Assalam-o-Alaikum and hello everyone!
Enjoy another update until Idk when lol.
Consider it as your eid gift ;) ♥

Eid Mubarak, Taqaball Allahu Minna Wa Minkum!

Khadijah:

It had been two days since I reached here. It was hard, very hard infact coping up with my emotions, with loneliness , with no friends. But the cause for which I decided to come here was really all worth it.

Sighing exasperatedly , I moved tardily towards the wadhu area to perform wadhu. It was soon going to be the time for my classes.

Here in Islamic university, I felt that what I lacked would be found soon. I tied my hijab securely around my head, and walked towards the university premises. I stayed in a hostel which was not that far away from the university ,infact it was merged with the same building the university was constructed .

There were no boys here but still I liked taking my hijab, as it was now a habit for me and even a minute without it I would feel exposed, if I were in front of anyone else other than in my presence alone. That might sound funny but it was as it was.

Assalam-o-Alaikum-Warahmatullahi-Wabarakatuhu everyone!

How are you all feeling today? And what about yesterday's lesson, how many of you have revised and learned it?

The Mua'alima entered our lecture hall, and ran an overall glance across the room, adjusting her thick glasses set on her nose she smiled towards a group of few students and then took her seat.

The hall echoed with a warm, enthusiastic and eager response to her salaam and I too joined with the rest of the students, smiling gratefully that I was surrounded in a better environment than before.

I guess those were the good students , need to catch with them soon. Thinking of the front benchers I thought,because I needed to acquire more knowledge of Islam, I am just a revert and ...

Voicing my thoughts, the mua'alima once again introduced me in her polite way of talk to the new colleagues which now looked interestingly at her.The environment here in this university,specially of my class was Alhamdulillah supernal.Everyone here was friendly and cooperative.

Students, as some of you have joined us today after enjoying two extra days of your vacations I am happy to tell you all that here in this batch we have a recent revert who has joined us from Karachi, her name is Khadijah. Khadijah dear, would you like to introduce yourself again?

She was looking towards me hoping for an answer and I acknowledged it by simply nodding my head. Reservedly , I took small steps towards the rostrum and released a breath I had been holding since my name was called out. I had no public anxiety , but still... Umm, it was weird for me to talk here among all people of deen being a revert muslimah and still I was not familiar with any of the girls. I surely had to make friends.Hesitating for a while,I tried searching for good words to commence my speech. lol,not exactly a speech but uh..

" Assalam.o.Alaikum all of you! I am Khadijah, and yes I am a revert. Alhamdulillah I found Islam to be a true religion , and found in it what I was seeking. I hope we will all make good acquaintances."

Everyone muttered their responses and few began chattering among themselves.Many eyes were glued at me and I was feeling self-conscious again.To lessen my reservational shyness the front benchers smiled with an open heart towards me. One of the girls asked me to come and sit beside them, I happily accepted their request as I wanted to have friends too! They all were elder than me and I was the only youngest one enrolled in this programme.

' Khadijah, don't be shy. We are all your mahrams. '

One of the girls tried to joke lightly , which I appreciated.

' Yeah, practice your shyness once you find your Mr.husband. until then be calm and free,like a beautiful butterfly hidden in the petals of an aesthetic rose, not easy to be found. '

Another girl winked at me and they all laughed, I joined them too.

Mua'alima got offended I guess and soon shrieked in her high pitch voice ,

Ya banatiiiiiiiii what's wrong with you all!
enough of your whisperings, get back to your seats! Start with the lesson recital , Aalya starting with you!

She pointed towards the girl beside me who just had stated her butterfly theory, and that made me alarmed. I hadn't learnt my lesson ! And that poor girl just shivered sitting at her place.

