Anxiety
By vallwrites

~

One,
two,
three.
Breathe.
Just breathe.
Relax.
Calm down.
Control the breathing,
don't show them you're panicking.
Keep the smile up,
don't let the tears shows.
Don't
you
dare
breakdown.
It's fine.
Everything
is
fine.
They don't hate you,
they don't think you're annoying,
stop thinking that!
When do I talk?
Do I talk now?
What do I say?
I can't think of anything to say?
Shit...I missed my chance,
do they think I'm weird now?
Should I go?
I should go.
They're speaking to me,
but I can't hear them,
for my heartbeat is too loud,
much too loud.
It's too fast,
beating so ecstatically,
so irregularly,
I think I might have a heart attack if it doesn't slow down.
I hide my trembling hands behind my back,
scan over everyone's faces to check if they had seen,
but they don't notice.
To them,
I'm fine,
I'm smiling and I'm happy,
they even assume that I'm a confident person.
But really,
I just want to cry,
I want the ground to swallow me whole...
I just want to be
normal.
I want to be anxiety-free,
like the people who I see around me are.
And then I realise that they could be pretending, too.
No one sees the panic that is internally spreading inside me,
so what if the same is happening to them?
Only I can't see it,
because they, like me, are trying to hide it.

09.09.2022