Broken Innocence
By Vallwrites

~

I sometimes stay awake at night,
wondering if you know
the effects your actions had on me.
I wonder
if you think about me
and regret what you did.
Do you feel guilty?
Or did you manage to convince yourself that you did nothing wrong?
It must be so easy for you
to ignore what you did.
But it's still not easy for me,
not even after years have passed.
In fact,
my mind is still swarmed with memories of you,
of what you did to me.
Flashbacks force me to remember.
The smallest of things take me back
to that night.
The smell of your cologne,
blue bedsheets,
the taste of Yorkshire puddings,
my white vest,
my black trousers,
the rings I was wearing on my fingers
that had always been so precious to me,
but I could no longer wear them after,
because they reminded me
of you.
Did you ever stop to think
what it would do to me?
Was there ever a voice in your head
telling you to stop?
Anything?
My rings stay locked away in a jewellery box,
my eyes constantly skim past them and ignore their existence,
my vest and jeans stay in my drawers,
collecting dust
because I refuse to wear them,
I no longer go to the places we used to go,
because I can't stand to think of you.
I often wonder what I would be like right now
if I had never met you.
I imagine my life would be better,
I would be happier,
full of life, even.
Anxiety and paranoia would not overcome me,
I would be normal.
I would be me.
The person who I once was,
before you broke my heart
and destroyed my soul.

23.08.2022