' Hey! Don't worry, I will make you learn now. She is too sweet. Don't bother. It's actually a bad day for Aalya , haha. '

The girl on my left side squeezed my hand assuringly, and soon began to teach me the lesson which we were supposed to learn. It was our Tajweed period. [ In the context of the recitation of The Qura'an,Tajweed is a set of rules for the correct pronunciation of the letters with all their qualities and applying the various traditional methods of recitation . In Arabic, the term tajwīd is derived from the tri'literal root j-w-d ('to improve'). Tajweed is a compulsory religious duty /fard when reciting the Quran. ]

She grabbed my hand and took me to one of the last benches so that we could concentrate on learning .

' Okay after this now we've to learn Throat letters and Lip letters. You are clear with the initials right? '

She inquired, looking at me with with softness in her eyes. I had forgotten to ask her name, I mentally face palmed .

" What's your name... I forgot to ask? "

I smiled sheepishly, silently praying that she doesn't catches my dumbness .

' Oh, yeah even I forgot. We didn't had our introduction . For now bear with the name, I will give you a brief introductory audio about me soon. My name is Salsabeela. '

Sporting a huge grin, she again carried on with her teaching where as I was left to wonder what exact pronunciation her name held .

" Is it Salsa-Bee-laa or Sul-suh-beela "

I released my query.

' Hahaha. The first one my dear. Now will you put your attention towards memorising pls? Otherwise Mua'alima will punish us both. '

" Okay Okay. I'm sorry. Let's continue. "  

' They are 3 pairs of letters in Throat letters, hamzah, hhaa, ayin, haa, gwayin, khaww .Now repeat after me. '

" hamzah, haa,ayn, haa ,gain,khaw "

' No,no,no. Not like that !! Hamzah and Hhaa are the ones from deep throat, try to take your vocals deeply ,from here right in middle of your throat. '

" okay I'll try. hamzah. haah. Is it fine now? "

' Yeah that's right,much better alhamdulillah. Now ayin and gwayin '

" Ain gayn "

' It's not that hard,once again okay. Take the sound of umbrella's U for aa and sign's IGN for ayin sound. Combine it together, aa-yin. Or say it like aa-ign. Do you get it? '

" Aaign like sign! wow haha that was easy. JazakiAllah khair Salsa. well,ghwain is easy too. Okay now haa "

' Ma sha Allah perfect! now the lip letters. Ba, meem, waow, faa '

" Ah, they're super easy baa meem waow faa "

' Yeah just remember the origin place of sound and you wont make any mistake then. Now let's proceed to joining letters without any tanween. This one is easy too .'

And as she said this part was much easier,as I had read and learnt letters standalone. Alhamdulillah, I had started a journey which would surely lead me to beautiful destination. Jannah.

Hunain:

The nikkah was done.All I felt was emptiness and betrayed- by ALLAH knows what? What exactly was the reason I felt this way? Her love? when she didn't even confess! Or my prayers to Allah which He hadn't accepted... ahh.. Astaghfirullah. I wiped the perspiration beads off my forehead and closed the door,once I had entered our bedroom.Sarah and mine. Sarah was my wife now. She was supposed to be my love now. I saw her sitting on the bed,shyly as a new bride. Her bridal lehenga spread across the bed like a vast area of ocean. The color complimented against her light wheatish skin magnificently,and she looked breath-taking. But not as beautiful as she would've been in the form of your bride, objected my heart. I had to take a deep breath to let go of it's stupid thoughts and I began our conversation by saying Salaam to her.

" Assalam-o-alaikum-warahmatullahi-wabarakatuhu, uhh.. you.. you are looking pretty "

Picking up her veil from her face I thought  if she would respond to my greeting and embrace the compliment or not, but then in a low voice she responded softly.

' Walaikum us salam warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu. JazakAllah khair. You don't need to hesitate with me, I know that my friend khadijah had felt for you and you too might've felt for her... '

Her words striked my inner calmness, which I had managed with very difficulty, and raised strong turbulence. 

" Who told you that I feel for anyone? I mean how can you be so sure to say that I had a crush on someone? "

' Your actions and your face told me so. Since when you entered our room, I sensed indifferent attitude -as if you're tired of whatever lead to our marriage, like you're pushed to do this. Tell me Hunain? Is this so? Aren't you happy with our marriage? Was this forced upon you? '

Her eyes were pleading honest answers now and I couldn't fathom her emotions overcoming mine, either I'll state the truth or keep silent. I decided, but for how long? On seeing me silent, she again nudged my arm and pulled her eyebrows into furrowing .

