i hear whispers in my head
saying
you can start over
one more time won't kill you
you deserve the pain

but once leads to twice
twice leads to more
and soon I'd be trapped
trapped in the cycle of hurting myself again

sometimes,
sometimes i admit i crave to start again
but what holds me back?
the pain, when the rush ends
the tears of my friends i let it get this bad &
that i didn't reach out for help sooner

For now i cope
By watching shows
Talking to my friends
Coloring
And chugging caffeinated drinks