Hollow
By vallwrites

~

Sometimes
I wonder if there's something wrong with me.
I wonder if something went wrong along the way
and caused me to be this
numb,
empty
person.
Sometimes I'll feel everything at once,
and it is so strong that it almost takes control.
But then,
there's other times where someone could be sitting in front of me,
pouring their heart out,
and I will just feel...
nothing.
There's time where I could receive the worst news possible,
and still
nothing.
I try my hardest to feel something,
I try to remind myself of the situation,
hoping something inside me will snap.
Maybe I'm just hollow.
Maybe
all those times as a kid when I'd get into trouble for crying,
or when I would be forced to turn off my emotions in order to please others,
maybe that stayed with me.
Maybe I triggered something in my brain,
like when we're told not to touch something or eat a certain food because it will harm us.
Maybe I taught my brain that those feelings were bad and would bring harm to me,
which I guess,
sometimes they did.
I taught myself to be like this.
I taught myself to be numb.
To be hollow.

05.09.2022