My heart is in a jar that I let no one see.

I’ve put it in a concrete box,

Now buried underground.

I closed the windows and covered them in bricks, the curtains closed.

Giving me the illusion I can choose the light again.

The door is locked and barred with the keys long since lost.

People who love me bang on the door wanting me to come out,

But I’m too busy trying to make a Band-Aid heal a broken bone,

Because I don’t want to take the time to make a cast that will allow me to heal this broken spine.

I sit in this dark corner not knowing how to stand.

I’ve let the fear and the darkness in and I’ve lost the knowledge on how to live without them.

I don’t know how to help myself

And I refuse to let others help me.

After years of saying I’m happy with my best poker face,

I’m left with holes in my skin,

Not knowing how I truly feel.

All I know is that I still cry myself to sleep at night,

And I rip myself a part when I try to show someone who I am.

But I don’t know that either.

I’ve been walking a path that I don’t know whether or not I want.

The cracks beneath my feet slowly becoming harsher.

The cobblestones are now uneven and scattered.

I’m scared of tripping and falling.

I’m scared of staying the course.

I’m terrified of reaching my goal.

For what will I do then?

I’ve been reaching my hands up towards the sky only to realize they’re pointing towards a ceiling painted with clouds.

My heart lays gasping and dying beneath the floorboards.

And I want to save it and bring the rhythm back into my life,

But I’ve forgotten where it’s buried.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know where to go.

I’m trapped within the cage that I’ve made for myself

And I can’t find a way out.

The door is locked and barred.

The windows are bricked over.

I curl back up into the corner and listen for a heartbeat I won’t be able to hear,

As I let the fear and darkness grip my mind,

 I try to hope someone can save me in time.