Regret, deep rooted regret. Shallow breaths never

cease to help or prevent. I can't see due to negligence

and bitter choices half fenced in you see. I can only

blame my self you see, and that's what pique's me

you see. I'm blind so I ask you to understand and

see...for me. I need to refind my pace, now I see. Ive

lost my space and peace and grace and heavon fate

disgrace doesnt even cover the disquest i feel.

   I'm going to write down my feelings because I sure

am not going to say them out loud. I'm not going to

share what I found I'm not going to share my broken

crown oh no I'm going to hide this very well. I'm

going to make sure it doesn't see the daylight that's

for sure. I'm going to do everything except face the

fact that no matter how long it takes I'll still feel this

bad I'll still feel like trash regardless of the Comfort I

feel or the remorse I feel when I look back.

   Disgusted with myself, disgusted with my Act.

Disgust disgust disgust, say it three times and it

becomes a fact. My feelings are falling up and down

like an escalator it goes both ways but the machine is

broken. I have no control nor can I force it.How can I

meet people when I know I did something bad. how

can I face other people when I can't even face myself

see that's cold hard facts.

   A moment of weakness now my only moment. One

event highlights everything in my life. Even though

I've done good, even though I've been blessed.

Everything will be overlooked they won't feel what I

feel in my chest. But they'll see what I've done at my

worst. Sometimes I say, so what it's not a big deal But

on the other side I feel so embarrassed I regress.

   I'm a fool I tell myself. There's no use for you if you

fell for small

s*** like this! There's no hope for you! How can you

strive for greatness when you can't even hold on to

your righteousness. Fool, you're just a fool. You will

never amount to anything you're nothing but a tool.

Keep your head down, it's better to stay hidden then

to make mistakes like these! They'll hang it over your

head until you hang yourself. Even when you die

they'll call you a fool of course................

That's all they'll see.

~May~