02 x THE ONE WHERE THE STARKS ARE NOT READY

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"Chip, could you get the door, baby?"

A beat passed. "I'm busy, momma!"

"Get the door, Emerson."

He sucked in a large breath to shout back. "I said—"

"I won't ask again, young man," Elle's furious voice thundered across the floor. 

"OKAY!"

Chip stopped setting his hair with his father's hairstyling gel, rolling his eyes and carefully climbing down the stepladder. His hands stuck to the steel, rubbing them against the ladder to get the gel all over it. Oh well. Poe was holding it up for him, shaking on it with a frown and Chip clung to the railing in fear.

"What?" He asked. 

Poe grinned, pointing to the box of gel. For the night, she wore cotton, pleated white dress with little blue flowers spattered like paint all over. Chip, always coordinating with her, wore a snazzy white button-down (Margo who had bullied him into wearing it) and snuck into his parent's bathroom to steal a load of his father's products. 

He hadn't been successful per se. His usually bushy curls had been tamed to a weird coif could have started to nurse a cuckoo bird. A few strands stuck out in glossy clumps but nevertheless, he was proud. And so dead.

"That's for men only," he smirked. "You're a little girl."

She shook on it dangerously in a threat, flaring her nostrils, and Chip cried out, holding on tighter. "Woah, okay!"

He leaned forward with a sigh, tiptoeing to reach back for the box and pushed it down to the floor. Poe let her brother leap back onto the floor and ran to retrieve the box of gel. 

The doorbell rang again and this time, his father's yell followed. "Chip, for god's sakes!"

"I'm going, I'm going," he grumbled back to them and looked at Poe with narrowed eyes. "Don't get me in trouble, missy."

She stuck his tongue out at him, cradling it between her arm to get the lid off. Chip couldn't stay to watch her attempt to gel her hair which their mother fawned over the most, dashing out the bathroom and bounding down the stairs. 

Upon reaching the door, he halted cautiously before yanking it open. "Who is it?"

A very casual movie-based knock sounded. He placed the familiarity in the boyish, playful voice that sung quietly, muffling a laugh. 

"Do you want to build a snowman? Come on, let's go and play."

Chip played along with a chuckle. "Go away, Anna."

"Okay, bye," he sang back, just like Frozen's Elsa in a saddened voice. 

Excited, Chip pressed his ear against the door. He heard no movements and worried he had chased him away, he jerked the door open. Before he could cast a glance, two wide arms had tackled him off the ground and into his arms. 

"Spideyboytoy!" Chip laughed.

Peter spun Chip around to hold him upside down and at the waist. Chip dangled with painful laughter spilling out of his lips and never begging to be put down. Peter's brown eyes were shining with mischief, sharply dressed in a dark, prim suit but no tie. 

"What did you call me?" He whispered to him, trying to sound intimidating.

"Mags told me," Chip snickered, facing the upturned face of Peter who directed a glare at him. It was Peter's computer password and Margo had taken a peek by accident. Of course, severe actions were taken to keep it hush-hush.

"I gave her ten bucks to keep it a secret."

"Tough luck, Petey."

"I wish your brain were as big as your mouth, Chippie," Peter sighed, flinging him around his neck like a feather boa. Chip continued to giggle as Peter sauntered through the house, searching for the rest.

"Tony?" He called out. "Mags, you up there?"

"Peter?" Elle answered, her footfalls nearing the wooden barricades and looking down with a broadened smile. 

Elle Stark's flush, brunette hair was tucked into a chignon at the nape of her neck and her body swathed in an ink-black lace dress. Peter knew this woman could've graced any billboard and yet, with her status as mother and wife, she still managed to look drop-dead gorgeous. Ew, Peter, creep.

"Oh, welcome home," Elle grinned. "You look dashing, love."

"Good to be back, Mrs Stark," he smiled back up at her. "Where's my date for the night?"

"I am not your date, Peter!" Margo yelled back, obviously eavesdropping. "Dad only invited you to babysit us. Which is insulting."

"Your sister is the youngest girl ever to reject me," he told Chip through tight lips and mum tone. Like her words really cut his heart in two.

"Get used to it," Chip muttered. 

"She's just being a dork," Elle waved off, beckoning him over. Her gaze wavered between someone who stood ahead of her and downstairs. "Why don't you—oh my god!"

The bell rang again before he could make a move to ease her. Peter yelled to whoever was listening, "I'll get it!"

