It's been a month since she passed away.

I...don't know what to say.

I didn't cry the following days that she was gone. Or the weeks that followed.

I thought I was truly cold hearted because I felt so hollow.

Mama cries everytime we mention her, she cries so much we don't know what to do.

Understandable on her part, I would cry if I lost my mother too.

I regret many things in life, but this one....causes me the most amount of pain.

I regret not being there when you.....lost your fight, something I could have easily abstained.

Im such a horrible person aren't I? You probably thought I didn't love you

And the terrible thing is...dad warned me too

He said that that day was most likely going to be your final breath

But I didn't listen. I wanted to be happy, I did not want to think about your death.

And a month after you were gone...

I sat in bed thinking about all the things  I've done wrong

To you and grandpa too.

To you and everyone I ever knew.

All the moments we shared, the memories we made

I never want those things to fade

As I thought of them, tears started pouring from my eyes

Why did it take me a month to finally realize

You were gone and was never coming back

I never thought of your death as a reality, I just thought of it as a fact.

I love you so much, you were one of my brightest light

And to this day I will never forget the day you lost your fight

With stage 4 cancer, we knew you weren't going to survive

So we tried our best to make the last moments of your life the best moments of your lives

With that, I say thank you grandmother, for always being by my side

No matter how many times I've hide, lied and cried

I will always be thankful for you being my guide

And with your memory in mind, I will try my best to be your biggest pride

Love you always, your biggest disappointment yet

P.s. You ate someone i will never let myself forget ♡