Do you hear what I'm saying?
I'm not staying.
I want to leave it all behind.
Their all just too blind.

I would show you my love.
But I just show myself envie.
I would show you my scars.
But I feel wantless.
I would leave.
But I stay.
I know I'm loved.
I know I'm hated.
I know I'm lucky.
I know I'm unlucky.
I know I'm happy.
I know I'm sad.
I know I'm not okay.
I know I'm terrible.
I know.
I know.

God.
They looked at me and awed.
Pain.
It's all in my Brian.
Light.
Why it's such a sight.
The end.
Good bye my friend.
It sad.
Their mad.
I killed myself.
My picture on that shelf.
They cry.
While I fly high.

"Why do I feel this way?"
"I know you hate it" they say.

"When Will it end?"
"It'll mend"

"I can't go on!"
"Come-on."

"I understand."
...

They don't understand.
I've done so much.
But they don't get it, not even a little.
I hate.
I love.

I'm sorry.
..

Be thankful.
For the life you have.
That some lack.
Be happy.
Not gloomy.
You have a life.
Just like I do.
Go use it 'till the end.
Be happy you got it from the start.
No mater what.
It will be okay.
It may seem scary.
But trust me.
I did it.
And I am again.
So you can do it.
You don't always need help.
You can do it.

-B.I.L
April 24, 2023