Meanwhile, a horrified Elle watched her daughter walk out of the bathroom with a widespread grin. As if someone had emptied an entire container of gel onto her once bouncy, brown locks, the thick, glossy hair draped down to her shoulders like bird droppings on a windowpane. The smell of men's hair gel wafted to her nose and Elle concealed a gag.

"Oh my god," Elle whispered again, walking to Poe with a pained grimace. "Oh my god, what did you do, baby?"

Behind the duo, Tony walked out of their room and humming under his breath. "There you are. Honey, what do you think? Red or—woah."

"I know," Elle looked to him with a groan, rubbing her forehead. "What the hell am I going to do?"

"We were supposed to match," he hissed at her, tossing the hangers onto the floor and pointed an accusing finger at her. "You wore black!"

"Tony."

"Criminal, Elle. You might as well have stabbed me in the chest."

"Tony."

"No, don't talk to me," he grunted and his eyes fell on Poe soon, widening. "What the—?"

"Alright, come along, darling," Elle blew out a breath, taking Poe by the waist to lift her up. Tony lunged forward to stop the motion but alas, it was too late. 

Poe's dampened hair had smeared against Elle's dress, the glossy gel sticking onto her and the stench getting more definite. Tony groaned out loud.

"Damn it," he said, snapping his finger in defeat. "Now, black's out of the picture."

"Tony!"

"Hey, I wanted to wear something sexier than red."

"You're impossible," she sighed. Poe looked at a frustrated Elle with wide-blue, doe eyes which were giving off an impish innocence. While Elle continued to glare, Tony pouted, evidently falling for it.

"Look, I got this covered," Tony mused, appeasing her with help. Taking Poe into his arms and careful to keep it away from his own clothes. "You go ahead and do your lady things." 

She narrowed her eyes on him. "Are you sure?"

"Trust me, she's in safe hands."

"Trust you?"

He rolled his lips into his teeth, giving in. "Uh, trust... Poe?"

"She, I can trust," Elle nodded and focused a glare at a still cheeky Poe. Poe waved back slowly as her mother walked back into the room to change. 

"You're in big trouble after this is over, Rose."

"Also," Tony leaned in with a biting smirk to press a kiss behind her ear. "Very raunchy, Mrs Stark."

Charmed for a moment, Elle's cheeks filled with colour and shoved on his arm with a short laugh. Her dress was a black lace and chiffon number, the colour that Tony almost always loved to see on her. It was bandaged around her slender body, giving off the illusion of an hourglass figure. 

"I thought you'd like it," Elle whispered.

"Like it better when it's off," he winked.

"Ugh, it's been a decade. You two are still snoggy," Margo complained.

Elle kissed his cheek, ignoring her. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"You bet that sweet ass," Tony promised, laughing.

As Elle walked back in, Margo walked out of her room on the opposite end while trying to fix the collar of her shirt. She wore jeans and a sweater over her collared shirt, dark hair pulled into a braid at the back of her head. If anything, she looked like she was ready to hit the books rather than the dance floor. But who was Tony to judge?

"Hey, dad, do you think I could run diagnostics and start retrofitting on JOCAS—"

"Let me stop you there, Margaret," he held up a palm with a terrifying glower which even made Poe gulp. Margo only started, unfazed. She had gotten too used to it to care. 

"I don't care what you say," he lowered his voice to keep it out of Elle's earshot. "But if you step foot into the basement until I dismantle that thing you built, I swear on my life, I will ship you off to boarding school."

She rolled her eyes, challenging him. "Ooh, so scary."

"You think I can't?"

"Dad, you can live without mom or the twins. Even uncle Rhodey. But you know the one thing you can't live without?"

He cocked a brow. "Pizza, my screwdriver and maybe, slap a choice on sex."

"Funny and ew," she shivered. Pushing the glasses up her nose, she smirked. "I meant me."

He snorted. "Don't flatter yourself, little miss."

"You never let me go to summer camp!"

"Because of poison ivy, rabies and boy campers," he mentioned as if it were a world-known fact. "What if you get lost? What if you run into hunters and get shot? What if—what if you get mauled by a bear?"

"I am getting mauled by one, now," she muttered. 

"Don't act crafty, Mags—"

A haughty smile lifted on her lips. "I am crafty, dad."

"You know what, you're grounded," he pointed towards the staircase, an irritable glare breaking out on his face. He let it follow her as she stomped her way to the stairs. "For a month. Now, run your smartass downstairs and wait for us. Clear?"

