My heart and my mind are at war.

He showers me with love,

But I know he does not love me.

His chocolate eyes stare into mine,

And for a second,

Just a split second,

I think he means it.

I think he means it when he gives me backrubs that feels so good,

That I see stars.

I think he means it,

When he wraps his arms around me like I’m the present,

And he the wrapping paper.

But I know he doesn’t.

In the darkest corners of my mind,

Whenever he treats me as if I’m a gift,

I’m reminded that he loves another.

I’m reminded that he only sees me as a friend.

I’m reminded that he is only interested in me,

Because I might relieve the need between his legs.

But I don’t want to.

I’m not a towel.

I’m not a thing that wipes up your needs,

Only to be tossed aside after the ugly deed is done.

I deserve more.

I deserve better.

So stop treating me as if I’m the balm to your burn.

Stop treating me as if I’m something to worship,

Something upon a pedestal.

Something shiny, pretty, and spectacular.

We both know that I’m not.

Your sweet gestures and melodies just cause my heart to break.

Because, while you do not love me,

I love you.

Every time I see you,

The sun seems a little duller.

The stars fade away.

And I do not know how much more abuse my battered heart can take,

For it is a fire that is slowly getting rained upon,

Slowly going out.

I can no longer handle your sweet assaults.

So please stop.

Please stop treating me as if I’m the present,

And you the wrapping paper.

For I will never be your present.

I’m just a toy on the shelf,

Waiting for someone worthwhile to notice me.

To notice that,

While I’m not shiny, pretty, or spectacular,

To notice that I am beautiful, weird, and comfortable.

To notice that I am more than just a present that needs wrapping paper.

To notice that my fire needs a hearth.

To see that I am someone you grab onto and don’t let go.

I’m not something to toss aside.

And if you can’t see that,

Then that’s your loss.

For I know my worth.

I’m more than you can afford.

So my love for you ends here.

You cannot see what I have to offer,

And I can only see future pain by pining for you,

And your love.

For now on,

My heart and my mind shall not fight over you.

You are not worth the bloodshed.