I can't tell you

About how every time I forgot

I had to forget again

I couldn't leave it open

I can't tell you

About the thoughts

That entered my head

They wished that I was dead

I can't tell you

About how I lay there

Paralyzed with fear

I knew I had to stay here

I can't tell you

About how I stayed

All those days in my bed

Just to keep from being dead

I can't tell you

About how I mentally constrained

My arm and my hand

And wouldn't let myself stand

I can't tell you

About how I pictured

It going down inside

And how I had to hide

I can't tell you

About how terrified I was

Of my brain, of myself

Of that bottle on the shelf

I can't tell you

About how every time I hurt

And every time I'm sad

I think about if I had

And I can't tell you

About how it still haunts me

All that power in a capsule

Matches the pain inside my soul