(I had this one written for so long already and never knew where to put it.)

I closed my eyes and opened them again and again, but nothing changed and I kept on staring at the grey walls in front of me. 

Life was dull and monotone, but whenever I closed my eyes, whenever I hadn't taken my meds, things were different.

I knew it was unhealthy, I knew I should be a good patient, but the pills didn't numb my pain. 

They were supposed to cure my mind, I was supposed to get better, but I felt as if they were taking all happiness away from me.

Every now and then reality was fading and I lost my grip on everything I should have been able to control, incidentally, I never minded getting sucked into the void people called my mind. 

It was obvious to everybody and their dragon that I wasn't fine. I was somehow cracked, but not yet broken, not quite insane. The meds kept me together. At least, that's what the doctor said.

I liked the doctor, in another reality, we could've been friends.

With my eyes closed, I stroked my beard and ignored the small dosage of pills on my nightstand. 

Some nights the nurses would put it on my pillow and sometimes they stayed and made sure I swallowed them. I rolled onto my side, facing the wall and waited for reality to become abstract. 

As weird as it sounded, my mind saved me from the pain I had to endure on a daily basis. 

My mind always took me away to the world where I was fine.

But I wasn't just fine. 

Over there I was sane and an accepted member of society. I had friends. 

A soft chuckle would always escape me whenever I had to tell myself about that world that felt too good to be real. 

In the beginning, I used to forget about things, faces and names. The details were never that important until my mind took me farther away.

Things became clearer as I stopped regretting my existence. I was able to remember faces and my 'story' progressed.

Avriel Kaplan, the famous fifth member of a band consisting of insanely talented members. It felt good; it was the only place where people loved me.

I took a deep breath and wanted to calm myself down; I was determined to get out of this dull place.

But over there I had met a gigantic, blond boy, who introduced me to his best friends. I remember there being a boy with the most angelic voice one could think of and a girl as beautiful as a goddess. 

I never knew where my mind came up with these people, but I loved them with every fiber of my soul.

They were nothing but overgrown kids, using the energy I could hardly ever muster up, but I had my rock to keep me grounded. Along with the kids came a tall man with broad shoulders and chocolate skin. Imagining him always brought a smile to my face.

This man, whatever his name was, was my best friend and as weird as it sounded, I didn't mind my own mind being my best friend.

But a groan escaped my throat as I slowly but surely grew desperate.

I could still feel the lights on my skin whenever my band and I held a concert. Goosebumps started to form on my arms as I thought of the adrenaline rush and the endorphins that ran through my system.

Then I heard the door open but didn't pay any attention to whoever was trying to keep me away from happiness. 

My fingers were laced around my own waist like a corset and I could feel a cramp waiting to happen. A sob escaped me as I opened my eyes, the realization had finally dawned on me that I wouldn't be leaving today. 

The nurse's soft hand hovered above my arm and slender fingers started to stroke along it. However the touches I received in the other world felt much better, almost as if they were the real ones.

I turned around and was faced with her worried expression. She always acted like I mattered to her, but in the end, it only felt like an act... like a bad one.

The sheets had engulfed my body already and I could feel the motivation to stand up slip away from me.

But a pale man stood behind the nurse and I knew, he would force me to stand up sooner or later. The security guard, with his baby blue eyes, had his hands in his pockets and just waited. His hands were large enough to hold both of my arms down and although I would never admit to it... he scared me.

Another nurse rushed into the room, he had a needle in his hand but stayed put and fixed his purple hair as he saw me lying motionless on my bed. 

He had heard my sobs and groans. However, it wasn't even the first time he had stormed into my room. This nurse always thought nightmares plagued me, but little did he know that reality hurt me far worse.

I closed my eyes in a last attempt to flee this situation, but my mind kept me in place. 

Silently, I pleaded to god and every other entity I knew to help me, but the only response I got was from my memory as it told me about my appointment with Doctor Olusola tomorrow.