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urre:

Reciting the azkaar of seeking forgiveness , I drifted off to sleep which was necessary for my peace of mind. The previous few hours were like a heavy hammer being constantly hit at my head, and I was having a throbbing headache which I badly wanted to get rid off.

I had decided and confirmed that no matter what be the consequences I will not hide anything from him even, if he felt he should divorce me I'll happily accept it as my fate.

I felt my hand being squeezed gently, and knowing that it was Saaleh I didn't want to open my eyes though now I was awake. I couldn't face him so I kept my eyes shut.He had shouted on me. Maybe because I had said the wrong word for myself, persuaded my heart. But my brain opposed and strictly denied my heart and told me instead that whatever he did was of human nature, of course which husband in the world would want to love their wife who had been a seductress??

' Durre shehwar '

He called my name and I had to open my eyes, maybe he had decided that he wanted a divorce . So I had to be patient and listen to him calmly.

" Yes? "

' Seek forgiveness from Allah and promise me one thing, next time from now on you won't ever degrade yourself in any sort of way be it! Promise me now! '

I thought he might leave me but...

" But you don't know yet who I was and what type of character I held.. You don't know that I was pr.. "

He cut me off by keeping his finger on the cloth of my niqab where my lips were.

' I don't want to know anything . Pls. For Allah's sake. No matter what might've happened in your past, I promise you that I will always try my best to love you... Love you for the sake of Allah. Protect you and cherish you like the way you deserve ! I will hold you closer to my chest so that you remain closer. to my heart. These are not any cliché fake promises. I keep my hand on my heart, the beating heart which shows that it beats Allah's zikr, mindful of Allah , It doesn't matter to me ... Your past . You are destined to be my wife, and I'm destined to love you. Now , will you allow me? '

It felt too unreal, like as if a hero from a romantic novel or a movie had appeared right in front of me and was saying sweet nothings to make my heart do the crazy beating .I couldn't believe my ears whether it caught the correct sounds or was it all made up in my head. I...

' Would you allow me to be your husband and stay by your side until Allah wants us to be together? Would you allow me to kiss your forehead everytime we would be overflown with joy and ecstasy ? Would you allow me to take away your pains and replace them with as much happiness as I can give you? '

" Only if you allow me to serve you the rights I'm supposed to serve you as your wife. Only if, you never make me feel like I'm a kid to you, because you really are so older than me that while you get old I'll still be the golden beauty, and only if you would not pick me up every time I feel annoyed. "

Umm.. I guess I was not supposed to say all this. Damn! My tongue! I instantly removed my eyes glued on his face and saw from the periphery that he was smiling, a huge one !

' Oh Dear my kiddy wife! I'll pick you up everytime you feel annoyed or embarassed. '

He asked me to bring my ear closer to him, and I did,

' There's a cockroach under your feet. '

He whispered and sent a chill down my spine.

I prevented myself from yelling and instead got up from my seat, and that's when he took advantage and picked me up in his arms in bridal style.

I wanted to protest but the world around me seemed to pause, never in my life I had felt this much love penetrating inside me, trying to reach out my soul. Thankfully , the lights were dimmed all around the plane and then after few seconds he kept me down.

" Where did the cockroach appear , out of nowhere, on a plane ? Seriously ? "

I cursed my brain for acting so stupid and believing his lie!

' Why can't cockroaches get on plane ? Don't they wish to meet their loved ones around the globe ? '

" Are you seriously a heart surgeon? "

' Why ? Do you feel you heart will come out of it's chamber because of my cockiness ? '

" No. I feel I will get a heart attack if I believe you're  a doctor. "

' Don't try to insult a doctor. Orelse. '

" Orelse what? "

' Orelse I'll take your heart and never return back to you. '

" Was that supposed to be cheesy? "

I rolled my eyes at his childishness .

' Extra cheesy. Or you want the cheese burst ? '

Meanwhile , the flight attendant had announced that we had entered America , and so now I was happy... That Allah had blessed me with such a spouse who loved Allah and feared Him.

Mehmood:

For the past few hours, Ma'arij had been giving me the silent treatment and this only indicated one thing that Durre shehwar might've told her everything which I was supposed to be telling her. But it wasn't my fault, I had tried informing her of my past but she had hushed me and said that my past didn't bother her... But why is it bothering her now then?? And why didn't Hunain tell her anything?

I tried holding her hands but she jerked it off from my grip, and turned her face towards the left. She didn't even wanted to see me? Ya Allah! Why?

With a little screeching sound and pause, the plane landed on the runway and soon the lights were on.I could see couples looking into each other's gazes affectionately, I could see kids eager to get off the plane,  I could hear Durre shehwar and Saaleh laughing and cheering about something, These too all felt creepily strange to me.I felt... Maybe envious about that thing which was missing with me. Love. I had lost her long ago... If only I had  cherished her and kept holding her hand against all odds and circumstances , nothing would've separated us... Maybe that child would've existed... Or that would've been an example of true love, if I would've accepted her and married her... But I let shaitan win over me.

Astaghfirullah! ( I seek refuge in Allah from the evil ).

That child was a symbol of our illegal and impure feeling, of lust. Lust, which had driven me mad to commit such a sin which has been haunting me since then. And then Javeria. Javeria was eating me up slowly like a disease, that was my another mistake. One after the other.

Soon, it was time to get off the plane and I tried my best to avoid Durre Shehwar but that seemed impossible because Ma'arij had excused and went to the washroom while Saaleh had informed me that he was going to get the luggage and so I was left with her... With no choice. It was no point in starting a conversation with her now, or asking her forgiveness because now she belonged to Saaleh... And one wrong step could destroy her life. And the least I could do was let her stay happy! So I walked towards the coffee shop and bought four coffees for us in a tray and was waiting for Saaleh to come so he could give it to her.

Saaleh came no earlier than thirty minutes but I wondered what took Ma'arij so long. I couldn't even ask Saaleh, about her as it would make the whole scene more awkward... I don't think Durre shehwar has told anything to him yet, I thank Allah for that. I cannot lose him at any cost.

When Saaleh took the tray from my hand and held out for her, she noddes her head and refused to take it... She once loved coffee , almost like taking it whenever and whoever offered her.

Now, things were changed.

I tried passing the cup of coffee to Ma'arij and surprisingly she took and then again she did a surprising act, she walked near the trash can and discarded it!

Saaleh couldn't hold the laughter and burst into fits, I could find no reason to giggle here.

" Ohh Mehmood, your girl is too mad at you! But what did you do to her? This shouldn't happen so early! You know! You guys are just married, I don't prevent you from arguing, but you could do it a lil later... Not even a week has passed since your marriage and... "

' It's nothing like that bhai sahab, she was just feeling sick because of the landing. And so she got angry that I bought her coffee despite of knowing that she was nauseating , specially when she was not too fond of it. Hahaha.  Right Ma'arij? '

I glanced at her in hopes of amending our fragile relation, but she only responded by glaring at me with shooting daggers from her eyes. But then, slowly she replied a 'yes'.

Ya Allah! Pls soften her  heart, make her forgive me... I have already dealt with a burden of past, I cannot handle breaking one more heart now.

But who knew, the hearts get broken and those broken cannot be fuxed except with the mercy of Allah, The mender of hearts.