IMPORTANT PLEASE READ!!!!!!
So first off, this isn't a poem, this is a note I wrote to my father( who I will show probably sometime in either the end of my junior or senior year or whenever my therapist thinks I should). Second off, these are very personal things to me and I don't usually share them but it was so freeing for me to write it I felt the need to share it to see if anyone else needs this Right now. Lastly, please tell me what you think of this or if I made any errors because I would like to show it to my father in the best condition it could be in. Thank y'all so much for everything and I present to y'all Dear Jeremy.
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Dear Jeremy,
I am writing this while you are endangering the lives of Mom, Kate, and I. We are on our way to help with Keith's floor and you keep looking at either your's or Katelyn's phone. Little did you know, that at this moment I am restraining myself from screaming profanities at you about how you apparently care more about a cellular device than your own family's lives. Little did you know, that every time I say, "Daddy...", it means that I'm scared and most of the time it was something that you were doing that was scaring me. I say this because I know that you won't get as mad because you see me as a younger version of me when I say this. Little did you know, that every time you do something that could possibly endanger us I keep it stored away as reasons not to trust you or things to not do when or if I myself have children. Little did you know, that through everything I do I'm always scared about how you will react even if it's as simple as knocking on your door. Little did you know, that my fear of yelling, that you hate so much, was caused by you yelling at me so much that it's a majority of what I remember from you as a kid. Little did you know, that every time I think about asking you something the first things that run through my head is all of the ways that it could go terribly for me and I usually don't end up asking you, even if it's as simple as asking for some side at a restaurant. Little did you know, that in my head I remember more of the bad things you have done than the good things. Little did you know, that the main reason I have self confidence issues is because of how much you and Kate picked on me when I was a child and didn't understand that y'all were just picking. Little did you know, that I have learned how to silently cry/scream because I didn't want you to yell at me for not having anything logical to cry/scream at. Little did you know, that while I'm writing this I'm crying a little because I'm thinking about how you would react if I ever showed you this. Little did you know, that the main reason I think that every time you barge into my room is because you don't trust me is because in fact I'm used to you taking someone else's word over mine. Little did you know that I think that you prefer Kate over me and distance myself so that when that happens I won't be as hurt. Little did you know that I believe that I mainly raised myself as a kid, or was mainly raised by my teachers/pets, because they were around for me more than anyone was for me at home. Little did you know that the main reason I have favored Pawpaw over anyone else in my family is because no matter what when he was over when I was a kid he wouldn't push me away, he would play girly games with me in my room, even though he didn't have to and could have easily just told me no, he would read to me, let me play on his computer, he was the first one to ever accept the fact that I wanted to be called a different name without asking why, he never yelled at me for crying and would give me a shoulder to cry on, and then after I was done crying would listen as I talked to him for why I was crying, he never gave up my secrets, even if he probably should've, and I know that no matter what he will always have my back mainly because he has never given me a reason not to trust him. Pawpaw treated me as if I was not only his Grandchild but like I was his actual child, he treated me the way a girl should expect to be treated by her father he taught me more life lessons than you have. Little did you know that the note I wrote you for my government class project was all things I used to believe about you, and you ruined them the minute you thought that I would use that letter as a reason for you not to punish me for something I did wrong. Lastly, Little did you know that when I talk about my childhood family I end up talking about my friends being my family than my blood family.
Sincerely,
Emory Moore
(Finally figured out what I would do with my middle name when I get it legally changed, it's either going to be Cole Moore or Moore Cole how you react to this dictates that)
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Thanks for reading. These are for reference:
Pawpaw= biological Grandfather on my moms side
Cole= my PawPaw's last name
Moore= my biological last name