This is me, through my eyes

Not a sight to behold

Not a body to memorize

A veil over a soul

Outer beauty's appreciated

Not necessary to bed me

Just need feelings reciprocated

That's what I mean by "demi"

For you to be mine

Feelings of friendship are needed

As our souls intertwine

I cherish how I am treated

We're attracted by love

The real beauty within

Your makeup thereof

The way you treat your kin

This seldom spoken term

Is mostly hidden from view

'Cause people just don't learn

About the REAL, human you

I'm out to say it

If you'd hear me speak

I'm demi, I submit

To your critique

"I decline your advance

'Cause here's my deduction.

Yes, you're pretty, perchance

But your soul's a corruption."

On the asexual scale

I score a fifty percent

That may sound like a tale

That's why I'm making my dent

You might think we're just "noble"

But that's a misconception

We're built to be social

And build a connection

So I end with this word

That I'm lifting my veil

Be it prom queen or nerd

Your beauty's not on my scale

----

A rant:

I want to first say I don't think any one sexual orientation is "the default". This idea is most often used to reinforce heteronormativity, which is particularly harmful to queer youth, as it can take years to unlearn the trauma of being told who you are doesn't matter.

I think that demisexuality is probably a lot more common than we know now, and teaching others about it will help people discover themselves. But I learned talking to allosexuals— that is, people who are not ace — that feeling sexual attraction only under a specific circumstance was not a universal experience.

For a long time after I realized this, I've asked my allo friends "Hey, so, what's this like?"

Here's what I learned:

Allo people who wait for the right person are sexually attracted to people regardless of if they share a close bond with them. Finding someone physically attractive is enough.While allos aren't sexually attracted to everyone they meet or find attractive, whether or not a close bond is present doesn't matter.Allos understand things like being sexually attracted to models in perfume commercials or actors or people on tinder; I do not.While many aces may choose abstinence, choosing abstinence — or not choosing it — does not indicate one's sexual orientation.Whether or not a person has casual sex often doesn't indicate whether or not they're ace — enjoying sex itself and having sexual attraction aren't necessarily one in the same, and being allosexual doesn't mean a person enjoys casual sex.

There's more to it, but those were some of the major points. The biggest thing I learned was that the gray space between asexuality and allosexuality, where someone has a mostly asexual experience, does exist — and I exist in it. And I'm not the only one; far from it.

Demi Sexuality isn't "being normal."

I still haven't come out, and then I only came out on tumblr at first. Coming out is scary — especially when you're a part of the LGBTQIA+ community that is barely acknowledged. What would people think? What would people say? Would anyone want to be with me if they knew sex might never be on the table?

Ever since coming out, though, and especially since writing and advocating for it, I'm so glad I did. I feel so much better about myself. I have a community of friends who understand what it's like to feel like you don't belong anywhere and only find it later on. I've even helped other people learn that they were demisexual, and I hope to keep doing so.

Coming did matter — and it still does.

When I came out as demisexual, I wasn't saying "I'm like you but I want this special word to describe it." I was saying "I'm like this, and this word describes me. Maybe you're like that too. But I know I'm not allo, and I know that a word specifically describes what I am, and this is it."

Demisexuality isn't about saying that we're somehow better, or that allos are bad and perverted, or that everyone should wait until marriage. It isn't about saying that sex is bad, or good, or that being allo or ace is better or worse. It's just about sexual attraction and finding a word that describes you — a word that feels good, like coming home. That's the point of labels; they're words that make you feel seen.

Being able to come out and say that and have it understood does matter. Everyone deserves that — including those of us who exist in the spaces in between. Every demisexual deserves to be able to say it out loud; all LGBTQIA+ people do. Being demisexual, and coming out as it, does matter.

And if you're reading this and wondering if it would matter if you did come out — no matter your identity, you deserve to live authentically. Demisexuals included.