' You ... Were forced into this weren't you? '

Adamant for falling from her eyes, her inner eyelid glistening with fresh formed tears began to tremble with undeciphered thoughts persuading her mind. I had to open my mouth to justify now.

" It's nothing like what you think Sarah. Why do you think like that? I agreed myself into marrying you. I wanted myself to accompany you for the wedding shopping. Then how can you claim that I loved someone else... I don't even know any Khadijah. "

' Oh really? Then why were you talking to her on my phone that day. '

" Kha.. Khadijah? Bu... But that voice sounded like... Like .. "

' Like Diljah? '

" How .. How do you know Diljah? "

It was my turn to frown, I didn't expect my first night of wedding to turn out like this into a session of numerable questions after questions, more like a welcoming into marriage argument .

' Because she is my friend. Diljah had accepted Islam few months ago. Her name is Khadijah now. '

Light bolt had stricken over me, my eyes rounded in realization that this was all my sister's ploy and then reality began sinking in. Sarah was confronting me and I had to answer her. It was better I clear it all if I wanted a peaceful marriage. Just a seed of misunderstanding or miscommunication and your marriage just dissolves in thin air, all the love and intimacies , forget it even normal day to day conversations disappear .

" Sarah, I won't hide anything from you... i... "

She cut me off by taunting ,

' Now that when I confronted , you had no other option. Right ? '

" No, no. It's not like that. We never had any affair. I didn't even haram talk her. It was just like a crush. When I first saw her , she was in terrible clamps of a monster... I had to save her... And then one day that guy who was her fiancé tried to harmher, I saw her at the hospital and that was probably the last day... I.. Tried to tell ammi of my liking towards her, when she told me about her religion... In a way, Ma'arij had manipulated ammi to think bad of her. When Ma'arij knew in first place that Diljah had accepted Islam. She could've interceded and told ammi that Diljah was now Khadijah but she didn't say a word... Now I feel... "

I broke down in front of her, I never expressed my grief in front of anyone but now I was totally vulnerable and exposed in front of her... few tears stubbornly left my eyes despite my effort to restraint it. I felt a gentle hold on my shoulder and I turned towards the one to whom it belonged. I gave in my emotional chaos and hugged her and cried. I knew how painful it'd be for her that I was hugging her and crying for the loss of my love , who was not her. And yet she was soothing me.

' I am sorry. I didn't ... '

I kept my finger on her lips trying to silence her, she was making me more guilty .

" No. I AM SORRY. I was supposed to tell you all this before, not in the way I disclosed all this to you. Sarah. I... How will we start our relationship now, without any traces of bitterness among us? "

' You accepted, I am very gleeful . Marriage is anyways not easy. But for now to fix the bitterness we can try something sweet. What do you say? '

Her eyes glinted mischievously , and I could see blush creeping up to her cheeks though she was the one to advance towards me with good intentions.

" I see. The lady here has very good intentions towards her husband. What do you intend to do? Pray salat-ul-shukr with me? What can be more sweeter than that? "

Teasing playfully, I winked at her and she too responded chuckling .

' Lead the way, my Majesty '

We prayed and bowed down our heads in front of the only one worthy of worship , Alhamdulillah things were sorted out easily. I held her hand and we walked towards the bed settling on it comfortably ,saying our goodnights . She soon drifted off to sleep and I could hear her light snoring. She might've been very tired wearing that heavy dress for the whole evening .

I had asked Allah for betterment and He had showed me the light of betterment. Sarah was the new light in my life. And in sha Allah, I won't take much time to bring spark in our newly formed relationship . I promised that I'd not dwell in the past.

But past had some horrifying ways to return into present, and anyways there was a lot of destruction to be fixed apart from our marriage, my sister had betrayed me. And worst was that, my ammi had her part too. Why? I had no answers.