I woke up today with a smile on my face
But I was scared to let it stay
Because I knew that even if I didn't
Eventually you'd snatch it away

These past few days had been too good
And I hadn't enjoyed a single moment
I was too afraid to let myself feel for a second
Because the faster peace and happiness come in my life the faster they vanish again.

Correction, actually -
You are the one who has murdered my sense of security.
You are the one who keeps me up at night
Worried for my mother's safety

You broke something inside me
And after every fight I try to tell myself that it's not my fault, that there is nothing I could've done differently
That it wasn't something I did that made you flip the glass table, or made you fling the cup at her.

I've slipped deeper and farther than you know, or even care
And I find myself back in the same spiral every fucking time that you dance in your madness again
And I'm tired of just CONSTANTLY sitting on the edge -
Waiting to slip in, trying to pull out.

I'm scared -
More than I care to admit
And despaired -
More than I allow myself to feel

One day when I'm standing on my own feet I'll come back -
To show you just how much damage you've done,
And just how strong I am, trying to heal.