"Mom was right, you are impossible," she mumbled under her breath.

"What was that?"

"I said I will behave tonight."

"Great, thank you," he nodded firmly. "See, it's not that hard to quit being a pain in my ass."

As Margo jogged down the stairs, a sly smirk arrived on her lips and winking with intent. "Don't make out to be a saint yet, people. Still am a Stark."

∞

Low track lighting was scattered around the fringe of the wooden table, smoke curling around the darkened faces of the players who were dealt their cards. On one end, the frizzy-haired genius dipped a glance to the cards in her hands and let a smirk twist on her lips.

The brown-haired boy's eyes thinned his eyes to slits. He could almost hear the drum of a gong in the distance as he slapped a hand over the deck.

"Bluff," he whispered.

"Is that your final decision?" A small voice asked, unable to reach up the table. He was a shadow near the long end of the table, a mound of over-gelled hair beside the girl. 

"Hit me," he nodded at the boy. 

"Haha, sucker!" 

Peter's smile dropped as the dimmed lights brightened. "What?"

Riri flashed the hidden cards which did not play for Peter at that point. "Take the lot, Petey."

Riri Williams had arrived twenty minutes ago, settling for the gambling game between Chip and Peter. She had started to play for Chip and obviously, winning over and over again. She claimed that she knew she would be playing cards that night, wearing her lucky jeans and 'oh, we're using our made-up names, now? ' shirt. Peter had a grumble for her when he spotted it. 

"Damn it," Peter ran a hand through his hair and passed forward the twenty-dollar bill with a grimace. "I bet I have a gambling problem."

"That's a redundant statement," Riri mentioned, cocking a brow.

"Your face is—ah, what the hell."

"Milkshakes on me, Chippie," Riri waved the bill in the air as Chip pumped his fist in celebration. Peter set a hand under his chin, his expression that of longing.

"Can Spidey join for milkshakes?" He tried in a tiny voice. 

"Fat chance, Spideyboytoy."

"Come on!" He threw his hands in the air, exasperated. He glared at Chip. "Did you tell her, too?"

"Mags told me," she grinned. 

He shut his eyes in scepticism. "It's like my life is a lie."

"Don't be ridiculous," Chip relaxed him, to Peter's utmost surprise. 

"Oh, Chip. Tha—"

"Your life is a joke," he finished.

Peter lurched across the table suddenly, trying to catch the already sprinting Chip. He halted to shake his butt as if to tempt Peter into chasing him, who let out a growl.

Chip screeched. "Dad, Peter's trying to kill me!"

Just as Chip's bellow pealed through the house, Poe appeared around the corner with a finger clutching Tony's index as she tried to leap off the third step. This time, her hair was cleaned and dried, snuggled into a new tulle-red dress that was nowhere similar to her brother's. Chip saw this and let out a whine.

"Poe, we were supposed to match."

"Tell me about it," Tony grumbled under his breath, thinking of how Elle and he were supposed to match for the night. 

Poe let go of Tony's finger to sign quickly, her face pulled into a pout. "I got gel everywhere."

"I told you not to get me in trouble," he hissed at her after a minute of understanding the language, rubbing his forehead. "Momma's gonna kill me, right?"

"Me too," she signed back with a sad smile. 

"Speaking off," Tony looked to Chip with a glare, "what in god's name is living in your hair?"

"You like it, daddy?" he flashed a smile, patting his now brown, hardened clump on his head. "I think I look like you."

"You look like me after a hangover."

"A hanga-who-ha?"

"Nevermind," Tony shook his head, his gaze falling on Riri. Immediately, a grin broke out on his face as he crossed the floor to give her a large hug. Riri returned with just as much fervour, laughing loudly.

"If it isn't my favourite young-adult," he spoke with a chuckle, swaying her from side to side. 

"Ahem," Peter coughed, offended.

Chip looked up at Peter, amused. "Want some Zyrtec?"

"I would want some regard, please," Peter coughed again. "Ahem-ahem, Mr Stark."

"How's high school?" Tony continued to ask Riri, blatantly ignoring Peter, and holding her at an arm's distance. "You know what, you should stay over some time. Dinner, just the six of us. Some movies, maybe some lemonade. Mags makes these amazing—"

"Tony!" Peter shrilled, throwing his hands up in exclamation. "I'm right here!"

"Oh hey, Pete," Tony waved and looked back at Riri. "So, as I was saying—"

"Aw, hell," he breathed out and looked at a grinning Poe. "I'm your favourite young-adult. Right, Rosie?"

