i never had a mother

only a father

and a living being

with flesh and blood

that held a roof over my head

and fed me

sometimes

when she wasnt "busy"

out partying all night

getting drunk

doing things she had originally called

"slutty"

things she didnt think

i knew

but how hard is it

to pick up the house phone

and listen in on the conversation

making sure to be extra quiet

cutting off breathing

cutting off the tv

just to eavesdrop

and hear my grandmother

calling my mother

words i hadnt yet known

but looked up

later that night

i guess my mother

didnt have a mother either