There is a reason

There is a reason that I am the way that I am

That I struggle to text back within an appropriate time frame, give or take in between distractions of naps, Button Poetry youtube videos, and dog memes

That I act as graceful as the First Lady yet I still manage to spill every liquid possible on me or trip over my own two feet

And there is a also a reason that I think dogs are actually God in disguise because no animal can ever be as optimistic, clever, or lovable as the Lord

I know you know me but I feel like you don't truly "know me-know me" so do you even want to take the time to get to know me or would you rather me just give you permission to say no to me?

You see, I'm not afraid of love nor am I afraid of falling in love

I am, however, afraid of being the only one that falls

You lead me onward to the edge of cliff engulfed in a sunset and streaks of white created by jets headed elsewhere

You say, "Stand with me"

I stand firm with you

You say, "Hold my hand"

I hold it gladly

You say, "Hold my heart"

I hold what only other girls dream of

In my hands are the most valuable thing that of which you place at God's throne daily and I ask myself if I am worthy of the same pleasure

And then, with eyes filled with wonder and disappointment of past failed attempts and with a once strong voice shaken with nervous hope and trembling thunderous fear

I give you my everything

We now stand at the edge of this cliff called life, ready to take the plunge and with hands joined I expected us to fall together

Steady, into the abyss

We look into each other's eyes and with pulses racing we leaped

I leaped

I look back as I fall head over heels and see you standing at the edge with another person, someone else who was following our footsteps, perhaps they were on the wrong path but that was not so

I was later told she was invited to watch my downfall

She even wanted it to happen to me as she had successfully done to so many other hopeful young ones just so she could have you

She manipulates you causing those that you love to get trampled on while she blindfolds you with lies of sweet, empty nothings

And you believed her

You believed her because no girl had ever handed those words to you on a silver platter waiting to make you full

You lie

You lie about the lies and about what happened last night

We were dancing

On splintered bridges while listening to shattering Bohemian Rhapsody, I felt like the queen

You were distant, disconnected

You were in another place and clearly dejected, I followed your eyes expecting to be lead back to the cliff of despair that God pulled me out of and I saw her

Time slows

I am flooded with the pain, the misery, the regret

You promised, you promised you would never hurt me

I made you promise that without you knowing because I didn't want you to know that I wanted to be more than just friends

More than dead end late night texts of "see you tomorrow"

Love so deep that you would need cliches to describe it

It's better than fairytales

Better than

Better than the lifetime friendship the two

of us have already established

But if there is one thing you must know it's that I love people

People are God's way of reminding me of our flaws and setbacks as a species yet when paired with His righteousness we are shineing lights upon the mountaintop

We stand still

Ready, waiting

For God's next move

Eager

To please yet so willing to fall to our knees as soon as something does not go our way

We are feeble without Him

By Jacqueline Phillips

*Not written by me*