Fact said that Poe had a crush on Peter ever since she got to know that Peter Parker was the face behind Spiderman. Obviously, Chip was the first to know and teased the hell out of her but in the end, bound it as a secret by the sacred law of the twins. 

By now, Chip was nudging an arm into Poe's ribs with a teasing smile and failing at a wink. Affected by this, Poe blushed deeply and pulled the hair into her face to make a dark, curly curtain over her cheeks.

"Eh eh, Rosie?" Chip whispered and Poe shoved him with a rosy red glare. "I'm gonna tell him."

Peter cocked a brow, playing dumb despite him knowing the truth. Poe continued to be flustered, hiding behind Chip. "Tell me what?"

"Nothing," Chip blinked up innocently. "It's a secret, Spideyboytoy."

"Shut up about it already," Peter grumbled and adjusted his collar. He pointed to Poe who had shrunk behind Chip. "You're making me look bad in front of my date."

"You're not dating my sister, Parker," he bit out in fury. 

Peter smirked. "Oh yes, I am."

"Like hell, you are!"

"Are too."

"Are not."

"Are—"

"Hey Chip," Riri winked at him while Tony smothered a laugh between his lips. "I can be your date of you want."

Chip sighed up at her, nearly completing the dictionary definition of heart-eyes. Riri Williams was really too smart for Chip Stark (and too old for him, but love has no limit right?) and the colour burnt sienna too beautiful for her. He even stole one of her headbands that was safely stashed under his pillow and Poe had vowed to never speak of his crush again.

"I uh," Chip stammered and summoned a fake shiver. "Ew, no."

"Aw, really?" She batted her eyelashes at him playfully. "I can take you for a ride in my new Ironheart suit."

"That's so lame," he mumbled, biting on his lip. That was so cool. "I don't want a girlfriend."

Meanwhile, Poe had taken a toe behind shyly as Peter was speaking to her. Her eyes fluttered as he poked her cheek playfully and Poe let out a silent giggle, signing to him.

"What'd she say?" He asked Riri, smiling.

Riri answered with a scoff. "She said to get a life."

"She never said that," he grinned at Poe, nevertheless. Peter really thought her crush was adorable and him being himself, could never break her heart. "Wanna be my date, Rosie?"

Poe was blushing harder than ever, looking at her father from beneath her lashes. Tony shook his head in incredulity. 

"Pete, she's four. Quit being creepy."

"So, what?" Peter protested and opened his arms wide so that he could carry her. Poe was quick to fall in, holding his shoulders as he lifted her up. 

He made a welcoming gesture as he lifted Poe up higher. "Everyone, this is my date for the night. Primrose Maria Stark. If anyone comes within a two-meter distance of us tonight, I'll web your face to the toilet."

"Hey, I thought I was your date," Margo fought out with a frown. Her face relaxed to an easy-going grin when she spotted her best friend. "Oh hey, Riri!"

"Hiya, Mags," Riri waved with a large grin. "Looking good."

"Feeling good," Margo popped her collar, returning the merriment.

"I don't want to doze my head off tonight, Mags," Peter retorted. "You're too smart for me."

"Aw, thanks," Margo said sarcastically.

Tony watched as Margo wildly emerged from the staircase up from the basement, his eyes twitching in anger. He spotted a smear of grease on her chin and confirmed his theory.

Tony took a deep breath before trying to mend words out of his mouth in anger. Margo cautiously took a step back. "Margo H. Stark, I'm going to give you a quick headstart before I grab you and—"

"—toss you into the lake." Everyone in the room finished from him in unison.

Tony pursed his lips after a beat of silence. "Wow, I've become predictable. This feels odd."

"Alright everyone," Elle strutted down the stairs, pausing on the last one to fix the clasp on her peep-toe heels and posing after with a smile. "All set. Who's ready to—oh wow. What happened to your hair, love?"

"It's called fashion," Chip protested, setting his curls again. 

"Fine," she shook her head, blinking incredulously to look around the room. "So, how are we heading to the city?"

"We're already late," Tony declared with a finger in the air. "Not to mention, we'll be facing the wrath of the War Machine if don't make it in thirty minutes tops."

"Way to be positive, dad," Chip grumbled at his father.

"Ignore him," Margo told her mother with a roll of her eyes. "I do."

"I say we take the Subaru," Elle nodded, indefinitely ignoring both Margo and Tony. "I'm driving."

