Selfish
By vallwrites

~

I wanted it to be me.
I wanted to be the one who you got down on one knee for and presented a ring to.
Even if it was made from the silver, paper wrappers from the bubblegum we used to like,
I would have still smiled and beamed.
I would have said yes a million times.
I wanted to be the one who walked down the aisle in a beautiful, white dress which dragged across the floor,
meaningless flowers clutched against my chest,
a smile present of my face, showing off all of my teeth. I hate smiling, but I would've done that just for you.
I wanted to be the one you held
as we exchanged vows and slipped a ring onto each other's fingers.
I wanted to hear you say
I do.
We always said we would get married,
we always said we would live happily ever after,
we planned a whole future together.
But I'm watching you kiss her
in that beautiful, white dress which drags across the floor.
I'm watching you cup her cheeks and gaze into her eyes like she's the only person you've ever loved.
You look the happiest you've ever been,
but I still silently wish that it was me.
I wish so badly that it was me.
I wish and I wish and I wish.
So
badly.
I want you all to myself,
I want to shield you from the world,
show everyone that you're mine.
But you're not mine...anymore.
Nor am I yours.
That's the type of love I'd never be able to get over.
Years later and my heart still belonged to you.
So I couldn't understand how it was so easy for you to move on.
The selfish part of me wished that you didn't.
Part of me wished that you had stayed single and grieved losing me every day.
I want you to miss me.
I want you to want me.
But you no longer even think about me.
I'm a distance memory.
A part of your past.
But you,
you will forever be my past, present and future.

19.09.2022