inspired by Leo and the song Lost Boy by Ruth B

I am a lost boy; and lost boys like me are free.

I wonder why I can't remember anything but pain.

I see people happy

and that's all I want, people around me to never wear a frown.

I am a lost boy; and lost boys like me are free.

I pretend to be happy and fake that smile.

When in reality I feel as if the floor will never be steady below.

I touch the shoulders of the ones I hold dear,

holding them close with a smile that says ' don't fear'.

I worry that I'll hurt the people I love and they'll go away.

Leaving me to cry how much I fucked  up that one day.

I am a lost boy; and lost boys like me are free.

I understand not allowing myself to feel will only break me in the end.

I say if I smile it will be alright.

I dream of a place far away that I can protect

those I love from the pain even the brightest smiles hide inside.

I hope by making everyone believe I'm happy

that one day I'll believe it myself.

I try and shut my eyes thinking,

"If I see darkness, there is nothing.

No test to stress over, no fake smiles or sunny

facades to put up for my friends and family,

I'd prefer to have my nightmares with closed eyes.

Not a past that haunts my everyday.

Leaving me feeling that there is no reason to be breathing.

With darkness there is nothing."

I am a lost boy, and lost boys like me are free.