"Hey, why can't I drive?" Tony exclaimed, straightening up from the scowl he had been directing at his eldest daughter. 

"Because," Elle tried to lie through her teeth, "we are all very delayed. I can get us there faster."

"I was a race-car driver," he added. "And I'm a man." 

"Precisely why you're not driving," Riri joked. 

"Baby, baby, wait," Tony leapt over the sofa, to hold out a hand and stop Elle from stepping down to the garage. He gave her the million-dollar smile which he knew worked wonders on her. "Come on, let me drive."

Her eyes were wavering lightly and Tony knew the magic was starting to catch on. "Uh."

"Please," he murmured.

"Ew, dad," Margo snorted. "I can't believe you're making the Exorcist eyes."

"They have a name?" Peter stage-whispered to Margo.

"Totally," Riri snickered instead. "It always works on her."

"It's called the charming eyes," he corrected her with a deadpan. He looked back at Elle, widening them. "Please?"

"No," Elle walked past Tony with an easy gait and completely fazed. "Alright, everyone in the car."

"I hate all of you," Tony lamented tp the lot in his living room. "Get out of my house."

"We were going to anyway," Peter shrugged. "Come on, Rosie. You can sit next to me."

"And you can sit next to me," Riri told Margo, linking her arm with hers. Instantly, a smile lifted on Margo's lips and tightened her arm. "We have to catch up."

"Girls," Chip scoffed, walking ahead to tag along with his father. "Hope you aren't talking about boys because Margo definitely would have nothing to talk about."

"Shut your face, Chipster," Margo complained. "At least, I have a date."

"Riri's mine!"

"Actually," Riri laughed nervously at him, "I already have a date."

Everyone stopped in their tracks. Even the wind refused to blow and the sound of crickets chirping overtook the silence. Six pairs of eyes fell on the wild-hair girl, slack-jawed and in obvious disbelief.

"Do my ears deceive me, Rosie?" Peter wondered out in all dramatism to the wide-eyed girl in his arms. Poe was still recovering from the shock.

"You?" Tony gasped out.

"No," Chip whispered. Heart-broken. Deceived of hope. "Why?"

"It's finally happening," Elle mused, leaning into Tony. "Pinch me before I am whisked away from reality."

"You?" Tony repeated instead.

"Well, who is it?" Peter asked, smirking away. "Ten bucks says he's actually her gay friend."

"I thought you didn't gamble anymore, Spidey," Riri inserted with a glower. "And no, he's not gay. Pay up."

"Damn it," he hissed, patting his pockets. "I don't have money on me. Do you take Mastercard or Visa?"

"Well, who is it?" Margo asked, the only one with the real questions in the lot. She was used to thinking after Iron Man retired, she was the real brain of the Stark family.

"His name is Rayshaun Lucas," she grinned, tucking a raven curl from her perm shyly.

"Wait, Shaun?" Elle cut in with wide eyes, realizing who it was. "Patriot, superhero Shaun? The boy with the cute eyes and a wee bit dull?"

"Yep," she popped her lips. "By the way, that loser couldn't buck up the courage to ask me so I asked him instead."

"Has the world stood still?" Peter looked around him, twirling around in a circle before looking at her with broad eyes. "I can't believe this is happening."

"You got a date," Margo ticked off a finger with raised brows, "and plus, you asked him first."

"You know, it's not that hard to believe," Riri mumbled, looking to her feet.

"Uh, yes it is," Tony said, matter-of-factly. "What happened to the no-boys-till-I'm-forty-and-with-cats policy?"

"I was caught up in feminist talks with Margo," she waved off as ancient history. "And besides, I kinda like him."

"Guys," Peter interrupted as Poe tugged on a bronze curl in his freshly-trimmed hair with a giggle. "Can we talk about this in the car? We're on short notice."

"I hate to say this, but I have to agree with Spideyboytoy," Tony stated with a nod and pointed to the door that led to the garage. "Everybody inside, chop-chop."

"Oh c'mon!" Peter squalled loudly. "You too, Mr Stark?!"

∞

" JOCASTA online. "

" Accessing server. ACCESSING STARK DATABASE. "

"You're only here to help my sister, Poe, okay?"

" PRIMROSE STARK. Located. "

" Running diagnostics. Serve the Stark. "

" SUIT OF ARMOUR. SUIT OF ARMOUR. "

"Wow, you are so cool. Pfft, who am I kidding? I am so cool."

" HELP. HELP. HELP THEM ALL. "

∞