I am a paradox. A literal paradox.

When I'm alone, I crave for attention, for someone to talk to, someone to listen to, someone to have deep conversations with. To laugh with. However, when I'm surrounded by people, I get anxious, I run away as fast as I can.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I rarely appreciate what I see. I often imagine someone, a close friend, or maybe, more, telling me that I am enough. Telling me I look good. Because I clearly need to improve my self-confidence. But, when someone I don't know tell me I'm beautiful... I feel embarrassed, and not in a good way. I just want to erase my face from his memories.

When I feel bad, I'd like the people around me realize I need them. I want them to take the hint I leave. Nevertheless... When they finally do... I don't reply. And when I do. I regret it.

But there are explanations for every single one of these things...

I want attention, but I want attention from people in particular. Not from the world. I want deep and true relationships, not fake ones.

When I crave for encouragement and compliments, it's from "him" not any kind of man I could meet.

And when I need comfort, it's from someone I know will understand me. Someone that will honestly listen to me. Someone that will love me and someone that will be able to open up just as much as I would with him...

In other words... I am a paradox. But I'm a paradox with reasons.

Mrs.Jones...

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